Per Sempre Tuo
by Apollonia-Artemisia
Summary: Lovino Vargas, better known as Romano, is a famous TV actor. He has everything anyone could ever want. The only problem is that the thing he wants, over-night singing sensation Antonio Fernandez, is married. Spamano, SpaBel. Warning inside.
1. I've Just Seen a Face

_Warning- rated for smutty times between two men. Adultery. There is a lot of swearing (Lovi's the narrator). Humiliation. At first Lovino is very vain and rude and basically a huge asshole._

_The title means forever yours in Italian._

_There is some nyotalia in this story; Norway, Sweden, France, Greece, Cyprus, Finland, Canada, Germany and Bulgaria. Hetalia needs a yuri couple… and I happen to always make it SuFin._

_Everyone is in this story is working in show biz in some way, but the Netherlands and Luxembourg … technically Belgium isn't working. And some people are poking fun at celebrities and styles. Romania's movies are making fun of Twilight and Vampire Diaries._

_Alessandro=Seborga, Luise=FemGermany, Françoise= FemFrance, Emil=Iceland, Lucia=FemNorway, Michelle=Seychelles, Mathias=Denmark (I don't know if I should even tell you that since everyone uses Mathias), Hera=FemGreece, Theodora=FemCyprus, Silvia=FemSweden, Jean-Jacques=Picardy; Dmitri Popa=Romania, Sofia Angelova=Bulgaria; Kate Darwin= Wy_

_Itube=YouTube (that's trademarked… so I changed it)_

_Disclaimer- I do not own Hetalia, Nyotalia, YouTube, Victoria Secret, any title song, and anything else you recognize. Though I do own the characters of Mario Moretti, Guillaume "Bill" Martin, Julian Lewandowski, Magdolna Kossuth, Angie Rossi, Erich Lubitsch, Giovanni, Charles Breton and any other character that's not a Hetalia Character._

_**I now have a beta! Yay! Finally, my grammar mistakes can be fixed. I know I am not the best with grammar and spelling mistakes. So, I want to thank my new beta, **__**Celticknot14. She's going through all 18 chapters and correcting the grammar and spelling mistakes. She'll make the story more enjoyable to read. Thank you **__**Celticknot14!**_

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**_Chapter 1_**

_I've just seen a face,_  
_I can't forget the time or place_  
_That we'd just met, she's just the girl for me_  
_And I want all the world to see we've met-_  
**_I've Just Seen a Face (Beatles) 1965_**

My life has gone to the dogs. Yes, the fucking dogs! God this sucks… Truly sucks. Sucks ass. You might be asking yourself, 'Lovino you're the hottest thing on T.V., a household name, blessed with riches, good looks, an ass that people would die for, an Emmy, a Golden Globe, a People's Choice, a Teen's Choice, and every other T.V. award you can get. You have a wonderful family (even though they get on my nerves a lot; I'm looking at you Feli). So why does your life suck?' Well, I'll tell you why. Itube. Yes, Itube. If that stupid website didn't exist, I would be perfectly happy flirting with girls, getting laid and being, well, a single celebrity. But that stupid website does exist and HE became an overnight sensation on it. Yes, HE was the source of all my problems. 'What, Lovino! You have feelings for another man! How could you! You broke the hearts of millions of girls across the nation!' Well shut up. A guy can be bi! Girls are hot. They are good fucks. But… HE is, well, HIM. HE was just so… I can't describe it. HE was just fucking amazing. I haven't exactly met him yet. I know, 'What! Go talk to him and ask him out'. Well I couldn't do that. First, I had an image to maintain and my manager/brother's girlfriend wanted me to keep my image. I needed to be a heartthrob, yet attainable. The boy next-door type, you know. Second, I've only seen him once. Only once.

"Feli, would you shut up for two seconds!" I yelled at my stupid little brother.

"NO! I need to practice my lines if I want to get that audition!" Feliciano freaked out.

"Feli, calm down; you'll get the part. They asked you to come. You have it just by saying that you have time in your schedule," Sandro said, writing something. Hopefully he was doing his homework. We might all be rich, famous, and talented in show biz, but Nonno wanted us to finish school. It was like a back-up plan: finish school, get a degree so just in case something goes wrong you have something that could be your scapegoat. That's why I got a degree in Lit. 'Because that would so get you places,' I know. But Nonno didn't care, as long as it was something. Feliciano was getting an art degree. And when Sandro is finished high school he was going to get a music degree. Seriously, that boy was a famous singer, wasn't that cheating?

"Lovi, here's the lines…" Feli was looking at his script and giving me a copy.

"Sorry, but I'm going out tonight," I explained. He didn't realize that I was doing my hair and was in an expensive (hand made from Rome) Italian suit, without the blazer. I just unbuttoned the green shirt to make me look hotter. Hey, I was going to get laid at one point during the night, I better look good for whoever I'm going to sleep with. No, I did not sleep with HIM that night. Well, I didn't sleep with anyone that night… If you don't count my hand. And I don't. Maybe I could have paid for a hooker, but on short notice I would probably have had to get someone who works the streets. Hugh Grant made that mistake and it cost him. What if I got caught with a hustler? My career would be ruined!  
"Where? And why can't we go?" Feliciano asked looking at me like a mother looks at her teenager when they come home late.

This hot girl of a model, Michelle, was throwing this party. She invited a few people (i.e. 500), of the rich and famous. Feli and Sandro couldn't go because they weren't legally allowed to drink. Feli was 20 and Sandro was 17.

"Feliks is picking me up to go to a party," I explained. Feliks is an actor who works with me on my show. Well, technically it was Jean-Jacques and Theodora's show, but I was the one winning every award I was nominated for. Um… I guess Feliks was nominated for an Emmy too. Okay here's the story. During the Emmys last September, both Feliks and I were nominated for Supporting Actor in a Drama Series, and I won. If I wasn't in that category, Feliks would have won. Though, the sassy gay (I mean, he pukes pink unicorns, glitter and fluffy rainbows) wasn't mad about it. He was happy that someone from the show won, since our leads, Jean-Jacques and Theodora weren't nominated. But our show won Outstanding Drama Series and most every other award it was nominated for. But don't feel too bad that Feliks didn't get an award; we gave him the GLAAD Media Award our show won (he loved that, and if it wasn't for his faggy character, we wouldn't have gotten that award) and our leads were nominated for anything the fans vote for and won.

"I want to go! Imagine the beautiful women at that party!" Sandro said. Okay, if he came out I would seriously be surprised. The guy had an obsession with girls.

"But Lovi, you need to help me with my lines!" Feli said, still freaking out. "The audition is in two more days!"

"Feli, your face will bring teenage girls running to that movie. The only person that could bring that much money to a movie is Dmitri Popa," Sandro explained.

For those who don't know, though it's hard because this fucking boy's face was everywhere, Dmitri Popa (real name Dumitru Popa) was a teen heart-throb, the same age as Feli, who played a vampire in this very popular vampire saga that tweens and teens loved. It was total crap. But they loved Dmitri, and honestly, he wasn't that bad of an actor. His girlfriend was Sofia Angelova (real name Sofiya Angelova). She was some pretty (she's too innocent looking to be called hot) teenage pop star. The only reason he is bigger than Feli is because he had the more famous girlfriend and the fact that vampires are in. Feli's girlfriend/my manager was Luise Beilschmidt. I hated that chick. Seriously. That big breasted bitch was using my brother! When I first saw her I thought she was a lesbian. A butch lesbian! Actually, I still think it. Feli was just her beard. Trust me, I know about using people as beards. I've used a few girls like that. Don't look at me like that! I said it before, girls are good fucks but that doesn't mean I want a relationship with them. Seriously, they're whiny, naggy, they complain, they take forever to get ready, they don't know how to shut up, and there's only have room for one whiny, naggy, bitchy person that complains, takes forever to get ready and doesn't shut up in a relationship. I wasn't changing for any woman. I may have a Madonna-whore complex but hey, it worked for me. Unlike Elvis, I was into guys. Though, knowing Elvis and his craziness (the guy died on the fucking toilet with a peanut-butter and banana sandwich, how the fuck wasn't he crazy), he probably experimented. Hell, we all did. We can, so why not? It's not like it's hurting anyone.

"What if Dmitri wants the role!" Feli said, much in the same tone as if he had just dropped some of his precious pasta.

"The guy is too busy filming the third installment of those stupid queero teenage vampire movies," I complained. "Should I pick the drop dead gorgeous and nice vampire or his somehow hotter bad boy brother? What a hard choice!" I squeal, probably sounding gayer then I should have. Though, my brothers knew about my preferences. By the way, Dmitri was the somehow hotter, bad boy brother.

"But I love those movies!" Feli exclaimed. "Ellen should pick Edmund. He's so right for her! And loves her more than anything! Jay is a bad boy! And he's going to betray them!" Okay, maybe now I know why his dyke girlfriend likes him (or at least pretends too). Feliciano was secretly a Feliciana inside. Sandro was even thinking that. He had to be because the look he gave Feli was indescribable.

"You've read the books?" Sandro asked.

"Of course! I read all of them!"

"You can read?" I asked.

Feliciano stuck out his tongue at me. "I wanted to act in them but Lulu told me not too." 'Lulu' is nickname for his lesbian girlfriend. 'Lulu' makes her sound a thousand times more feminine than she is. I'm more of a chick then she is. 'That's not hard!' Fuck you too.

"Make Sandro practice your lines with you. I'm going out. Victoria's Secret Models~!" I taunted, making sure I looked perfect.

"Because you so want to fuck a Victoria's Secret Model," Feli laughed sarcastically.

"Fuck you, I like girls… too." I've been explaining this to you guys this. Fuck girls and have a boyfriend. Not at the same time. Cheating is bad. The irony in what I just wrote.

"Whatever," Sandro said rolling his eyes.

"Why don't you tell Lulu that you're gay?" Feliciano asked.

"BI! B.I. not G.A.Y." I spelled out.

"So why don't you tell Luise you're B.I." Sandro said making fun of me.

"I have a reputation." Seriously, haven't I already explained this?

Thank god my cell phone vibrated. I don't like repeating myself. Feliks was here with the limo.

"Ciao guys!" I said leaving my brothers to practice Feliciano's lines.

I love limos. You can put so many people in them and they make you seem super important. Feliks was standing up with his head out of that ceiling window yelling at me.  
"Lovino! We, like, need to leave! Hurry you're totally cute ass up!" he yelled. Totally cute ass? My ass is hot! Not cute! HOT! H.O.T.

Let me describe Feliks and the rest of the gang in the limo (i.e. Theodora, Jean-Jacques, his sisters Grace and Françoise, and Feliks' boyfriend). As you guessed, we were in a huge limo. Made me feel even more important and it was eco-friendly. Carpooling! Shut up, I care about the environment.

First: Feliks. He is gay with a capital G. His shoulder length blond hair was fantastically done. He was wearing Giovanni (hey I knew my labels). Now, if Feliks wasn't an actor, he would be a fashion designer. Instead, he's a fashion icon. Anyways, you've heard me talk about him before and I don't like to repeat myself. Feliks had dressed his boyfriend. Toris, wasn't famous or anything. He was actually Ivan Braginsky's assistant. Yes, the same Ivan Braginsky that owns Braginsky Records, the biggest Major Label in the world. And which just so happens to be the same label that snatched HIM. So Feliks' boyfriend did work in show business, just not in the public eye. Toris was extremely supportive and was always worried that Feliks' craziness (i.e. super faggy self) was going to get him in trouble. I want a boyfriend like that. I really want a boyfriend like that. My other co-star was Theodora Ioannou. She might be Cypriote, but she played a good Italian on television. She was also extremely beautiful. She had tanned olive skin and long wavy dark brown hair. She was nice but quiet. She was always the one trying to stop any fights on set. Jean-Jacques Bonnefoy, our show's lead, was a brunet with sky blue eyes. He was hot, well he was a lead in a show, he should be hot. I was hotter though. He's very hard working and has great stamina… not in sex, maybe he did, I would never know. When I say stamina, I mean he could work, as in act, for a long time. Though, he's not so patient and will tell you if something is stupid. He's a womanizer. What was weird about this show was that I was the only Italian, when the show was about the Italian mafia. Then again, the main character in the book series was French and Feliks's character was Polish, so it made sense.

Jean-Jacques' older sisters were Françoise and Grace. Grace was a golden brown haired dancer. She was fuckable. Françoise was… a slut, but a beautiful slut. She was very elegant. She had the family's trademark blue eyes and golden brown hair. If she didn't open her mouth, you would think she was an elegant princess. But she does open her mouth and every second word she says has something to do with sex. I've seen her show cooking competition show, Sex in the Kitchen, and she compares food to sex all the time. Even the competitors are surprised with the things that come out of her mouth. But she's a great cook and her cookbooks were New York Times Bestsellers.

We got to the party in one piece. So miracles do happen. I was surprise Feliks or Françoise didn't get killed, since they spent most of the ride with their head out of the sun roof. Seriously, how are those idiots not dead? Or arrested.

We got of the car and entered Michelle Daniels' mansion. I wouldn't call it a mansion per say, it was more like a big house, somewhere in between mansion and house. My penthouse was bigger than her so-called mansion. But it fit the people invited to the party.

We walked in to blaring dance music, everyone partying on the floor. Women were dressed like sluts and men were dressed in semi-formal outfits. Just another party by Michelle Daniels. Speaking of the little African-American, our host was drunk speaking to her aquarium. That was just bad taste. She was the host. She shouldn't be the first one drunk. She should be greeting the guests and… You know, whatever; it's not my party.  
My group separated from me. I didn't even realize or care. Feliks was probably making a fool out of himself. Françoise was flashing some guy. Jean-Jacques was probably already laid. Theodora probably went to see her cousin, Hera. And who cares about the rest.  
I found myself a seat and sat down with a drink in hand. I watched the crowd for someone to go home with. No one. Going to this party was a big mistake. 'But you said that was when you met him.' Well, I thought at that point the party was a big mistake. Now, I don't think that.

"Romano Vargas," a sunny and bubbly blonde woman exclaimed as she sat beside me.

"Hello Tiina," I said.

She was so fuckable, but there were three problems with this small Finnish beauty. First, she was in a relationship. Second, she was in a lesbian relationship, and third, I was terrified of her girlfriend.

"Where's your girlfriend?" I asked.

"Silvia is somewhere around," she giggled. Well, she should be. Silvia Oxenstierna was a Victoria's Secret Angel, and this was a party for Victoria's Secret models. "I actually want to ask you something." What would she want to ask me? I was not looking forward to that… "I was going to have Kate Darwin, you know the child star, on my show." I nodded. Tiina was a talk show host for her day-time show Tina. You must know the show, it's the next Oprah. "Well, she had to cancel. I was wondering if you could replace her. It's in two weeks and I'm asking you just because you seem to be the most sober here and…"

"Just give my manager a call. I'm sure I could go on," I said. I wasn't going to say no to a pretty girl, even if she was a lesbian and I wasn't going to sleep with her. What would be so wrong about going on a talk-show and promote the show? I've already been on the show. It wasn't hell and Tiina was good at what she did.

"Thank you!" she said hugging me.

"It's not a promise. Call my manager first before you start celebrating," I told her.  
She smiled. "Yes, I'll call the producers and they'll call your manager… Thank you again." Tiina gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I waved good bye while she ran outside or to the bathroom. I went back to hunting for someone to go home with. Still no one.

After my second glass of wine, I decided to give up my seat and find something to eat. I regretted that decision quickly. I bumped into FBT. I hear some fangirls screaming. I know you all love FBT. From their lead singer/lead guitarist Arthur Kirkland, to the bassist Gilbert Beilschmidt to their drummer Mathias Densen, you girls loved FBT. Do I hate them? No. Are they annoying? Yes. Do I know them on a personal level? Yes. We're on a first name basis.

Arthur wasn't exactly there when I bumped into them. Stop screaming, fangirls. Thank you. Arthur was making out with Françoise. That had been going on for a while now. They were kind of like on and off boyfriend and girlfriend but they were only having sex. I can't explain the relationship. They're too fucked up to explain. So, I bumped into the drummer and the bassist. They were a couple of the worst drunks ever! Seriously, slurring words, getting into fights, ripping off their clothes… It sort of reminded me of a few scenes in Old School and Animal Party. But lucky for the world, and unlucky for the paparazzi, Mathias' girlfriend, Lucia, was there.

"Lovino!" Gilbert said putting one of his strong arms around me. His red eyes were half closed. His breath smelt like beer. His white blond hair was messy. But he still looked super-hot. Maybe I could go home- No! That would be bad.

"Yes," I said, amusing the drunken Germ… I mean, Prussian. Why? I don't know, because I'm insane!

"Is my sister treating you well? Because if she ain't I'll give her a good talking too," Gilbert said poking me. He then took a swing of his beer. F.Y.I., his sister was my lesbo manager/Feli's boyfriend (No, that's not a typo people).

"She's treating me fine," I replied. I could have had a better manager, like some really hot guy that I can screw when I can't find anyone else to. Instead, Feli is screwing my manager and I can't screw his, because his manager is our grandfather. That would be EW!

"Yeah, but remember if she… talk… Mathiiiiiiiaassss!"

And Gilbert was off my shoulder and into a knuckle sandwich from Mathias Densen.

Gilbert was a big guy, but Mathias was bigger in everything. Mathias had a larger built, he was taller, bigger hair (only yellowish rather than pale blond hair), bigger muscles, bigger eyes, bigger smile, maybe a bigger brain, but that was debatable… Don't ask me about the dick size; I don't know. And Mathias also had an exceptionally hot girlfriend, who was smarter than the both of them combined. She was also an Ice Queen. Lucia Bondevik was there manager and I think her iciness helped them be so damn popular.

"So Romanoooo or do you like Lovvvino more?" Mathias asked.

"I don't care," I said.

"Then I'll call you Rovino." Mathias laughed. "Rovino, I sound Japanese!"

"You've had enough to drink," Lucia told Mathias. "So have you." Lucia grabbed the beer out of Gilbert's hands and gave them to me. I don't even like beer. All I drink is wine.

"Aww! Lucia! I love you and you want to give me that beer," Gilbert said giving Lucia a kissy face.

And that was my cue to go because Mathias punched Gilbert. Don't mess with another's man woman or you'll get beat up. I went on with my search for food, or by that point, my ride home. As expected, Feliks was making a huge fool out of himself while his boyfriend was trying to calm the situation. I decided to take a cab, but first I had to eat something. My stomach was talking to me in hellishly annoying growls!

It was on my quest for food was when I first saw HIM. Like, saw HIM in person. Before that, I had only seen HIM on Itube, (and ever since Braginsky had snatched him up for a record deal), on T.V., CDs. Billboards, Posters and Magazines. He was hot. Like, Adonis hot but with that wholesome all American personality… and had a voice that could put those fucking muses to shame. But until that party, I was just some fan that would listen to HIS songs when they came on the radio. They were very good; HE was a great songwriter. And when HE sang them in Spanish they were even better. I had bought his CD. But I didn't go and buy posters or kiss them like some crazed teenage fangirl. But when I saw him in person for the first time, it was love at first sight. 'Lovino, you know love at first sight doesn't exist'. Fuck you, it does. My legs weakened, my heart sped up, and I felt like I was going to faint and my fucking god- the butterflies! Those butterflies flew everywhere! HE smiled that smile and HE had won me over.

He was standing in the crowd laughing. I wished I could hear his laugh. I imagined it sounded like gold. I sat back down on something (I think it was a table). I caught my breath. OH GOD! HE took my breath away. I didn't know what had come over me. Was I sick? Was I going insane? Was there more alcohol in that wine then they said there was? I didn't know. I had never felt this way. Cupid had never shot me with his damn arrows. But I didn't want to leave the party anymore. I don't think I even cared about eating anymore. That Adonis was right there, engaged in a conversation with who cares. I wanted to go talk to HIM! But I was too nervous to. What if HE wasn't into guys? What if he laughed in my face? All the possibilities of humiliation!

I took a random glass of wine and chugged it. My sweaty palms couldn't hold it for too long.

"Who are we looking at?"

Oh no. This would be the last person you want to know you have just fallen in love with another guy: Elizaveta Héderváry-Edelstein. She might look innocent with her large green eyes, but she was a monster, obsessed with gay couples. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets a sex change just so she can be a gay guy. She loved her gays. She loved talking to them, she loved watching them make out, she loved reading gay romances, watching gay porn, and hearing about gay sex. She was insane.

"That painting," I pointed. Good save. "Is that an original?"

Elizaveta looked at me curiously. Damn, the girl's gay senses were tingling. "Maybe you should ask Michelle."

"I should. Now, if you'll excuse me," I tried to get up. I just started to fall. "Well maybe not." Damn knees were still weak.

"Did you have too much to drink?" Elizaveta asked.

"No, I was just feeling a little under the weather when I got here. Maybe I should go home," I explained. And miss the sight of that Adonis? I convinced myself that it was for the greater good… and I could stalk his Wiki page or his website when I got home. I am pathetic. I know.

"I had to send Roderich home because he had a cold. He told me that he didn't and he was fine, but he spent most of the time beside a Kleenex box." For those who don't know, Roderich is her husband, the famous pianist. He has crazy taste in women.

"Well, you can call me a cab and I…"

"You look okay." She put her hand on my forehead. "But you are warm and sweaty. Maybe calling you a cab would be the best idea." I knew I was a great actor (I have the awards to prove it) but this was beyond even my talents. Maybe I really was sick. Or the 'love is like a sickness' quote is true.

Elizaveta took her phone out and called a cab. She took me and we went outside. I took one more look at that curly haired Adonis. Wow, HE was…

"Be careful there, you almost fell," Elizaveta said catching me.

I chuckled. "I will be." That meant not looking at him. So, I looked in front.

"I want my future co-star to be fit when I start working." WHAT! "I'm trying out for the role of Magdolna Kossuth." She was trying out for my characters future romance. OH God! And with my luck, she'll get the part. 'But she's beautiful and a great actress.' I know that, but she's also insane and I didn't want to kiss that.

I sighed and just did what I did best: acted. "I can't wait."

She smiled back. The taxi was waiting for us. She helped me in. The moment she closed the door, I asked him to go to a fast food place. 'But the calories!' To hell with the calories! I was starving. I figured that was why I was sick. It must have been.


	2. Once Upon a Dream

_Wow, thanks for the favs and alerts!_

_Song of the chapter – Once Upon a Dream. It goes with it._

_I know on most daytime talk shows each interviewee have their own slot and it the Nighttime talk shows they share slots… but _Tina_ is a mix of both._

_Emma=Belgium; Andries=Netherlands; Marino = OC San Marino_

_Santiago Talana Cruz= total OC… if you want to make him a Hetalia character, he could be Chile._

_Disclaimer- I do not own Disney, well anything you recognize._

**_Chapter 2_**

_Yes, I know it's true  
That visions are seldom all they seem  
But if I know you, I know what you'll do  
You'll love me at once  
the way you did once upon a dream_

**_Once Upon a Dream (Disney's Sleeping Beauty) 1959_**

Today my dreams of meeting HIM would come true. (Yes, I was dreaming of him. And they were so romantic. We would meet for the first time and he'd declare his undying love for me and then we'd kiss the most wonderful and passionate kiss. It was that bad.) The other dreams would have to wait (you know what dreams). Today, I would get to talk to HIM. Yep, I would get to talk to him… on National Television in front of millions of people on _Tina_… Not the ideal setting, (ideal setting being in front of the Fontana di Trevi after making a wish) but at least it was something. Usually on these talk show things, I would talk with the other interviewee before the show, but I was running late. I had to look my best for him. So, Feli and I went into the dressing room, and ate some of the snacks they gave us. Feli shouldn't go up for the interview but knowing the producers they'll force him to come up. And he'll love it. He was such an attention hog.

Okay, so why was the show called _Tina _when I told you that the host's name is Tiina? (Yes it matters that it's written differently; it bothers me). Well, Tina was her stage name, since most Non-Finnish (or Estonian) speakers didn't understand the double I's. But she didn't care and just went by Tina. It was like how I went as Romano. People just didn't understand Lovino. Then stupid Nonno decided that it should be a family thing, so now Feliciano is Veneziano and Sandro went as Seborga. We were nicknamed the Italian City Brothers. So stupid. Well at least Romano is an actual name, it could be worse. I could have been Naples.

I liked Tiina. I've been on her show a few times, once it was with Feliks to promote the show. We were the fan favorites. Duh. I'm the hot super awesome guy and Feliks was… Well, gay. I know you teenage girls love your gays. Don't deny it, you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't have a thing for gay guys. The cult of Elizaveta lives on. Then, the producers of my show told me to come on _Tina, _again. I came on alone. Talking to Tiina on TV was like talking to her in real life. You read how we talked to each other at the party. That was how we talked on TV. She was a pretty girl and I had a code: be a gentleman to women and think bad things about them in your head and to your brothers. Unless they're Luise Beilschmidt. I say what I think to that woman's face. But Tiina wasn't playing with my brother's heart and she was very nice. Again, she had the super scary but somehow gorgeous girlfriend, who just happens to be best friends with Mathias Densen. You know, never mess with Silvia, Tiina, Emil Bondevik or Lucia Bondevik. You never want Mathias on your ass. Gilbert learned that the hard way, many times. Though, I'm not sure he's learned it yet.

The producers treated Feli and I well. And yeah, the bitch Luise was there too. I know, why was that bitch with me? She was my fucking manager and wanted to make sure I got home in time to practice my lines. By the way, Feli got the part he was freaking out about. He'll have a movie out next summer. I just know you'll buy tickets for that and you better, he's my brother and you should watch all his movies. I don't want you to download it and or copy the DVD. You better pay to watch it. Feli works hard.

"Lovino, you should go out and say hello to Mr. Fernandez so the first time you two meet isn't in front of millions of people," Luise said looking through her myPad. She was probably planning something hellish for me. I just knew it. The moment Feli walked out to go to the bathroom, she had to start talking about business.

"What if I trip or spill my drink on him!" Shut up.

"I'm going to talk to Mister Cruz, because you're on in fifteen minutes and you have to at least say hello to him before you get up on stage," Luise said. She stood up and left that room. Didn't she realize I was freaking out here? I was meeting the hottest guy ever! I had to mentally prepare. I wasn't prepared. What do I say to him? What if he didn't like me? What if SHE was with him? What if…?

"Can you believe it? You're favorite singer is being interviewed with you!" Feli slammed the door open and jumped up and down on the couch. "He was talking with some of the crew in the back. He's even better looking in person." He was. Oh god, those pictures did not do him justice. I looked out to see if Luise was coming with HIM. "And he seems so nice! Some girl dropped her glasses and he picked it up for her! Maybe you could get him to sign that poster of him you bought two days ago." FELI! I prayed to God that no one heard that. My crazed fangirl had to be kept a secret. Though, that was getting to be harder and harder. That crazed fangirl was trying to break out of her prison. I call her Lovina. Lovina was being very bad at the moment.

"I'm a professional," I told him, keeping my cool.

Before my annoying little brother could talk one of the stage managers came into the dressing room. Thank God.

"Mr. Vargas, we're ready for you." Yeah, Luise was going to be pissed off. But I didn't care about her.

I got up and walked out of the dressing room.

"Ve~ You'll be great!" my brother told me, waving.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I followed the man to the stage. That was when I met up with Luise.

"The manager told me that I have to go on stage."

"Just say hello," Luise said, clearly annoyed.

Luise moved away. HE was there smiling at me. God was he handsome… so, so, so, so X1000 handsome. His chocolate curls were untamed and wild. His skin was tanned perfectly. His eyes were a green that melted my very soul. His smile, his smile! It was perfect. His body was not too muscular but it wasn't skinny; it was perfect. The way he walked up to me. Wow. Left, right, left, right. That ass… Probably the only ass better than mine, and my ass was to die for. His ass was to murder for. And that suit. He was in a simple pair of jeans and a dress shirt that just happened to be only half-way buttoned. He was drop dead gorgeous. I would lick every single… Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. _Thump_. Lovina fainted. I almost followed her.

"Hola..." he said with his golden voice. I was breathless. I saw his mouth move and move and move but I didn't hear a thing. That beautiful mouth moved. God it was beautiful. I wondered what that mouth could do; what other talents he could have, other than singing, song writing, and looking like a Greek God. This man was perfect. He was talented, great looking and nice. What was the catch? He must have a small dick. No man could be that perfect. Well, I knew he wasn't perfect.

"Mr. Vargas, you have to go," The stage manager said.

"Yes, nice meeting you. See you on stage," I said coolly. Okay, I wasn't my normal cool persona but HE was there! You get where I'm coming from.

I looked out at the lights and the stage. There were a lot of people there. People were clapping and laughing. Wow. 'Okay Lovino, you've done this before. HE just might end up coming at one point but that doesn't matter and you'll have to talk to him. You are Romano!' I mentally told myself. I was not going to have another one of those on National Television. I can't let Lovina win.

Tiina said my stage name. I walked out on the stage, smiling and waving. 'Be your handsome self. They love you. You won awards, chigi!', I thought, walking to the couch. We shook hands. With a deep breath, I sat on the couch.

The set was beautiful. There was the backdrop of New York City behind us. Everything looked chic and symmetrical. It was like an IKEA catalogue. And you know those rooms are beautiful. On the flat screen was my name and picture. Damn I looked hot in that picture. I would fuck me. Seriously my character, Mario Moretti (could we get anymore stereotypical), was hot. That's why I wanted to play him.

"Welcome back," Tiina said.

"The crowd is bigger then I remember," I said.

"We got a bigger studio three months ago," she giggled.

"Congratulations."

"Thank you," she giggled. "I hear you brought your brother Veneziano with you?"

"Yeah, my family is close. Sandro," Damn it, I always did that. "I mean, Seborga would be here too but he has a photo shoot. So just Feli- Veneziano, came with me. He's happy for the pasta in the dressing room and wants to say thanks."

Tiina smiled. "Tell him he's welcome. Not many people bring their siblings to a talk show."

"We're one big, close-knit Italian family," I joked. God, I hate being pleasant. But I had to be pleasant on television. Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise and Alec Baldwin showed themselves to the public, and they were ruined. (Well, they had had comebacks, not so much Mel Gibson. Yet.) I could not be like them.

"That is always nice," she giggled. "I always wanted siblings like that. And speaking of big Italian Families…" We all know I'm here to speak about the show. Well, I was here to replace Kate Darwin, but I was also here to talk about the show. "What is going to happen next for your character?" I knew it.

"Read the books. What happened next?" That was pretty much what you should do for spoilers. We were in our second season, so read the second book. Sure our writers made some changes to the plot… okay, a lot of changes to the plot… Never mind. The books and the show weren't actually all that similar. But this time, the book did give spoilers and the producers wanted to make sure people knew that Magdolna Kossuth was being cast. People loved that character.

"A love interest? Magdolna?" Wow, Tiina got my hint. She read the books. I didn't say anything but sort of nodded. "Do you know who's going to play her?"

"Casting started yesterday so I don't know. But I bet it'll be all over the internet when we know." It was true. People were always leaking things out to the viewers. I just hope she's pretty. It's not like I'm actually going to date her, so personality didn't matter. Okay never mind, personality did matter. I didn't want them to cast Elizaveta… I just didn't. I know she's perfect for the part, just like Feliks is perfect for his part! But I don't want to work near that thing.

"Will she cause trouble like she does in the book?" She was actually disappointed.

"If I told you too much, the producers would fire me," I joked. She laughed too, but it wasn't fake. She wasn't a fake and that was why I liked her.

"And we wouldn't want that? Right?" The audience applauded. Yep, I was loved. Even Feli was clapping off stage. When did he get there?

"You're too kind," I blushed. This time I wasn't being fake. But I did play it cool.

"You are the award winner of the cast. And so young too."

"I'm only a year younger then you." She was 23 and I was 22.

"And do I have an Emmy?" She had a point. I had an Emmy, but she was probably going to get one this year, so it didn't matter too much.

"You were nominated."

She smiled and blushed. "Well, let's get back on track because everyone wants to know what is going to happen between Bill and Angie. Are they going to break-up after all the time Angie tried to win Bill over?"

"You'll have to find out when we air again in two weeks." Yep, I was being paid to make adds. Remember watch _The Smuggler, _Tuesdays at 10 o'clock on HCN (Home Cable Network). Oh yeah, we were a cable show, that meant short commercials, if any, and things your children should not be watching. We were a show placed in WW2 Italy, there was going to be blood and gore, and there was that concentration camp scene. Oh, yes the famous concentration camp scene. Feliks was amazing in that episode. God, it was heartbreaking. I cried.

"Just one hint?" She begged. "Silvia and I have a bet going on and I want to know if I won."

"You two bet on the fate of Angie and Bill?" Wow, she was a fan.

"We love the show. I still want Angie to end up with Mario. You guys would be such a good couple. They're personalities just match." I blushed. "But Silvia keeps saying that Bill and Angie have to be together. They're the 'it' couple of the show. And she followed the books."

"I can't say," I explained.

"But…"

"I would get fired if I said it on national television."

"You'll tell me after the show then!" She said excited. "After the break, Antonio Fernandez will talk about his new single. Stay tuned." The audience roared in applause. Well HE was amazing and they should be fucking groveling at his feet.

The applause died down and Tiina started to talk to the audience asking them questions about my show. Almost everyone watched it. I knew it was popular, but everyone? Wow. Feliciano also came on stage. He sat on the couch.

"You made a fool out of yourself. Lulu told me all about what happened with Antonio Fernandez. Don't worry, you'll be less embarrassing on TV." He gave me so much hope…! I mentally roll my eyes.

"You'd better run back. It's not like commercials are that long," I told him.

"But when you're watching T.V. they seem like they take forever," He complained.

"That's Einstein for you." Feliciano looked at me confusedly. "Never mind, just go… Um… Make out with someone back stage." I know he has a so called 'girlfriend', but… I hate her.

"I tried, but Luise wouldn't stop telling herself to not screw up," Feliciano complained. Even my manager didn't have faith in me. Why did I have faith in me?

"We are on in ten seconds!" One the crew members yelled. Feli ran off the stage and back in his hiding place. He gave me two thumbs up and waved at the audience. See? Commercials don't last as long as you think. "Five, four, three, two, one!" And the audience applauded.

"Welcome back," Tiina said. "Like I promised, before he sings his newest single here on stage, we'll talk with Mr. Antonio Fernandez!"

Out he came on stage. Lovina fainted again. Is it possible for someone to become hotter in seven minutes? 'No.' Well I proved you wrong. Hahaha. …The little satisfactions I get are sometimes pathetic.

My heart was racing while he walked towards the couch. Left, right, left, right… Wow, he must practice walking because he walks the sexiest walk ever. For one second Lovina woke up, and for the third time in the fifteen minutes, she fainted. That can't be healthy. Even Justin Beiber's tween fans aren't this crazy.

"Hola," he said kissing Tiina on both cheeks. I got up and we shook hands. OUR HANDS TOUCHED! 'Lovino, lock Lovina away for the hour.' I told myself. He smiled at me. Locking that fangirl away would be difficult.

"What do you think? Will Angie stay with Bill?" Tiina asked. She seriously wanted to know.

He thought for a second… Wait, he knew the show? He watched my show! HE WATCHED MY SHOW! Lovina was jumping up and down. "The producers will probably torture us and force them apart. Bill is a womanizer. He probably cheated on her." And he was right. He was a god! Only one thing he had wasn't going for him.

"So you watch the show?"

"Of course. My wife loves it!" And that was why Mr. Perfect wasn't perfect. He was married. To a girl. A hot girl, too. She was blonde with green eyes. She looked sweet and kind. Damn. "Actually, she asked me to get an autograph. I bought her a poster last year." He was looking at me when he said that. He wanted my autograph! I could have fainted like Lovina again! That girl could not keep consciousness. But I played it cool.

"Poster?" Tiina asked.

"Si, last year for her birthday I bought her a Mario Moretti poster. The one at the beach." He bought THAT poster! "She hung it in the workout room." And he works out looking at it! Well his wife did, but that man worked out (just look at him!), so he saw it when he worked out. 'Don't let that fangirl out Lovino!' I thought/yelled at myself.

"Seriously?" That was all that could come out of my mouth.

"Si. Emma's one of your biggest fans," He explained.

"Not as big as me!" I heard an audience member yell. I waved at her. Preteen. Not my type. My type was looking at me. It still wasn't moral but he was at least legal.

"I sign the poster and you sign my cousin's CD." A.K.A. my CD. I couldn't tell the world that I was one of the biggest Antonio Fernandez fans.

"Deal." We shook on it.

The rest of the show continued as normal. Tiina asked Antonio some questions, that angel-like voice answered them so perfectly. Yet not so perfectly that it seemed fake. Which it wasn't. He was sincere and nice and everything I had dreamt of. He talked about his single _Puedo. _It means 'I can' in Spanish. Inspiration: his damn wife. Yeah, like a good husband he'd declared his wife his muse of the album. He was way too perfect. Way too perfect.

"And the Grammy nominations?" Tiina asked.

"Surreal," He replied.

"I know the feeling," I added.

"You don't expect it. Last year my wife and I were living in a small apartment in Portland and now Grammy nominations," He responded, talking to me now.

"And then you get a call from your manager 'Hey Lovino, you're nominated for an Emmy'. I dropped the phone when I found out. Sandro thought I was going to faint." Okay, I stopped caring that we were on national television. It actually felt very natural talking to him. I wasn't nervous anymore. I just said what came to mind without thinking. Or remembering that there was an audience, Tiina, and T.V. cameras watching us talk.

"Well, they got my answering machine and Andries, my brother-in-law, accidently erased the message. Emma finally told me a day later when she went on the computer. I didn't believe it at first. And she said I was nominated for six categories." I smiled and nodded. "I believed it even less." It seemed like he forgot about the camera, Tiina and the audience too. His full attention was on me. He was talking happily to me!

"But it's happening," I replied.

"I still can't believe it. My brother-in-law put a video of me singing on Itube as a joke!"

"He saw something you didn't?" I asked.

"Ay… I think it's more that he wanted to embarrass me in front of my co-workers and my family. It had the opposite effect."

"Disney like." He laughed and nodded.

"Well… it's nice that you two are interviewing each other," Oh yeah! Tiina was here! "But we have to go to a commercial break and then Antonio will sing for us. Stay tuned."

"Three, two one! Break!" The camera man yelled.

"It was to embarrass you?" I asked Antonio.

He nodded. "Andries never really liked me." I was dumbfounded. How could someone not like HIM! He was perfect!

"Jokes on him," I snorted.

"Antonio, come on you have to get ready to sing," The stage manager said.

He looked at him in a confused stare but then got up. He looked at me, smiling that beautiful smile. "It was a pleasure to finally meet you." We shook hands again.

"You still have to sign Marino's CD," I replied. I had to make it real! Marino really was my cousin and anybody could find that information on Wiki.

"And you have to sign Em's poster. Adios!"

That angel walked away to the microphone and band. I didn't have time to just stare at him… instead I had to get off stage and wait for him to finish so we could talk again. Again. This was better than I imagined. We clicked. We seriously clicked on stage. He liked me… not as much as I liked him, but he liked me. HE liked me! That crazed fangirl was coming out. Damn it!

"You didn't tell me that you were friends with Antonio Fernandez! Or Luise. She's mad with you for not telling her." Feli yelled.

I looked at him confusedly. Of course we weren't friends. I just met him on that stage! How could we be friends?

"We're not."

"But the way you talked to him and him to you. You are friends. You do not talk to people like that unless they're close to you, and even then you're mean to us."

"I'm not mean!" I yelled.

"SEE!" he exclaimed. I sighed and shook my head. "But you really felt comfortable with him..." I shook my head. "I'm confused that Marino asked you for an autograph. When did you talk to Marino?"

"Never mind that," I snapped.

"Okay! I left you some pasta in your dressing room. Do you want it? I put some basil so it would taste better!" What the fuck? My little brother brought basil with him? He's an actor! Not a chef! But Feli has always been weird.

We sat in the dressing room. I ate that pasta. Okay, the moment Feli touched the pasta, it was better than any other food out there. Yes, better the Françoise Bonnefoy's food. I know! How could it be? She's the most famous chef in the world! Well, you haven't tried my brother's pasta. It was orgasmic.

Enough said about my silly little brother the Pasta God. Some people first took off the make-up and fixed me up. I ate nervously. I was going to see HIM again in a little bit. While I ate, Luise came in. The bitch was mad. I didn't care. Antonio Fernandez liked me. Nothing could bring me down. Not even if the world ended. Hey: _It's the end of the world and I feel fine!_ (I never thought I would quote a REM song.)

"How could you do that? You lied to me!"

"I did not. I have never met him," I said bitchily.

"Lovino, you can't lie to me. I'm your mana-"

"And I'm not. Ask him when he comes in," I said.

"He's coming in? We have to leave. You have to practice your lines. You film in two days and you have to know-"

"I know my lines!" I complained.

"Lulu, Lovino works hard," Feli interjected, coming to my rescue. "Antonio Fernandez is his favorite singer, let him have this."

Luise rolled her eyes. "I let you have a lot. I keep so much of you secret from the public. I'm the reason the paparazzi is not stalking your penthouse."

"Sorry, Lovi," Feli said. My brother abandoned me! Whatever happened to bros before hoes? And we were literally bros! And she was a lesbo! Normally I would be soooooo mad with my little brother but I was so high on life. I've never been this high since… Well anyway, I'm not telling you.

We heard a knock on the door. The three of us turned. My heart skipped for no reason. It was Antonio Fernandez's manager, Santiago Talana Cruz. Yep, I knew his manager's name. I can recite his wiki page right now if you want. 'Stalker.' Hey! I'm not a stalker!

"Hello. Can we speak," He asked Luise.

"Yes," Luise said. Then she turned to me. "We are not finished." I wouldn't dream of it.

Luise got up and shook her head. I had pissed off the bitch, and I was winning. This day could not get any better. Well, it did.

"I'm sorry I took Luise's side, but…"

"Whatever," I said looking at the door. I was hoping he was going to come, but no. HE wasn't here yet.

Feli looked at me in shock. His mouth was open. His amber eyes were wide. "You what? Whatever? How? What? Lovi? Are you there? Were you replaced by an alien or something?" Feli waved his right hand in front of my face.

"Stop that," I said, pushing his hand away. "Do you think I should go to him?"

Feli's mouth was now in an O shape. "Ohhhhh! You have a crush! You have a crush!"

"No," I told him. Damn, Feli was going to tell the world. That boy could never keep his stupid mouth shut.

Feli giggled. "Lovi has a crush. Lovi and Antonio, sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G. first comes-" I threw my phone at him.

"Be more mature. You're 20. And stop giggling!"

"That's why you were so nice to him! Aww, you have finally shown us that you have a heart." I rolled my eyes. Why does it have to rain before the rainbow comes out? It's so stupid. "Let's go talk with him!"

Feli took my hand and we were going to run for it, but, finally, Antonio was standing there at my door. He looked like he was about to knock. I smiled, which made Feli giggle like a little school girl. Yes, he was giggling like a school girl! How was this boy a good actor? Why is it he can only show his talent when he's being paid? Maybe I should start paying Feli.

"Am I interrupting something?" Antonio asked, bewildered.

"No," Feli snickered. "Come sit down. We have to wait for Lulu anyway."

"Okay?" Antonio half stated half asked.

Feli let me go. He then took Antonio and sat him down on the couch. He was touching Antonio! How dare he touch Antonio!

"Is that the poster you bought your wi…" And it hit Feli like a ton of bricks. My crush had a wife.

"Wife?" Antonio asked.

"Sì," Feli said coming back from planet Feliciano (he visits there all the time).

"Ay… yes it is. I'm very embarrassed. I've been meeting a lot of celebrities but I've never asked anyone for an autograph before. But Emma really wanted this poster signed," He explained, looking quite embarrassed. He was so cute when he was nervous. His large green eyes kept looking in the other direction. He had this shy smile and he was scratching the back of his head. It was so cute, I wanted to eat him up… First make love to him and then eat him up. That sounded right. "And I've never told anyone that Em has this picture. She's going to be so embarrassed that I asked you to autograph this on national television." He shook his head in disappointment. "But if Tiina didn't say anything, I was just going to talk to you some more. You made me forget about the cameras and the audience." Lovina started to have a party. My heart was beating, my hands sweaty, my face flushed. I had it bad.

"It's okay," I told him. "You actually made me forget about them too. So, we're even."

He laughed. "I have a pen," He said, searching in his pocket. "It's green, Em's favorite colour."

"I usually sign things in red though," I told him.

"That's not a bad idea. It must pop out on the photo more than black pen," he said. "It's like grading tests. Using the red pen makes your mistakes pop out, so the kids will look at the red and read your comments." By the way, for the people you didn't know this; Antonio was a teacher when he was discovered. He only taught for one year before the Itube video.

"Oh, it does." I never realized that. "I use it because tomato red is my favorite colour."

"Mine too! It reminds me so much of a tomato! I love tomatoes. I could live off of them."

Feli's mouth dropped to the ground. When Antonio and I talked about pens, Feli was on the floor kicking his feet as he rested his chin on his hands. He looked like a tween girl at a slumber party listening to gossip.

"Tomatoes are God's gift to Earth. I eat at least three a day! I put tomatoes on almost anything and everything. They are the best," I told him. I love talking about tomatoes. They are definitely the best thing on this planet.

"When you take your first bite, you taste the sweetness and you want to lick the juices off your hand because you don't want to waste one drop of the fruit." Why did you have to be married! If I wasn't totally head over heels in love with this god, I would have fallen in love with him at that moment. He understood my obsession with tomatoes so well. He took the words out of my mouth. Why were you married to a woman? Why!

Feli's mouth was still on the ground listening to us talk. His amber eyes widened with shock.

"Maybe I should sign that poster. The producers are probably going to start kicking us out soon," I said. He laughed. He laughed because of me.

Antonio gave me the pen. Green would be my second favorite because it's the colour tomatoes are before they turn red. Antonio then gave me the poster. Wow I looked hot. I wasn't muscular or anything. I was actually quite skinny compare to, let's say Antonio. I was in a bathing-suit, not a modern one, but a style from the 1930s-1940s. Yeah, the full piece ones. I even had a hat, that was high style back then. Even if the clothes were out of style, I still looked hot. I rocked that bathing-suit. In the background was the Mediterranean Sea. The waves were crashing on the beach. You must have seen it once. 'It was all over the internet.' And so most of the world has seen it. We went to Italy to take photos to promote the after Christmas break for the first season of _The Smuggler. _Jean-Jacques took his photos in an olive garden with Theodora. Feliks took photos in some ancient Roman ruins. I couldn't believe he had this photo. Wow, I looked like my great-grandfather. Scary.

I took the pen and signed it. _To Emma_, _thank you for the support. I hope that you will always be the muse for your husband, so he could make great music for as long as possible. It's a long road ahead but never stop trying. Love, Romano Vargas. _Oh my God. I wrote that! No wonder she… never mind, you'll have to find out what she does later. And worse, what I do.

"Here you go," I said, giving Antonio the poster back.

"Gracias," Antonio said. "She'll love it." He nodded once. "Oh… what about your cousin's CD?"

Oh yeah, my 'cousin's' CD. "Well, I don't have it with me." Damn.

"It's okay," he laughed. "Hey, I was wondering something. Okay, I usually never ask people this but Emma is a huge fan." Why was he playing the wife card so much? Why did she have to be one of my biggest fans? Or maybe he was using her like I used Marino. 'In your dreams.' Fuck you. "So, maybe, could you come over for dinner? I understand if…"

"Yes." It was an automatic response. Usually I don't go to a fan's house to eat with them. I like to keep myself away from my fans. They probably wouldn't like the real me. But, well, it was hard to say no to that face. He was asking me to do this for his wife (it was sweet, heartbreaking on my end, but a sweet thought). You know, saying no to Antonio was like saying no to Feli. You feel like you just kicked a puppy and then stabbed it in the eye. It was not a good feeling. I should have said no. That was the right thing to say. 'I'm smitten with your husband. I should not go to dinner with you and him'. But I wasn't thinking correctly. All I could think of was that HE had invited me to dinner!

"Okay," he said, a little taken back. I did say yes very quickly. "You can bring a date…"

"You can still have an extra two seats for my brothers. I have Friday night off. Wait… Feli is going to be in Vancouver filming another movie. Okay, one extra seat for Sandro."

Feli had that look of utter shock again.

"Friday at seven?" I nodded. "My manager will give yours all the information."

"Okay," Feli said gaining his ability to speak again. "I think we should go find Lulu. It was very nice to have met you, Antonio." Feli and Antonio shook hands.

"Likewise. And I'll see you on Friday." We shook hands again. It was official; I was never washing my right hand again.

"Ciao, see you Friday."


	3. Rockstar

_This is the longest chapter I've ever written at 16 pages. Lovino could not shut up._  
_I based Luise's fashion sense on my sister's fashion sense: jeans and a t-shirt. And when you ask her if this looks good, she'll say that it's nice. It's a pain shopping with her._  
_The timeline for the story so far, the first chapter was in mid-December and chapter 2 and 3 were during the beginning of January. I did some research and found out that the Grammy nominations come out in November. Tiina was a little late to the punch._

_All soccer teams that are mentioned in this story are real soccer teams. Romano would be a fan of A.S. Roma and Spain would be a fan of Real Madrid. It's there capitals!_  
_Li Xiao Chun = Hong Kong; Chris= New Zealand; Odo = Germania; Carmen = OC!Castile_

_I wasn't going to have too much Spanish and Italian in this story but when I made Françoise speak French, I had to make Lovino speak Italian. I used Google translate to help me. So, I'm sorry if the Spanish and Italian in this story is grammatically incorrect. I don't use Google for the French, so if Françoise says anything in a French Canadian dialect, sorry. _

_Translations_  
_Bonne soirée= Good evening (French)_  
_Non=No (French)_  
_Mon amour pour la cuisine = my love for the kitchen (French)_  
_Buonasera Antonio, come è stato il disco = Good evening Antonio, how was your drive? (Italian)_  
_Mannaggia= Damn (Italian, often used in Southern part of Italy... at least according to wiki.)_  
_Lo siento = Sorry (Spanish)_  
_Perché parli italiano? = Why are you speaking Italian (Italian)_  
_Non so perché! = I don't know why! (Italian)_  
_Eso está bien = That's nice (Spanish)_  
_Mi dispiace = I'm sorry (Italian)_

* * *

**_Chapter 3_**  
_I want a new tour bus full of old guitars,_  
_My own star on Hollywood Boulevard,_  
_Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me_  
**_Rockstar (Nickelback) 2005_**

_The dinner table was huge. You must have seen Disney's Cinderella. It was like the King's table (or the bed because that bed was just as big) and for those who are anti-Disney (I never understood why, I grew up on the Disney classics and they were always amazing in my view. I always wanted to dance in a ballroom, or fly on a magic carpet with Aladdin… I mean… never mind). The table was as long as Mister Burns' table in the Simpsons. And if you've never seen either one of those tables, go out and watch them! They are now pop culture (the show and the movie, not the tables.)_

_Now, I was on the one side of the table with Sandro on my left and that bitch Luise on my other side. Sandro was dressed well for the occasion. He had a light blue tennis shirt and khakis. Luise was in a strapless military green dress and had a bow in her short (I think she and her brother have the same hairstyle) blonde hair. Yes, Luise was in a dress and a bow! It seemed so wrong. You know how they say 'you learn something new every day'? I learned that Luise should never wear a dress and a bow. I would look way more feminine and amazing in that dress- I mean Feliks! Well… not that I wouldn't look better than Luise in that dress either. Never mind, I'll just stop talking about Luise in a dress because it was disturbing enough. Though, I had a great view of her rack. I mean, her rack was huge. I remember the first time I found out that Luise had breasts. It was two months after she had become my manager and she wore a business suit. Her blouse was two sizes too small and thank you. I couldn't stop staring. They were bigger than Katy Perry's! (I stared at those too. 'Pig.' Well, if she didn't want people to stare she wouldn't have put a cupcake bra on.)_

_On the other side of the table was Antonio, looking as perfect as ever, and his wife. Antonio was dressed in a yellow button down shirt (yes, Antonio actually looked amazing in yellow. How is that boy not a god? Almost no one looks good in yellow) and a pair of skinny jeans that left nothing to the imagination (you got to love dreams). His wife had a green ribbon in her shoulder length blonde hair. Her green dress looked like it was a costume in 'The Stepford Wives'. She looked like a perfect little Stepford wife. It was scary._

_We were all eating dinner. Emma had made filetto (i.e. filet mignon). It was too good. I think it was better than Feli's pasta. There was nothing she couldn't do. She even made a chocolate soufflé for dessert that was to die for._

_Throughout the whole dinner the married couple was acting like a pair of horny teenagers. This is how you know you are having a nightmare. Your crush is making out with someone else throughout 90% of it. They were seriously going at it. It would have been hot, if it wasn't so terrifying. First I see Luise in a dress and then I have to see them going at it like a couple of rabbits? This was the worst dream I had ever had. I can't believe I had a worse dream than the dream where I walked in on Luise and Feli having sex. The scariest part was that I didn't know if it was a dream or not._  
_Emma was moaning like a whore. Antonio was yelling things, obviously to make me feel bad. It was a bunch of 'I love yous' and 'I will never leave yous' and 'you're so beautifuls'. And she begged for more. I was glad that table was sooooo long. Luise ate her dinner like she always did: ignoring the two exhibitionists. Sandro had his camera out and was taking as many photos of Mrs. Antonio Fernandez as possible._  
_I couldn't eat anything. I sat there staring in shock. Most of my dreams I was in Emma's position. This needed to end. I wanted to be in that position again!_

I was glad to wake up that day. My God, I never wanted a dream like that again. I shut off my alarm clock and yawned. Damn it was 6 in the morning. I had a photo shoot at 11 am.

I felt something odd. Oh shit. I'd forgotten about her. Last night I had sex… it wasn't good sex but it was something. I have no idea who she was, but I do know that I was bored the whole time. I had to imagine I was somewhere else with… well, you know who. That was the only thing that made it bearable. Yeah, I know you're mad with me. I was in love with someone else, I should be with them. Let me remind you that that someone else was having sex with his wife. So, I needed to forget about him. I was trying to forget about him with one night stands, with whomever I saw first. Provided they were hot enough, of course. Who didn't want to come home with me? None of the one night stands were any good; this one girl could not give a blow job for the life of her, and I always would end up imagining him to get through the horror. It was horrible I'm telling you! In the end, my plan wasn't working. It just made me think of him more. Maybe if I did it more it would work… or I should have sex with a porn star… or Françoise. Hey, they have so much practice they'd better be good enough for me to forget him. Then again, I really don't want to have sex with Françoise. She's hot and all, but it was still disgusting.

The girl moved a little bit. Okay, it was time to kick her out. 'That's mean, give her breakfast!' Please. If she'd wanted breakfast, she should have been better in bed.  
I kicked the girl out, nicely. Sometimes I was glad I could act. I made her believe that she wanted to leave without breakfast. I gave her cab money for those whining that I'm so mean. Yes, I know I'm a bitch- I mean, asshole. You have to be a girl to be a bitch. Or Feliks.

It was too bad that next day I was going to have to wake up at five in the morning to be at the studio by six. It was official. Elizaveta was going to play my love interest. We had a reading tomorrow. God fucking hates me.

I took a shower. I needed to get the smell of that slut's perfume off. My time in the water didn't last long. I got out smelling great and hungry as hell. I walked down the stairs to my kitchen. I grabbed an apple and started to eat. On the counter were my lines. I picked up those and I read them through. I sat down, making sure my towel didn't fall. Luise had the keys to my apartment. She could come in at any time. And today was a work day. So she would just walk in and tell me to hurry my hot ass to get to hair and makeup.

I went back to my room and picked something casual to wear (i.e. a Charles Breton shirt and jeans and Giovanni shoes). I didn't put any product in my hair today. The hair stylist would do that for me at the photo shoot.

I went back down and ate some cereal. While eating my cereal, my lesbo manager came in. Thank God she wasn't in a dress. She was in a pair of black pants and a blouse. She always makes herself look more professional when we had meetings with new people. With The Smuggler's producers she would wear her favorite long, military green, coat and some jeans. She was so close with our Executive Producer, Sadiq Annan, she had even seen him while she was in her workout clothes.

"You have two minutes to finish your cereal and then off to the limousine," Luise stated as if I was a soldier. She had her myPad out and she did not look up from it. "You have that photo shoot for TV Guide and then an interview with Emil Bondevik. After that, you have two hours to get ready for your dinner with Antonio Fernandez at 7. Is that enough time or do I have to pull you out of the interview early?" I didn't know if I should be insulted by that comment. I'm not a chick; I don't take two hours to get ready.

I nodded, getting up. "I can make it in two hours." I then downed my milk. "I'm going to pee, and then we can go."

"Go!" Luise snarled. I jumped. Out of fear, I ran to the bathroom. That bitch knows not to do that to me.

After my bathroom break, we went out. In the limo, Luise and I practiced my interview. She asked a few questions and I answered how she wanted them answered. Always remember that reporters can twist the truth. You have to be very careful what you tell reporters. My image and by extent my job depended on it. Luise always asked a few questions that I knew that she didn't want me to answer… like the questions on my love life. Yes, Emil, I am having a string of one night stands because I want to forget that I'm head over heels in love with Antonio Fernandez. Just imagine the headlines! I would never hear the end of it. But reporters will always ask about my love life and if there was a 'special girl'. We know that if I was with someone, it wouldn't be a girl and if so, she sure as hell would not be special. I never understood the fascination with celebrities' love lives. Still, my love life was, and had always been, a series of one night stands. 'But the headlines said that you dated 'that reality star'!' Rumours. Stupid rumours at that. Why would I ever in a million years date a reality star? They were worse than me! And plus I think Luise would beat me up if I ever did that. She would throw me in the hospital! It's not embarrassing, getting beat up by Luise. She probably has a dick… Ew. That made my dream of walking in on her and Feli even more disturbing.

You've seen America's Next Top Model, and if you haven't, you're not missing that much. But that show gives you the basic idea behind a photo shoot. Hair, makeup. The costumes are my favorite part. Hey, I can have a hobby involving fashion. Then, go to the studio. I had to get into character. I channeled the Mario Moretti in me. I was dressed in 1940s fashion. That meant I was in an old suit, like the ones you see when you look at old photos of your grandparents or great-grandparents, and a hat. You could not forget the hat. It was the 1940s. Go on Google and look at a picture of Cary Grant. That was the type of suit I was in. A nine piece black and white suit. Only, the pictures I was posing for were not in black and white. Hey, that could be a good idea to pose like Cary Grant. Everyone knows the fabulous Cary Grant; he was one of my inspirations for Mario Moretti anyway. Cary Grant was a great actor back in the glamorous days of Hollywoodland. Like Rock Hudson. Hey, I would have slept with a young Rock Hudson, before he got AIDS, of course. Now wouldn't that have been cool? He sure as hell would have made me forget about Antonio and we all know he was gay.

Anyway, the photo shoot went well. They got their cover page. I looked hot. All was well. I then went for my interview with Emil Bondevik. You've heard me say his name before. It was while I was talking about the people you shouldn't mess with unless you wanted Matthias Densen to beat you up. Yeah, Emil was one of them. He was Lucia's brother. Remember her? She's FBT's -Stop screaming girls! - Manager and Matthias's girlfriend. I heard that she was a very protective sister. Other little fun facts about the reporter that was technically an intern: he was the Kung Fu star, Li Xiao Chun's, boyfriend. 'Li Xiao's gay?' Well duh. If he's dating another guy it means he is either gay or bi. They met three months before when Emil became Yao Wang's -Li's older cousin- intern. One thing led to another and they started dating. They haven't come out as a couple. …That was not meant to be a pun. How did I get this top secret information? Like I said, I knew FBT.  
Emil was a quiet guy. It was actually Yao that should have been interviewing me, but he was sick. Or screwing with Ivan Braginsky, either one. Emil got some tips from Tiina but he wasn't as good as her. No one beats Tiina. So the silver haired intern and I did the interview. We only talked about the show. Luise had warned them ahead of time that I do not talk about my personal life. But Luise always made sure I was prepared just in case they did. I simply said no comment. Emil understood me, so he did not ask about my personal life. It was simply business. And luckily for me, because it was all about the show, I got to go early. Consequently, I had more time to get ready for my dinner date- I mean… What do you call it? Only four people were going to be there so it wasn't a party and it wasn't a date… Should I just call it a dinner?

Whatever you call it, I needed to prepare. I was meeting the wife. It was so stupid. I should have never said yes. But I just couldn't say no. Damn it. After this dinner, I should've kept my distance from this man. I really should have.

"Luise, should I wear this one or this one?" I asked, showing her two shirts. Yes, I was at the point that I was asking a lesbian for fashion advice. Though, the lesbians I know (i.e. Tiina and Silvia), had great fashion sense. But Luise did not have any fashion sense. She would just pick the first thing she sees and give it to me. She wouldn't care if it was a yellow or, worse, an orange suit. Nevertheless, she was a chick, so she must have a better fashion sense than most men. Again, this is Luise we're talking about.

"It looks nice," Luise told me.

I sighed. "But which one looks nicer?"

"They both look nice." Now you know why you should never ask Luise Beilschmidt for fashion advice.

I looked at the green shirt. I looked very good in green. It brought out the green in my eyes. But then I looked at the red shirt. I don't know one person who could not look good in red. And red brought out the brown in my eyes. But red was a sensual colour, it was the colours girls always used to seduce their men. But I always wear green. 'Lovino, he has a wife,' I told myself. Green it was.

"Should I wear jeans, khakis, or black pants?" I then asked.

Luise yawned. "And you said you wouldn't take two hours to get ready," she said, clearly annoyed. Bitch, I was not taking two hours to get ready. Wow. I actually looked at the clock. It took me 45 minutes to pick a shirt. Maybe I was worse than a chick.

"Black," I said. But which black pants…? No, those made my butt look fat… No, I looked too skinny in those. No, I looked fat in those. Damn it. "I need to go shopping again. I have no good black pants."

"You just went shopping with Theodora and Feliks last month!" Luise complained.

"It's only been a month? Damn, I'm worse than I thought." Luise sighed and shook her head. So, I didn't have any January fashion in my closet! Tomorrow, I would casually asked Feliks to go shopping. In reply, he would start jumping up and down and scream like a little girl.

"Just pick one," Luise complained. "I gave you two hours to get ready."

"But I have to look good! I'll take these!" They were last year's fashion but at least I didn't look fat in them and they showed off my ass. "Now a blazer."

Maybe it did take me more than two hours to get ready. After I picked a blazer, I had to pick shoes, and then I had to fix my hair. I didn't want to look like Cary Grant while at this dinner whatever. As much as I love Cary, his hair style was out of style since forever. Sandro arrived at the exact time Luise told him too. When Sandro arrived, Luise started to evolve into a military woman. She was suddenly timing me and yelling at me. Why was she my manager again?

I had to put the finishing touches on my outfit. I had to have accessories. I found a matching cashmere scarf, a silver Rolex and cashmere gloves. It was January, but I was in L.A. and the weather is never that cold. Never mind, fashion was more important. Fashion is always more important.

We said goodbye too Luise. She wasn't that bad today. Actually, I disliked her less when Feli is not around. If we kept everything business, I might actually not dislike Luise… But she was playing with my brother's heart so I did not like her.

Sandro was dressed well for the occasion. He was in a navy blue shirt and some khakis. Even if khakis were summer fashion, Sandro didn't care. He loved his khakis.  
"Okay, so why am I having dinner with my competition?" Sandro asked. By the way, both Sandro and Antonio were up for Song of the Year at the Grammys. Sandro was also up for two others: Best Pop Album and Best Pop Song. But they were still enemies for Song of the Year. Antonio deserved it more. Not that I'm not supportive of my brother. I would vote for my brother before Antonio. But Antonio actually wrote his songs himself. Sandro helped a little bit with writing his songs, but just a little bit.

"Did Chris say anything against it?" Chris was Sandro's manager. I don't talk with Chris that much but when I do, I can't help wondering, is Chris a girl or a boy? I've never found the answer.

"No, Chris actually supported it." The gender ambiguity wasn't helped by the fact Sandro never uses pronouns when he talks about Chris. "But I still don't understand why I'm going."

"Because I take my brothers everywhere," I told him.

"But it's Friday and I had to cancel a date. Why didn't you bring Luise?"

I gave the look. You know that look, the 'are-you-fucked-up' look. Bring Luise to this whatever you call it? No! I didn't want to spend more time with Luise then I had too. Most actors have talent agents, but not me. I had a manager. I didn't belong to a talent agency. I don't remember why, but Nonno had never let Feli or I belong to a talent agency and we had been acting since we were young. Instead, Odo Beilschmidt took care of us. Then, when Luise was old enough he gave her to me but kept Feli. So, that is how Luise became my manager. There's a difference between managers and agents. Agents just get me the jobs. Luise does much more than that.

"Yeah, yeah whatever," Sandro said. "So where is this house?"

"Luise gave the driver the address. I think it's in Malibu. But I didn't really check." By the way, we were in a small car. I had no idea where his house was. I know I'd been checking out his wiki pages (not stalking), but none of the places actually said where his house was. And I wasn't a stalker.

"Beach house… Too bad it's winter. It should have been a lunch on the beach."

"Why?"

"So I can watch girls play volley-ball," He told me, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sadly, it should have been. This was Sandro we were talking about.

"Too bad for you," I said sarcastically, which was honestly my normal tone of voice.

"I know," he whined.

"I'll take you to Long Beach so you can babe watch, okay?" I told him.  
"But the water is too cold to go to the beach." I was not winning this argument.  
We talked a little more during the rest of the ride. Sandro was doing well in school, thank God. Then he was working on another album. That was good too. His last hit was getting old. I told him that Elizaveta was cast as Magdolna Kossuth. He called me lucky. How was I lucky? Elizaveta was going to play my love interest! That was not lucky, I was being sent to my execution! No one understood how bad this was for me!  
Luckily the traffic was good today which was odd because this was L.A. So, we got there on time, even after my fashion emergency.

When you think of a rock star's house, you think of, let's say, Ozzie's house: a huge mansion with the best fucking swimming pool ever. That was not Antonio's house. Antonio's house was more like the house on Two and a Half Men, which was modest for him. Since he'd been discovered in June, with an album out in July, this guy had been number one on the Billboard music chart for the last six months. The moment they hit youtunes and CD racks everywhere, they sold out in record time. The songs he wrote himself were constantly playing on the radio. He must have been rich enough to afford something better than that. Well, it was bigger than the House on Two and a Half Men. But still, that was his house? I wouldn't call it ugly or anything. It was a good looking place. But it was small.

Sandro and I left the car. Sandro had the wine: my favorite with Italian grapes from Naples. It was customary to bring wine to whatever this was called. We did also bring non-alcoholic wine for Sandro. Nonno usually lets him drink wine at home just for dinner. But since we were at another person's house, we thought it best not to give a minor any alcohol with his dinner.

I stood at the door, nervous as hell. I hadn't been this nervous since my first time at the Golden Globes. My heart was racing, my chest pounding, and my face hot and red. But I gathered my courage as Sandro knocked.

"_Bonne soirée_!" Françoise Bonnefoy? What the fuck? Why was she there? Was this really a dinner party? "You're so cute Lovino. And Alessandro, _bonne soirée_." Alessandro took the slut's hand and kissed it. He took her right hand because her left was in bandages. Even with bandages, she looked very beautiful.

"What happened to your hand?" Sandro asked.

She giggled. "Sex in the kitchen."

"I thought you filmed all the episodes for this season already," I said, confusedly.

"_Non, non, non, non, non_," she laughed. "I was having sex in the kitchen when this happened." Oh. Well, you understand how I could have misinterpreted it. Her show was called Sex in the Kitchen. "Word of advice: do not have sex in the kitchen near a stove that's on. No matter how horny you are at that moment. _Arthur_ and I learned that the hard way." Laugh out loud. Everything about that was funny. Even the way she said Arthur in French. She did that to piss him off. Well, good thing she got burnt. She was being stupid.

"Can we come in or…" I started.

"Non, Emma told me to keep you two busy while she finishes getting ready. Sorry, Gilbert was here not too long ago and he made a mess and the maid left early," she explained. Gilbert Beilschmidt? "Did you bring wine!" She yelled and jumped at the occasion to see the bottle. As well as being an expert in the kitchen and sex, though apparently not both at the same time, she was also a wine expert. She was the stereotypical French girl. "I knew you were going to bring red wine! I cooked a dinner with that in mind." They had Françoise Bonnefoy cook dinner for this whatever-you-call-it? Why didn't the wife cook? I read on the wiki page that she was a cook. Maybe they wanted a chef to cook their food. I never did find out why. "Did you pick the wine?" I nodded. "You have excellent taste in wine. This was a good year in Naples. This is going to be fantastic with the dinner. You are going to love the dinner. I even made my famous triple chocolate cake. Yes, this wine is _fantastique_" Her famous triple chocolate cake… Yum. Sadly it went straight to my hips. I mean- yum. There's no sadly.

"You made the dinner even with your hand like that?" Sandro asked.

"Of course," she laughed. "I can't let a burn destroy _mon amour pour la cuisin_e."

"Can we come in? I'm getting cold," Sandro whined.

Françoise looked back. "Sorry, she still has to get the Jell-O off of the ceiling." Now I knew for sure they had had Gilbert Beilschmidt over.

"You should have brought a jacket," I told Sandro. I was now glad I had a scarf and gloves. Sandro didn't even have a jacket.

"It's L.A.! I didn't think it was going to be cold. And I thought we would be inside by this point."

"I didn't think I was going to be talking with Françoise but life throws things at you sometimes," I replied.

"You love me," Françoise told me. No, not really.

"Is there anywhere to sit?" I asked.

"Sorry," she said. "Unless, you want to… non, there's a sliding door. You're screwed."

Damn, Gilbert screwed me. And not in the good way.

I should have spent more time on my hair. It wasn't perfect. I should have made it perfect. We wouldn't be here talking with Françoise.

"Why was Gilbert here, anyway?" I asked.

"He wanted to show Antonio something. I think it was a new song. I don't know. I was cooking and Emma was making sure the maid made everything perfect."

"So what's with the Jell-O?" Sandro asked.

"I don't know. But it's Gilbert," She said like Gilbert was a normal person.

We stood there a little bit longer. But at some point, the wife let us in. Wow, she was very pretty. This was the first time I'd seen her in person. Her hair was a little longer than her pictures on the internet. Her eyes were still green, but they were greener because of her makeup. Oddly, she actually did have a green ribbon in her hair like my dream. Scary, but at least her dress wasn't the same. She was in a white dress with a green sweater. She looked very cute. When she smiled I could have sworn it looked like a cat smile.

"Hello and welcome to our home. I'm Emma," Home? This wasn't a summer or winter home? They actually lived here year round?

I smiled (which I so hate. It hurts my face). "Thank you for having us over."

Both Françoise and Sandro looked at me oddly. First, I smiled, and secondly I'd said thank you. Françoise knew me well enough from her brother to know that I was not a polite person.

Mrs. Fernandez let us in. Well at least the house looked better than the Two and a Half Men one. The floors were cherry oak. They had an open concept house. The entrance became the living room, the living room became the dining room, and the dining room became the kitchen. It was great for parties. There were stairs that went up to what I'm guessing were the bedrooms. There was a small hallway I guessed led to a bathroom.  
Emma- never mind, it was too weird using her first name- Mrs. Fernandez took my coat, gloves and scarf. I could tell she was excited. Well, she was meeting me. Françoise told her what to do with the dinner and then bid us goodbye. Oh, so it was just going to be the four of us. That was better. I looked at the table. It was a normal sized table.

"Now that's a view," Sandro said.

It was a beautiful view. We could see the waves crashing on the beach. There was a couple walking hand in hand. The moon was beautiful.

"That's why we bought this place," She said. "Would you like a drink?"

"Scotch," Sandro said. I gave him the evil eye.

"He'll have a soda," I said. "Nothing for me."

"I'll be right back," She said. She then left to get Sandro his drink.

"Scotch? Do you really think she doesn't know your age?" I asked.

"It was worth a try," Sandro told me. "Can we sit on the couch or what?"

"Just sit."

The couch wasn't the best couch in the world, but it went with the décor, so it was fine. It wasn't my taste, but this wasn't my house. The wife came back with Sandro's drink. Okay, where the hell was Antonio? He's the reason I said yes. Where was he?

"I wasn't sure which soda you like, so I just picked Root Beer."

"Thanks. I like any soda," Sandro said.

"I'm sorry, my husband should be here soon. He had to drive Gilbert Beilschmidt back home," She explained. "I would hate to start dinner without him but Françoise told me that the dinner will be ready in a few minutes." She looked worriedly at the door.

"It's not your fault. It's Gilbert's fault for coming here in the first place," I said. Gilbert and Luise were polar opposites. Gilbert was wild and crazy, Luise was orderly and anal. How were they siblings?

"How do you like L.A.?" Sandro asked.

"It's much warmer then Portland. But the traffic can be awful. I do hate when I have to leave the house at rush hour," She explained. I could see that she was trying to hold her excitement in. I make people shake.

"L.A. is one of the most populated cities in the world. Traffic is bound to be horrible," I said.

"I haven't seen traffic this bad since Madrid," she explained.

"Why were you in Madrid?" Sandro asked.

"Antonio's grandmother was celebrating her eightieth birthday. She couldn't come here, so we went to her. Driving in Madrid was horrible. Probably because I don't understand Spanish very well," She laughed. "I can speak English, Dutch, German and French but not Spanish. But Antonio has been teaching me some." She was multilingual! Damn it. I might have been bilingual- Italian and obviously English with some Latin- but I didn't know four languages! How can you learn four languages! I had enough trouble learning English growing up, even though now I am very good with it.

"Wow, I am impressed that you have enough brain space for four languages," Sandro said. Why don't you make me feel worse about myself!

She giggled, "Thank you." We heard a ding. "Excuse me; I must get the dinner ready."  
The wife stood up and left. "So Gilbert is ruining our evening. How is that even possible?" Sandro asked.

"I hope he arrives soon. I need to wake up early tomorrow to start the reading with Elizaveta," I said sadly. Well, I did hope that Antonio would be there soon for obvious reasons. But I didn't want to do my reading with Elizaveta.

"I can't believe you'll be kissing Elizaveta Héderváry. You are so lucky! She's so hot!" Sandro said. Lucky? There was something wrong with Sandro's brain. "Emma is hot too." Okay, this was Sandro we were talking about. He was going to say at least once during the evening that she was hot. At least she was out of the room.

"She's pretty," I said. We all know who I think the hot one is in that marriage.

"I forgot you're not into…"

"So am. Ask the girl who left my apartment this morning," I told him. BI!

"Aww, why can't I get the women? I'm left with teenage girls… wait… never mind, I can have a sixteen year old girl and you can't," Sandro said. I rolled my eyes. He was too weird.

I sighed while he talked about his date for the People's Choice Awards in two days. Feli was coming back from Vancouver for the awards. It made me sad that I was the only one without a date. But again, I was the only one that could go in a group because I was a part of a TV cast. Oh, the Golden Globes were soon too. I would have to bring Sandro to that.

Antonio arrived while Sandro talked about his date. Wow, that man keeps getting handsomer and handsomer. He wasn't in yellow like my dream; he was in white. Wow, his tanned skin went perfectly with the shirt. Wow. Now that man is hot. Lovina made an appearance again. Great, I thought I had gotten rid of her. Apparently not.

"_Hola_! I thought you were coming at seven?" He asked.

"It's seven forty five," Sandro said.

"Oh," he said. That mouth made and O shape. Stop staring and say something!

"_Buonasera Antonio, come è stato il disco_?" _Mannaggia_! I was speaking Italian! That wasn't good. _Mannaggia! Mannaggia! Mannaggia_!

"Disco? Are we going to a disco?" Antonio asked oh so cutely. I should speak Italian more often if I get that response.

"He means, how was your drive with Gilbert?" Sandro said saving me.

"Oh, _lo siento_. It was fine. Gilbert was still a little drunk. I see Emma got the Jell-O off of the ceiling, and windows, and couch."

"_Sì_," I said. _Mannaggia_! I didn't mean this often.

He laughed. He took his jacket off, that man was beautiful, and put it with the other coats.

"_Perché parli italiano_?" Sandro whispered to me.

"_Non so perché_!" I whispered back.

Antonio came back and sat in the seat in front of Sandro and me. We smiled at him like nothing happened.

"Gilbert told me that his sister is your manager," Antonio said.

"_Sì_." Mannaggia! This was my chance to switch back to English.

"_Eso está bien_," he replied. He was making fun of me wasn't he? But it was hot, so, I didn't care. European Spanish was hotter than Latino Spanish, especially coming out of that mouth.

"_Mi dispiace_," I said. Then I gather all my strength and spoke English! "I don't know why I was speaking Italian. My brain sometimes does that." It didn't, but I needed to come up with a lie. Well, actually it did do that, but it was only after I had been speaking Italian for an hour or so.

Antonio laughed. "Mine does too. I sometimes have to think very hard so I make sure I speak in English. Is English your second language too?"

"Yeah." I spoke in English! "We were raised in Italy. But we always came to L.A. because of my parent's work."

"Your _madre_ is Catarina Vargas, right?" Both Sandro and I nodded. And of course you've heard of Catarina Vargas, the Oscar winning actress. Yes, that's my mamma. You've also heard of my Nonno Romulus Vargas, another Oscar winner. My family was full of award winners and that didn't stop with me. "When did you move to L.A.?"

"I think it was when I started acting, right?" I asked Sandro.

He nodded. "You were eight and I was four," Sandro said.

"You started acting at eight?" Antonio asked.

"Yes, I was only a minor character in one of my mamma's movies," I explained. Yes, I was that kid in Ice Queen. That was so long ago.

"Wow, you've been living in the US longer than me. I moved to Texas when I was sixteen and my English wasn't very good," Antonio explained. I know. It's on his wiki page. "I was oddly always made fun of by my schoolmates because they thought I was from _México_. Then the Latinos in my class would make of fun of my accent when I spoke _español_. The only person that didn't make fun of me was this girl from _Rumania_ and my sister of course." How could they make fun of that! You've seen photos of THAT! It was impossible to make fun of that hunk of Spanish ass. Oh yeah, for those who haven't memorized his wiki page, Antonio had an older sister named Carmen. 'You are a stalker.' Fuck you.

"Talking about high school again, _mijn lief_?" The wife came in from the kitchen. I forgot that she was even here. Wait… She had a cute little pet name for him. Okay, this dinner was going to be hell.

"_Mi corazón_?" And he had one for her. And I knew that meant my heart. It was disgusting. "Why should I not talk about high school?"

"We could talk at the dinner table. Dinner is ready," The wife said. This was revolting. They were happy and lovey-dovey and eww. He got up and they went together to the normal size table. Eww. 'Jealous?' Well DUH!

I gave Sandro a look of disgust.

"Look at them! They can give you pointers for tomorrow's reading with Elizaveta. You need to act in love and you've never been in love before," Sandro said getting up. Never been in love!? I can't believe Feli was more perceptive then Sandro! Never been in love! Had he seen me just now! Drooling and laughing and smiling! I even smiled! And that wasn't acting! Never been in love my hot ass.

I shook my head and got up with him. We left to the normal size table. That dream had scarred me for life! The table, the exhibitionism, the pervert Sandro, and Luise in a dress! The wife had set the table. This was odd. Every course but the yummy cake was on the table. Do people really eat like that? I thought they only ate like that on TV and in movies.

Sandro looked at me oddly. I gave him the look that it was okay. So it really was just the four of us. No one to serve food? When I invited guest -it was rare but I still did it sometimes- I had someone serve the food course by course. This was weird. 'Seriously?' Well, yeah! I've been rich my whole life!

"Is this too much food?" The wife asked worriedly. "Françoise told me that this was enough. Or do you not like _Steak au poivre_?"

"No, steak is fine," Sandro said cutting his steak.

"This is enough food, thank you," I said. This was different. My food was already on my plate. They used the nice plates… That or Françoise brought her own plates (I wouldn't put it passed her). Obviously the steak was amazing. None of you had Françoise cook for you, but seriously? The only thing better was Feli's pasta, and that you've already heard me talk about. She put just enough pepper and the steak was cooked just right. That chick might not be good for much but she can cook.

Nothing happened during the dinner. I took peeks at Antonio. I was trying not to be too obvious about it. I seriously could just stare and stare and stare. He had beautiful features: large eyes, kissable lips. If I had him, I would not let him out of the bedroom. We would wake-up, make love, make love while eating, take a nap, make love in the shower, maybe take a break and watch some soccer (hopefully he liked soccer because I supported Associazione Sportiva Roma no matter what), then make love, then feed each other, then make love, then fall asleep in each other's arms and do it all over again. That sure would be a perfect life. Sleep, soccer, sex… the three S's of life.

None of the conversations during dinner were that interesting. It was mainly about the People's Choice Awards. It was Antonio's first award ceremony since his album came out in July after most of the music awards had picked their nominees. But he got to start with the People's Choice. And the People chose him. And Sandro. Almost forgot about my brother. After dinner, we went to the living room again and talked some more. With world famous cake! This was when the conversations became interesting. I told them that Elizaveta was casted as my love interest. The wife agreed that she was perfect for the part of Magdolna. Elizaveta was a Hungarian immigrant, Magdolna was a Hungarian immigrant. I think the author had Elizaveta in mind when he wrote Magdolna. It must have been when she acted in that one movie… I forgot the name… wasn't it no… it's on the tip of my tongue. Triple Threat! Yes, that movie. The one she played the daughter of a criminal on death row! He must have had her in mind because when he describes the character, she looks like Elizaveta and acts like her in that movie. That was my love interest in the show.

Well after telling the wife that little piece of information, she was happy. Like, very happy and excited. Apparently, Elizaveta and I are her favorite actors. For some reason, I blamed her that Elizaveta was cast. Don't ask me why. I needed to blame her for basically everything because her husband was Antonio Fernandez. She was the luckiest bitch in the world. I needed to see her pay, if only in my mind, because in the real world she was happy. God were they lovey-dovey! Sandro and I sat on the couch and Antonio sat in that chair he was sitting in before. And where was she sitting! No not in the open seat! No! She was sitting on his lap. I wasn't sure if this was worse than my nightmare the night before.

After her inner fangirl did its happy dance, we started talking about cool stuff like soccer. Sandro was completely bored. He wasn't the biggest soccer fan. Not like me! I support my team. I watch all their games, and if I can't I tape them. I've been to some of their games, I've bought some of their merchandise. I yell (not really yell but my inner fangirl yells and dances) when they win. I boo when they lose. I boo their enemies. I'm sad when they don't make the play offs. I wear one of their jerseys when I watch soccer- any soccer game, even if they don't play. Yes, I love my soccer team. _I Lupi_!

Apparently Antonio was also a soccer fan. Okay now that perfect day can be perfect. But he wasn't an A.S. Roma fan… No, he was into Spanish soccer. 'Well, duh, he was born in Spain!' Shut up. Anyway, he was a Real Madrid C.F. fan. He was almost as big of a fan as I was for A.S. Roma. At first, I thought he was only a fan because they were winning all these competitions. No. He was a fan since he was a child living on a farm outside the city of Madrid. It only made sense that he would be a fan of his home team. We talked about recent games and scores. Not important, but the wife liked Club Brugge K.V., a Belgian team… seriously, Belgian soccer? But she was ignored. The wife and Sandro did something while Antonio and I talked sports. See? I'm not so girly. I like sports and I know sports.

I loved talking to Antonio. I loved looking at him too, because who doesn't. I still do. But talking to him was also just as great. I was always so nervous at first, like when I started speaking Italian to him… though now I think it was my unconscious telling me that I have to one-up his wife since she knows four fucking languages! I had to show him that I was bilingual and probably could learn Spanish easily. Italian and Spanish were related. Spanish and Dutch were not. Neither were Spanish and German… Let's ignore French. Where was I? Oh yeah. I was nervous at first but like the last time, we clicked. We were so good together. Tomatoes and soccer were my favorite things and his favorite things. And when it came to soccer we also liked two different teams, so talking about sports would never be boring.

"And yesterday, I went outside to my tomato garden-"

"You have a tomato garden?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Do you want to see?"

"It's a tomato garden. Duh," I said. Seriously, who doesn't want to see a tomato garden? It was the perfect way to get someone home with you.

"Well it's dark…" I wasn't going to see the garden. AWW! "But I did pick some yesterday and I have one left."

"I want it." I wasn't thinking correctly. "Let's see if they're as good as you say." During our talk, he had mentioned that his tomatoes were the best. I had to take him up on that statement.

"They are," He said with his amazing smile and a little bit of playfulness in his eyes. I love that little playfulness… I wish that playfulness was to seduce me into his bed… Though he really didn't need to use tricks on me. I would be there as soon as he would ask me. I knew he has a wife but I tried to forget about her when I wasn't trying to one-up her.

Antonio left the couch. At one point during the night, he and Sandro had switched seats. His wife was now sitting in that empty seat. Don't ask me what they were talking about because I really didn't care. They could be talking about killing pigs for all I knew.  
Antonio came back with the tomato. So far so good. It was large and very red. It had a certain holiness to it. Every tomato had that holiness to it. But this one had more since it was touched by Antonio. I took the fruit in my hand. It was big and felt a little heavy. It was full of luscious juices. The skin of the fruit felt godly. It smelt delightful (yes, I smelt it… I had to make sure it was the best tomato ever).

"Just eat the damn thing," Sandro said, annoyed. "He does this to every tomato. He has this system, look at it, smell it, lick it and then take a bite out of it. Are you trying to hear the juices in the tomato? Come on Lovi, just eat it!"

I did have the tomato to my ear. I swear I heard the juices tell me that they were delicious. After it passed that test, I licked the fruit. So far so good. Antonio was watching me in nervous awe. I took the first bite. I died and went to tomato heaven. Okay, this was better than Feli's pasta. I called Feli's pasta orgasmic… well this was multiple orgasms. Oh yeah. I could have sex with this tomato and it would be a thousand times better than the sex I had with the slut the night before. This tomato could make me forget about Antonio.

"Will you marry me?" I asked the tomato, a tear in my eye. God this tomato was… oh God.

"Did you just ask a tomato to marry you?" Sandro asked.

"Don't worry, Antonio did that once," The wife giggled. "Or twice."

Antonio laughed with pride in his eyes. "I told you they were good."

"I don't want to eat it because it's so perfect," I said in awe. "But then again, it's so delicious." I took another bite. It did not disappoint. Okay, seriously, why did this man have to be married? I needed to kidnap him and keep him all to myself. That was a good plan. "Sandro, this tomato is the perfect tomato," I said.

"It wasn't even the best one in the batch." What? I stared at him in awe… for the first time it wasn't because of his hotness.

"This isn't? Are you a tomato god? Because I will so join your church if you are," I said.

He laughed. "No, I was just raised on a farm."

"I thought you raised bulls?" Sandro asked.

"We also had this huge garden and we sold most of it at the market. My abuela taught me everything I know about gardening." I must grovel at his nonna's feet and sacrifice to her. She would be my new god. Hopefully as reward for being her best servant, I would get Antonio.

"Well, look at the time! It's eleven!" Sandro said. "Don't you have work tomorrow at 6:00 am?" My eyes widen. I did! Fuck! "I'll call the car."

"I'm sorry I have to leave so early."

"It's understandable. You have work at 6:00 am," The wife said.

"I had fun this evening. Thank you," I told them. Hey, it was true.

"It was our pleasure," The wife said.

"We'll probably see you Sunday," Sandro said. "Ciao."

And off we went. I didn't know if I should regret saying yes to that dinner or not. On the one hand, I spent most of the time talking about soccer and tomatoes to Antonio. I had a wonderful time with him. But on the other hand, I saw that he and his wife were happily married. They were very much in love and happy. I wasn't hoping that he wasn't in a happy marriage or anything. As much as I was happy that I got to spend time with Antonio and see that we could probably talk all night, I was also sad. So I decided no more Antonio Fernandez for me. I was going cold turkey. If only that was possible.


	4. Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous

_HEY! Thanks for all the favs and alerts and the nice reviews! I hate the fact that this chapter is half the size of the last chapter. But I didn't want to go on and on about how depress Lovi is._

_Originally America was going to be normal male America, but then I went screw it, I love femAmerica. So, here's another nyotalia character. And my country is mentioned! GO Canada!_

_Info about the show The Smuggler. The main plot is that Jean-Jacques' character, Guillaume, started working for the Italian mafia after the Germans attacked France in WW2. His job is mainly to smuggle cigarettes across Europe. He took the job so he could send his little brother, Pierre, safe to Montreal. Throughout, the show Romano's character and his father are often threatening the life of Pierre, so Guillaume stays in line._

_Saturno contro is a real Italian movie (I picked three romantic Italian movies randomly, you'll see why this one won.) I have never seen it (since I wouldn't understand 99% of it.) I read the plot, there are actually a few story lines in the movie. So I hope I didn't ruin the movie for anyone who wants to see it._

_Eric = Ladonia; Allison "Allie" = FemAmerica; Madeline= FemCanada_

_Translations  
Mio Dio = My God (Italian)  
Grande fratello= big brother (Italian)  
Fratellino = little brother (Italian)  
Babbo = Dad (Italian)  
Ti amo troppo = I love you too (Italian)_

* * *

_**Chapter 4**  
Always see it on t.v.  
Or read it in the magazines  
Celebrities want sympathy  
All they do is piss and moan  
**Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous (Good Charlotte) 2002**_

I woke up tired as fuck. I'd only had a few hours of sleep the night before. After Sandro and I left Antonio's fabulous but heart breaking presence, we went straight to my apartment building. I had invited Sandro to stay a little while or sleep over. I had three extra rooms in my penthouse and I didn't want to be alone, not that I would admit that to anyone. But he said no. He didn't want to wake up and see that no one was there. So, the driver just brought him back at home to our parents. I should have gone to sleep... but I didn't. I watched TV. 'But sleep is very important, Lovino.' Well I know that! Usually, I'll sleep for a good eight to ten hours before a shoot. But it was just a reading, so it didn't matter as much. There was also the fact that I was going to be spending most of the day with Elizaveta. Shit. She'll just think I had hot, crazily awesome gay sex the night before. Which I didn't. I didn't have time for hot crazy awesome gay sex. But maybe I had time to dream about it. So, she would drool for no reason. _Dio Mio_, I hate my life sometimes.

I woke up after having only about two to three hours of sleep. I needed coffee and lots of it. I should probably have just injected it into my veins as if I was a heroin addict. I needed something before Luise came in demanding I get my hot ass out of my bed and in the shower. Yeah, I didn't want that. I hated Luise enough.

Getting up from my bed at three thirty in the morning was not, and I repeat, not fun. I sleepily walked to the shower. That felt good. Thank God I could have a nice warm shower to wake me up. I got out of the shower, more awake than when I'd gone in. Not that I was very awake getting out. Like a zombie, I walked to the kitchen and made myself some coffee. Delicious coffee. I love coffee so much. The aroma is like no other: the bitterness, the heat. Yummy coffee. I love you coffee.

Finishing my coffee, I got dressed casually like I did for every photo shoot. Thankfully, it didn't take that long to pick out my clothes. Then off to hair, which again didn't take that long. I was on a roll! I was actually waiting for Luise to arrive! This was the first time that had ever happened! Maybe I should wake up early more… Hahahaha! Me wake up early? This was that once in a blue moon moment.

Luise came in 5:15 AM. She had another coffee for me and some fruit. I took it. She rushed us out of the apartment and off we went to the studio.

Readings were not fun. That was when the director really bitched and moaned. 'No! I didn't envision it like that.' 'You should be more sad here.' 'How did you win an Emmy? That was horrible!' Okay, maybe they didn't say the last one so bluntly, but that was basically what the message was. But we had to go. Some episodes we do not have readings, and because of the People's Choice Awards the next day, this one would have been one of those episodes. But, we were introducing a new character. So, we needed to be there to act with Elizaveta. See? Elizaveta is already ruining this show.  
We got to the lot on time. I had my script in hand as we went to our usual studio. I was the first actor there. While having only three hours of sleep can be good for those purposes, I needed more coffee.

I got some of the horrible, horrible, and I cannot stretch how horrible the coffee was. But I drank it anyway, with hopes I'd be awake and ready to read my lines with Elizaveta. I read over the script. I had scenes with Elizaveta, Eric Oxenstierna, and I had a phone call with Theodora. Who is Eric, you might ask? If you've seen the show, you'll know he is the child actor that plays Jean-Jacques' little brother, Pierre. Why pick a Swede to play a Frenchman? Sorry, Ladonian. Where ever Ladonia is. I'm not the casting director, I don't know. Anyway, Eric was Silvia's little brother. Yes, Tiina's lesbian girlfriend. He usually had orange, like, Ron Howard orange, hair, but he dyed it brown for this part. He needed to look like Jean-Jacques' brother. Maybe they picked him because of his blue eyes. But I don't know. Like I said, I'm not in charge of casting. If I was, Elizaveta wouldn't be playing my lover!

I sat down at the usual table in the seat with my name. Luise said good bye and told me that she was going to see her other clients.

"What?" I said. I'd totally forgotten about her having any other clients. I'd thought I was her only client. Apparently she didn't love me anymore! Not that I cared because I didn't like her.

She shook her head. "You remember Madeline Williams and Allison Jones?" Um… well… They were the stars of that super-hero show, right? Yes, the Xena of our generation it was being called. ….Well, without the lesbianism since the hero and her sidekick were sisters both in the show and real life. … Though we auditions today, people probably still thinks there is lesbianism in the show... If they were sisters, what was with the different surnames? I think their real name is Williams-Jones, but I honestly don't care. She managed them too? So that's where she goes when she's not around me or Feli. Not that I had ever wondered that. I didn't really care.

"I forgot. Now I remember. Good luck with the super-hero sisters!" I said, praying she left right there and then.

Luise shook her head knowing I was oozing with sarcasm. "_Auf Wiedersehen_." I hate the German language. I actually hate most things involving Germany. I blame Luise for that. The German language was rough sounding and sort of scary. It was nothing like Italian or Spanish or any of the other Romanic languages. Italian had a certain beauty to it. The way the words sounded like sweet gelato to your ears. Everything about the language was sweet and loving. When you stand in a line waiting for coffee and you hear someone speaking Italian, it sounds so pretty and romantic. But if you hear German, it's scary and you want to run and hide. It doesn't help that Italians are smaller than those giant Germans. Seriously! Their women are bigger than me!

I know why people sometimes call the Romanic languages the Romantic Languages. Other than the fact they are mispronouncing Romanic, I mean. The Romanic languages had a romantic sound to them. There was a reason French was the language of love and Spanish was the language of passion. I also noticed that English doesn't have the roughness that other Germanic languages do. Whatever.

Luise left. Finally! Other people arrived. Our Executive Producer came in and sat down. Our director for this, and for most episodes, Gupta Hassan, was with him. The other actors arrived one by one, Jean-Jacques, Theodora, Eric, Elizaveta and Feliks, in that order. Again someone was being evil; they had Elizaveta sit next to me. Seriously? Seriously!?

"Roma!" Elizaveta called, sitting in her seat. She was pretty. If only she wasn't insane. Her long brown hair was up in a messy ponytail. She wore jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt. Why were the hot ones always insane?

"Please don't call me that. That's my nonno's nickname," I said. It was and it was creepy when someone else used it for me.

"I always call you Roma," she said. She did. And every time, I told her that was my nonno's nickname. Did she listen? No.

"You look tired." Here it comes. "Did you have hot gay sex last night?" Told you so.  
I sighed. "No, I did not. I spent the night at Antonio Fernandez's house with his wife and my brother." I wished I'd had awesomely hot sex with Antonio Fernandez. Now, we would be very hot together and Elizaveta would have a heart attack because of our hotness. But I couldn't think of him. He was breaking my heart. I was going cold turkey! By the way, I never told Elizaveta I was ga- bi. She just has this amazing gay-dar. I mean she was like a shark going after some poor defenseless fish (a.k.a me)! It was just spot on. Almost 100%.

She gave me an evil smile. She knew something. She knew something blackmail worthy and I didn't like it. But she dropped the conversation. Okay, technically she didn't drop the subject of gay sex. She just went on to ask me if I had "awesomely hot gay sex" the night before to which I answered, "I had super boring straight sex." She replied with, "of course it was boring for you." Now what was that supposed to mean! Sure, I wasn't emotionally attracted to women, and the ones I did feel something for, I would never in a million years have sex with. I told you I had a Whore-Madonna complex. See, those of you who claimed I didn't when I first mentioned it? But since I wasn't really attracted to women emotionally it didn't mean I wasn't sexually attracted to them. I was. I was a five- I mean, four on the Kinsey's chart, which means I was bi!

We heard a beeping sound. That was the director telling us to shut up. You know, I've never actually heard Gupta talk. He just has this way of communicating with his green eyes that told you exactly what you needed to know. It was creepy, but somehow we always got the message. Even the newbies.

We started reading our lines. The show started with Feliks and Theodora talking about her relationship with Jean-Jacques. Blah, blah, blah. So what? He was in Denmark selling cigarettes to the German soldiers. The scene changed and then it was my turn to start talking. I was talking with Eric about Jean-Jacques' character. My character was in Montreal making sure that Eric's character was safe or whatever. Yeah, my character was making sure the blackmail was safe. There was also more blackmail to check, this one being Elizaveta. Now, this took a while to figure out. I had to act like I had just fallen in love with this thing! That seemed impossible! Impossible I tell you! I started with my lines. It was horrible. I acted horribly! I never act horribly! I was an amazing actor. But Elizaveta and I didn't have any chemistry. Of course, I thought she was insane and I wanted to stay away from her. That was another reason why they shouldn't have cast Elizaveta. The director was furious with me. His eyes told us all.

I'd never actually had a relationship with someone that wasn't purely sexual. I had no personal examples to look at. Well, except that one, but I was going cold turkey. I had to go cold turkey. It was breaking my heart to think about the man, to think about what I would never have. However, the tenth time I butchered my lines, I decided not to go cold turkey. I thought about him and, guess what? My acting improved. Of course it did! I was thinking about HIM and I wanted to impress HIM. I just imagined he was there instead of that insane bitch. And people loved me again. I wished the love of my co-workers didn't give me a broken heart. But I made it through the day. I made it with a broken heart, but I still made it.

I got back home. I'd forgotten about asking Feliks to go shopping. But I didn't feel like shopping or doing anything anyway. I went back home alone. Very alone. I just had to get him out of my head.

I sighed and got some coffee flavored ice-cream out of my freezer. With a jug of ice-cream, I sat on the couch and watched soccer. I have no idea who was playing, but I didn't care. I just ate my ice-cream and moped.

Maybe love at first sight didn't exist. It must have been because he was super-hot and it was just sexual. Maybe if I were to do something with him, I would see that my hormones were being stupid and I did not have feelings for the singer. How could I be in love with a man that was married to a woman! Sure, we did have things in common, like our love for soccer and tomatoes. But if I got to know him better I would see that those were the only things we had in common. He'd probably never kissed another guy in his life. I know Hollywood is different from the 'real world', so maybe he never had a night with a friend and/or co-star where they decided to just kiss each other. Or just have sex in my case. I know a lot of straight guys that have kissed other guys. But Antonio wasn't raised in this world. He just became a part of this world. He must not have hastily married his wife. They must have loved each other. They were cute together. This was so stupid. I was used to getting what I wanted and the one thing I really wanted was impossible! This was karma biting me in the ass, wasn't it?

I sat there with the melted ice-cream, staring at the TV screen, not really knowing what was happening. I felt like a brain dead zombie. It was then that Feli arrived. I told you that Feli was coming back for the People's Choice Awards the next day, right? _Mannaggia_! Antonio was going to be there! With his wife.

"Lovi?" Feli asked. How the hell did he get the keys to my apartment? "Luise gave me her keys." I knew I shouldn't have trusted my lesbo manager with my keys. "She said that you weren't yourself. You were being mean but in a sadder way. Why is my grande fratello sad?" Feli's eyes widened when he saw me in my sad state. "Have you been crying? Do you need a hug?"

"No I have not been crying!" I yelled. Crying? There was something in my eyes, most likely melted ice-cream. "And no I do not need a hug."

"Okay, then I'll just sit here," Feli sat beside me, "And watch… Hockey? Since when do you watch hockey?" Feli asked.

I looked at the screen for the first time. I was watching hockey? Why the fuck would I be watching that stupid sport? "I'm not. My soccer game just finished. I was just going to change the channel." I took the remote and changed the channel, to any channel. It just so happened to be the cooking channel with a rerun of Françoise's show. The slut was better than hockey.

"Since when do you like your ice-cream melted?" Feli asked, looking at the ice cream.  
"It just melted on me, okay? Why are you asking me all these questions? Are you mamma or something?"

"Lovi…" Tears started to form in Feli's eyes. Fuck. I'd made Feli cry. Shit! Shit! Shit! Feli was the last person you wanted to make cry. He makes you feel so guilty. It was like you just stabbed him in the eye and then ripped out his heart. Shit!

"I'm just a little testy. Don't cry Feli." I put my melted ice-cream down. I patted his back twice. I never know what to do when my brother goes all girly on me.

"Did your dinner go badly last night? I talked to Sandro and he said it went great," Feli said wiping his eyes.

I sighed. "It was amazing. That was the problem."

"I'm sorry, Lovi. You still have a crush on him, don't you…?" Worse now that I know we can talk for hours and hours. But I didn't tell Feli anything. I hated talking about my feelings. It didn't fix anything. I wanted this problem fixed and the only way it was going to be fixed was if I stopped talking, thinking, and dreaming about him. "Then I'm going to take your mind off him! I'll make pasta and we'll watch a mindless movie in Italian!"  
My silly fratellino went off to make the pasta. I found an Italian movie on the internet. I really didn't care what movie. I just picked a random one._ Saturno contro_? I'd never seen it so why not.

Feli brought the pasta over and we watched the movie. Dumb movie choice. Seriously! I had to pick a movie where there was a character named Antonio. Worse, he was married with children! He was even cheating on his wife with a florist! Out of all the movies I could have picked, I had to pick a movie with a cheating Antonio. Sure Antonio was a popular name in Italy and most places they spoke Spanish. But still! I picked a movie where Antonio and Angelica are a seemingly happy couple and guess what. He's cheating on her! Seriously? But he still loved his wife. Seriously! This movie just made me mad! Why can't my Antonio be a cheating bastardo and cheat with me! _Dio Mio_. Never mind. After seeing that movie, I didn't want to be the cause of someone's marriage to fall apart, especially if they did still love each other.

Feli could see that I was angry with this movie choice. It didn't say anything about there being a character named Antonio in the synopsis. I would have never picked it if I knew. Feli tried to fast-forward over some parts. My reply to that? I stole the remote and hit him with it on the leg. It wasn't like I hit any vital organs or whatever. I'd started the movie and I was going to see the whole movie. Fuck it.

After the movie, I wasn't sad anymore. So, Feli's plan did work. But I was mad. I was mainly mad at karma and everyone who hated me. Seriously? I had to pick that movie? I slammed my head on the table once or twice.

"It's okay, Lovi," Feli said. "Maybe we shouldn't watch romantic movies."

"Let's not watch any more movies." That was safe. No more cheating Antonios.

"Let's vote for the People's Choice Awards!" Feli said.

"Isn't that cheating?" I asked. Feli looked at me confusedly. "You shouldn't be able to vote for yourself." …Okay, I might actually have done that a few times. I just had too. But I didn't do it every day!

"But I just skip that category." What a saint. I never skipped a category. "I vote for you and Sandro all the time. But I don't have a lot of hope for Sandro. He's more popular with the teens, and the People's Choice Awards are more for adults and ever since Anto…" Feli put his hands to his mouth.

"Never mind, let's not vote. We can talk about the suits we're wearing." That should be safe. Clothing was always a safe topic.

We talked a little bit about our suits. We also bet on who will be the worst dressed. I said Luise. 'She's going to be there?' Of course! Feli was bringing her as his date! Now, like I said, Luise was going to be the worst dressed in my mind. That dream with her in a dress still haunts me. Feli said Gilbert or Mathias. I would lean more towards Gilbert since Mathias' girlfriend would make sure he was well dressed. As for best dressed, we both said it was going to be Françoise. Remember when I said Françoise was the stereotypical French girl? She was a fashion expert too. She's the chef with the best fashion sense in the world. Honestly, I would have said best dressed was going to be he-who-must-not-be-named (I know I stole that from Harry Potter) since he looks amazing in anything and everything. But I could not think of him. Maybe Feli and I should have talked about something random, like if we could live on Mars or something. Sure, my brother was a complete idiot, so I guess that conversation wouldn't have lasted that long. Okay! He knows about art. There you go, that's a subject that was totally unrelated to he-who-must-not-be-named. Though, knowing with how many Antonios there are and were in the world he was going to mention an artist named Antonio. _Mannaggia_!

"But Lulu is going to look beautiful!" Feli said, protecting his 'girlfriend'. "I picked her dress myself." Seriously? Our parents must have mixed up Feli's name on his birth certificate, because he has to be a Feliciana. Though, I did tell you how horrible Luise's fashion sense was. Most guys have a better fashion sense then her. She needed Feli's help. "I missed her."

"You were gone for two days! Not even."

"I still missed her a lot. I feel lost without her. She's so strong and confident… She makes me want to be strong and confident too. I don't feel like that without her." I stared at Feli for a little bit. I was confused. How could she make anyone feel like that? She was Luise! She made me want to strangle her. Sure, Luise and Feli knew each other for a while now. Almost fifteen years, actually, and they have been dating for five of them, but he couldn't feel lost without her. Sure, he was a klutz and he did get lost a lot, even if she was there. And sure, she was the one who found him most of the time. But he's Feli! He should feel lost all the time!

I rolled my eyes. "It's true. I love Lulu a lot." I shuddered. I couldn't believe I just heard that. "You don't understand. You've never been in a real relationship."

I gave him the evil eye. I know I told you guys that I've never been in a romantic relationship that wasn't purely based on sex, but… those counted as real relationships… right? Having sex with someone multiple times in a period of five months counted as some type of relationship. Sure it was with a co-worker and it only lasted has long as the movie lasted. 'How long ago was that?' Okay, I was fifteen when it happened, a little over seven years ago. But it still counts as something.

"I'm not calling… whatever you've been doing bad or anything. But you've never brought home a boy... or girl," He didn't have to say girl with such an attitude, "to _Mamma_ and _Babbo_ or _Nonno_. And the only person you admit-" Hey! I never admitted it. I just never told him that I didn't. …Never mind, I was way too obvious! It was like I had admitted it. I still don't get how Sandro didn't figure it out. "-You like is married. And... _Mi dispiace_! Lovi! Don't look so sad! _Mi dispiace_!" I was not sad! I was mad. Sure he just reminded me of he-who-must-not-be-named, but that made me angry. I was not sad.

"Let's talk about something else." I didn't like talking about these things anyways.

"You look tired, maybe you should sleep. We'll be up late tomorrow and we have to get ready." Hey! Since I already picked my suit, I wasn't going to take two hours! "Maybe I should go." Sure, he wanted to leave. I wasn't fun anymore. Dumbass.

"_Ciao_," I told him.

"_Ti amo_, Lovi," he said hugging me. I hated hugs and Feli knew that. But did that stop him from hugging me? Or giving me some hug therapy? No. It never did and never would. Sure, I love my brother but I did not like to hug him or anyone. The only guy I knew that liked hugs was him. Hugs were a girly thing.

I groaned and then pushed him off. "_Ti amo troppo_." I hate sappy brotherly moments like these. I never get this with Sandro. Though, Sandro isn't secretly an Alessandra. He was probably the manliest of us. Not that I'm not manly. Shut up! I so am!

Feli left to see his 'precious Lulu'. He left me alone. I decided to sleep. I was tired and I hadn't had coffee in a while, so it was off to bed. Thank fucking God that I didn't remember my dream. I had a feeling that it was about he-who-must-not-be-named.


	5. Californication

_Sorry this is late, I've been busy (and I've been watching the Euro. Spain vs. Italy! Go Spain!) I'm not very proud of this chapter. I couldn't think of a conversation between Antonio and Lovi._

_I'm mad with Fanfic, at the same time I'm laughing. On my profile it kept saying I was American, when I'm Canadian. BTW Happy Canada Day!_

_Alcmene= Ancient Greece; Kyle Darwin=Australia Raphael= Luxembourg_

_In Ancient Rome, it was odd for a man (an aristocrat) to have been married to only one or two wives in his life. So, with that in mind Romulus will have tons of wives. Here's Romulus' list of wives and which part of the Roman world they represent (at first I was going to make every single province one of his wives but even Rome won't be able to marry all those women. So here is a select 'few')_

_Livia= Campania; Gabrielle= Gallia Lugdunensis; Kelila=Judea; Heidi=Helvetic tribes; Lydia=Lydia; Maria= Baetica; Julija= Dalmatia; Erika=Viennesis; Sorina =Dacia; Carlota= Lusitania; Nadia= Africa; Ilse= Gallia Belgica; Brittany=Britannia; Evita= Tarraconesis; Cleo=Aegyptus; Elena=Macedonia; Vasilka=Thrace; Ceren=Asia Minor_

_Translations_

_Grazie per fare notare l'ovvio. Sappiamo che sono un attore migliore di nessuno altro in questa categoria. Grazie. = Thank you for pointing out the obvious. We all know I'm a better actor than anyone else in this category. Thanks. (Italian)  
I miei piccoli vincitori = My little winners (Italian)  
Mar Mediterraneo = Mediterranean Sea (Italian)  
tre piccoli bambini = three little kids (Italian)  
puttana= slut (Italian)  
La Roja = The Red ones (nickname for the Spanish national soccer/football team.)  
Gli Azzurri = The Blues (nickname for the Italian national soccer/football team)  
Biało-czerwoni= The white and reds (nickname for the Polish nation soccer/football team)_

* * *

_**Chapter 5**  
It's the edge of the world  
And all of western civilization  
The sun may rise in the East  
At least it settles in the final location  
It's understood that Hollywood  
sells Californication  
**Californication (Red Hot Chili Peppers) 1999**_

What a weird little statue. This must be the weirdest statue ever… Okay, maybe the surf board or the orange blimp won that prize, but this was the weirdest real statuette. Was it an upside down tear drop? Was it just some stupid little oval thingy? What the fuck was it? The Emmy statuette was cool, the one with the little golden girl with that globe like thing. The Golden Globe statuette made perfect sense. It was a golden globe. This thing was made of see-through glass and was in a shape of an oval. What the fuck was it? Why would the people want this to represent them? I couldn't even figure out what it was. Whatever it was, it was still going to the trophy room. But the bewilderment of what it was will always puzzle me.

As you guessed, or saw if you watched the People's Choice Awards, I won. I want to thank all the fans who voted for me and supported me throughout this magnificent journey. Cue a tear drop. What I really wanted to say: _Grazie per fare notare l'ovvio. Sappiamo che sono un attore migliore di nessuno altro in questa categoria. Grazie_. That would have not ended well. It would be shocking and most people wouldn't understand it at first. My mamma would slap me and tell me that the fans are an important part of the job. The more fans you have, the more jobs you get. Well, duh, that's why I didn't say that. I gave that cheesy little speech instead. The speech everyone wanted to hear. Just thank everyone.

I think the worst thank you speech was for when Jean-Jacques and Theodora thanked the fans for us when we won Favorite Cable TV Drama. Well, we didn't know who should thank the people, so we had the two main characters thank them. It should have been the creator, but he had a fear of public speaking. The reason it was so bad? Jean-Jacques had a very strong accent when he spoke in English. On the show he changes his voice a little bit so it's a little more understandable. It really should have been Feliks and I, the fan favorites. Our accents aren't as strong since we've been speaking English longer. Never mind. Feliks is even more afraid of public speaking then our creator. Okay it should have been me and Theodora. People understand us.

Now, I was at the after party. It was where we got drunk. Unless you were Feli or Sandro. They didn't just have me to look after them; they also had _mamma, babbo_ and _nonno_. So, they wouldn't be drinking. Not that nonno was going to watch them that hard or stop them if they did get drunk. He tells us all the time that if we were in Italy, they could be getting drunk right now. But we weren't.

"Lovi! You won!" Feli exclaimed, attacking me with a hug. He jumped up and down while hugging me. It was not pleasant.

He then let go of me. Luise was beside him. She was actually in a dress! It wasn't a military green dress but a simple long black gown, which was somewhat better. Thank fucking god her hair looked normal, but she had makeup on! She looked like a girl with jewelry and nail-polish. She was actually pretty. I can't believe I thought that. This was Luise Beilschmidt! She was not pretty. She was rough and tough and Luise! I needed to get that picture out of my head. Luise dressed up like a chick; it just didn't feel right.

"You did too," I said. Well, he only won for one of the categories he was in, Favorite Movie Star Under 25. He was going against Dmitri Popa in all the categories he was nominated and Dmitri was the hottest thing in the movies right now.

"We are the winning family!" Feli said. "You have one, I have one, Sandro has one and Mamma has one!" It was a bigger achievement for _Mamma_ and me. We were only nominated in one category. There was actually only one category I could be nominated for. Sandro and Feli were nominated in four categories. What was really weird was that Feli kept losing to Dmitri Popa. Seriously guys? Dmitri might be hot and a good actor but Feli was better. Sandro kept losing to, well… You know who. The only category Sandro won was for Favorite Music Video. The only reasons he won that were because he got Nonno to be in it and he-who-must-not-be-named was not in that category. I'm not going to yell at you for voting for he-who-must-not-be-named, because he was beyond words, but give my brother a bone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's seventeen and HE was twenty-five. Sandro was young… Not that twenty-five isn't young. Never mind.

"Congratulations," Luise said. I shuddered. Luise still looked like a chick.

"Where's Sandro?" I asked. I ignored Luise. Maybe if I ignored her the picture in my head would disappear.

"He's talking with Sofia Angelova and Dmitri Popa," Luise replied. Shit, the image was not coming out of my head.

"I think he's trying to flirt with Sofia," Feli giggled. I rolled my eyes. She has a boyfriend! That _idiota_!

It was starting to get hard to hear them. Feli was no longer speaking into my ear. He had his arm around Luise. I had to get that picture out of my head too. The music was loud and people were talking to each other. People were dancing, if you can count grinding as dancing. It was just dry-humping in my view. I wasn't 'dancing' for two reasons: no one was good enough, and- shut up, it too was because no one was good enough and not because no one asked me- my parents were here. That would just be weird. It's not as weird in front of my _nonno_, though. I tried to listen closer to Feli and the rack- I mean, my bitch manager. Wow, those breasts looked very nice. Stop looking! She's your manager, a lesbo, and dating your brother who's secretly the little sister you never had.

"_Mamma_ isming," I heard Feli say.

"What!" I yelled back. I moved closer to him.

"_Mamma_!"

"Yeah, what about her?" I yelled back.

He pointed behind me. Oh… _Mamma_ is coming. Okay, that makes sense.

For a forty-two year old woman- Ah, I should explain. In our family we're used to having our kids young. _Nonno_ was nineteen, _Babbo_ was twenty-one. Feli should be getting Luise pregnant anytime now. Eww. A pregnant Luise was worse than a Luise in a dress. But like I was saying: My _mamma_ looked very good for her age. She had long beautiful and healthy auburn brown hair of the same colour as Feli. Her almond shaped eyes were hazel-green, like mine. Her skin wasn't exactly a tan olive like mine, but was paler like Feli's. She had beautiful features: full lips, an hour-glass figure even after three kids, high-cheek bones... Why am-I describing her to you? You probably saw her in one of her movies. You can see for yourself that _mamma_ was very beautiful.

"Lovino!" my mother said in a thick Italian accent. She hugged me. Okay, I'll be the first to admit that my mother was an almost all natural beauty. Except for her breasts. Those were not real and have not been real for a while. These days doctors can make them feel real. And I don't touch my mamma's breasts! You can't not feel them when she hugs you. "And Feliciano!" She turned to hug Feli. I have my mother's ass. Mine's better, though. Hers is old while mine is nice, young, and plump.

"_Mamma_!" Feli said jumping in her arms. It has been a while since we saw our mamma. She had been filming a movie in Tuscany for the last six months. But now, obviously, she was back.

"How was your movie?" I asked.

"What?" She yelled. She still had Feli around her arms.

"How was filming?" I yelled.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt!" We heard a usually very quiet girl bellow at the top of her lungs. Wow. Does Madeline Williams have a set of pipes on her or what? I would have never imagined that. "I thought I was your date! Allie!" She screamed once more, this time like she was scared. "Allie, what are you doing to Ivan Braginsky! Don't hit him!"

"I'll go take care of this," Luise yelled. Feli gave her a kiss on the cheek. Did Luise blush? I shuddered. "Madeline, I'll take my brother, you take your sister!" And off Luise went. _Dio Mio_. She was in a dress and blushing. This night was not going to be normal.

"Let's go somewhere quieter to talk," Mamma yelled.

We went outside. The moon was high. There were dark clouds here and there, but not that many. The night sky was a dark almost black blue. There were some stars out, but stars are always hard to see in this city. In our villa in Tuscany, we can see all the stars, each little beauty. The cool air felt nice on my skin. It was hot in there.

My _mamma_ smiled at us. For the first time I saw her dress. Did my _babbo_ know what she was wearing? She wore this really long, red, V-neck gown. Sure it was a beautiful dress, but it showed way too much. I really didn't want to see my _mamma_'s breasts.

"_I miei piccoli vincitori_," _Mamma_ said warmly. I rolled my eyes and Feli giggled. _Mamma_ giggled like Feli and kissed us on the forehead. It made me feel tall. Sure, I'm not the tallest guy in the world, but I was taller than mamma and I swear I'm taller than Feli even if most people say we're the same size.

"_Grazie_!" Feli said.

"How was filming?" I asked. Now she could finally answer my question.

"It was lonely without your _babbo_," She explained. "But I had fun. I never understood why your _nonno_ gave up acting."

"He got old," I replied. Sure he was like sixty but sixty was still super old.

"What are you doing now?" Feli asked. "Are you going to work on another movie?"

Mamma laughed. "No, your _babbo_ and me will be sailing _il Mar Mediterraneo_." How romantic; feeling the Mediterranean wind in your hair, watching the sea life, living on the water, and making love under the stars… My parents having sex… Now that was something I didn't want to think about. Ewwwwww!

"Wow," Feli said, doe eyed.

"We leave next Sunday. So Sunday night dinner will be moved to Friday," _mamma_ informed us. Oh yeah, Sunday night dinner. The one day a week my family meets to eat dinner together. This week did not have a dinner. Technically we were at our dinner. The after party was our dinner in some weird way. I think it was just because we had a busy week this week and _Nonno_ didn't actually care enough to plan it.

"I'm filming in Vancouver," Feli explained. "I won't be there."

"You're not going to say addio?" _Mamma_ asked, pouting.

"We can Skype and I'll send Lulu to eat in my place," Feli explained excitedly. It wasn't like Luise didn't go to every single one of our family dinners. We were so fucking used to her being there we were actually wondering when Feli would propose. Well, I wasn't. I was wondering when she'd figure out she wasn't a part of this family and leave. Neither has happened yet.

"When are you going to bring a girl over for Sunday night dinners?" _Mamma_ asked me. Never. Why the fuck would I bring a chick to Sunday Night Dinner? That would mean I was in a relationship.

"When I want to break up with them," I said. Trust me, if you came to a Sunday night dinner at my house, you would want to run for the hills too.

"Lovi," _Mamma_ giggled. "That's not very nice. Your _babbo_ and I want to meet the girls you've been dating." Feli snickered. Asshole. "We worry about you. We want to see you with a nice Italian wife and _tre piccoli bambini_." My _mamma_ has no idea who I am. Me? Getting married to a woman and having three annoying little brats? Does that sound like me in any shape or form? No. Pregnant women disgust me. Sorry but they do. What if I'm having sex with them and I hit the baby! Breast feeding? Eww, put that away. My mamma seriously doesn't know me.

"Nice dream," I said sarcastically, "Too bad it'll be just a dream."

"Lovino," _Mamma_ said sadly. "We just don't want-"

I was never more thankful for _nonno_'s arrival in my life. He might be in his early sixties but he was hot. I know that sounds wrong but you know what I mean. I wished I looked as good when I become sixty. He had olive skin, bright amber eyes like Feli, dark brown hair like me which is, sadly, the only way I resemble him …Again, why am I describing someone you've probably seen a thousand times on screen? It's not hard to Google Romulus Vargas. I can describe you his suit, though. He was handsome in his three piece black and white suit. If he got his way, he would be wearing a toga here. Yes, a toga! He keeps telling us that in Ancient Rome togas were like suits and the better your toga was, the richer you were. But were we in Ancient Rome? No. Togas are now for frat parties.

"I found her," he said dreamily.

Oh boy… I'm going to have to explain this, aren't I? You probably know Romulus Vargas is famous for having more wives then King Henry VIII. Some of them you don't even know about. He's obsessed with finding 'the one' and not dying alone. His first wife, whom he married at eighteen, was my nanna, Livia. She was a beautiful young Italian woman, but she died in childbirth with my babbo. He quickly remarried a French woman named Gabrielle. That ended as quickly as it began. My _babbo_ wasn't even one when they got divorced. Next, he married an Israeli woman named Kelila. That ended when my babbo was two. After her, he married Maria, a Spaniard. She was his wife when nonno got his big break. She left him for some soccer player. My _babbo_ was now six when _nonno_ married Heidi, a Swiss model. She was the first wife my _babbo_ could remember. He always said he liked her; it was too bad she was killed in a car crash. Now _babbo_ was eight and _Nonno_ said he wasn't going to marry anymore. Two months later, _Nonno_ is married to Julija, a Croatian actress. That didn't last long. I think it was his shortest marriage, with only two months. After that, he married some Turkish model, Lydia. _Babbo_ loved her. But two years later, _Nonno_ cheated on her with his next wife, Erika. Erika was an Austrian pianist. Oddly enough, she was the one that then cheated on _Nonno_. _Babbo_ kept telling us that there was a reason he hated her. Then, _Nonno_ married one of _babbo_'s friend's mothers. She was a Romanian something. She was actually Dmitry Popa's grandmother. Her name was Sorina. By the time _Babbo_ met my mamma twenty-four years ago, he had had eight step-mothers. My _nonno_'s next wedding was with a Portuguese Olympic gold medalist, Carlota. At that weeding, mamma announced that she was pregnant with me. Carlota was technically my first _nonna_. Do I remember her? Fuck no. They divorced not too long after my birth. By my first birthday nonno announces that he will be marrying an Algerian model named Nadia. That marriage lasted as long as his other marriages. He took a year off from being married. Only a year. Then he went to tie the knot with a Belgian chef named Ilse. They had a messy, messy divorce. By the time Feli was born, he was divorced once again. But did that stop _Nonno_? It should have. Fuck, how can he pay for all these fucking weddings? Or divorces. His next wife was some British journalist named Brittany. He found out that she wrote something bad about _babbo_ in her newspaper and the next day he asked her for a divorce. Then he married my favourite _nonna_. Her name was Evita and she was a Spanish actress. I really have always had a thing for Spaniards, I guess. She was also the one that lasted the longest. She was there for Sandro's birth and his fifth birthday. It's sad that Sandro does not remember her. She was very nice and loved tomatoes. But then nonno left her for an Egyptian woman named Cleo. Sure, she was the wife -after my real nanna, of course- that he loved the most. But did he really have to make sure we never saw Evita again? Cleo was actually Gupta Hassan's mother. You know him; he's the director that never ever talks. She was young and beautiful and she left _nonno_ for her ex-husband. Since then, _nonno_'s marriages have been longer. Not six years long, but longer. He married three more times, once to a Macedonian model, Elena; nonno loves his models. He then married a Bulgarian actress named Vasilka. His latest wife was another Turkish model named Ceren. Now because he's divorced, he's looking for a new 'the one'. I think _nonno_ had set a record for most wives.

"We're going to have a new _nonna_!" Feli said excitedly. Feli still hoped that nonno would find a wife that could beat Elvita's record of six years.

"She's a philosophy professor at the University of Athens," He explained in that I'm-in-love voice. I rolled my eyes. She was way too smart for _Nonno_. "And she has a daughter, I think she's a model. She's dating that Japanese actor… Kiku, I think his name is. What is her daughter's name? I should know this."

"Hera Karpusi?" Feli asked. Theodora's cousin? Nonno was going to marry Theodora's aunt? What the fuck? That shit's fucked up.

"The one with long curly brown hair, the classic Greek nose, green eyes and olive skin?" I think _nonno_ just described half the women in Greece.

My _mamma_ turned to me and whispered in my ear, "Your _Babbo_ and I want to see you with someone. But that doesn't mean you have to follow in your nonno's footsteps and marry the first _puttana_ who opens her legs to you." I don't know what was more disturbing, the fact that my _mamma_ just told me that or the fact that it was true about _Nonno_.

"That's Hera," Feli said. We knew it was Hera because she's the Greek chick that's dating a Japanese actor.

"Like mother like daughter…" _Nonno_ went on this long tangent about how smart and beautiful Alcmene was. Seriously, with a name like that, she needed something going for her. What the hell kind of name is Alcmene? I know it's Greek, ancient Greek to be exact. But seriously, in this day in age only crazy mythology buffs would call their kid that. Then again, she did call her daughter Hera. Wasn't Hera the Greek god of Love… No, that was Aphrodite. Hera was um… Zeus' wife, right? Right! Juno was her Roman name.

Nonno couldn't shut up about this new woman. With all the marriages he has been in, you think he would learn. No. That man was destined to be the man with the most wives ever.

Feli was all ears. He loved listening to _Nonno_'s love stories. Again, he acted more like a chick than his lesbo girlfriend. _Mamma_ and I decided to leave when _Nonno_ started to talk about Plato. I didn't want to hear about some dumb dead guy's ideas. _Mamma_ and I went to meet my _babbo_.

My _babbo_, Alessandro Romano Vargas Sr., was a handsome man. He was _Nonno_'s only son. He had dark curly brown hair. His hair was more styled than he-who-must-not-be-named. Now HE had untamed curls. Get him out my mind! My _babbo_ was a man of style. Everything he did was cool and in style. While growing up I always wanted to be like him, calm and confident. I sort of still do. He was just cool… But sometimes he did remind me of the Cat's in the Cradle dad. He was a producer and was always gone doing whatever producers do. He left us a lot. But at least we only had one. It was better than his situation, with all 200 _mamme_.

"_Amore mio_," _Babbo_ said, kissing my _mamma_'s cheek.

_Babbo_ put his arm around _Mamma_'s waist. I wished HE had done that to me…_Mannaggia_! Now he wasn't getting out of my head.

"We'll have to find you a new tuxedo for your _Babbo'_s next wedding," _Mamma_ said with a sigh. Shopping! I mean- not that I don't like shopping, but I don't jump up and down like a teenage girl like Feliks whenever I go shopping. I was cool.

"I don't even think I'm going to this one. Let's hope he elopes," _Babbo_ said, annoyed.

"Feli's talking with him. They should be there a while," I said.

"Sandro is with Antonio Fernandez and his wife at the moment," _Babbo_ said. What!? Sandro was with HIM! "What a nice young man and very talented. I was talking with him. He seemed so confident but at the same time like he was living a dream. Have you met him?" I wasn't sure if he meant me or _Mamma_. Well, if he meant me, he didn't watch Tina.

"Yes, I was talking to him before I went to find our sons," _Mamma_ said. "He was nice and so was his wife. But he was being swamped by everyone else, so I didn't have time to talk with him."

_Babbo_ and _Mamma_ talked some more about how nice my crush was. They liked him… But they also liked his wife. Great, I try to forget him and all my parents can talk about is him. So I excused myself. I walked around the party in search of someone that wasn't going to remind me of him. I was seriously going to help Luise strap Gilbert to a chair. That is, until I remembered that Gilbert was friends with Antonio. Broken spirited, I sat down on some chair in the corner of the room. I got to watch happy couples dance and make-out. Get a fucking room! I don't know how drunk Arthur Kirkland was to start making-out with Françoise Bonnefoy in public, but they seriously needed to get a room before they had public sex.

I was looking at women's dresses. Some women do not know what flatters them. They were so going to be on Joan Rivers' worst dressed list the next day. Orange? Only the Dutch soccer team could pull off orange. Black seemed to be the most popular of all the colours. Of course, what doesn't black go with? Then the men, we were all in suits, some were in bow ties, some in just ties. You did get the random one who was in a white suit or any other colour, but we were mostly in black and white suits. We didn't have too many choices. I like the women's clothing. They have so many choices! Dresses came all different sizes, shapes and colours! And not one woman was supposed to have the same outfit as another. For men? Who cares if I'm wearing the same suit as Kiku Honda? …Well I cared, but I'm talking about most of the world here.

"This is worse than my high school prom." I turned. _Mannaggia_!

"Antonio… What are you doing here?" I said with my heart ponding in my throat. Wow. Wow. Wow. He looked as handsome as ever. He even smelt very good. He smelt like rain and tomato fields. He could work a suit better than every man in this room. Sure there wasn't anything unique about his six piece suit, but the fact that he was wearing it made it unique. Antonio sat down beside me. HE sat down beside me and was talking to me! What about prom?

"Emma went to the bathroom and now I can't find her," He laughed. It was enchanting."She's probably talking with someone." He said that like he didn't care what she was doing.

"Yeah, she's probably fine," I agreed with him. "What was that about prom?"

He laughed. "Nothing really, it's just that this party is different. I can just imagine my madre being here and throwing holy water around trying to exorcise everyone." I looked at him weirdly. He laughed nervously, "Never mind."

"Okay?" Honestly, that was the weirdest thing I'd heard all night, and I'd heard Nonno try to describe a woman.

"Congratulations," he told me.

"You too," I replied.

"_Gracias_," He said with a smile. "I still feel like I'm living a fantasy. I just know I'm going to wake up tomorrow in Portland and need to get ready to teach the 3rd grade."

"Or you'll wake up in your bed in Malibu," I replied.

"Or in a bed full of tomatoes."

"That's the dream," I replied. At least, waking up beside him in a bed full of tomatoes would be my dream.

"What I do love about California, I can grow my tomatoes year round," he said excitedly.

"Do you have new ones?" I asked still remembering the delicious tomato he gave me two nights ago.

"No, not yet," he laughed. He was always smiling. Didn't that hurt his face? I could never smile as much as he smiled. "How was work yesterday? I hope we didn't keep you too long."

"It was fine." Expect for the fact that I was with Elizaveta. "It was just a reading. After work, Feli and I watched a movie."

"Cool, which movie?"

"An Italian film, you probably wouldn't know it."

"Probably not. I've never seen an Italian film. I can barely speak Italian. Em's been trying to teach me French. She says it would be easier then Dutch or German since I know Spanish. But it's hard."

"I had to speak French during the reading yesterday because I was in Montreal…"

"What? Why is Mario in Montreal?" Antonio said looking at me surprised. He moved a little closer in intrigued. Shit. I was telling him the plot. That was a big no-no.

"Never mind that. I was telling you a story." Nice save. Antonio pouted and cocked his head for a second. I shook my head. He then gave me a huff. Why was I head over heels for such a childish man? He then looked at me with intense curiosity about my story. Oh yeah, he's hot and he listens to me. Always a good mix. "Jean-Jacques was teaching me French. Ever hear that Italian is just French with an O at the end of every word?" Antonio nodded. "Not true at all." He laughed. I made him laugh! "You know that in French road is _rue_." He nodded. "Well in Italian it's _via_, which sounds more like the French word for life, _vie_. See, that saying or rumour or whatever it is, it's not true."

"But that's only one example."

Good point. I had to think of more examples. "Water is _eau_ in French and it's aqua in Italian."

"Water in Spanish is _agua_."

I rolled my eyes, but I rested my case. I couldn't think of other words on the top of my head that were that different in Italian and French. I didn't know enough French, and that was the language of Françoise Bonnefoy. I didn't want to understand the sluty things coming out of her mouth. Speaking of the slut, her and her rock star lover had left the party. Thank God.

Antonio and I talked some more about things I don't even remember. I don't remember it being very interesting. All I remember is that tomatoes were mentioned once, and Emma twice. A few other people came to talk to us (i.e. a very drunk Gilbert, my lesbo manager, Kyle Darwin the surfer. Hera came to warn me that her mother didn't like my nonno very much. Well that was a little different.) But other than that, there were no distractions. Antonio did look out in the crowd every so often; I guessed it was because he was looking for his wife.

"And so Raph was like 'duh'!" Antonio laughed. I forget the first part of the story, all I remember it was about something his brother-in-laws did. I think I laughed, I'm not sure. I sort of remember laughing, but then again, it's me. I laugh only on rare occasions. Very, very rare occasions. "I was entirely at fault anyways. That reminds me… Yesterday, I went to buy football tickets alone. So I bought four tickets for me, Andries, Raph and Ems. I come back home and Em tells me that I bought American football tickets." I let out a little snort, more like a derisive snort than a pig one. The classic football/football mix up. "Now, since Em hates American football, actually, so do Andries and Raph, but Andries will never turn down something free… And Raph doesn't care that much, I have an extra ticket." What was he doing? "And I don't know anyone who likes American football. All the people I know like regular football. I really shouldn't make these mistakes anymore. I've been living here for almost ten years now." I shook my head at his stupidity. "But it's a perfectly good mistake!" I think he was trying to be defensive, but since he was sort of laughing, he didn't come off as very defensive.

"So, did you find someone to be your plus four?" I asked.

He looked to the ground. "Ay… no. I still have to find… What's your opinion on American football?"

I was stunned for a second. We barely knew each other. Sure I'd been to dinner and his house and we had been talking at this party for about two hours. But did that give him the right to invite me to a sports game?

"I don't like it, but if you bought good seats, I don't think it matters. We could do something else while the game is going on," I said. To be honest, I never got American football. The weird shaped ball, the lines, basically everything. "When's the game?"

"Two Sundays from now… So exactly two weeks." He bought a ticket that close to the Super Bowl?

"How about I go?" I asked.

"Really?" He asked with a smile. Then he attacked me with a hug! Holy shit! My crush was hugging me in a huge bone crushing hug! Damn he's strong! This was better than Feli's hug therapies, but I still didn't like to be hugged. Even if it was from HIM. I had a personal bubble and it was being popped by a hot Spaniard. "¡_Gracias! ¡Gracias! ¡Gracias! ¡Gracias_!" he was mumbling in my jacket.

"Okay, whatever," I said. I WAS NOT BLUSHING! I do not blush. I couldn't let anyone know that I had a crush on him.

I pushed Antonio off. He said still laughing and had that hot- I mean, goofy grin on his face. Wait, why am I denying any feelings I have for him? I think he's hot.

"I need someone there that's not Andries. He hates me," I will never understand why. "So, it's nice to have an amigo." Did he just call me a friend? I must have heard incorrectly. "Oh, I also have a whole bunch of tickets for the Euro! I will go to every Spanish match. I have tickets for the Spain vs. Italy match, the Spain vs. Ireland match and the Spain vs. Croatia match. I also have tickets for the Spain vs. the second place winner of Group D, and the Spain vs. whatever winner of the first quarter final and the final probably Spain vs. Germany."

"Being cocky are we? The Spanish team isn't that good."

"We won the last Euro and the Fifa. We are going to the finals." Finally, an interesting sport to talk about.

"Maybe, but the winners of Group C will be Italy. You bought tickets to Italian games."  
He laughed. "No. They may be good, but-"

"They rank fourth."

"Spain ranks first. Spain is going to win the Euro."

"I say the Italian team will surprise everyone and take away Spain's title. No defending champ has won the Euro. The only teams to make it close were the Soviets and the West Germans over twenty years ago."

"And we will be the first to do so."

"So, like what the hell are we talking about?" Both Antonio and I turned. That was the problem with talking at parties; other people want to talk to you too. Feliks sat down beside us, he was alone. Feliks being alone was odd, his boyfriend was always there making sure Feliks didn't make a fool out of himself. Which we all know was a useless fight because Feliks still made a fool out of himself.

"The Euro. I'm saying Spain will win and make history," Antonio told Feliks.

"I say that the Italians will surprise everyone," I said.

"OMG!" Feliks said with a smile. "All I care is if the Poles beat the Russians. I'm going to that game. But I'm still wearing a totally cute red and white outfit for every game." Naïve Feliks, like the Poles are going to win any of their games.

"So, who do you think will win?" Antonio asked.

"Well, I'm still hoping that my country wins," Feliks said. I rolled my eyes. "But if I had to put my money on one team, I would so pick Spain."

"I rest my case," Antonio said.

I was not amused. "Seriously? Feliks knows almost nothing about the sport. You trust Feliks?"

"I also trust the opinion of everyone else. Spain will win."

"Italy."

"_La Roja_."

"_Gli Azzurri_."

"_Biało-czerwoni_." Both Antonio and I looked at the Pole again. When was he going to leave? "Now that I got your attention, I need Roma here," I hate that nickname. I like Lovi better… Not that I like being called Lovi either, "We need to talk about work."

"Aww, but I was finally having fun," Antonio said sadly. He was having fun with me! "_Adios_ Lovi!" What did he just call me? He didn't.

"Don't call me that."

"But we're friends," He replied like that was a great answer. It was sort of cute that he thought… Wait, I was trying to push any feelings I had for the man away. I cannot think that he is hot, handsome, cute, funny, or any mix of the four. We shouldn't be friends either, and we shouldn't be going to an American football game together with his two brother-in-laws. What the fuck was I thinking? Was-I really that fucked up?

"Still don't call me that."

"But Lovi," He pouted.

I slapped my forehead and shook my head. Shit, he had those 'Puss in Boots' eyes. "Fine, call me anything you want."

"Adios Lovi, I'll call you about the game."

"You'll need my phone number for that," I said trying to make him feel like an idiot. It didn't work. He just gave me his phone with that smile. What a great smile. Damn it, I was doing it again. Anyway, I put my number in his phone. "Text me so I know your number." I gave him the phone. "_Ciao_."

Seconds after I said _ciao_, Feliks was pulling me away across the crowd. A lot of the guests had left by that point, like my nonno. He was still chasing that Greek woman. Antonio texted me seconds later. Wow, that was fast. And that would not be the last time I would think that about Antonio. That was not supposed to sound sexual!

So, if you're wondering why the fuck Feliks took me away from my precious, amazing- I mean, Antonio. Just Antonio... You guys are out of luck. I don't remember, because I didn't care about it so much… I was texting with Antonio. We were still arguing about the Euro. Italy.


	6. Lucky

_Okay, total Spamano chapter. YAY! And the Netherlands (I like him, he's awesome) and Luxembourg!_

_Next chapter, a smut-like dream will happen. Promise._

_So, I had to work on July 1st. I work in tourism, so I expected tons of people wearing red and white and Canadian Flags, it being Canada Day. Nope, tons and tons of people dressed in Italian or Spanish (one Portuguese) jerseys and hats. There was this one guy carrying around the Spanish flag after the game finished. Happy Canada Day, I'll be waving my Spanish flag up proudly. It really did not feel like Canada Day. Poor Matthew. Antonio, Lovino and Feliciano out shone you on your birthday._

_I love the fact that this story takes place before the Euro._

_The Wal-Mart in this chapter is based on the Wal-Mart closest to me._

_João = Portugal, Gregerio = Vatican City_

_Translations_

_Hombre =Man (Spanish)_

_Perro = Dog (Spanish)_

_Cornuto, stronzo, vaffanculo, coglione = Italian insults_

* * *

_**Chapter 6**_

_Lost in an image, in a dream_  
_But there's no one there to wake her up_  
_And the world is spinning and she keeps on winning_  
_But tell me what happens when it stops? They go_

_**Lucky (Britney Spears) 2000**_

"Lovino, are you serious?" Sandro asked me.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I figured people usually wear jeans and a t-shirt to football games, so that was what I did. I put on a red $700 t-shirt and a pair of designer skinny jeans. My ass looked good and I was staring.

"About what?" I asked my little brother.

"You're giving me this?" He asked, wide eyed at a little black book. My _mamma_ had given me the little black book full of numbers of women she'd met in Italy while filming. So, I gave it to Sandro. He was in awe of the book. It was like I gave him the key of the universe or something. I have the most girl crazy family.

"Why not," I said. "My ass is hot in these jeans, right? They don't make my ass look fat?"

Sandro rolled his green eyes. He then put the book in his pocket. "Why are you so worried about how you look for this football game? Why are you even going? Have you ever even watched a football game?" I gave him the 'are-you-kidding' look. Duh, of course I had not. "Okay, so why are you going … Wait…" Was Sandro figuring something out? He must have been. It looked like the wheels in his head started working. "You're nice to him, you… LOVINO!" He yelled with his eyes wide.

"What?" I yelled.

"This is bad, this is very bad," Sandro told me.

"Shut the fuck up, I know what I'm doing." Total lie. Antonio had me around his finger without even knowing it. I had no idea how to fix it and every time I tried, I failed. Fuck, this sucked.

"He's married! To a woman," Sandro said. I rolled my eyes. I knew that, I was fucking going to this thing with his brother-in-laws. I fucking know he's fucking married. "If something happens…Can I have the wife? She's hot." There was something seriously fucking wrong with my little brother.

"Like that will ever happen," I said rolling my eyes. Well, it technically never happened, unless Sandro did something and never told me. Eww.

"Yeah, he seems too in love with his wife to do anything with you," Sandro said. He took the book again and started to dial one woman's number. "_Ciao_!" Smart move, Sandro. I was just about to tackle him to the ground.

I rolled my eyes. "Bye! See you when I get back."

Sandro talked to the woman on the other end of the phone. He gave me a wave but never stopped talking to the woman. Seriously? I'm more important than some one-night stand in Italy!

I left my apartment. I waved to the doorman and waited outside. Yes, I have a doorman working at my apartment. I don't know his name or anything about him but I can tell you how he looks like… Um… I think he has blond hair… Never mind, I don't care enough about the doorman.

The sun was out, the sky was cloudless. God, this was a beautiful city and it was filled with beautiful people. Trust me; people-watching in this city was always interesting. You have your beauties and your crazies. Someone was bound to peak your interest. Especially when celebrities are walking around.

I put on my sunglasses. It was too late. I had paparazzi taking pictures of me. So, I just smiled for the cameras. They were fucking annoying as hell, but I couldn't pull an Alec Baldwin and punch one. I just smiled. Negative publicity was bad publicity. Or at least that's what Luise and_ Mamma_ always said. And it's true. How many people have lost their careers because of bad publicity?

Antonio and his brothers-in-law arrived soon. I really should have stayed with Sandro up in my apartment. But whatever. Now my face will be on TMZ, or some magazine. Good publicity… especially now that they see that I'm going out with Antonio.

So, Antonio came out of the car, a very handsome red convertible (not as good as my Ferrari, but still a good looking car). One of his brothers-in-law was driving. The driver had spiked blond hair, a scar on his forehead, dark sun glasses, a Dutch soccer jersey, and a cigarette in his mouth. His arm was resting on the side of the car and he had a serious look on his face. Was he trying to look cool for the cameras? Sure he looked hot, but he also looked like a giant ass that didn't care about anyone else. Antonio's other brother-in-law was sitting beside his brother. He looked fancy and elegant. His blond hair was elegantly put up and his green eyes were sweet. He wore a light blue dress shirt and a smile on his face. He looked fun. Antonio was obviously the best looking of all of them. He was wearing a dark gray long sleeved shirt with sleeves that were rolled up a quarter, dark blue jeans that hugged his body beautifully and black track shoes. That man could make a paper bag look hot.

"¡_Hola,_ Lovi!" he yelled, waving at me. His eyes were bright and happy. He was smiling an unnaturally large grin.

"_Ciao_," I said, walking to the car. I walked passed him. Okay, there are paparazzi here. They are the worst at starting rumours, so it might be best to not talk to Antonio too much. What if they snatch a picture of me blushing in Antonio's presence? Or get a picture that hints at my feelings towards him?

"We have to be in _San Diego_ in three hours, so we better start driving," He said, following me. The way he said San Diego was so hot.

"Then let's go," I told him. I hopped into the back of the car.

He laughed and followed me. He jumped into the back and sat close to me. Paparazzi took a few photos and tried to follow us, but Dutch boy lost them in five minutes. I was impressed. Not that impressed, because I could have lost them faster, but I was going to lose my license if I got caught speeding again. Shut the fuck up; I was going at the speed of traffic. If this was the _Fast and the Furious_. I like going fast. Fuck, I have a Ferrari! I should be allowed to go fast! It's a fucking Ferrari! The Italians are built for speed. Driving fast. Not 'you know what', because we are also built to be amazing lovers.

Antonio introduced me to his brother-in-laws. Raphael was the smaller nice looking one and Andries was the douchebag in a Dutch soccer jersey. Apparently, Andries was going to wear Orange until the Dutch won the Euro. Good thing he was one of those rare people that actually looked good in Orange. I laughed, in my head of course. They were in the death group with Germany and Portugal. Italy was going to win.

Raphael was excited to meet me. Andries was emotionless. He sort of reminded me of Tiina's girlfriend. Raphael had this little white fluffy pup. Plutz was its name… I think… whatever its name was, it was annoying. A guy bringing a little dog was also really gay. Seriously, even I have better sense, and I was the one head over heels for another guy. And the fact that I think I'm more of a cat person. Though, I don't think I'm an animal person at all. Whatever. The dog was cute. It looked like a snowball! How the fuck wasn't that cute?

My overall impressions of the in-laws: One was a hot douchebag, the other a quiet sweetheart.

The drive was long. If I'd been driving we would've been there in ten minutes. But no, we were at the airport in an hour. But I got to sit beside Antonio for an hour "accidently" touching hands every so often. Fuck you, I just had too. It was my chance and I took it. I also talked with Raphael. He was smart and nice. He, like Emma, knew one too many languages: English, French, German and Luxembourgish. Seriously? Who the fuck speaks that language except people who live in Luxembourg.

We got to San Diego in time for the game, sort of. I'm not going to bore you with what happened on the plane ride and stuff since there wasn't too much to talk about. Well there was this one thing. Andries almost got stopped for drug possession. That was funny and hot when security patted him down. Andries had muscles. But he talked his way out of it. So, that's all I remember.

Because we were stopped by some cops, we were a little late for the game. Not like any of us really cared for the sport. Fuck, Andries was wearing a soccer jersey! You ask any of us today who played at the game and we couldn't answer you if our lives depended on it. Who won? I dunno. Who played? I dunno. Did you even watch the game? Fuck no, I was sitting beside Antonio. How the fuck do you pay attention to anything when you have a hunky Spaniard beside you?

I do remember I sat beside some shirtless fat guy in the colours of one of the teams. He also smelled; like, really really smelled. Bad- no, terrible! I can't believe people actually smell that bad! I would be trying to cuddle with Antonio even if I wasn't totally in love with him. That big fat guy scared me. 'Chicken.' You would be to if you had that guy beside you.

I couldn't believe how many fucking people were at this game. Why was football so big? It was horribly named and it's violent… Actually the violence is a plus. Guys tackling into each other trying to violently hurt each other… Well, I guess technically they shouldn't be, but it's not like anyone really plays by the rules. And the injuries! You know when I think about the game, it's kind of cool. Soccer was better.

"What's happened?" Raphael asked.

"I think those guys have the ball," Antonio said. Andries just took a smoke of his cigarette and huffed. I'm not sure if he was allowed to do that. Was he? Though, he's the type of asshole to just burn the police with his cigarette when they tell him to put it out. So, it's better not to tell him anything. Plus, he's big and a little mean looking. 'Chicken.' Fuck you.

"Oh, okay," Raphael said, but he was still confused. What happened to that fur ball you may ask? Snowy -because I don't really care about the dog's real name, so he's just going to be Snowy in my mind- was with some dog sitter.

"Nachos," I told Antonio. He smiled at me and gave me the nachos. I took one with extra salsa, trying not to look at him. I was trying to pay attention to the game and the guy beside me. Hey, I had to make sure that fucker didn't bash my head in. He jumped up from his seat every so often. I really had to make sure he never hit me. I didn't want to find myself in a hospital in San Diego.

"I'm glad you came," Antonio whispered in my ear. Why was he whispering? Well first, Antonio is fucking weird, and second, there were a lot of people around us cheering. I think one of the sides was going for a slam dunk but I'm not sure. 'Slam dunk is Basketball, touchdown is football.' Fuck off; it's whatever I say it is.

"Why?" I asked him.

"I have one _amigo_ here," he said, still smiling proudly.

"And what are they?" I asked moving my head in Andries and Raphael direction.

"_Ay_… An _hombre_ who wants to rip my guts because I dared marry his sister and Raphe, who's more like a little brother to me now."

"Why didn't you invite… I don't know, Gilbert?"

"Gilbert's touring Europe with FBT and I didn't think to ask him. Honestly, he would like this sport more then you, but you were the first person I asked. The first person I thought of." AWW! I mean- no! I mean aww. Okay let's let Lovina dance a little bit. I was the first person he thought of! I was the first person he thought of! He much rather spend time with me than anyone else on this planet! Suck on that losers! "Aww, you look like a tomato," Antonio giggled. He fucking giggled? Wow, you know you're manly when… Wait, did he just call me a tomato? He called me a fucking tomato! I was not blushing, it was the heat. I had a sweaty ugly guy beside me. His sweat and the heat made me hot. I was not blushing! Let's all say it together: Lovino Romano Vargas does not blush like a tomato. Good.

"I do not," I protested.

"It's cute." He thinks I'm cute! Wait? Cute? Cute? Cute! Fuck, I am not cute! Men are not cute. Men are handsome, men are hot, men are hunky and manly. Cute is girly and I don't see boobs on me. Men are not cute in any way or from. He thinks I'm cute? Fuck, he should think me hot and handsome. He's a man; he should know that we do not like being called cute.

I didn't have time to reply to that awful comment. Because I was not looking, karma, the universe, God- whatever you call it or him or her… decided it was time to ruin Lovino's life more by spilling beer on his very expensive outfit. Fucking Sticky Ugly Fat guy started to jump for joy at whatever the fuck was going on in the game with his fucking drink in hand! And the fucking thing dumped itself all over me! EWW! And he drank out of his cup! It was in my hair! It was all over my outfit! This was a hot 1000$ outfit! And I had no other fucking clothes with me! That fucking idiot was so getting sued… Or paying for the dry cleaning bill, if the fucker could afford it.

I had my mouth open wide. Antonio looked at me with confusion. Andries made a small chuckle with his beer in hand. Raphael looked as surprised as I was. The fat man settled down and then looked my way. It then hit him that his beer, his fucking beer, had spilled all… ALL over me!

"Sorry, dude," He said.

I was shaking in shock.

"It's okay, accidents happen," Antonio said, taking me by the shoulders. Not with 1000$ outfits! "Let's find Lovi something new to wear."

"Hey, you're that spik singer," the fat ugly man said.

"I'm actually Spanish, not _Mexicano_," Antonio replied. Not the time or place or TIME!

"Who cares, all the same to me," Ugly man said. Andries made a small chuckle. "Can you sign this for my daughter? She's a fan." He gave Antonio a napkin. Antonio stared at it in confusion. So did I. I was all sweaty and sticky and he was fucking asking Antonio to sign a fucking napkin for his daughter! And fuck, is the mother blind? Who the fuck would have sex with this man?

"Sure," Antonio said. Raphael gave him a pen. Antonio signed the napkin quickly.

Antonio didn't say a word. He took me and we left. I was in shock and confused with what just happened. Antonio was just dazed and confused. Once we left the seats and went into the walk way and stuff. Fuck, I don't know anything about architecture. We were at the part with the bathrooms and the snacks.

"What just happened?" Antonio asked me.

"Fuckface just ruined my outfit! Dry cleaning will cost me a fortune!" I didn't even want to see my hair… my beautiful hair! "And then he fucking asked for your autograph!"

"He also called me _Mexicano_!" Because that was the important part.

"Get use to the weird because there's going to be a lot of it… Do you have clothes?"

Antonio looked at me for a second. "Even if I did, I don't think they would fit you… I know Andries has an extra shirt in the car, but he's bigger than me."

"Orange?" I said like I was insulting the colour. Well, I was insulting orange. I was not one of those people who looked good in orange.

"You could put Andries' shirt on and we could go buy you more clothes," Antonio explained. Where the fuck do you buy clothes in San Diego? It wasn't like San Diego was known for great shopping. It was known for beaches and surf.

So, Antonio and I went to the car. He drove. He just took the driver seat without even asking me if I wanted to drive! Whatever, I was still in a state of shock. I had beer all over me and I was starting to get sticky. EWW.

In the car, I put my sunglasses on and some baseball cap. I really didn't want anybody to see me like this. I was disgusting! Antonio just put sunglasses on… he stilled looked like him. He was hot, but I liked him better without sunglasses. His eyes were one of his best features. Fuck, all of him is his best feature.

We drove around. We were pretty silent in the car. Antonio just turned on the radio and looked for somewhere to buy me clothes. He gave me free reign over the radio. Which pretty much sucked for him. I wasn't doing anything but stare at the orange shirt I was wearing. I was in an orange shirt that was five sizes too big! And it was Orange! And it was Dutch! I was an Italian soccer fan!

Antonio stopped and parked in some large parking lot. There were a lot of cars, people coming back to their cars with shopping carts and people walking to the store. Wal-Mart? I think I've heard of that store. Wasn't that the store that sold really cheap stuff because they have it all made in China by kids? That was wrong.

"Come on," Antonio said getting out of the car.

"You want me to go in there?" I asked.

"It's just Wal-Mart," he laughed like this wasn't a big deal. "It's not like anyone you know will be here." Not likely. This was Wal-Mart, home of the cheap.

"But do they even sell clothes here?" I asked.

"You've never been to Wal-Mart?" he asked in shock. I shook my head and he laughed. "Now I have to bring you in. Come on before I carry you in."

Antonio put on a black hoody while I bravely got out of the car. It was crowded. The parking lot was crowded. I was just imagining the store. It must have been Disney World during Christmas crowded.

The only way Antonio got me into that store was by pushing me in.

"Maybe we should turn back and go back to the game?" I said at the doors.

He laughed. "!_Vamos_!" And he pushed me into the store. There was an area just for carts. A wind blew up. That scared me. "They're not here to kill you, they just want your money," Antonio said. I was not sure if that was a joke or not. He was pushing me, so he talked from my left shoulder in my ear. Sexy. We were in the actual store. Wow! This place was fucking huge! There was some kind of greeter, some old person. There was a McDonald's, a grocery store, a clothes store and that was all I could see. I saw pop cans on sale beside the greeter. Tons and tons of cashiers. A pharmacy! A nail salon, a barber! Fuck, there was a clinic! It was like a small town, without people living there.

Antonio laughed. Now he started to push me towards the clothes. None of the clothes were any good. Okay, they were fine. Holy fuck! Two dollars for a fucking shirt!

We picked some clothes fast. I was burning them the moment I got home, so it didn't matter how great they looked on me. Fine, it mattered a little bit. Antonio left me alone while I picked a shirt. He came back with a brush.

"We'll go to the bathroom so you can change," he explained. I nodded.

He went to a cashier and paid. I was surprise that no one noticed him, it wasn't like his disguise was any good. But no one recognised him. We then went to the bathroom. It was a small gray bathroom that I'd rather like to forget about.

"Go in the stall and give me your dirty clothes. I'll bring them to the car. Just wait for me here." I nodded. It sounded like a plan and that's what happened. Though, after I wet my hair in the skin and brushed it, I stayed outside of the restroom. Fuck, it smelled worse in the bathroom than the guy who'd spilled his drink on me in the first place!

Antonio came back. He was still in that hoody. That hoody did not show off anything. "Everything is in the car. I called Andries and told him that we were here. Half-time is just starting, so, we have tons of time to explore. Where do you want to go next? Shoe shopping? Sports wear?" Shoe shopping? They sell fucking shoes at Wal-Mart?

"Where ever," I said playing it cool. This was officially the first time it was just Antonio and me. No wife, no brothers, no parties, no brothers-in-law. We didn't even have to text. You'd be surprised how often Antonio and I text each other. Well, it was more like he was bothering me and I swore. And he was always the one starting the conversations.

"Let's start from the right and go from there."

I nodded. Food it was. The food didn't take long to go through. It wasn't like we were buying anything, we were just looking. We did take some time to look at the tomatoes. Both of us deemed the tomatoes unworthy. After the food we went to a baby area. I couldn't believe there was a section just for baby stuff. You know cribs and everything. Antonio lingered there a little bit.

"Emma and I have been talking about kids." Not what I wanted to hear. He had unknowingly just ripped my heart out. "But … I don't know. There's something pulling me back." And back my heart came. "I always loved kids. I became a third grade teacher because of it." He laughed. I always hated kids, but I bet if they were mine, I would love them. Hey, I take good care of my stuff. "But I don't feel like having kids with Em." What? "At the moment!" Nice save, but your wife would hate the pause between 'Em' and 'at the moment'. I wasn't going to tell her about it and I don't think Antonio was stupid enough to say it.

"Trouble in paradise?" I asked. Friends talk to friends, right? I was being a good friend, right? Fuck, I was just curious. I wasn't trying to be a good friend. I just wanted to know if they were getting a divorce.

"No," he said. "Just a feeling."

That was the end of that conversation. We just went back to the clothes section.

Okay, this place was full of cheap things. Ridiculously cheap things. Chocolate for a dollar? Seriously? And it had everything. Pillows, vases, plates, books, greeting cards. This place was a giant! Wow. Yep, I was impressed. Not that would admit it too anyone. I always told Antonio, it was fine, that was fine. And I would never in a million years admit to my co-workers or Luise or family that I went to Wal-Mart. It was not something I wanted to admit.

We eventually found ourselves in the electronic department. You could buy TVs here! No wonder the CEOs of Wal-Mart are so damn rich. In front of the other cashier- why did the electronics area need their own cashiers?- we saw a bunch of CDs. So, the first thing I did was look of Antonio's CD. There was a sign saying _Best Sellers_. Would Antonio be in A or F? I looked in A. Adele, no. Lady Gaga, no. Why was Lady Gaga in A? I looked behind her CD. Oh some idiot put her in front of Adele's 19. OH! Antonio! What a simple album cover. It was just him with a guitar, well his classical guitar. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and jeans. Yep, he looked hot. Well, you've all seen the CD cover. Why do I describe these things to you?

Antonio was looking at a CD of FBT while chuckling. Now, Antonio was looking at me with curiosity. I put the CD back. I already owned that CD. Antonio heard me put back the CD. He laughed when he found out what I was looking at.

"Best seller?" He asked.

"You are," I replied.

"Wow, I am. I'm at Wal-Mart with Romano looking at my CD. Pinch me, I'm dreaming. Ow!" I pinched him. Hey, he asked me too. "No, I'm not dreaming." He laughed. "Let's go in."

I followed Antonio into the little electronic section. I still don't understand why it's its own section, but whatever. We saw myPods, myPads, expensive graphing calculators, video games, TVs, etc.

Antonio stopped when he saw a woman with two large DVD boxes in hand.

"Need any help?" he asked while laughing. Smooth.

The woman turned and saw a guy with sunglasses on, good thing he didn't have his hood up because then he would look like a rapist. Instead, Antonio still looked hot, so, I think she thought he was flirting with her. Not that he was. Antonio was being weird and stupid. And the girl was not good looking enough for him. That's all I can remember of her looks, I think she was blonde but yet again, I didn't care enough about her looks.

The woman blushed. She thought he was flirting with her. "I don't know what to buy my sister for her birthday. _Tru Blood_ or_The Smuggler_?"

That explains Antonio giggling. The thing I had learnt during this trip, other than Wal-Mart is huge, was that Antonio could not act to save his life. He was giggling and giggling and giggling. So I stepped in.

"Ignore my friend, he's special," I told the woman. Now, I was the actor of this duo. Antonio should just go back to singing. "But if you are at some type of cross roads, I could help." Antonio was still giggling in the background. "Personally I would go for _The Smuggler_, it's a better show." Antonio lost it. I kicked him to try to make him shut up but it was impossible.

"She likes both shows. I've never seen either one of them."

"Well, then I would go for _The Smuggler_. It's the same price and the actors are better looking." Antonio nodded his head, still laughing. "And it's educational. They mention real battles of World War 2 and in the extra features there are little factoids about Italy and, of course, World War 2. _Tru Blood_ is purely fiction. It's about vampires."

"Your friend is okay, right?"

"I'll bring him to the car. Bye," I said. I grabbed Antonio and started to push him towards the video games. By the way, she bought season 1 of _The Smuggler_. _Grazie_ for contributing to my paycheck.

Antonio and I left the electronic section before Antonio did something stupid again. We ended up at the sports section. Antonio took a soccer ball and started looking at it. He threw it at me and I let it fall. I looked at him with the are-you-kidding-me look. He laughed again.

"So many Barbies," I said, looking at all the dolls. There was a row just for them.

"I know," Antonio replied. "Hey! This one looks like Carmen."

"Carmen? She's your older sister right?"

He nodded. He picked up a Teresa doll. "Carmen just has curlier hair and her eyes are green. But it's her in Barbie form."

"Your sister must be beautiful." Hey, she looks like a Barbie. It was a given that she was hot.

"She is. I actually have a very pretty family. My cousin, João, he lives in Portugal, he's been in a few fashion shoots. He's not big or anything, just good looking." Antonio has a Portuguese cousin?

He looked at the doll for a little bit. He then took a photo with his phone. "Let's go before Andries texts me. I need to show you the pharmacy and gardening before we leave."

"Why did you take a photo of a Barbie?" I asked while walking to Gardening.

"Just sending it to Carmen."

I never got to see the pharmacy. Antonio took too long talking about gardening. He explained to me what a whole bunch of tools did. I forget almost everything he taught me. It wasn't like I was ever going to garden.

"I remember using (insert gardening tool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was the only part of the sentence I didn't remember) to plant the tomatoes when I was little. _Abuela_ always told me to take care of the plants. Give them a lot of love and sunshine. I missed the farm. I had this pet bull growing up," Remember, he grew up on a farm in Madrid. A little reminder for those who have not memorised his wiki page, "Never ask a five year old to name an animal. I called him _Señor Toro_. We did so much together. I would read to him good night. We would eat tomatoes together. I would ride him. He had such a great personality. So calm and relaxed. He was my best friend growing up." Normal kids get dogs or cats, Antonio gets a bull. What the fuck was wrong with his family? "But he died when I was fifteen. He lived a nice life but I was sad. I think that was one of the reasons we moved. I don't know why we had to move to _San Antonio,_ in the city. But we did and my parents bought me a turtle. Okay maybe it's just me and I have no imagination with names but I called him _Señor Tortuga_." I laughed. Mister Bull and Mister Turtle, it sounded like a children's story. "He's living with my parents in Maine now."

"Your parents don't give you normal animals do they?"

"Dogs are the devil's animal," He said, rolling his eyes. Okay, that was the second time he said something religious involving his parents. "Sorry, I have a pretty religious _madre_ and she doesn't trust dogs since they are too much like jackals." Ah. Well. She hates me by the way. She hated me even before she met me because of my show. After she met me, I think I was on her top of her hit list. But I'm getting ahead of myself. "Though, it doesn't mean I don't want a _Señor Perro_." I rolled my eyes.

It was around then when Andries texted Antonio. Apparently we were late, very late. Antonio, being the handsome idiot he was, hadn't felt his phone vibrate and didn't notice the missed calls when he took that picture for his sister. No matter. We left to go pick up Andries and Raphael.

Andries drove home. We didn't take a plane, since Andries wanted to keep his drugs in his pocket and not go to jail. Though, I think Andries would fit in in jail. He was big, muscular, tough looking. No one would try to rape him. Plus, he could throw a punch. How do I know that? Antonio told me that he punched him when he started to date his sister. It was something he did to all his sister's boyfriends. Later on he went boxing with Antonio and apparently Antonio kicked his ass. Antonio was smaller than him. How did that happen? Apparently, Antonio could keep his hot ass for himself if he was in a prison too.

Anyways, Raphael talked about the game as his brother smoked something that I don't think was a cigarette. After Raphael stopped talking he asked about our trip to Wal-Mart. Raphael wasn't a Wal-Mart fan, he liked quality. Though, Andries was 100% pro cheap stuff, anything to save a dollar. He picks cheap over quality any day. I bet he was just the greatest boyfriend ever. I wish you guys could notice the sarcasm in my voice. Though, I was later told that if he did go out on a date, he was kind and always bought tulips. Tulips were his favorite flower (very gay sounding that this big tough guy has a favorite flower… mine were daisies, Antonio's are red carnations (because they symbolise passion… seriously), Luise liked cornflowers… shut up, Feli told me). Andries just happened to get lucky that tulips are a cheaper flower.

"_Cornuto_," I said.

"_Cornuto_," Antonio replied. We were so bored in the back of the car that I was teaching Antonio Italian swear words.

"Good, that one means cuckold… yes, it's very insulting, more so in Southern part of Italy than the Northern part. Next,_stronzo_."

"_Strontho_."

"Zzzz not th."

"Zzzz," he said laughing.

"_Stronzzzzo_."

"_Strontho_."

"You're a _stronzo_."

"_Stronth…zo_."

"I give up on that one. It means asshole or bitch, depending on who you're talking too. I like this one: _vaffanculo_."

"_Vaffanculo_." He could say this.

"It means fuck off or fuck you."

"You use that a lot in the show," Raphael said.

"And at home with Feliciano and Luise," I replied.

"Luise is his manager," Antonio explained. "And she's dating Feliciano."

"Cool," Raphael replied.

"Next one," Antonio said excited.

"_Coglione._"

"_Coglione._"

"It means idiot. I use that a lot with Feliciano too."

"That's all you're teaching me? _Cornuto, strontho, vaffanculo, coglione_?"

"You can't even say _stronzo_!"

"Others?"

"Others? Basically religious things. Never ever use the lord's name in vain in Italian in front of Italians. It was illegal for the longest time in Italy."

"Okay?" Andries said. "You Italians are way too religious."

"Yeah," I said agreeing. "One of my cousins is a priest, in the Vatican. Father Gregerio Vargas." He actually met Antonio's mother. They hit it off and they still send letters to each other to this very day.

"Cool, so do you go to the Vatican to see him?" Antonio asked.

"No. He doesn't like me or my brothers very much, or Marino or _Nonno_. He's had one too many divorces and married one too many women that weren't Catholics. He's fine with _Mamma _and _Babbo_."

That conversation ended there. Raphael told us a few Luxembourgish swear words while Andries swore in Dutch for no reason.

An hour or so passed, the sun was setting and the road was getting dark. Raphael was sleeping in the passenger seat. Andries was speaking to himself in Dutch. If I heard that in prison, I would be afraid of him. He would so fit in.

Antonio was mumbling things in my shoulder. He was sleep talking. He was my shoulder as a pillow. I would have joined him in a little nap, but HE was sleeping on my shoulder! How could I sleep while he was sleeping on my shoulder? It was impossible! Unthinkable! I acted like he was heavy and I didn't want him there. For Andries sake, I did not want him to know anything. So, I pushed Antonio a little bit and his head fell. Where did his head fall? Guess. Just guess. Andries lifted his eyebrows. He saw everything in his rear-view mirror. It seriously looked like Antonio was giving me a blowjob from where Andries was sitting. I should have just kept him on my shoulder. Then Antonio woke up.

"Not my fault! The car hit a bump and you fell there," I told Antonio.

Andries rolled his eyes. "Sure." I gave him a dirty look.

"I believe you," Antonio said tiredly. He then yawned.

That was about all that happened that was interesting because Antonio went back to sleep, not on me. Sadly.

I ended up waking up on Antonio's shoulder. How the fuck did I get there? Andries told me to wake up.

"_Vaffanculo_," I said giving him the finger. I cuddled more with Antonio. Fuck, I was half asleep, my brain was shut off.

"Wake up," I heard Antonio say. That woke me up. I yawned once and rubbed my eyes. "I'll help you too your apartment."

"I'm not a damsel in distress," I protested. "I can fucking take care of myself, bastard."

I got out of the car. But Antonio didn't stay in the car like I told him too. No, he followed me up to my penthouse.

"Wow, this place is beautiful and big," he said. "And you live here alone?"

"_Vaffanculo_, this is all you're seeing of it," I told him.

Antonio smiled sweetly. "_Adios_, I had a lot of fun today, Lovi."

"I said _vaffanculo_," I said. Yes, I'm cranky when I wake up.

"I'm still very glad you came with me today. It wouldn't have been as fun without you."

"Sure, whatever, _ciao_."

And the elevator doors closed.


	7. Everybody's Fool

_This wasn't supposed to be a filler chapter but now it feels like one. _

_First time trying to write anything smut like. _

_There's not enough Poland in this story, so that's why I added more Poland, Hungary, France, Rome, America or Canada because they are awesome. Prussia was going to be in this chapter but I wrote that he was touring Europe with Denmark and England. _

_Why would Rome be a big fan of race cars? Well, in Ancient Rome the most watched sport was chariot racing (yes more popular than Gladiatorial fights). They loved the sport! Romans had their favorite teams and everything. Emperor Nero's was the Green team I believe. I'm such a Roman History Geek. Now, race cars would be the modern equivalent of chariot racing. _

_Canada is making crêpes not pancakes, since pancakes are an English thing. I think Canada would be more true to his (hers in his story) French side when it comes to cooking. _

_A tarte au sucre is a French (French, Belgian and Québécoise and apparently Indianan) delicacy… it translate to sugar pie and it's delicious. Here in Canada we make it with maple syrup in it and its sold everywhere in Québec. Poutine is a Québécoise delicacy. Originally it was made with just gravy, fries and cheese curds, though now it's made with which ever sauce and cheese. This one town you can find it made with a fish sauce. Sucre à cream is another Québécoise delicacy I don't know how to explain it, it's like fudge in a way. Pâté chinois is another French Canadian delicacy. Every family makes it different, though it always has ground beef, corn and mash potatoes in it, no matter which way you order it. Beaver Tails is fried dough with toppings on it, usually powder sugar or Nutella. _

_Translations _

_Συγνώμη__= Sorry (Greek) _

_Mais = But (French) _

_L'amour est fantastique = Love is fantastic (French) _

_Sirop = Syrup (French) _

_Tout partout = Everywhere (lit. Every everywhere) (French) _

_Bien sûr mon ami = Of course my friend (French) _

**Chapter 7**

_Perfect by nature  
Icons of self-indulgence  
Just what we all need  
More lies about a world that _

_never was and never will be_

_**Everybody's Fool (Evanescence) 2004**_

_Antonio pushed me against the wall. He had a playful look in his eyes as he went in for a kiss. He kissed me with great passion. Fuck, it was amazing. His lips on mine. The taste of his mouth, he had a tomato taste to him. Our tongues battling for domination… he was winning. My arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer. His hands rest on my hips, keeping me on the wall. His body getting closer to mine. Our chests rubbing together. His hips rolling into mine. Yep, I died and gone to heaven. His lips latched off of mine and he licked his way down to my neck. He then started to suck hard in-between my neck and shoulder. _

"_Antonio," I moaned. He moaned in my shoulder. I pushed him farther away. Shit my pants were getting tighter by the second. I ripped Antonio shirt off. Buttons flew here and there. Fuck did he have a golden body. He must have been sculpted by a Renaissance sculptor, because that was way too perfect. Those muscles were way too perfect. And those jeans hugged him oh so perfectly. (I know I'm using the adjective perfect too much but that was the best way to describe him, perfect.) He gave me a playfully evil smile. He pushed me back against the wall and started to slowly unbutton my shirt. Fucking evil of him. Each time he unbuttoned a button he kissed my chest. By the time he was finished, he was on his knees tonguing my belly button. Fuck this was torture. I pushed his head down. He laughed and then sucked the bulge in my jean. YES! I closed my eyes and moaned again. His hands started to move again. He stopped sucking. I opened my eyes and looked down at him a little angry. He just smiled and unzipped my pants. He pushed my pants down a little. I caught my breath. _

_It wasn't long before my pants and underwear were to my ankles. Fuck, I was hard. It was starting to get painful. Antonio pushed me to the wall again. Why was-I moving? His hands held my hips into place. That's was when he took an experimental lick on the head. I gasped and pulled on his curls. He just chuckled. Why the fuck does he always laugh or smile or whatever! Why the fuck am-I complaining about that at that very moment. Ignore my complaining. So, after my well liked response, he opened his mouth and… and a phone was ringing? _

Fucking dream! It had to stop at the fucking good part! I bet you guys are pissed too, since you are members of Elizaveta's cult. Do you guys get membership cards? Like a card that says 'I'm a dirty pervert and I love watching guys have sex with each other'? Do you go to the gay part of town (at night of course) and watch all the guys make out. Are you in a stalker van with binoculars? Do you play the song _Every Breath You Take_? Because I can so see Elizaveta doing that, and making it a dogma in her perverted religion.

Now who or what woke me up from my dream at… 3 am! Fuck, I was going to kill… no torture whoever was on the other side of the call. I hoped it's my lesbo manager. I always wanted to torture her, now I would have an excuse.

"_Vaffanculo_."

"Ve~ Lovi!" Shit. I couldn't torture Feli. While I would have him on the rack, he would be crying all doe eyed and acting _Puss in Boots_ cute. Well fuck.

"Fuck Feli! Why would you fucking call me at this fucking time!"

"I'm sorry Lovi… I couldn't sleep and I went on the internet… I didn't know you were sleeping!" he cried. I could just see him wide eyed with little tears dropping from his eyes. Fucking fuck.

"Whatever. Why did you call?" I asked. I slammed my head into my pillow and stretched on my bed.

"Um… did you really wear orange or is this picture on TMZ photoshopped? And does that say Holland?"

I almost dropped my phone. Someone, some fucking photographer caught me with that Dutch shirt on! Fuck!

"Lovi?" Feli asked.

"It's not my fault! I was at a football game…"

"Which teams?" Feli asked happily.

"How the fuck should I know, it was American football!"

"American football?" Feli said in disbelief.

"So, some guy spilled his drink all over me. It was either go Dutch with one of Antonio's brothers-in-law's shirts or wear a shirt covered in beer!"

"Antonio? Oh! Yeah, you told me he invited you to an American football game, how was it?"

"Some guy spilled his beer all over me! How do you think it went?"

"So?"

"It was fine. Antonio and I went to … a mall," I was not in a million years telling Feli I was at Wal-Mart. "That was the good part."

"Lovi," Feli said sounding disappointed.

"_Vaffanculo_, I know what I'm doing," I said. It was still a lie.

I could just hear my brother rolling his eyes at me. Fuck you. "I don't want your heart to get broken. Especially when I'm not there to help you."

"Fuck, like I said I know what I'm doing." He so did not believe me.

"Don't do something that will break your heart. _Addio_."

"_Addio_." And back to bed it was.

A bagle or an apple? A bagel or an apple? The hard choices we have to make in morning. A bagle is fast but apples have less carbs. Shut up, it's true. It was like Sophie's choice… okay maybe not that extreme but it was still a hard choice.

"Roma, you totally need to promise me something," Feliks said coming beside me. "It's like so super important."

Oh, yeah did I forget to mention where I was? I was at work in front of the food bar. Feliks and Elizaveta were with each other (yeah, they are friends. How the fuck can Feliks be friends with a girl that has probably put cameras in his room to film him and his boyfriend together, I don't know.) Jean-Jacques was also trying to find something to eat, hoping it was as good as his sister's cooking (of course it wasn't). And Theodora was acting out a scene. The set was busy with people running amuck here and there. It wasn't that pretty. You see film sets on TV and in movies all the time, just think of those. Though, Theodora was standing in the middle of Angie's bedroom. That part of the set was pretty, in an old fashion type of way.

"No, I am not fucking going to take you on a trip to my family's villa in Tuscany, so you can go shopping in Florence. And no, I'm not going to visit your family in Warsaw so I can go shopping with you in Warsaw. The only time I'm going to Poland is to see the Euro. Now leave." A bagle or an apple? Fuck, it was a hard choice.

"Aww, but it would so be totally fun," Feliks complained.

"It so would," Elizaveta replied with that creepy smile on. "And you can take me."

"You know that the Catholic Church still has a lot of influence on Polish and Italian thought," I replied to Elizaveta.

Feliks pouted at my comment. "Never mind, I wasn't going to ask you about going shopping in Europe. Though it would be, like, so much fun." He doesn't know the definition of fun, does he? Fuck, he should just befriend Françoise and they could go shopping in Paris. Have a shopping tour of Europe. That might, **might**, be fun. Maybe I should have my own shopping tour of Europe.

"Roma, you must, like, swear to me that you will never, ever wear orange again," Feliks said in his most serious voice… if he had a serious voice. Now, what the fuck! He saw it too! And Elizaveta was nodding in agreement! She fucking saw it too! Fuck! Fuck TMZ.

"Oui, ze shirt is tree sizes too big," Jean-Jacque said. He just had to join in, didn't he? Everyone around the world saw that picture. I bet you did too.

"It's not my fucking fault! Antonio brought me to a football game. Ugly guy spilled all his beer on me. I had to wear his Dutch brother-in-law's shirt. That's all I'm saying. End of conversation." Little that I know, I would have to answer for that fashion mistake over ten times, in the next two days.

"Antonio? So, you brought some arm candy to this game?" Oh shit. Elizaveta was on to something. Her and her perverted thoughts were going to be the end of me.

"Wouldn't Roma be the arm candy? Antonio was the one who invited him." Feliks chimed in. I slammed my head on the breakfast buffet table. Ow.

"But, little Roma," who was she calling little? "Is bitter. Antonio is sweet like candy, thus Antonio is the arm candy." That didn't make any sense. Arm candy has nothing to do with personalities. It has everything to do with looks. And I was pleasing to the eye! And my accent made me pleasing to hear.

"He's fucking married," I said before this conversation became too stupid.

"That still doesn't mean you can't look good for him. An orange shirt three sizes too big?" Feliks replied.

"Mention the shirt one more time and I'll kill you," I threatened the Pole. Feliks snuffed it off and Jean-Jacques laughed. He fucking laughed. Laughed!

"Yes, I agree with Feliks, you must always look good," Elizaveta replied.

"Fuck you guys, I'm leaving," I told them.

"We love you too!" Elizaveta said waving with that creepy smile. What the fuck was with the too? But I just ignored it, she was stupid sometimes.

I took an apple before I killed my co-stars, because they would mention Andries' shirt again. I sat down in a nice little corner. It was far enough from my co-stars but close enough to Gupta so I can see his eyes. I needed to know when it was my scene.

I took a bite of my apple. What a sweet tasting fruit. But, the skin was a little chewy.

While eating my apple, I took my phone out. I had a text. Well three to be exact. But whatever Feli and Elizaveta was texting me could wait. Antonio had texted me. Apparently, he found that picture with Andries' shirt funny. Seriously? How was that funny! That was the first time I wear something unfashionable and the whole world laughs at me. But he quickly changed the conversation after I might have wrote a lot of swear words in my reply. I called him every name in the book and more. So, he just started to talk about a new song he was writing. He said he wanted a new album out soon. 'Did his last album come out in July?' I know and it was the first week of February! He hates it when artist take five years to come out with a new album. If the Beatles could come out with multiple albums a year, he could too. He told me he had already written five songs for his next album. He even got FBT (stop screaming!) to help him with the music. Though, later none of those songs were big hits, it would the songs he writes in the next months (one in March, one in May and the next in June) in that would make it on the Billboards. Not that those five songs weren't any good, they just weren't Billboard worthy. We all know the three biggest hits from Antonio's second album, don't we? I'll explain the inspiration behind those three when we get to that.

I worked for fifteen minutes then off I was again trying to figure out what I should have for lunch. Soup or salad? Fuck, it was the apple and the bagel all over again. Soup or salad? You know what would make this easier, if they had pasta today. But pasta day was Friday. Or pizza. Fuck, pizza it is.

"Roma, you okay?" Theodora asked. While at the lunchroom, I usually eat with my co-stars, but they were pissing me off. Now, Theodora had to play diplomat in this whole affair. And she had to give me her largest cute eyes. Shit, why did I have to be fucking nice to chicks?

"Kind of pissed that I have to be here for an ungodly amount of hours and act of fifteen minutes," I explained.

"And the picture with the orange shirt?" she asked. Trust me, I gave her a nasty look, a look that could put Medusa to shame. "_Συγνώμη__, _I didn't mean anything by it. It looked fine." Grazie for lying. I rolled my eyes at her. "They promise not to mention it again." I rolled my eyes again. "Come eat with us."

"I'm fine, I'm texting Antonio anyways," I told her. Oh, there were extra tomatoes in the salad. Pizza and salad seemed healthy.

"Oh, well, of course," Theodora said a little sadly. Fuck her.

"Fine, I'll sit with you," I told her. She smiled. This is why I didn't want a girlfriend. They are fucking evil. They manipulate you into doing things for them and then they break your heart. Like what Luise was going to do with Feli. Seriously, watching my_ Nonno_ marry over and over again did not do well for my love life with women.

Theodora took her salad and we went to sit with my other co-stars. Why did we have to get along? Why couldn't we be one of those shows that none of the co-stars got along? Okay, maybe the show wouldn't be as good, but my personal life would be much easier to deal with.

Now, we talked. Well Feliks and Elizaveta talked. Elizaveta was telling us about her husband's trip to his hometown of Vienna. Boring. He just played piano in the same room as Mozart, his idol. Who cared? I didn't. Feliks was commenting on everything and talking about something. I forget what, but I do remember it was stupid. Well, it was always something stupid with Feliks.

I was about to finish my lunch when Luise came. Yes, she came into the studio. She was pissed and sort of scary looking. Not that I showed fear. I'm a man and men don't show fear. Fear is for girls… and Feliks.

"What's this?" she said slamming THE photo on the table. Fucking fuck! Again with the orange shirt! Is there not one person that won't yell at me for that fashion choice! Apparently, I should have just worn my shirt that was full of beer.

"It's a photo," I said being as brave as can be. But you know Luise was a scary bitch. Her sky blue eyes staring into your soul and that vain popping out, she was scary. So don't blame me that I screamed my comment with a high voice. Fuck, Luise was basically a man and men can be afraid of men.

"What are you wearing?" she asked trying to keep her voice down… failing terribly. Everyone was watching. Elizaveta laughed. Feliks looked terrified. Theodora and Jean-Jacques were already gone to work. Lucky them.

"I know orange isn't my colour but every star has bad hair days…" Fuck you, you would be hiding under the table too if you saw Luise yelling at you. She was that scary. Plus, her short hair cut made her look like a man.

"Holland!" What? "You're wearing a Dutch football team jersey?" What the fuck? Luise is yelling at me because I was wearing a Dutch jersey? I thought she was yelling at me because the paparazzi finally caught me doing something imperfect. No, she was yelling at me because I was wearing a Dutch jersey. I later read the comment TMZ made. Well apparently they thought I was supporting the Dutch in the next Euro. And thus we have proof that they don't fucking know me. And that was the reason I decided to wear all those Italian jerseys in February and I made sure TMZ would get tons of pictures of that. I support my fucking country!

"It was either that or a beer covered shirt. I picked the Dutch shirt," I said in a small voice. My life is so fucked up.

"Truly?" Luise asked still mad. This was way too fucked up.

"I have to work, so go talk to Feli. I explained everything to him," I told her. I hate repeating myself and I would seriously have to answer for that fashion choice for a while. It would have been easier if I made a public announcement on TMZ. Sorry for my poor fashion choice, I didn't want to be covered in beer.

I got up from the grown and more or less ran for it… in a manly way of course.

Work continued as usual. We got some filming done. It was still creepy that at one point I was going to have to kiss Elizaveta. She would probably find it hot in some I love gays (remember I'm bi… even if she doesn't believe me) sort of way. God, sometimes my job sucks. But then again, I get to 'fake' hit people (mainly Jean-Jacques and Feliks), and if I 'accidently' hit them for real, no questions are asked. And then I have time to text Antonio. So, my job isn't all bad.

I got off work early that day. So, I went home. I expected to come home to nothing. But when I walked out of the elevator and saw a pair of spotless flats my heart sank. The only person I know who's that anal about keeping their shoes that clean was Luise. Well apparently the Dutch jersey conversation wasn't over. Fuck. I also saw a pair of dark blue heels with a star on them (um… ugly?), a pair of red heels (Giovanni, I believe), a pair of Prada black strap heels, _Nonno_'s favorite (ugly) brown sandals and a pair of red Adidas runners. Aw fuck. There were more people to explain that it wasn't my fault that I was wearing the Dutch jersey. People suck.

I opened the door to my living area… well it was more like an entertainment area. I had an open concept kitchen and living room. My kitchen was state of the art, of course. Then I had a rather large area for people to mingle… not that I have people mingle at my place a lot. It was rather large for one person. The only people that come to my apartment on a regular basis was Luise (the only chick I will ever give the keys to my apartment), Feli (not when he was off shooting a film), Sandro (only when he's not on tour), _Mamma_ (less than Feli), _Babbo_ (even less then _Mamma_) and _Nonno_ (even less then _Babbo_). That's sad, it's only family that visits. The only reason my co-stars don't come up that often is because I always them meet in the lobby. I can just imagine how Feliks would ruin my apartment. It was a scary thought.

Today, I did have guests. I still don't know why. I walked into my entertainment area to see Antonio (still looking very handsome in his Real Madrid jersey and jeans) sitting beside my _Nonno_. They were watching… honestly I don't remember. But knowing Antonio, it was soccer or some stupid sitcom. Then, knowing _Nonno_, it was some stupid sitcom or cars racing. _Nonno_ looked young in his red t-shirt and beige pants. In the kitchen was Maddy Williams. Yes, Maddy Williams. Miss blonde hair violet eyes and glasses. She was cooking something. Well she was cooking a lot (she explained that my food was going bad so she made a whole bunch of food). Trust me, it smelled delicious in my penthouse. Not as delicious as when Feli was cooking but still delicious. Maddy even had Feli's _Kiss the Cook_ apron on. Sitting at my counter was Allie Jones. Again, what the fuck (and now we know who those ugly shoes belong too). She was wearing a blue tank-top with white stars all over it and jeans. She was laughing while reading a script. Her bob was bouncing when ever she laughed. She was also eating fries covered in gravy and cheese, and mash potatoes with ground beef and corn in it. Which meant, she had it all over her face and golden hair. Luise was walking around cleaning my apartment, as in picking up my clothes on the floor. She was wearing a black pair of pants and a white t-shirt (later I see that it's a jersey for the German national team), something I would never wear to clean SOMEONE else's apartment. Well I would never wear a German jersey. Trust me, if I had to pick between a German football jersey and a beer stoked shirt, the beer stoked shirt wins. Yes, even if Antonio begs me to wear it. Though, why would Antonio even beg me to wear a German football jersey is beyond me.

When I opened my door, everyone looked at me.

"_¡Hola_!" happily yelled… well who else would say _hola_?

"Yo," Allie said giving me a little nod.

"Hello," Maddy and Luise said.

"Lovino! Come sit with us and watch (insert name of show here, I told you I don't remember what they were watching)," _Nonno _said. I'm crept out by the fact that Antonio and _Nonno_ were acting chummy with one another. He's my _nonno_!

"This isn't a fucking intervention about the shirt?" I asked.

"_Non_," I heard Françoise say… Where the fuck did she come from? I heard the toilet flush… bathroom. Well, I have to admit, for a whore, she was pretty. She wore a beautiful dark blue strapless dress that showed off her curves beautifully. She even had perfect lady-like posture.

"Why would we have an intervention about a shirt?" Antonio asked.

"_Mais_, I saw the pictures and it was a horrible fashion choice… Dutch too!" Françoise replied. Françoise walked up to the kitchen and started to help Maddy with the _crêpes_.

"No," _Nonno_ said. "I'm here to see my grandson." What's the catch? _Nonno_ never visits me unless it's something about Feli or if Feli was here. He always loved Feli best and gave him the best presents and stuff. Feli got an art set for Christmas and I get socks. "You know Hera Karpusi right?" And there's the kicker. He was here to find out how to hit on Hera's mother.

"I just got here two minutes ago. I was bored," Antonio said. He was bored so he came to me! In your face everyone else on this planet!

"I came with him," Françoise explained ruining my moment of happiness. Damn.

"We're here 'cause Luise is here," Allie said. "Maddy, are the _crêpes_ finish yet?"

"In a minute," her sister sighed.

"And why are you here?" I said angrily at Luise. She was at the point of scrubbing my floors. My house was fucking clean. I have a maid come in once a week.

"We weren't finished our conversation at the studio," she explain. Fuck.

"Yes, we were," I said.

"Lovi come sit beside your _nonno_," _Nonno _said patting a place between him and Antonio.

I shook my head. "I don't have Hera Karpusi's number."

"I have Kiku's!" Allie exclaimed. Please stop helping him. "Kiku's texting me the number right now… why do you want Hera's number?" Allie looked at my_ nonno_ confused.

"He's in love with her mother," I explained air quoting in love.

"Aww, that's sweet," Antonio said. He wasn't helping the situation either.

"_L'amour est fantastique_," Françoise explained sighing.

"Lovino, please clean up after yourself after you have an intimate moment with someone," Luise said making sure my _nonno_ couldn't hear her. (I also hoped Françoise didn't hear that.) How the hell did that cum get on the floor? Oh yeah, him. So Luise was cleaning my cum… ew.

"Anyone else what's some of Maddy's awesome _crêpes_?" Allie asked. She had a mouthful of _crêpes_ in her mouth and syrup dripping from her chin.

"_Allison_, could you wipe your face, you have _sirop_… _tout partout_," Françoise explained giving Allie a red, white and blue handkerchief. Why the fuck would Françoise have a handkerchief?

"Gilbert swears they're the best he's ever had," Luise told Antonio, _Nonno_ and Me. Maddy blushed at the comment.

"They are! Almost as good as my hotdogs," Allie told us. Maddy just shook her head at this comment.

"If hotdogs could be considered real food," Françoise said snobbishly and rolling her eyes.

"Admit it. I make the best hot dogs in the world," Allie said ignoring Françoise and her comment about hot dogs.

"You make very good hotdogs Allie," Maddy said.

"Thank you," she replied proud of herself.

I rolled my eyes. "Why are they here?" I asked Luise. Actually it was more of a rhetorical question. I didn't expect Luise to anwser.

"They followed me. I had to make sure Allie read her script," Luise explained.

I looked back at the superhero twins. "You're cleaning after them."

"Of course," Luise said with attitude. "Allison, did you finish reading?"

"Sure, whatever," she said. She still had a mouth full of _crêpes_. Françoise looked at her in disgust. Her sister put another _crêpe_ on her plate.

"You know what, I'm getting hungry," Antonio said out loud. "Can-I have some _crêpes_?"

I looked at the couch with Antonio and_ Nonno_. Not much going on. Antonio was sitting down watching whatever was on TV and _Nonno _was texting. I believe he was texting Hera… that was fucked up on so many levels.

"_Bien sûr mon ami_," Françoise told Antonio.

"Save room for dessert," Maddy said. "Antonio, there's also _poutine _and _pâté chinois_."

"I'll have a _crêpe_,"Françoise said sitting down beside Allie. "You have gravy on your face too. Is that ketchup?" Françoise decided to move one seat away from Allie.

Luise sat down, after washing her hands, of course. Maddy gave her that potato, ground beef and corn thing. Ew, potatoes were disgusting.

"I'll have a little bit of everything. It smells delicious," Antonio then explained. Maddy smiled and blushed. Bitch, he's mine… I mean he's Emma's. Yeah, that's what I meant. Hey, I was not jealous that he made Maddy blush. Anyway, Maddy is dating Gilbert (how could she stand him? Well, she is sisters with Allie. She must have practice with dealing with the insane).

I sat down beside Allie. Yeah, it was either sitting beside Luise, Françoise or Allie. Françoise was creepy. Allie was disgusting with her face full of syrup, gravy and ketchup. Or Luise. I was at the end of the counter island thing I had. I got a _crêpe _since everything else had potatoes in it. Okay, they were good. That's all I'm saying about them. I still prefer Italian food. I didn't even know that Canadians had their own cuisine until that day.

Maddy then took out the desserts.

"_Tarte au sucre? Sucre à cream? _Or Beaver Tail?" she asked.

"Everything!" Allie yelled banging her fork and knife on my beautiful counter. Where the fuck does all that food go? Why isn't she the largest woman in the world? She fucking eats like a tank. Wait! It goes to her rack. Admit it, she has big breast and they keep getting bigger… that might just be my imagination but you check the next time you see _The Eagle_. I'm telling you her boobs get a little bigger every season!

"_Tarte au sucre_," Françoise said.

"I'll have a Beaver Tail. But could you roll it up and put cinnamon and sugar on it?" Antonio asked.

"So, a mock _churro_," Maddy asked. Antonio nodded. "Okay."

"Pie!" _Nonno_ said still texting.

I tuned out everything else that was happening. Somehow I got a pie. That pie was just liquid sugar. I was going to my exercise room and exercise all this food off. After Antonio was gone. Who cares about everyone else?

Instead I took Allie script. Fuck, she wasn't doing anything with it. I started to read it. You guys know what's going to happen, don't you? Yep, that's how I got to guest star on a few episodes of _The Eagle_. I saw the script and sort of like this new character, Michael di Napoli. Sure, I had to play Maddy's character, Viola Lyon, love interest that ends up evil. But I got telekinesis. How many times can you say I had superpowers.

After finishing the script, I told Luise to get me an audition. She of course listened to me. Okay, maybe they were some whinning, just little bit of whining… okay maybe a lot. But she did get me an audition after an hour of whining. She told me that I had to concentrate on _The Smuggler_. She heard that my scenes with Elizaveta needed some work. I rolled my eyes and Maddy told her that Michael Di Napoli was only going to be in a few episodes here and there. Antonio said I would play a nice evil guy. _Grazie_. Françoise then said something. I don't remember what.

I don't know how it happened, but _Nonno_ was gone (meeting up with Hera… still fucked up on so many levels), Allie was working out in MY work out room. (Now we know how she keeps the weight off) Fuck Luise, she let Allie just go in there in my clothes! Seriously! Fuck, she must have still been mad about losing her fight. Maddy and Luise were washing the dishes. Françoise was doing something. I don't remember and don't care enough too. I was sitting on the couch with Antonio watching a movie. Romeo + Juliet, the Leo Di Carprio one.

"Nice picture," Antonio said looking at his phone. Gilbert had texted him the Orange shirt photo of me. (Well Gilbert was a little late, that was old news now. And Antonio had already seen it). Now he was making fun of me. "How did he even get this photo?"

"Fuck the fucking fucker."

"I think I'm going to buy you a swear jar," Antonio told me. "When's your birthday?"

"Fuck you _stronzo_, I don't fucking swear that fucking much!" I replied. Maybe not the best reply to that comment. I swore in two different languages. "And my birthday is March 17th." There were a few things I hated about my birthday. The first one was that I had to fucking share my birthday with my stupid little brother. He always has to outshine me. Damn you Feli, you just couldn't wait a day to be born. Then, the second thing was St. Patrick's Day. I thought it was only the Irish who celebrated that day. No, over here the Americans celebrate it. So, there were a whole bunch of drunken people going around doing stupid things on my birthday. Thank God I didn't live in Boston.

Antonio chuckled. "Now, I have your birthday present." Aww, he was going to buy me a birthday… wait, I was going to fucking get a swear jar for my fucking birthday! I bet he'll buy Feli a new car while I'm stuck with a fucking swear jar! "Did you buy my present yet?" What? "My birthday is in ten days." What? Wait, I knew that, I did memorise his wiki page. "Oh! I forgot to invite you to my party! Emma made all these invitations! I thought I invited you last week! _Lo siento_, Lovi!" I have ten days to buy Antonio an amazing birthday present? Shit. What to buy Antonio? He's a man of simple taste… something soccer related. "

"Get out."

"I said _lo siento_," Antonio said wide eyed. Shit, I hurt his feelings.

"No, I need to go shopping for your birthday present. So, I'm kicking you out and bring Françoise with you," I said pushing Antonio out.

"You can go tomorrow. At least let me finish the movie," Antonio whined.

"They kill themselves in the end. It's Romeo and Juliet, how do you not know that?"

"I do but…" I gave him a stern look. He sighed and made a sour face. "Okay."

"You owe be a lot of tomatoes for inviting me at the last minute," I told him sternly.

"_Sí_," he said with a snigger in his voice. "Let's go Fran."

"_Quoi_?"

"Lovi's kicking us out. I'll explain it the car."

And off they went. And the first thing I did when they left was take out my laptop to go shopping on the internet. Last minute shopping was never, ever good. Luise did complain that I had an audition in seven days to practice for too. Damn you Antonio, giving so little time for your present.


	8. In Da Club

_First, so many reviews! Merci! I feel bad that this is late (and I;m not very proud of this chapter), but I had work. _

_OC Latin America! Spain had so many colonies. And there's also Portugal, Brazil (lunynha's OC) and Castile. _

_Bad Touch Trio interacting with each other… finally. It took 8 chapters._

_News for my wonderful readers, I'm making a five chapter story about Françoise and FBT set in this universe (most likely a year or more before this story). It's not ready yet. I keep rewriting the first paragraph and I can't even think of a proper name for it yet. But when it's ready I'll tell you guys. _

_Translations _

_Bonne soirée, Gilbert = Good Evening, Gilbert (French)_

_Futebol = football/soccer (Portuguese) _

_Bonne Anniversaire = Happy Birthday (French) _

_Ich will dich zurück = I want you to come back (German) _

**Chapter 8**

_Go shawty, it's your birthday  
We gonna party like it's your birthday  
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday _

_**In da Club (50 Cent) 2003**_

I know now that he loved his present, but I did have doubts when I first bought it. I usually spend a week picking out a present for someone, even if I hated that person. I had a certain reputation to uphold. The big fancy presents were a must. Though, this present wasn't big or very fancy. It was a simple, sort of fun present. I would have never bought it if Antonio had giving me more time, but I did. It was too homey for my taste. People were going to laugh at my present! Or at least I thought so. But it was too late. I was in the limo with Luise (yep, Luise got an invitation!), Gilbert, Allie and Maddy (whom all got invitations on time!). I have never get an invitation to Antonio's birthday party… though now it makes sense why I wouldn't get an invitation. You all know what I mean, well that is if you don't live under a rock. But if you are reading my story you must have Googled Antonio and me, so you have to know what will happen. You just want my opinion on everything. Which is good, because now you might understand why everything happened the way it did.

Back to the story I'm telling you. I was in the car with Luise. She was wearing a black tank top, her favorite military green long coat, black pants and black Mary Janes. It was a semi-formal party and Luise was wearing pants. Another reason I thought she was a lesbian. Gilbert was dressed just as badly. JEANS! A navy blue t-shirt! Sneakers! Gilbert has never heard what semi-formal was in his life. Maddy should dress him. Maddy was dressed in a semi-formal red dress. It was strapless with a puffy skirt. Allie was in a mini black dress with high, high heels on. It made her legs look great.

What was I wearing? Glad you asked. Well, I was wearing a red dress shirt. It was tomato red to be exact. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was Antonio's favorite colour. Then, I wore a black Italian suit. Sure I was over dressed for this. I was wearing a suit. But you must always dress well.

"My present is so awesome!" Gilbert said pointing at the box on Luise's lap.

"It's not better than mine," Allie explained.

"My present is more awesome then yours," Gilbert replied. "He'll love it the most."

"He'll love mine the most," Allie said looking Gilbert in the eyes.

"Are you challenging me Jones?" Gilbert asked with a cocky look on his face… well it was more cocky than usual. Hint, the next day Antonio didn't even remember what Gilbert and Luise or what Allie and Maddy bought him. It wasn't that awesome. Fuck, I don't even remember what they bought him.

"As a heroine, I always beat evil," Allie replied.

"You're not a hero, Laura LeGrand is the hero," Gilbert replied. For those who don't watch _The Eagle_, Laura LeGrand (aka the Eagle) was Allie's character. Viola LeGrand (aka Miss Freeze) was Maddy's character.

"I sponsor three children in Africa, I'm their hero. And I'm the hero to that little girl…" and blah, blah. Allie just went on about all the people she "saved". I laughed when she said she saved a cat in a tree. Well I didn't laugh out loud, I laughed in my head because I didn't believe that story. I especially didn't believe the story she told us about her alien friend Tony. That was too unbelievable.

We got to the party in one piece. Maddy was the hero of the day. While Allie yapped and yapped, Gilbert was ready to kill her, so Maddy started making out with him. Smart.

The party was on the beach at Antonio's Malibu house. Everything was set up in the backyard (which was almost all beach, with the exception of the small tomato garden.) Wow, there were so many people at the party. I didn't realise Antonio knew so many people. I saw Michelle hanging out with Françoise's and Jean-Jacques' sister Grace. My co-stars were there (reason: Antonio and his wife were friends with Elizaveta and her husband. Apparently, every Saturday nights they play cards). Françoise was there, of course. After me, she would be Antonio's best friend. Dutch boy was there in his orange dress shirt. How does someone have that much orange in their closet? It's orange! Matthias was swimming in the ocean… naked. He did have a nice body. His girlfriend ignored him most of the night. Tiina was there. Did Antonio just make friends with everyone he meant? Was-I not special in his mind?

"LOVI!" Antonio said attacking me with a hug. Fuck that scared the living shit out of me! I could smell his shampoo. _Head and Shoulders_? Seriously? You can afford way more expensive shampoo. Don't ask me how I know how _Head and Shoulders_ smells like. I'm not telling you that story.

"What the fuck! You warn a guy before you hug him!" I yelled pushing him off.

"_Lo siento_," he said puppy eyed. He turned and smiled again. "Gil!"

"Toni!" What the fuck? They had a special hand shake and they were doing it right in front of us. See, I wasn't special. Gilbert not fucking awesome Beilschmidt got a special handshake and I get a bone crunching hug. And he has a nickname for him.

"_Bonne soirée, Gilbert_," Françoise said. She was behind Antonio. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and she rested her chin on his shoulder. I eyed her evilly, in my mind of course. Because I really shouldn't care that she was touching Antonio inappropriately. His wife should be the mad one… where was the wife? Walking around talking to people, right now Elizaveta. Actually, throughout the whole night she was talking with Elizaveta. Elizaveta must have convinced the poor girl to join her cult.

"What about me?" Allie said standing impatiently tapping her annoying heels… blue with stars on them. She had a few pairs just like that.

"¡_Hola_! Glad you can come to my party," Antonio said with a large smile.

"Happy birthday, Antonio. Where should we put the presents?" Maddy asked.

"You'll see Emma in the green dress somewhere. She'll tell you," Antonio explained.

"Let your awesome boyfriend bring the heavy present for you," Gilbert said taking the present out of her hands. He also gave her a kiss. She was blushing redder then… well a tomato.

"No, let your heroine sister bring the present," Allie said taking the present. By the way, Luise had left to bring her and Gilbert's present. It was the first thing she did, and then called Feliciano. She filmed most of the party for him (because Feli was sad that he was missing the party). Shut up, that is not sweet of her. She's a bad girlfriend! Chigi!

"I'm the man, I should bring the present and bring the drinks," Gilbert explained.

"Since when has Gilbert been a gentleman?" I asked.

"I dunno," Antonio replied.

"I told him that he needed to be more of a gentleman to Maddy. I'm glad he finally listened to me," Françoise said lovingly. She wasn't touching Antonio anymore. She was actually all lady-like again, in the most beautiful semi-formal dress I've seen. Fuck, it was amazing. If I was born a girl, I would have worn something like that. A red dress that seemed to hugged her beautifully. The cut was perfect. That dress was made for her. I was ogling her and not Antonio… WITCH! I called her a witch because only a magic could turn my eyes away from Antonio… who was by the way amazingly handsome (as always). I just don't remember what he was wearing. I know, I forgot about clothes. It's the end of the world.

"I bought the present!" Allie said grabbing the present back. Maybe that's why I don't remember the present. They probably broke it… or at least I think they did with all this fighting.

"If that's being a gentleman, call me a monkey's uncle," we heard a British voice say. Antonio didn't really invite Arthur Kirkland to the party, he just came has Françoise's date. I don't think Antonio liked Arthur too much.

"_Arthur_," Françoise said turning around. She then gave him a kiss on the cheek. Arthur handed her a glass of white wine. "_Merci_."

"Hey Iggy!" Allie said still fighting over the present with Gilbert. Maddy was standing in her corner shaking her head.

Arthur waved his hand and said, "Good evening, Allison."

"Stop calling me Allison, you know I like Allie better," she complained.

"Allison, let go of the present and let _Herr_ Awesomeness bring it to the table," Gilbert replied with a smirk.

"It's my present, I'm bringing it to the table," Allie replied.

"Lovi." I jumped. Fuck, Antonio scared me.

"What?" I snapped.

"Are you mad? Did I make you mad?" Antonio asked.

"No," I said rolling my eyes. I heard Françoise snicker and her date groan.

"Oh, okay. Let's go put your present away and maybe I could introduce you to some people," he said with a smile.

"Whatever," I said acting cool.

Antonio took my hand (damn fucking fangirl started coming out again. Keep calm!). He took me to the table where all the gifts were. Wow, he had a lot of gifts. There were piles and piles of them. Big presents, small presents, weird shaped presents, some were in bags and some were wrapped. He placed my in front. I wrapped my present, I thought that he would have more fun unwrapping a present then taking it out of the box. Shut up, it wasn't like I wrapped it myself. It was sent to my door like that. I didn't have to lift a finger… well I did I have to press on my mouse key to buy it.

Antonio shook my present a little (good thing it wasn't delicate) and tried to guess what it was. He never did. He sighed and whined a little. I wasn't telling him what it was until he opened it. He tried to open it but some man walked up.

"Trying to peek at your presents before it's time?" he laughed.

The man actually looked a lot like Antonio, just with longer hair that he put in a ponytail. His brown hair was just as curly… if not more. His eyes were just as green, but they were missing something Antonio's eyes had… I couldn't put my finger on it. His skin was tan. He was taller than Antonio, not by much but still taller. The man had a mature look about him and looked like he had a good body. By his side was a fifteen year old girl. She was shorter than the man by a foot. She had long dark brown hair and bright green eyes. Her skin was tanner then the older man. And what a body… for a teenager, she had some curves and a great ass.

"João, I wasn't doing anything like that. I was just trying to guess what it is," Antonio said with large puppy eyes. So this was his Portuguese cousin, who was the chick?

"Really?"

"Mariana, you're in a dress!" Antonio said. Yeah, she was so what? It wasn't that great of a dress. It was a green dress with sleeves and a knee-high skirt. So what?

"Blame him," she said annoyed and hitting the man beside her with her hip. "I was going to a special in event with a lot of celebrities," she said sarcastically. I like this chick.

"She wouldn't wear the dress I told her to wear," João sighed.

"A pink frilly dress?" she said looking at him questionably. He gave her sly smile.

"You still look very beautiful," Antonio chimed in. Then he looked at me. "OH! _Lo siento_! Lovi, this is my cousin João and his adoptive daughter from Brazil, Mariana."

"_Ciao_," I said acting cool.

"Romano Vargas? You never told me that you were friends with a TV star," João said punching Antonio in the arm.

Antonio laughed a little nervously while rubbing his arm. "_Sí_, I'm also friends with Gilbert Beilschmidt and Françoise Bonnefoy." See I'm not fucking special. No, I'm not crying while narrating… I just have a piece of sand in my eyes… yeah. Chigi!

"He has A-lister friends now, we're nothing to him," João said jokingly. Mariana shook her head. "We're just the two people he used to play _futebol _with."

"We would always beat him," Mariana replied.

"Always beat me? No," Antonio replied.

And I zoned out. Hey, I wasn't interested.

The next thing I know, I was playing soccer in the front lawn of Antonio's place. We were no shirts, which of course meant, I got to see Antonio shirtless. And what a sight it was. He does work out. And no hair in sight… interesting. Sure I had a little bit of hair on my chest… but not that much. I should wax that off. It looks weird.

Not to brag or anything, but I was good at this game… though damn it! They were good too. Especially Antonio… and Mariana but let's ignore her for the time being. Antonio moved so… I want to say gracefully, yeah let's say gracefully. He was amazing with the ball and very good at keep away. Then Gilbert joined the game and then Allie (who by the way was the worst of us). I don't know what the fuck was going on with Allie and Gilbert but they we just beating on each other. We won, but just barely. Fuck that little fifteen year old was good. The only reason we won was because Emma told Antonio that he had to entertain the guest in the backyard. Not that we weren't important.

After the game was over, João and Mariana kicked the ball. If Antonio wasn't playing, why the fuck would I play? So, I went back to the beach. I bumped into Luise, said hi to my stupid little brother. Then, I said bye to my stupid little brother. I talked with Sofia Angelova. I am still confused why Antonio invited her and her boyfriend. But fuck it, I don't care that much. I did other stuff, I just don't remember. Eventually I bumped into Antonio again.

"What's with all these kids?" I asked Antonio. The one thing I noticed, there were a lot of kids and teens at this party.

"Those are my cousins… well adoptive cousins," he replied. What? "I have a _tía_ that married very rich. Since she can't have any children of her own, she adopted a lot of kids. That's Juan," Antonio pointed at a tanned young man, "He's from Puerto Rico. Oh! José, he's from Costa Rica. He's Rodrigo, he's from Ecuador. Daniela, she's from Panama. Benito, he's from Bolivia. Luciana, she's from Honduras. The little one there is Salvador. _Tía_ just adopted him from El Salvador. She's from Equatorial Guinea, her name's Valeria. That's Pablo, he's from Peru. She's Cristina, she's from Argentina. She's an amazing dancer. That's Domingo, he's from the Dominican Republic. That's Tatiana, she's from Mexico, she's playing with Marisa, she's from Guatemala. That's Julio, he's from Chile. Oh! Maria, she's from Colombia. That's Jorge… where was he from again? Oh _sí_, Honduras. She's Viviana, she's from Venezuela. And Miss Sabina from Paraguay. Oh! Frederico, he's from Uruguay… and I'm missing one… there he is! Joaquín he's from Nicaragua." Basically, Antonio was pointing to all his cousins and telling me their names. Sometimes he jumped to look of them or moved a little so I could see them. A weird sight indeed.

"Why are they all from Latin America?" I asked… okay minus the one African, but whatever.

"_Tía_ wants to be able to communicate with her children," he laughed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sure, now that he mentions it, it makes perfect sense.

I rolled my eyes. He then nudged me with his hip. I rolled my eyes again. He giggled a little bit. I needed to leave that man's sight. He was starting to become a trouble… not that he was already. Fuck, I had the hots for this guy and there was nothing I could do.

"An…" Okay I was going to say something. I don't remember what I was going to say. You know the feeling, you wanted to say something but you got interrupted so now you don't remember. It was probably something like 'I need to leave, I'm going to talk with my _fratello_.'

"_Toño_!" And Antonio was attacked with a hug from the back. Well now I know why Françoise hugging him from the back was normal. His sister does it all the time.

Antonio was right. She did look like a Teresa doll, just with green eyes and curlier hair. She smiled like Antonio, just a little differently (since it didn't give make me turn into mush like Antonio's did). Carmen had let her hair down and styled her curls a little bit. Her hair was long and she was very pretty. I would do her (if I didn't know Antonio). She was wearing a rusty red dress. It wasn't as beautiful as Françoise dress, but it was pretty… though it looked a little cheap.

Antonio turned around kissed his sister on both cheeks and started to talk to her in Spanish. It was fast enough so I couldn't understand it. I did hear a few names mentioned. After I don't know how long, Antonio turned to me and introduced me to his sister. Or at least I think so, it was in Spanish.

"_Ciao_," I replied.

"Lovino Vargas!" she squealed a little. "_Toño_ told me so much about you!" So he has talked about me to his sister… maybe I am special. "I feel like we know each other already." Well this was a change. It wasn't like what I usually get. 'Romano Vargas, it's you! Mario Moretti! Can I have your autograph!' This was a nice change. "Let's go talk!" What? And like that I was taken away from Antonio. He did wave bye and then left to go talk to some other guest. I think it was Gilbert and Maddy. "How is it being famous? I bet it's boring and you wish people liked you for who you are."

"Where are you taking me?"

"I'm thirsty and I want some wine… how about you, do you want some wine?"

"Sure," I said.

"What do you think of my _hermano menor_?" she asked.

I was caught off guard with that one. So, not listening to my rule to be nice with all women (but Luise), I replied in mean sounding voice, "Why do you care?" Well that was stupid, she was his older sister. Well, I did have the excuse that I had no idea what _hermano menor _meant. Hey it sounds nothing like _fratellino_ or _petit fière_. The only reason I know what little brother was in French was because Jean-Jacques' character said it enough in the show.

Carmen looked at me oddly. "_Hermano menor _means little brother."

"Oh," I said acting confused. "We're good friends. He just won't stop texting me, which is very annoying." It is annoying but at the same time I liked it. I would have never in a million years admit that out loud.

Carmen giggled. "_Sí,_ when _Toño_ decides he likes you, he won't let you go." Well, that just made it hard to leave this unhealthy friendship. "When he first met Emma, he wouldn't leave her sight." Stalker much. "Not that Emma minded. She was just as much into her as he was, if not more." They must have been that annoying couple that was all couply and cute. "He sang her a song in front of her whole university class. They got married six months after they started dating. _Madre_ was happy to see her son marry to a nice catholic girl, but I think they rushed into it. Sure, _Toño_ dated girls before Emma. But he was married at 21. Does that not seem young?"

"_Sì_," I replied. Though that seems to be around the age my parents married.

"I'm just always worried _Toño's _impatience got the best of him. Now that he's living a new life, things might change," Carmen sighed looking at her _fratellino_. "You seem to be Antonio's best friend now. He talks about you all the time," REALLY! I mean really, so I am special to him. "Keep _Toño _on the right track. I'm living in Spain now, and I can't be there for him like I use to be. I want him to be safe and happy. Show him now that his life has changed, but he has not."

That was a pretty big promise. She didn't even know me. And she rushed into it! She should have talked to me a little more and then eased into asking me that! Now, I had to think. This was a very hard decision. I have a fucking crush on the guy!

"I mean don't let the fame get to him. Just because he's rich and famous, it doesn't mean he can do anything he wants too," she added. That seemed like a promise I could keep. "_Toño_ likes you, a lot. He won't let you go, so I know you could help him." _Grazie_, you gave me a hard choice to make. It wasn't like I was trying to steal Antonio away from Emma, so it was possible to keep this promise.

"I'll try," I replied. I said try, so I wasn't fully into this promise if something did go bad and we all know something was going to go bad.

I turned to see Antonio. He was with Françoise and Gilbert. He was laughing while Gilbert poured some wine on him. I wondered a little bit if he had changed. Would the Antonio of last June let his friend pour wine all over him? Would he let another friend kiss his cheek and then yell "_Bonne Anniversaire_!"

"_Gracias_," Carmen said. She then kissed my cheek. It wasn't romantic or anything, it was like how Françoise kissed Antonio's cheek, platonic. I bet if Antonio was a girl, she would be kissing my cheek all the time in that way. "And word of advice, stay away from my _madre_. You're obviously gay." What? She didn't even know me, how the fuck… Elizaveta! She must have said something. That bitch!

I didn't have time to do anything. Carmen had disappeared into thin air. So, I decided to see a familiar face… or well hear a familiar voice. I did not want to see Luise. I never want to see Luise.

"_Te amo_!" I heard the phone say… well Luise had Feli on speaker phone now.

"_Ich will dich zurück._" Eww, Luise and Feli were acting like a cute couple. Well, Luise actually said _Ich will dich zurück _more annoyed then loving.

Well, that meant I wasn't going to talk to Feli. I walked around. I ignored Feliks. I did not want to talk with him. I hated parties when I was dateless (well that was actually all parties at that point, so I just plain hated parties). At one point you'll be alone just walking around. Even Luise had a date when Feli was in a different country (not that Canada was that far. Mexico was still closer).

Eventually, I started to talk with Arthur… yes I was that bored. I was talking with Arthur Kirkland!

Arthur and I were leaning on the house. Arthur had a beer in hand. I had a glass of wine in hand.

"I heard Antonio's old students had sent him a video," Arthur told me.

"I heard about that too, Antonio told me that he was going to show me it tomorrow," I replied. I then sipped on my wine. It was a cute video that they sent him. Since he taught third grade, it was the fourth grade class of whatever the name of that school he use to teach at was. They sang him happy birthday and sent him a giant card. Like I said it was cute. Antonio's eyes were watery while watching it.

"If I wasn't a musician I would have been a reporter or a police officer," Arthur replied.

"A police officer?"

"It would have been bleeding fun."

"Fun?" Since when has Arthur Kirkland liked having fun? He like rules, maybe police officer wasn't that far fetch.

"Yes, shooting bad blokes, saving the day." And now Arthur sounded like Allie. I think he had one too many beers.

"Whatever."

"What would you have been if you couldn't be an actor?"

"None of your business," I replied bitterly. Truthfully, I had no idea.

"I forgot how bitter you could be."

"I'm not fucking bitter," I snapped.

"Not bloody lately, now that you have a friend, you've been more likable… or bearable."

I pushed the Brit down and walked away. Me bitter? He was drunk and talking like Allie. One Allie in the world was good enough. Why was I auditioning for a character on her show? I must be crazy!

I looked around the party. The party had been going on for more than four hours. I'd been there for four fucking hours. Fuck that was a long time and most of that time I was walking around! I sighed and looked at the peaceful ocean. Okay, it wasn't that peaceful with Matthias being stupid in it. Now Gilbert had joined him and I know if Feli was here, he would be too. There was someone else in there, I don't know who. But I looked beyond the annoying people. The moon was shining on the black (or dark blue) ocean. I took a deep breath. It was calming.

"¡_Hola_!"

Fuck, Carm... wait that was Antonio. I was sort of fine with this. Still pissed that he ruined my one moment of serenity!

"I've been looking for you ever since Carmen left you alone!" he explained. "She didn't tell you about that time I wanted to be a conquistador and ran around with a giant antique axe," by the way he still owns the axe and he has it sitting in the living room. "Or that time I kissed my babysitter. I was six and I thought I was in love. Or when I wore a matador outfit 24/7 and pretended _Señor Toro_ and I were in the ring." I looked at him oddly. He widen his eyes. "Oh, well, I guess she didn't."

"No."

Antonio laughed nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "Don't tell anyone."

"Whatever." Now I had blackmail on Antonio. It wasn't good blackmail, but blackmail nevertheless.

He sighed, still smiling. He looked cute. There was just something about him that was cute and hot. Oh shit, he should stop acting like this. It makes me want him for myself.

"What did you buy me?" he asked.

"You have to open it," I replied.

"Let's go!"

Antonio took my hand, again, and we ran to the present table, again. There were a couple of new presents but Antonio just moved them to find my present. He found it very quickly. It was like he memorised where it was. He smiled like he was doing something wrong. He ripped it a little bit. I was so nervous. Was he really going to like it? He had too. He finished ripping it and laughed. He laughed? What the fuck. He was fucking laughing at my present! I knew it was a stupid present!

"I love it!" he said. He then attacked me with a hug. "This is fantastic!" He let me go and looked at it again. He giggled. "How did you find this?"

"On eBay." I was in disbelief. He loved my present.

"I can't believe they made a tomato football!" Yeah, I found a soccer ball decorated like a tomato. "I mean…" he hugged me again. "This is the best!"

"I told you not to open your presents!"

"Look at what Lovi bought me!" Antonio let me go and looked at his wife and Elizaveta.

Blondie didn't look very happy. She was tapping her foot annoyed with her husband. Elizaveta was giggling. I wondered what she was thinking, never mind, I don't want to know what was going on in that perverted mind.

"Isn't this amazing! I love this present!" Antonio hugged me again. Now, I really don't want to know what Elizaveta was thinking. "I have to put this in a safe place." His facial expressions were so obvious. If I was the laughing type, I would be laughing. "This is fantastic! The best present ever!" Antonio walked away throwing the ball up in the air and catching it.

"Did he even hear what I said?" Blondie said.

"He's just excited that Lovi," Elizaveta did not just call me Lovi, "bought the thing he always wanted."

"Don't call me Lovi," I replied angrily.

"No, he could have had it signed by the whole Real Madrid team, then it would have been perfect," Blondie said.

"What if it smelled like tomatoes," Elizaveta giggled.

"Yes!"

They were ignoring me! What bitches! Speaking of bitches.

"Gilbert just passed out and Allie is acting like she just punched him out," Luise explained.

"And this is my problem why?" I replied.

"We need to leave."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm gone to say bye to Antonio. He's putting my present away in a safe place."

"Hi Lovi! I love you Lovi!" I heard my stupid brother say on the phone. I just ignored him.

I walked into the house. Antonio was there talking with Carmen. He was showing her the soccer ball. He was jumping in excitement. She laughed.

"I got to go," I told them. Well, I was bored with this party so it wasn't that bad… but that did mean didn't get to see Antonio, though, I was seeing him tomorrow.

"Aww," Antonio whined. "But I didn't thank you properly for the present!"

"You hugged me one too many times," I explained.

"¡_Gracias Lovi_!" he said hugging me again. These hugs were never going to end. "I love it!"

"You mentioned that already," I said.

"I know, but I mean it," he said giggling in excitement.

"It's very thoughtful," Carmen explained. "_Adiós_."

"_Addio_," I replied.

"_Adiós mi amigo!_" Antonio said attacking me with a hug again.


	9. You Belong With Me

_Well, this chapter is super late. I feel bad but there's nothing I can do now than to let you read this chapter…and tell you now that it's Thanksgiving Weekend in Canada, I will have the next chapter out Tuesday. And, I originally had planned an Antonio free chapter for the next chapter, but instead, I won't torture you with a chapter without Antonio. So, the next chapter is __**very**__ important for the story line and I gave huge hints to what's going to happen in it. _

_Now let's pretend that this isn't late and some of you have given up on this story. _

_OMG, the older this story gets the more swear words are included! (I think it was spending sooooo much time with my sister, who swears more than a sailor.)_

_I feel happy that this is the first time I mention Antonio's full name. _

_AND, anyone notice the Winnie the Pooh reference? _

_Warning – I've never been to L.A. but I hope my research on Echo Park was good. _

_Jack= Hutt River_

_Translations _

_¡Victoria! = victory (Spanish) _

_¡Gané! = I won (Spanish) _

_Le coquelicot = The Poppy (French) _

**Chapter 9**

_If you could see, that I'm the one  
Who understands you  
Been here all along  
So why can't you see, you belong with me_

**_You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift) 2009_**

"Lovi!" Sandro yelled running into my room.

He opened the door to let the fucking sun in! Shit! The sun burns! So, I lifted my blankets over my head and groaned. Sandro moaned and then stole my blankets from me! That_ stronzo_! I groaned again and then stole them back. This time I made sure I would keep them in their place.

"Lovino, I need to talk to you!" Sandro said pulling on MY covers.

Sandro stopped pulling after half a minute or so. Maybe he gave up. Fat chance. Next thing I knew, Sandro was jumping on my bed.

"What the fuck do you want!" I yelled.

Sandro fell beside me. His light brown hair was in my face. "You missed the Grammys."

"I watched it with Luise and Feli… he was skyping." Such a weird night.

"I didn't win anything!" he exclaimed.

We all knew he didn't. Antonio was the star of the night. He was so handsome in his tux walking up to receive whatever Grammy he was getting. And then he embarrassed himself by talking. Why am-I telling you this, you must have seen the Grammys. Embarrassing or what? I thought you would agree with me. His last speech, he didn't even know what to say.

"I know. I have ice cream in the freezer. You can watch chick flicks while you cry about it. Now, let me sleep! It's my day off!"

With my blankets over my head I closed my eyes.

"I'm never going to win a Grammy!"

"You're seventeen, you idiot!" I replied annoyed. Sandro sighed. "If it makes you feel better, it took the Beatles a few albums before getting their first Grammy." I blame Arthur for the fact that I know that. By the way, wasn't Arthur's speech the best of the night? Good thing, he let neither Gilbert nor Matthias talk. It would have been more embarrassing then Antonio's last speech.

"It makes me feel a little better," Sandro explained getting under the blankets with me.

"Sandro, it's nine in the morning, you know not to bother me until noon on one of my days offfff…" and the phone rang.

Fuck. I picked up my phone. On the other side was a very cheerful voice. Fuck was he annoying sometimes… scratch that, he was always annoying in one way or another. If it wasn't because he was the man I could never have (that called me his best friend. Fuck that hurt), he was just annoying because he was always so cheerfully happy. I already had one annoyingly cheerful family, I didn't need an annoyingly yet hot, cheerful best friend. Why are cheerful people attracted to me? It doesn't make any fucking sense! I always try to push those types of people away. God was punishing me. Yep, that was why. I was being punished.

"¡_Victoria_!" Someone was happy he won five Grammys.

"Whatever," I replied.

"¡_Gané! ¡Gané!_ ¡_Gané!"_ Antonio yelled into the phone, again. My ears were starting to hurt.

"Whatever. Give Sandro one of your Grammys so he can leave me alone," I told Antonio. I heard silence and confusion on the other end of the phone. Yes I can hear confusion! I had a lot of practice living with Feli. "Never mind. What the fuck do you want?"

"I want to spend time with you today! Just us, doing whatever you want!" My eyes widen and my heart dropped. It sounded like a date but it wasn't. "You have too! It's my last Friday before I start my first national tour!" What. Antonio was leaving. Antonio was leaving! Fuck, how did I forget that!

"Fine," I said trying to keep up with my bad attitude. "Meet me here in two hours."

"Two hours is way too far away!" he complained. My heart beat a little faster at that remark. Two hours was too far away for him!

"Two hours," I explained.

"Fine," he said. I knew he was giving me puppy eyes. "I'll see you soon."

"_Ciao_."

Sandro looked at me with an evil smirk on his face. "You're whipped."

"Fuck off and go bother _Nonno_," I explained while I slowly got out of the bed.

"But he's you know," he explained. No, I didn't know and I didn't want to know. "I want to spend time with you!" Why does everyone want to spend time with me? Next thing I know my co-stars were going to call me to hang out. Thank God, they never actually did call me.

"I'm getting changed and we can talk tomorrow or whatever," I told my little brother. I went to look at the closet. Great. What was I going to wear? Where were we going? He should have given me more info! If I dressed incorrectly for the occasion I was going to kill him!

So, since Sandro wanted to spend time with me, I got him to help me with my outfit. I proudly tortured the boy. In the end, we (as in me) decided to go casual. This was Antonio. He wasn't going to be in anything too formal. So, I went with a black t-shirt under a beige blaze and dark jeans.

It took me an hour and a half to get ready! Yes! I was setting records! It was still too long for Sandro, who was lying "dead" on my couch. He had this one curl sticking out. I had a curl like that, but with how much product I put in my hair, it didn't stick out anymore.

I ate a little bit while we waited for Antonio. I needed to eat before Antonio came in. What if he thought I was a pig! No, Lovino, stop thinking about that. Antonio likes you, not exactly the way you want him to like you but he does.

Soon, I buzzed Antonio into the apartment and a few minutes later he was coming out of the elevator. He was dressed casually, light jeans, sneakers and a white t-shirt. He also had a bag on his shoulder. He didn't even spend any time on his hair. It was a total mess. I don't even think he brushed it.

"Lovi!" he yelled giving me a great big bear hug. Fuck he was crushing me! I couldn't breathe. I coughed and wiggled. "_Lo sento_." Antonio put me down. "_Hola_, Sandro."

"Bye, I'll be at Jack's," Sandro said grabbing his stuff and going to the elevator.

"Bye."

"¡_Adiòs_!"

When the elevator doors closed, Antonio turned to me. "I was thinking we could go for a walk or something. Maybe at a park and eat something from a cart? How does that sound?" Like a date. Fuck, I was going on an unofficial date. I was not dress probably for that. "I also will be giving you your birthday present. Do you want it now or later?"

I tried to be cool. The next words that came out of my mouth had to be cool. "Now!" Shit, that came out more like a high pitch scream. Fucking shit.

Antonio smiled a little smile. "It's not as great as your present but…" He just gave me the bag.

"I get a bag?" I asked. It was a little heavy so there was something in it. Hey! This was an A.S. Roma bag! That was cool… not that I was going to tell Antonio or anything. I looked in the bag… There was a fucking Swear Jar!

"I promised you a Swear Jar for your birthday. I don't break my promises," Antonio laughed.

"You got me a fucking Swear JAR! Holy shit, I don't fucking swear enough for one of these fucking things." Antonio laughed. "Fuck you."

"The actual present was the bag and if you look more you'll see a Gucci wallet," Antonio explained.

No fucking way. I almost threw the jar, but since it was made of glass, I placed it on my counter. There was a dark brown wallet. Leather.

"I guess this is okay. I rather there was no Swear Jar involved."

Antonio took that as I loved the present. I didn't love the present. I mean I liked it… fuck it, I loved it. It was thoughtful, something Antonio usually wasn't.

"Alright, let's go," I said dropping the bag on the counter. Antonio looked at me blankly. "What?"

"Aren't you going to use the wallet?"

I rolled my eyes. "You want me to take everything out of my wallet right now?"

"Well if you put it that way, it makes sense."

Antonio looked sad and hurt. Fucking shit. I sighed angrily while taking my wallet out of my back pocket. Antonio made the largest smile I've seen him smile at that point (we all know that's was some feat). He then hugged me. I sighed annoyed. Why, oh, why do I attract annoying people. Maybe it was some Freudian… no my _babbo_ wasn't like that but my _nonno_ was. Ok that was gross.

"Antonio, I can't replace my wallet if you're hugging me like that."

"Oh, _sí_," he said letting go of me.

Antonio let go of me. He watched me carefully as I put everything that I had in my old wallet in the new one. It was a little creepy. He was bent down and watched me so intensely with this seriously look on his face. Yes, Antonio has a serious face. I was just has surprise has you when I first found this out too.

"Bastard, that's creepy," I told him putting the last of my cards in my wallet… I'm not telling which card since its super embarrassing.

Antonio blinked for the first time in a minute or so. His beautiful green g… I mean he looked up at me. Nothing about how his eyes are beautiful gems… nope. Because they aren't… okay maybe they are… but I've have to stay friends with him. Friends. Friends! (Keep telling yourself that)… shut up.

Antonio didn't say anything else. We just went in the elevator and went down. The idiot wanted to take his car… I don't even know what brand it was… all I know it was crappy. Sure, I didn't want to be spotted by paparazzi but I also didn't want to be seen in that crappy car. So, we took my Ferrari, my beautiful red Ferrari. And he let me drive… something I think he came to regret, but if I let him drive it would have taken us hours to get to Echo Park.

Echo Park, or at least the park part of it, was beautiful. Not as beautiful as Rome during the spring, but it was still very beautiful. Beautiful green grass. The lake was blue and not greener than the grass like some parks. Like ew. A few people were canoeing in that clam looking lake. The flowers were blooming. The trees were nice and full of leaves… well a lot of them were palm trees. I always loved the water display. Water was just spraying in the air, like it wasn't defying gravity or anything.

People were playing around. Teenagers were throwing footballs and Frisbees. And speaking of Frisbees, some dogs were chasing them to. Little annoying kids ran around playing Macro Polo, Hind and Seek, Ring Around the Rosy and other stupid little kid games. Some kids and teens were kicking a soccer ball. A family was having a picnic under a palm tree. I saw quite of few people biking. Other people were walking either alone, with someone or a dog. I remember one day I saw Hera Karpusi walk her cats in the park and another day I saw her and Kiku Honda doing the same activity. An odd sight, an odd sight indeed.

So, I was glad that I had my sunglasses on. For some reason people just don't recognise you with sunglasses on… though they have to be black and cover have your face. Usually you need a sweater also. Though there will always be someone who recognises you. So why try? I don't know.

I think the _why try to hide _was Antonio's philosophy or he liked the attention … mainly it's the_ I'm too lazy to try to hide from the paparazzi _philosophy. I at least try!

I don't want to bore you with every little detail of this whatever you want to call it. Call it a date or an outing with a friend or whatever. I bet you members of Elizaveta's cult (yes you are members of a cult now) want to hear ever sexual frustration I felt and I how I dreamt to relieve said sexual frustration. I'll be honest, once I'm hanging out with Antonio, he doesn't give me time to think or feel. I don't feel the sexual frustration (while I was with him). I just feel weird in a weird way. I was guessing it was in a good way. So, there was no moment where we looked into each other's eyes and looked at him and my eyes scream take me! Too bad for you girls… and the minority of boys.

Instead, it was just what it was. We walked around while Antonio talked about his tour. Well, there was this band that no one cares about opening. I don't remember their name. In one ear and out the other. On this tour there were two main acts. One was Antonio and the other one was FBT. Yes, what a concert. Antonio Fernandez and FBT! To the fans it was a match made in heaven… to the bus driver, it was going to be hell on Earth. Antonio, Gilbert and Mathias? I'm surprise there wasn't a headline_ Rockstars Crash Tour Bus? _Or _Arthur Kirkland was Killed by an Axe _(Antonio's or Mathias'? I'm thinking Antonio, he gets violent when he's drunk). Or _Rockstars Die of Alcohol Poisoning! _All seems very plausible with them. No, the most newsworthy thing that happened during that tour was… I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Well back to Antonio and my date. So, he talked about how excited he was for the tour. He was close to Gilbert after all. Closer than anyone should be. Gilbert is insane and even Luise doesn't want to be near him that much… and Luise is his sister! I also find Maddy insane for wanting to date that crazy Albino in the first place. Gilbert is fucking insane!

Getting off track again? Ok, back to Antonio and me, because that's what you really want to hear about. So, well, Antonio mainly talked. We walked here and there. Antonio played a little bit with some kids. Why? Other than the fact Antonio is insane and he loved kids… we all know that's true. Well, some kids kicked the soccer ball in front of us and Antonio kicked it back to them. One thing led to another and Antonio was kicking the ball with the kids. It got me thinking, why didn't Antonio want kids with Emma right now? Okay, maybe the fact that he was touring the nation (and select cities in Canada and Mexico) for the next three months was a problem. But those would be the months his wife was pregnant and what man wants to stay for those few hormonal months. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Antonio was pretty good with kids (I think the fact that he was still a kid inside helped). I was sure he loved kids… he talks about kids a lot… especially how cute they are… if he starts talking about how he has fantasies about them I'll referred him to a psychiatrist or two. But for now, it seemed like he wanted a kid of his own. So, why didn't he want any? I got curious enough, that I asked him.

"Just a feeling." That was his response.

"No marital problems?" I might have said a little more hopeful than I would have liked.

He looked at me in shocked. He then shook his head. "We haven't been fighting or anything. Maybe we haven't talked as much as we use too. Come to think of it we haven't had sex in two weeks! How I did I not notice that!" Yes, how do you not notice you haven't had sex in two weeks? Wait, they didn't have congratulation sex when he won five Grammys last night? Bitch, you at least need to give it to him when he wins five Grammys… come to think about it, he never thanked her during his lame speeches. "I haven't seen her that much either… if I'm not working I'm talking to you." Is he blaming his sex life… or lack of sex life... on me? He's the one calling me all the time! It's not my fault he isn't having sex!

Antonio went on a little bit. It was his fault he wasn't having sex. From the sound of it, he was ignoring his wife and his excuse was that he was talking to me. I don't know if I should be happy, mad, sad or insulted by that. I'll pick insulted. I was insulted that he was using me as an excuse to why he wasn't spending time with his wife. At least, the next day, a.k.a. his last day before he leaves for his tour, he was going to spend with Blondie.

So, whatever, that's what happened that was interesting. There was also this time where Antonio gave a street performer a hundred dollars… yes A HUNDRED DOLLARDS! Trust me, that dude was almost as happy as Antonio was most of the time. That's some feat. I asked him why the fuck would he give some random performer… that wasn't that great of a musician, money! He just smiled and said it was the nice thing to do. He always gave money to performers and if he was coming home from the groceries, he might give a homeless man some food. My jaw dropped. People actually did that? I thought only people on TV or in the movies did that… and on occasion when Feli was acting stupid. But Antonio did that? I was crushing on a SAINT! A fucking saint! Antonio Fernandez Carriedo of Madrid, the saint of musicians. Sounds legit.

We continued to walk until we got to a bridge, a light wooden bridge that went over the river. It was around six and a lot of people were gone for dinner. So, it was just us on bridge throwing sticks into the lake and seeing which one got to the other side first… it was Antonio's idea, not mine! I would never play something so childish unless either Antonio or Feli gave me their best puppy eyes… and maybe Sandro, but Sandro was too mature for that. Yes, the seventeen year old was more mature then the twenty and the twenty-five year old.

"My stick won! Suck it!" I told Antonio.

He chuckled a little bit. "That was my last stick." I looked down at my hand… it was mine too. "I'm getting hungry, aren't you?"

My stomach was a little bit hungry. Okay, it was very hungry. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

"Sure, I know this little place not far," Antonio told me.

"How do you know a place not far? You live in fucking Malibu!"

He laughed. "I come here every so often to write."

"Write any good songs?" I asked.

"Not yet, but I'm only five songs into my next album," he explained while we started to walk down the path. "And I don't have that feeling that any of these will be hits. But I am only five songs in." He laughed again. The fucker was always laughing! Damn fucker.

We walked while he sang the songs he wrote. They were good… not great or epic but good. It took a few minutes or so to get to this little restaurant, _Le coquelicot. _Yes, Isle Flanders' first restaurant… the same that was married to my _nonno_. It was weird going into it. I knew she wouldn't be there but it was still weird, the owner was married to my _nonno _at one point. And this might have been the restaurant that had launched Françoise career. This place was famous! How did Antonio think that this was a little place not far! This was _Le coquelicot_!

Anyway, the theme of the restaurant was Flanders' field. Lots of poppies and red. There was a mural of Flanders' field on all the walls. On the square tables there were poppies centerpieces on the white napkins. It was beautiful. You would expect you would need a reservation for this place but Antonio and I got a seat quickly… It might have been because the hostess recognised me and said she loved _The Smugglers_. I even gave her my autograph. It pays to be famous.

We sat in this privet little corner. The restaurant was very dim, but I like restaurants like that.

I picked up a menu and started to look at it. _Lapin_… Maybe rabbit would be good for today. I looked up from my menu and saw Antonio just staring at me. No, I did not like it! It was fucking creepy! Creepy I tell you!

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm an artist!" he half yelled with that stupid large grin on his face.

I went back to my menu… maybe something other than rabbit. Everything looked very good. Why did I never go there before! Oh yeah, the owner was married to my _nonno_. Good reason.

Antonio was still looking at me… maybe at first it was a little cute… I mean… whatever… but it was now creepy, just plain creepy. He was looking at me … I don't know how to describe the look he was giving me. It wasn't a blank stare like you would expect from Antonio. It wasn't I'm mad with you stare. It wasn't a confused stare. The stare was like how Feli would look at Luise sometimes… that made it even creepier! Fuck!

"You haven't look at the menu," I told Antonio, maybe things would get less creepy.

"I don't need too, I know what I'm going to order," he replied.

That was all that was said between us until the very lovely and beautiful waitress came to take our orders. She also apologised for being a little late. I gave her an award winning smile and told her that everything was fine. She then took our orders. Antonio ordered first and then I ordered my rabbit.

Okay, this is when something weird happened. You know the saying an artist can get inspiration anywhere. Well, Antonio got one of those moments. He was giving the waitress our orders when he gave me a little look. It might have been because I was giving him my menu to give to the waitress and he was saying thanks with his eyes or something stupid like that. Who cares why he looked at me, but somehow a domino effect happened in his brain. One second he was thanking me with his eyes and the next his eyes were widen and his mouth formed a small O. It was that light bulb moment. He let go the menus and started searching his pockets. He whispered something in Spanish under his breath.

"Lovi, do you have a pen?" he asked a little panicky.

"Why the fuck would I have a…"

"Here you go," the waitress said giving Antonio the pen.

Antonio took the napkin and started writing on it. Okay the first weird thing about that was that he didn't say _Gracias_ to the waitress, and the second was that the napkin was a material napkin. It was not made out of paper. So, he was writing on the property of the restaurant. To be honest, I think the napkin would be worth millions now, so I don't think they mind that he stole it to write his future Grammy Award winning song on it. You know which song I'm talking about. Yes, that's how he got the inspiration for that one. He looked at me and then wrote it… now you know it's about me. Hey, there's a reason the recorded version he never said she. Yep, he was singing about a he… ME! I'll tell you later when I first here the song. I didn't know it was about me either. No one but Antonio knew it was about me. Trust me, if people knew that would have caused a lot of problems for Antonio. You could just guess why.

So, let's go back to this weird ass situation. The waitress looked a little startled, though some how she got over it and went to the kitchen. I still wasn't over it. I just stared at my friend. I never give anyone a blank stare! And I'm Feliciano Vargas' brother! How could I not give him blank stares here and there? But Antonio was proven, yet again, to be special. I gave the idiot a blank stare.

So, that's how dinner went on as. Antonio, usually with his tongue sticking out a little bit, was writing on a napkin. It was interesting. He looked so into what he was writing, nothing could distract him from that song. I could have told him my true feelings for him and he wouldn't have noticed. I could have killed everyone in the restaurant and he wouldn't have notice… unless it was one of those moments he looked up and looked at me. But those were quick and he would look back down quickly and started doing something on the napkin. Maybe I should have figured out the song was about me when he mentioned hazel green eyes or that him and the subject of the song should stay friends.

I finished my rabbit and flirted with the waitress a little bit. I wanted to see if Antonio would lift his head. No, he did not.

If you haven't guessed, Antonio didn't eat a bit of his food. What a waste.

Anyway, it was nine when we left the restaurant. Antonio was humming words. It was a slower melody and a more painful one. It made me curious about the song and I asked him over and over again about the song. I got nothing! Not even a shh! How insulting! Well, that was how I felt at the time, now I feel… no I still feel insulted. I know it was the first song he wrote about me! But still! Acknowledge me bastard!

I drove back to his home in Malibu. I didn't trust him driving in that condition. It was safer for the world that I drive.

I had to walk him to the door. He was still humming that sad painful melody. I had to rummage in his pocket for his house keys. Luckily, Blondie had heard us or at least her husband's humming. The moment the door opened Antonio ran in. Blondie had to throw the door open and jump out of the way. Yeah, I still had my hand in his pocket… fuck that sounds dirty… so everything that was in his pocket flew out. That would be change, a bill… he had to pay me back for paying for his meal at the restaurant… and his wallet. His keys must have been in his other pocket. Or in his car, which was parked in my apartment building… or my penthouse.

"Oh my!" she gasped. Her hand was above her mouth.

I groaned and bent down to pick up everything that fell. That was when I started to hear the classical guitar. Like I said before it was beautiful but a pretty dark melody.

"He did this when he wrote _Ideal_," Blondie explained, a.k.a. Antonio's first hit and the Grammy winner of the night before.

"He's been in this mood for three hours," I complained. She had now joined me in picking up the change on the ground.

She sighed. "He's going to be like this all night and maybe all of tomorrow. There go my plans for tomorrow." She was sad.

Fuck, very sad. I felt like I had to say something. She was a woman and I have my code. I gave her Antonio's change and his wallet, and said, "He's an artist."

She sighed sadly again. "I know, and that's his job now but I never thought he would always be busy. He was less busy has a teacher then he is now." I think she missed the no sex more than Antonio or maybe it was just his company… or both.

I didn't know what to tell her. I felt like I needed to tell her that everything was going to be okay and she was going to get her happily-ever-after with Antonio but, I didn't want it. I wanted that happily-ever-after with Antonio. But I swallowed my secret pride and told her. "Couples make it."

She nervously laughed. "Sorry for bothering you with my problems, I'm sure you don't want to hear about them."

Her green eyes were sad. Fuck, it was true. I didn't want to hear about them… at the same time I did... but I decided to do what I do best.

"Force him to spend time with you tomorrow… at least do something. Make him feel guilty. He is leaving for three months," I told her. A good actor had to use improve from time to time.

"I don't want to force him into doing anything," she said quietly and put the change into a jar beside the door.

"He's leaving you alone for three months, you have a right," I told her.

"I know, but I want him to be with me because he wants too, not because he's guilty." She looked down. "Oh, come on in, you must be cold. I'll make you tea!" She said like she forgot to let in the Queen of Belgium in.

"No need. I don't drink tea and coffee will keep me up. I have to be at the studio for four am tomorrow," I explained.

"Then it's way past your bedtime," she said with a little gasp.

"I'm fine."

"No, you must go to bed. You have to look your best for the camera. I'm not taking no for an answer!" She was now pushing me out of her house. What the fuck? Antonio married a crazy ass bitch! Not as much as Elizaveta but still a crazy ass bitch.

"Fine… _Ciao Bella_," I told her and kissed her hand.

She giggled. Now that I know that Antonio was writing a song about me, kissing his wife's hand does seem wrong.

"Have fun tomorrow and don't be shy to come over during Antonio's tour. You're always welcome here." As you can guess, that statement will not always stand.

Blondie waved goodbye and off I went to drive my car back home.

When I got home, Sandro was sleeping on my couch. The boy didn't want to go home to large a empty house. _Mamma_ and _Babbo_ were in France now and that big house gets pretty lonely. But he never admitted it. I never expected him to. I just woke him up for a bit and helped him to the guest bedroom.


	10. Before He Cheats

_Disclaimer- Kris Desrocher is an OC, so he's mine… everyone else belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. _

_I know I said I would have this out on Tuesday, but I got sick. It sucked. Sorry readers! But here's my longest chapter yet! I know a few people have mentioned they like how my chapters are so long, but honestly, this chapter could have been cut into two and still be longer than most of the chapters in this story. I just didn't know where to cut the chapter… so here's a 10000 word chapter. _

_I should not listen to gothic rock while writing. It makes my writing so depressive. Wow. But this chapter was always going to be sad, so maybe it's better that it's so depressive. _

_Translations _

_Cara mia = My dear (Female) (Italian) _

_¿estás herido? = Are you hurt? (Spanish)_

**Chapter 10**

_Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"  
and he's a thinking that he's gonna lucky,  
Right now, he's probably dabbing 3 dollars worth of that bathroom cologne _

**_Before He Cheats (Carrie Underwood) 2005_**

Marche was fucking hell. Work, work, work! I didn't even have my birthday off! Fuck, maybe auditioning for _The Eagle_ wasn't the best idea in hindsight. But I did get the part. Most days I was working on _The Smuggler_, but three times a week I was working on _The Eagle_! And I had to work with Allie Jones! Fuck, Luise didn't really think that through. Yes, it's her fault that I was over worked. She should have convinced me not to do it. But she scheduled an audition. So, it's all her fault. All Luise's fault. What a bitch!

Working on _The Eagle_ was different from what I was used to. First, it was a show on a major television network, not a cable show. So, everything had to be toned down. Not as much blood or inappropriate touching as I was used to. Then, the director was different. I don't remember his name, but he was Cuban… I think. He wasn't there all the time because each episode had its own director, but I had the feeling that he was the main one. On my show, we would never fight with Gupta… well Gupta barely talked in the first place. But Allie and this Cuban guy always fought! Then the asshole would take out his frustrations on Maddy… then when he figured out it was Maddy and not Allie he would apologise and give her ice cream. With all the chaos, I was surprised anything got done. Very surprise.

So, that was my hell in Marche. Oh, yeah, my birthday was forgettable, I was working on _The Smuggler_ and the cast made a huge cake and then sang _Happy Birthday_. Elizaveta gave me a drawing… I'm not telling you any details about that… just use your imagination. I threw it out. Feliks got me a few shirts. That, I kept. Feliks might be annoying as hell, but fuck can he shop! I forget my other gifts from my co-stars. My parents got me something from Italy. It was a sweet… whatever it was. I think it was a centre piece. I think… it might have been an urn or a ruin. I have no fucking idea. Feli never came back home and neither Luise nor I could visit him. That was weird. Feli and I share a birthday… he's the one who stole my birthday. I was born first after all… So, I'm used to sharing my birthday with my _fratello_… not this year. Yeah, pretty pathetic birthday… pretty pathetic month.

So, it was April, finally! I was finished all my filming for _The Eagle_. And for two weeks _The Smuggler_ wasn't filming either. So, you would think I had those days off… nope. Luise had schedule a tour to promote my role on _The Eagle_. BITCH! I had two weeks off and she goes off and makes me work… the worst part! Allie and Maddy were coming too… the best part was that we got to go to Seattle and Vancouver. Why would that be the best part you might ask? Remember, Feli was in Vancouver filming a film … he was almost finished actually… but that wasn't what made it the best part… Antonio just so happened to be in town those days. While I was in Seattle, he had a concert in Vancouver. He also had the day off the next day… his only day off on that tour. So, things worked out perfectly… or Luise planned it so she could see her _fratello_ or Luise planned it so Maddy and I would be distracted with Gilbert and Antonio… then Allie would just follow to "protect" her sister... then Luise would have a day alone with Feli. I'm not sure which one was more plausible.

So, April 4th, I left L.A. with Luise, Allie and Maddy to promote the next few episodes of _The Eagle_. First, we did some talk shows in L.A. Of course. Then we went to New York. I love New York, but we only had time for the _Morning Show_ and some other day-time talk shows. Then we went to Miami, I think Texas, then, Chicago. Then it was Seattle.

So, it was the second week of April in Seattle… as you can guess, it was fucking raining! Of course, it's fucking Seattle. The home of grunge, American coffee houses and rain! How can a place be the home of rain? When, it rains more than three-quarters of the year. That's how.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah, it was raining. How depressive and boring. The _Space Needle_ was still standing tall. The sky was cloudy. Blah, blah, blah. Seattle was Seattle.

We got there rather early. We could have spent the night in Chicago, like Allie wanted too, but Luise was in a hurry. I was convinced that she set this up so she had more time with Feli. Maddy, Gilbert's girlfriend, wasn't that excited to see him. So, this trip was made for Feli. No, that's not cute! Luise and Feli are not, were not and will never be a cute and loving couple! She's a bitch! Then, Feli's Feli, a stupid, naïve weirdo! (With an obsession with pasta and art).

We crossed the border to Canada. It didn't look any different. It was still raining… you just got to see more mountains in Vancouver then Seattle. Not that Washington didn't have mountains. Anyway, we were in Canada, the home of hockey and beavers… and moose, huge moose.

If I was driving this limo, we would have made it to Feli's movie set in less than an hour. But no, we had a driver! And Luise always kept the keys with her. I don't want to grab the keys from that bitch! She'll beat me up! She's German!

Well, we got to the movie set after what felt like hours! Especially with the twins playing eye-spy. I wanted to kill Allie if she "spied" Maddy's beret again! Lucky for the crazy bitch, we made it before I killed her.

Now, the movie set. It looked like a movie set. People walked everywhere carrying stuff. Other people just walked around. It looked like they were doing nothing but if you've been in this business as long as I have you would know only maybe one of those people was actually doing nothing. Everyone looked worried and stressed. Feli did tell me that they only had five weeks left to film. Companies never gave the filmmakers enough time. Even for shows.

After traveling through the maze of people, we made it to Feli's trailer. It felt like a miracle that Luise found the place… then I saw the big sign that said FELICIANO VARGAS. I knew Luise wasn't that impressive. Anyone could find that… expect maybe Roderich, remember, Elizaveta's pianist husband. The way Elizaveta talks, he could get lost in his own house! Ok, sometimes I listen to my co-stars stories, I had too! Sometimes there's nothing else to do! I have to listen to Elizaveta's stupid stories about her stupid husband! You have to be stupid to get lost in your own house!

Luise was the first to knock on the door. If I wasn't convinced that Luise planned this to see Feli before, I was convinced now. The bitch was fucking smiling (sure it was a small smile, but a smile nevertheless)! The bitch smiles less than um… okay not me but she doesn't smile very often. And the way she knocked. It sounded happy and excited. Fuck, that's weird. This was not the Luise I knew and hated! I still can't believe she could look happy and excited to see my _fratellino_! To torture him, ok, that sounds like Luise but to just see him? The world was fucked up! It didn't make any sense! That was until I heard Feli yell that he was coming and then I heard BOOM! BANG! BANG! Furniture was probably falling.

Feli opened the door with a stupid grin on his face. Fuck, it's been so long since I had seen Feli. His hair was the same colour and the same length at I remembered it. His smile seemed less bright and sunny… well I was now comparing Feli's and Antonio's smiles, no one, not even Feli, had a brighter smile then Antonio. It was impossible! Feli was still oddly pale as a ghost. He's Italian! Why the fuck was he so pale! I'm tanned! We're fratelli!

Feli opened his eyes… yeah, the idiot likes to keep his eyes close or semi-close. Why? Because he's a fucking idiot! The boy has beautiful amber eyes! Why the fuck would you want to hide those! And impair your eyesight! It made no fucking sense to me! No fucking sense.

When Feli opened his eyes, he saw Luise first… well she was the one knocking, so she had to be in front. His face brightened and his stupid goofy grin widen… I'm always surprise when people like Feli or Antonio can smile a larger smile then they do usually. It's mind baffling! You would think their face would hurt! … well, Feli jumped into Luise's arms. Again, proof that my _fratellino_ was her bitch! She could carry him… and he was too weak to carry a baby! She's the one with the muscles, while he had none! He had longer hair than her! And worst! The fact that he willingly jumps into her arms and not the other way around, like a normal couple, proves it. My _fratellino_ was a lesbian. I bet she even tops! EW! I have to get that image out of my head! EW! EW! EWWWW!

Okay, next thing that happened was disgusting, Feli kissed Luise. Yes, they kissed. Gross. They were making out in front of everyone! They don't have any shame. If you are going to make out in public, please, oh fucking please, make it look good! Don't open your mouth too much! Don't slobber all over each other! Don't make those weird loud awkward moaning sounds! Make it classy, please! We're forced to look at your PDA, make it hot, not whatever Luise and Feli were doing. That was just wrong on so many levels. So many levels. It was worst then seeing your parents kiss or your _nonno_ make out with… never mind, maybe Luise and Feliciano was better than seeing _Nonno_ make out with a woman. That was so wrong on so many more different levels… it was close though.

When Luise and Feli stopped disgusting us, Luise let Feli down. Feli smiled and jumped up and down. He hugged the bitch again. His face was right between her breasts. Just one was like the size of his head! Holy shit! Those must be dangerous!

"_Ti amo! Cara mia _I've missed you!"Feli said that all teary eyes and stuff. Luise sighed but held him. Yep, Feli was a Feliciana.

I had to stop whatever you call that. "_Ciao_," I said. "It's not like I'm here or not."

"LOVI!"

What was I thinking? What was I fucking thinking! I'm a fucking idiot! A fucking idiot! Why am-I an idiot? Well, I forgot that Feli is a hugger. So, he heard my voice and turned to see me. He closed his eyes and jumped on me! Luckily, we didn't fall… and unluckily, Allie got to be a hero and stopped us from falling down the three steal steps.

"I've missed you, Lovi!"

He kissed my cheeks and my forehead. Fuck, it wasn't like I was his girlfriend… ew that's more disgusting then watching_ Nonno_ making out with a slut.

"GET OFF ME!" I yelled and pretended to push him from me. Why was I pretending? Well, I didn't really want to hurt him.

"Gilbert said you were coming but I didn't think it was so early!" Feli said jumping off.

Luise didn't tell him? This was a surprise visit? Fuck, the only reason I didn't tell him we were coming was because I thought she did. … I told Antonio we were coming. He had to know. He was even going to give us a backstage tour and everything.

"You've seen Gilbert," Maddy asked.

Feli looked at Maddy like he just seen a ghost. Yeah, the boy didn't see Maddy. Well, she was quiet and invisible.

"Yeah! He was here in the morning! He's at the arena now! It was so nice of him to come and visit me! He was talking about a few songs they were writing with Antonio! The one was so cute! Though, I don't think the song fits Arthur's voice. The song is so soft. At least I think," Feli babbled. "He looked good. Oh… I'm going to go home at the end of May!"

"Why the end of May?" Luise asked.

"The studio gave us a few more weeks of filming. We need it. After Peter got sick for those two weeks, he couldn't film any of his scenes. Then Natalia is sick! She now refuses to do anything while her brother and sister are here. Hey, Ivan Braginsky will be at the concert too. So everyone is like super nervous!" Well, yeah, he's the one who owns the record company who records them. At that point, I was like fuck. Feliks might be there since Braginsky hates leaving his assistant alone. Toris is always with him. Good for us and me, Toris was back in L.A. and with Feliks. Thank fucking God! Though, maybe Toris and Feliks would have been better than Ivan, Iryna and Natalia. Ivan and Natalia are scary as fucking hell.

Anyway, Feli invited us in the trailer. How the fucking hell did he not have this huge screen TV in it or have this huge stupid thing in it, like maybe a stupid stuffed dog or something. In mine, I have a huge tomato shaped beanie bag chair and pictures of tomatoes… I don't have a fucking obsession! Well, all Feli had was a stove so he cook pasta… how am-I not surprised. Feliciano had an obsession with pasta… not like I had with tomatoes.

Feli served us pasta… because he's so normal. Anyways, Allie was talking and talking about how she should have a BBQ in her trailer so she could cook hot dogs all the time… Why is it that everyone I know is insane? Seriously! Insane! Fucked up!

What was fucked up, other than the fact that Feli cooked us pasta in his trailer, was that Feli and Luise were cuddling with each other. They were acting like a couple! THEY were acting like a couple! A cute couple in love! Fuck that was scary! I couldn't stop staring at it! It was disgusting.

"I missed you so much! Why couldn't I just film a movie in L.A.! It would have been so much closer and I wouldn't have missed so much!" He didn't miss that much, I just spend a lot of time with Antonio. Nothing he would find interesting. Never mind, I've known him for twenty years and I still don't understand him… I don't think I ever will… Feli is just a biggest mystery since Natalie Wood.

Well, Feli talked about his movie for hours until Antonio texted me and Gilbert texted Maddy and Luise that we should be coming soon. Antonio's text actually said _Lovi!¡! where r u! i thought u were here! i cant find u! where r u LOVI! _He rapes the exclamation mark. Well, he is an expressive person. The worst was that first he would use those stupid upside-down exclamation marks that the Spanish have. Thank fucking God I made him stop that. It was annoying.

Feli stopped talking about filming. It takes Feli forever to tell you anything because he goes off topic a lot! Don't think the boy can help it. He's ADHD. That's the only explanation I can give. The boy has to be. He just has to be.

Feli actually called a few guys and got us a limo. Look at my _fratello_ being all important-like. Next thing I know he'll be calling the CIA for extra protection or something. I could see Feli dressed up in a suit wearing those spy glasses. It makes me laugh so hard. I can't write that with a serious face. Feli in a black tie suit with dark shades acting all serious. Laugh my fucking ass off. When pigs fly.

Let's ignore the joke I tried to include in my narrative. But in all seriousness, Feli was impressive taking control like that. I never thought he had it in him. Neither did Luise. I think she found that attractive, the way her pale blue eyes looked at him… Why is it that I keep putting mental images in my mind that I don't want there? I should stop writing about these stupid theories of mine.

Let's ignore the last two paragraphs. I'll edit them out later.

So, Feli got us limos. I was impressed that he took initiative, but he did and we found ourselves in a stretched limo driving to some arena in Vancouver, Canada. Allie went on and on about how Gilbert was a bad influence on her naïve and innocent sister. I'll be honest, it's true. Sure Allie is fucked in the head, but Gilbert was and still is a bad influence. But the bastard was German, it was in his blood. He couldn't help it.

Luise ignored us and focused on Feli. They were speaking their own little language to each other… probably German. Yes, Feli learnt German for the bitch. Don't you dare say it's cute! It's not!

So, I was absolutely bored out of my mind during that five hour drive to the arena… it didn't take five hours but it sure felt like it.

Once we got to the arena, we were rushed backstage. Thank God there were guards there. So many screaming fans! What I think made it worst was that we were us… no one screamed for Luise of course. She's not famous or anything. But she was a pretty good bodyguard. The bitch is tough as nails, maybe tougher.

Anyway, let's skip ahead to the part where two fans attack Allie. Yes, two screaming fans jumped Allie! The one and only Allison Emily Jones.

So, Luise and Feli were way ahead of us. I thought it best to stay near the twins… the main reason was that I hated hearing Feli speak German. It rocked my very core, in a bad way… So, I was with the "Heroines". I didn't see what happened since I was in front of Allie and Maddy was in front of me. But at one point, we heard a high pitch scream coming from behind. Maddy turned around and looked shocked. I didn't turn around at first since I thought it was just another screaming fan. But when I saw Maddy's shocked face, I looked in back. Hold and behold, Allie was on the ground with these two teenage girls on her with cameras in their hands. They held their cameras in Allie's shocked and slightly frighten face. Allie was too shocked to do anything. I thought for a few seconds, should I help her or shouldn't I. When I decided that I would want her to save me from the screaming fans it was too late. She was already saved by Ivan Braginsky. Yes, the owner of Braginsky records saved Allie Jones.

You would think that Braginsky would be some fat cat or something but he wasn`t. Sure, he had a baby face but the dude was not fat at all. I've later seen the CEO shirtless, he was buff. Sure, he had a weird white blond hair colour and violet eyes, but the guy did look good. At the same time he had this aura that was just terrifying. I mean it, you can't be around him without getting shivers up your spine.

So, Ivan was there with Allie in his arms. Allie was not happy. She was the heroine, she could save herself. Oh, the hilarity. This trip was so far very entertaining. And hadn't seen Antonio or FBT yet!

"I didn't need your help you stupid commie," Allie said punching Ivan in his shoulder. I think he was made of metal or something. Nothing could hurt that scary, scary man. Fuck, Gilbert admitted that he hated the man. That's saying something.

"A little help couldn't hurt," Ivan said with a childish but creepy smile on his face.

He let Allie go in front of her sister. Maddy threw her arms around her sister. "I'm glad you're safe!" she cried.

"Of course, it takes more than a couple of teenage girls to hurt me!" Allie laughed.

"Be more careful at Rock Concerts. People will do things they normally wouldn't do in these places," Ivan explained. Wise words. Ivan didn't become a CEO at 28 for being stupid. I think that he creeps the living shit out of people helped him. It couldn't have hurt his case.

"Let's go before these crazies get us again," I explained acting very cool. I was not afraid that one of them would get me. Nope… okay maybe a little.

"I'll help you to the green room. I assume you're here to see FBT," Ivan explained. Maddy nodded.

"I'm here to see Antonio, I couldn't care less about those fuckers," I explained.

Ivan made a smile. This man… guy… whatever he was, smiled a lot. But he smiled differently than Feli or Antonio. Ivan's smiles were just creepy. I cannot explain enough how creepy that dude was. Why in a million years would Allie end up sleeping with him? I have no fucking idea. Yes, Ivan ends up fucking Allie. Another mental image I didn't need. And yes, I thought he was gay and was fucking Yao. Maybe my gaydar wasn't has good as I thought it was…. Naw. Ivan must have fucked Yao at least once! My gaydar was never that off.

Anyways, we made it to the dressing room without any other incidents. Ivan, like a weird-ass gentleman, opened the door for us. Maybe the dude was trying to get into Allie's pants at that point. Why am-I talking about their relationship! You don't want to hear about billionaire Ivan Braginsky and Allie Jones. You want to hear about Antonio and me. And you will because this was when I saw Antonio for the first time in months. Well in a few minutes.

When Ivan opened the door, we walked in. The room was full of instruments. Well, this was the backstage for a Rock Concert! This wasn't like my dressing room back in L.A. Instruments and wires were everywhere. The walls were actually white, why did Ivan call it the green room? Beats me.

Now, the people. Matthias was using his drum sticks to play on the edge of the couch. He's hair was as usual, super, super, super spiky and messy. He was dressed in red and black. As usual. Arthur was on the other side of the couch. He was texting someone on his phone… well sexting (how do I know that? Um… Allie stole his phone, I believe)… and you can guess with whom. His hair was messier then usual… I was surprise to find that out too… He was dressed in a ripped graphic t-shirt and black jeans. Gilbert was up beside his sister. He had his arm around her shoulder and hugged her with one arm. He was dressed in a regular black t-shirt and regular old jeans. How lucky for them that they weren't female pop stars whom had to dance in weird ass shit. They got to dress in normal grungy clothes and didn't have to care about their hair. But, I do think that everyone should care about their hair because those three looked dirty and improper… again they are rock stars and there's a rock star look. So, I can appreciate the messy hair in this context. Not in most.

Yeah, well, Luise was looking at her brother annoyed while he babbled about how awesome this was or how awesome he was. Feli looked like a little kid in a candy store listening to Gilbert acting all high and mighty.

When we got in the room, every one of course looked at us… expect for Arthur, he sexting Françoise, I bet she was very good at that. Mathias quick sat up. Gilbert let go of his sister a walked to find his base. It wasn't because I was there or Allie and Maddy. Usually, Gilbert would jump at the occasion to see his girlfriend, but she just happened to be beside Braginsky. See, he even scares Mathias and Gilbert! It's not just because I'm a coward! Not that I'm coward.

"How are you tonight?" Braginsky asked.

"Aces," Arthur said still looking at his phone.

"Iggy!" Allie yelled. She then jumped on Arthur's lap. The boy made an_ umph_ sound and then looked at the actress sternly.

"Why the bloody hell did you do that?" he asked rather angrily.

"Nice to see you too!" she said hugging the Englishmen.

"Why are you bleeding?" Gilbert asked looking at Allie's arm.

She quickly let go of Arthur and brought her arm close to her. "No reason."

"Some fans attacked her. Don't worry, I saved her," Braginsky explained.

People looked at Allie in worry… Luise and Arthur more than anyone else. Matthias actually looked confused. Hey, I was confused that Matthias and Gilbert weren't talking more… oh the power that Ivan Braginsky holds. I want it.

"I could have saved myself. They just sneaked attacked me. That's all!" she said in protest.

"You have to be more careful," Arthur explained.

Yeah, Allie and Arthur had a weird ass relationship. It was a big brother little sister thing or father daughter like. Most people think it's sexual. I wasn't one of those people, since I knew about Arthur and Françoise before I even met Allie. Though, Arthur and Françoise break up every other week, so that didn't mean that much.

Allie groaned. "I'm fine everyone. Nothing for everyone to be so jumpy about."

I don't know when it happened, but Gilbert had gotten Maddy to come to the back of the room with him and away from Ivan. Well, somehow he did and he was cuddling with her… I call it cuddling. He probably calls it something stupid, like Awesome Hugging.

"Be careful," Arthur said resuming his sexting.

"Who are you texting?" Allie said curiously.

"No one," he replied.

They then fought for the phone. It was during that phone fight, Antonio arrived finally. I might have texted him that I was here. Actually I don't remember. He might have come on his own. Or maybe someone else texted him. I don't remember.

Antonio walked in with Iryna, Ivan's sister. Why in the world was he with her? I don't know. All I know, the youngest was sick in bed, and the eldest was Ivan's secretary. Iryna looked um… Okay since she has bigger breast then Pamela Anderson, anything she wore looked slutty. Those things were huge! And she didn't need a cupcake bar for me to stare at them. I didn't need any excuse. Anybody would be staring at those things! I heard they were real, but I still had huge doubts about that. So, even if she was wearing a light blue blouse with a medium high black skirt, and looked like a normal secretary, she just looked like a slutty secretary. It wasn't her fault, it was those breasts! They were huge! HUGE! Now, to describe the rest of her… I think she's blonde with short hair. Um… I don't know since I was staring at the basketballs on her chest. Yes, that big. Luise's breast looked like a normal size compared to Iryna's. They should be in the Guinness World Record for Biggest Breast.

Antonio was as handsome as usual. Okay, the man can dress in garbage and still look hot. Sure he might smell but he was still eye candy. But, this time he had a stylist. He didn't dress like FBT, like they were poor and just got out of bed. He was dressed in a white dress shirt, a black tie, black pants and a fedora. Why would he ever wear a hat when his hair was so amazing? I don't know. But he wore a black fedora. I would think for one of his concerts he would be dressed in more traditional Spanish clothes. I always imagine that he would dress like a matador and ride a bull on stage while playing his classical guitar, and there were women in flamenco dresses dancing. It seemed so him. Nope, he dressed like he was in the Mafia, without the striped jacket. It still made him look hot.

So, Antonio and Iryna walked in. Again, why were they together? I don't know and I didn't ask.

"¡Lovi!" Yes, putting the upside down question mark is needed there. That man's speech is just full of excitement.

Anyway, the Spaniard attacked me with a hug, nothing out of the ordinary on the surface. What wasn't ordinary was that his head was in the crook of my neck. That was a first. I felt his nose wiggle against my skin. I did not blush or thought of this as a turn on! Nope… maybe a little.

"Get off of me you idiot!" I said pushing him off.

"I've missed and I didn't get to tell you a proper goodbye."

"Or pay me back for dinner. You owe me fifty bucks," I told him. His meal was actually more like forty-two dollars but since he ignored me most of the time I thought interest would be a good punishment. Again, I still didn't know the song was about me. No, I would have still made him pay interest.

"¡_Sí_! I'll get it for you later. Just remind me," he replied.

"_Buonasera_," Feliciano said.

"Hi," Antonio said letting go of me. "Vene …F… Feliciano," Antonio said like he was trying to remember his name. Um… that was different. People usually remember Feli's name before mine… though Antonio was spending so much time with me and so little time with Feli, it makes sense… He had spent more time with Sandro then Feli.

"Are you excited to go on?" Feli asked Antonio.

"¡_Sí_! I love it. I love hearing the crowd cheer. It's so much fun!"

"It sounds like it! I would love to do that one day!" Feliciano replied.

Okay, does anyone else get the feeling that Feliciano was cock blocking here… on purpose. Not that he needed to cock block or anything. He really didn't. But I had the feeling that he was… or he was just being stupid and wanted to talk to Antonio because he was giving me too much attention. Or he was just being stupid and wanted to make a new friend. He was cock blocking. Feliciano has an  
evil side? Who knew?

I looked at them talk in surprise. I didn't expect Feli to do that.

More time passed. Antonio and Feli talked about whatever stupid people talk about. Gilbert flirted with his girlfriend. Matthias left to find Lucia. She was running around making sure everything went perfectly. He needed to calm her down… not that she looked stressed. She never looked like she could feel emotions. Arthur and Allie did whatever Arthur and Allie did. Ivan joined those two. Iryna was... I don't know where she left, or where.

Once six o'clock hit, Antonio had to get ready for the concert. He was opening for FBT. Yeah, so he got to sing six maybe eight songs. Though, he only had one album, I know he had about five hits on that album but he'll have to sing one okay song. Not that his album had an okay song. All his songs are good or great or amazing or epic. Yes, I'm bias but he is amazing.

When Antonio was called to go on stage, the attention turned on me. By this point Matthias had returned with Lucia. They were now sitting on the couch together while Matthias lightly drummed his sticks on her lap. Meaning, he sat on the edge of the couch, rested his back on the arm rest and Lucia sat between his legs. That was cute. Not like Feli and Luise on the ground doing the same thing, only Feli was between Luise's legs. That sounded wrong. Anyway, suddenly I was very interesting to FBT.

"We have to talk with Mister Grumpy pants alone," Gilbert explained to his girlfriend.

"Why? What do you mean?" Allie asked looking suspiciously at Gilbert.

"It's nothing for you to worry yourself on, but it would be better with he talked to him alone," Arthur explained.

"If it's something important, we should…" Allie started.

"I'm hungry," Maddy exclaimed. Allie looked at her confusedly. "I'm going to get a hot dog."

Allie's face brightened. "I want a hot dog!" Well, that was an easy way to get Allie away from you.

With those two gone, the person here that wasn't a "real" member of FBT was Lucia. Luise and Feliciano had gone somewhere. I don't want to know where. Ivan left with the twins.

"Don't be alarm, we have an awesome question to ask you," Gilbert explain to me. That was when Lucia left.

"Awesome does not belong in that sentence," Arthur told the albino.

"Awesome belongs in every sentence. Awesome makes any sentence more awesome," Gilbert explained. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, we like to talk about Antonio's new song with you," Matthias explained. Yep, the one I keep bragging is about me. Like I said before, I had no idea what the song was about. All I knew was that it was a slower and sadder song from the way Antonio hummed it.

"He showed it to us, because we're so awesome that he needs our help," Gilbert explained.

"What about it?" I asked suspicious.

"It's not awesome," Gilbert explained. Arthur hit Gilbert in the back of the head. "Not awesome!"

"What he means is that, the song is actually quite good," Arthur explained. "It's very well written lyrically, especially for someone whose mother tongue is not English. And the music is quite powerful…"

"Better than anything we wrote," Matthias joined in.

Arthur gave the large Dane a dirty look.

"Can you assholes get to the point," I yelled impatient. Gilbert made a meow sound. "I want to get to the concert."

"I know this sounds Un-Antonio like," Gilbert started. "Because we know Antonio is a nice guy and all…"

"Fuck, guys, just say it!" Matthias yelled. "Is he cheating on his wife?"

Shock. I could feel my skin pale and my eyes widen. What?! By this point, I really needed to hear that song. Antonio wrote a song about him cheating on his wife? Why the fuck would he write something like that? I mean, a part of his reputation was being the good and wholesome husband… I know that wasn't totally true. He was neglecting his wife. But he was neglecting her to the point that he was cheating on her. That was when the pain started flowing in. I felt betrayed, heartbroken, like my life was just crushed before my eyes. I could live with the fact that he was in love with his wife and that I would never have him if he was with her. But he went behind MY back and decided to cheat on her with someone else. I mean, I wasn't trying to seduce him or anything. I've told you this before that I never tried to steal him away. If I did do anything, it was unconscious. Oh my fucking God. That asshole! How dare he do that behind my back?! Of course, now, I know he wasn't cheating on her. But in the moment I was hurt and pissed off.

"The song is all about this brunette he loves," Gilbert explained. A brunette! I thought that she must have been a little slut… "We know Emma is blonde."

"He also sings about how he shouldn't feel this way, she's his friend," Matthias added. Yeah, we all assumed he was singing about a girl. I bet you did too.

"It's a very conflicted song. And he does make an analogy to burning in hell, it was quite vivid," Arthur said, he was still impressed with the lyrics.

"I don't know," I told them quietly. I'd been fighting the tears all this time. It was getting harder and harder.

"Really? We thought you would know being so close to him and all. We've even asked Fran, but she doesn't know anything either. I really didn't think Antonio was this awesome at keeping a secret," Gilbert said in awe.

I turned around and just left. I couldn't hold back the tears. The pain was too much. I had to leave, far away. So, I skipped the concert and left for the hotel. Well, I tried to leave for the hotel, but Luise had my passport. So, I was stuck at the backdoor of the concert. I was at the exit crying my eyes out. It was pathetic. So pathetic.

"This is stupid, it's not like I was ever going to have him or anything. He's too good for me anyway. You're a grumpy asshole who only cares about his career! Not even your _nonno_ wanted to manage you! The only reason I'm famous was because no one knew the real me. Everyone who knows the real me, hates me! They just pretend to like you." I thought to myself. "So what, he cheated on his wife. She's probably some super model, stick thin with no brain. Only an idiot… can… fuck…" I think I said the last part out loud. But it was painful. I had an image of this beautiful brunette seducing him, them making love under the stars. Fuck, I couldn't believe it. He was too nice to do this. This wasn't Antonio. This was some alien in his body. But then again, I only knew Antonio for five months. Fuck, it felt like  
forever. But, maybe, he was always a fuckface on the inside and the kindest, sweetest and most amazing guy on the outside. The devil in disguise. A liar! He was probably using our friendship to help his career. He hates me as much as the others.

"Are you okay Mister?" asked a man.

I looked up. I was sniffling and tears were still falling from my eyes. That man was tall, Caucasian and had darker hair. He was big. Not Ivan or Matthias big but still, he worked out, a lot. He had a rougher face but enchanting icy eyes. That's my way to say that he was sexually attractive.

"Get the fuck out," I told him.

"You shouldn't be here by yourself," he told me.

Fucking great. Just fucking great. I had a guy telling me what to do. "Fuck, I don't care!" I yelled banging the back of my head on the wall.

"Are you Romano Vargas?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said angrily. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Kris Desrocher, I play drums for Antonio Fernandez," he explained. I've cried long enough for Antonio to finish singing. Fuck, the bastard must have looked all over for me… fuck him. He was the reason I was crying in a dark corner. He should pay. That fucking asshole.

"You have no right to tell me what to do then!" I said getting up but falling. Kris caught me.

"Whoa there, are you okay?" he asked again.

"Just fucking great, can't you tell?!" I yelled back. Fuck, if it wasn't just him and me there, this might have ruined my career.

"I'll get you some water," he explained.

So, Kris got me a water bottle. I stayed curled up in a ball. Yes, I'm pathetic. I had this twenty year old guy helping me because I was too upset to do anything. More proof why Antonio would never have me. I was fucking pathetic.

I know you don't want to hear how pathetic this was, so I'll spare you the details. All you need to know was that Kris was very helpful. Normally, I would forget guys like him, but for some reason I don't. Anyway, we ended up just sitting there with each other. He helped me here and there, but most of the time was spent with me crying.

"The concert is almost finished, I think FBT needs to sing an encore," Kris informed me.

By that point, I was in the fetal position. When Kris spoke I had to lift my head from between my legs.

"And?" I replied.

He then replied that he'll have to go. Yeah, I would too. Fuck, we planned to go back at Antonio's hotel and party with them or whatever. Fucking shit again. But I still went back to the hotel. Yeah, but instead of going with the people I knew, I went with Kris. Just me and him in a taxi together going to some hotel. He was in the same hotel has the people I knew and called my friends, but he was on a totally different floor. That was good. For the first time in my life, I didn't want to see Antonio. It's probably also the last time I felt that way too. I will never admit that out loud.

Why was I leaving and spending so much time with a guy I barely knew? He could have been a stalker or a murderer. He could have lied to me and his name probably wasn't even Kris. I wasn't thinking correctly and I got lucky that he wasn't crazy or anything. Also, Kris was nice to me. Not many people were. Hey, Kris if you're reading this um… thanks. Don't take that lightly because I don't say thanks a lot.

So, I'm making a boring and long story very short. I ended up in Kris' hotel room. He was sharing the room with some other band members but none of them were there. I don't know why, maybe they were at the party or having a party of their own. But I don't care. I was in a stranger's hotel room while he made me tea.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" he asked. I didn't do anything but stay curled up in a ball on one of the beds. "It must be bad if you're like this." Yes it was. My heart was ripped in two, and then burnt, then ripped again and then stomped on and lastly it was thrown away… or at least that was how it felt like. It fucking hurt.

Kris gave me the tea. Have you ever heard of peppermint tea? Well, I didn't until then. I took a sip of the tea and watched Kris walk around the hotel room. He really did look hot. He had that body type. The hot body type.

What I did next was because I was in a bad mood and I needed to prove to myself that I was… I don't know... attractive. I just needed to know that not everyone rejects me. Or maybe that was my way of saying thanks. I'm just trying to explain to myself why I ended up kissing Kris. Yeah, I kissed him. He ended up sitting beside me again and I just went for it. I wasn't thinking properly… and I think I got him fired because of this. That or Antonio decided Kris wasn't a good drummer… no, he got fired because I kissed him. No one would have known if Kris didn't feel my phone vibrate… it had done that since I disappeared… or maybe we would have slept together. Some might have found that out. Anyway, we just kissed, with tongue. But like I wrote before, Kris felt my phone vibrate.

"Are you going to get that?" he asked.

"Hmm?" I asked muttering in his collar-bone.

"The phone, it keeps vibrating."

"Um… sure," I said rolling my eyes. It made me feel like he didn't want me either. "Fuck off," I said answering my phone.

"LOVI!" I heard Feli replied in excitement. "He answered! Guys! Lovi's on the phone!" I rolled my eyes. Idiot. "We were so worried! Where are you?! One second Gilbert, Matt and Arthur are talking to you and then the next you're running out of the room! Where did you go? We're still at the arena. Luise is searching around for you with Gilbert and Maddy. Arthur, Allie and Ivan are in another group… can you see any of them from where you are? Can you see me? I'm on the stage. Can you see me?" I bet you anything he was waving at the empty seats.

"I'm at the hotel with Antonio's drummer," I told him while Feli took his first breath in what felt like hours.

"What! You're at the hotel! How did you get there?"

"Taxi."

"You left with a guy you don't know! Is he really Antonio's drummer? How do you know? I don't even know how he looks like!" That didn't surprise me. "How could you leave? We were having so much fun!" Not really. "And... Antonio! Lovi's on the phone!"

"Lovi!" I assume Antonio took the phone out of Feli's hands. That was my cue to hang up. My eyes started to tear up again. Damn him and what he did to me.

"My _fratello_ is just worried about me," I told Kris. "Everything's fine now."

"Why did you hang up on Antonio?" he asked. How did he know that I hung up on Antonio? Was the volume on my phone that loud… however, his voice was loud enough. He yelled in my ears and sounded relieved.

"None of your fucking business," I snapped. I was starting to get teary eyed again. Fuck.

"Ok," Kris said getting off of the bed. Damn Feli, he was a cock block twice that day.

I had finally stopped crying. Now, I was on the verge of crying again. That's how I spent the time until Antonio came knocking. Why was it only Antonio? I don't fucking know. It might have been fate, it might have been someone telling Antonio that he should talk to me, since I was obviously mad at him or it could have been because he knew where Kris' hotel room was. Whatever the reason, Antonio started knocking on the door.

"Lovi!" he knocked. "Lovi!" he knocked again.

"Do you want me to answer it?" Kris asked.

"Only so I could tell the fuckface to fuck off," I replied.

Kris opened the door. So, Antonio came running in. If I wasn't so pissed off at him, I might have laughed at him. Antonio had to look around the room a bit. When he found me he came crashing into me. I tried to hit him off, but my arms were between our chest. He was way too strong to push-off. He just took my head into his neck.

"Lovi!" Antonio exclaimed. He then started to speak Spanish. It was way too fast for me to understand. I understand some Spanish here and there, actually a lot, but he was talking too fast for me to understand. But while he talked faster than Feli, he let go of my head and placed my head so he looked at me. Eye to eye. This was the first time we actually looked eye to eye. I was always too afraid to look into his eyes. I never wanted him to know that I was madly in love with him. Maybe he could have figured that out if we looked into each other's eyes. Though, the man's an idiot. Antonio was still talking a mile an hour while he looked at me. He was now patting me down… I think he said _¿estás herido?_ But I'm not sure. That was when he noticed the buttons of my shirt were undone. I know, I didn't explain the make out session I had with Kris, since, I know none of you want to hear that. But it did get hot. Kris was shirtless and even my jean's button was undone. It was when he was undoing my pants was when he felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

I saw the wheels in Antonio's brain working. When he figured out what happened, he looked scary. I mean it. I never thought that this hot… but at the same time sort of innocent looking … man could looked this scary. His neck made a jerky movement towards Kris. I did not want to be in his shoes.

"Did you hurt him?" Antonio barked. Yes, barked. I never knew Antonio could feel any other emotions but confusion and happiness. But he was definitely feeling pissed off right then.

Kris looked surprised. I felt a little scared. Antonio's hands were on my shoulder. I'm lucky he still held me softly.

"I found him crying. I didn't do anything," Kris replied. Yep, he was afraid. I would be too with the way Antonio was looking at him. I've only seen Antonio like that twice. The next time would be even scarier but that was in December, we're still in April.

Antonio laughed. It wasn't his normal laugh. It was an angry and mean one. "You've obviously did something."

"I'm going to leave n…"

"Answer the question!" Antonio barked. I jumped, that was loud. Antonio turned his head back to me. His face morphed into a face of worry. "_Lo siento_, I didn't mean to scare you Lovi. Did Kris hurt you in any way? Did he take advantage of you? Because, if he did, I'll personally hurt him for you." His hand was on my face. I blushed. I couldn't help it. He was looking at me so tenderly. One of his hands was on my cheek and the other held my hand softly.

But my blush faded and I looked at Antonio pissed off. Hey, I still thought he was cheating on his wife. "Kris, can you leave so I can yell at Antonio."

I didn't see him leave but I heard the door slam.

Antonio looked at me confused.

"How dare you do that to Kris! He was just helping me," I yelled at Antonio. Antonio still looked at me confused but now he kept his hands to himself.

"But you've been crying and he…"

"Shut up! Can you shut up for two seconds?" I yelled. Antonio mouth stayed shut. "He helped me! He found me crying, so he took me here for some tea! So what if I was planning to sleep with him. The fucker deserved it after what he did!" Antonio's face went back to being pissed off, not has much has he was before, but I could see it. "Just because I want to have sex with a guy doesn't me he took advantage of me! Why are you so pissed off anyways? It's not like I'm anything to you." I was crying again. "I'm not your wife or your little lover? Who is she anyways? Is she someone I know? What is she? I bet she's a super model or something." Now, he looked totally confused, one eye partly closed, the other's eye's eyebrow higher than the other.

"I'm not cheating on Emma," he replied.

"Don't lie to me. Gilbert, Matthias and Arthur told me about the song you wrote. You're cheating on her with some brunette. Who is she?"

"I'm not cheating on Emma." He was sticking to that.

"You've been caught! Stop denying it!" I yelled.

"I haven't been caught because I'm not cheating on Emma."

"You're such an idiot! I know! Just tell me!"

"You haven't even heard the song," he replied.

"They told me what it was about."

"It's not about me cheating on Emma."

"They said you say something about being in love with some brunette and that you shouldn't be feeling this way because she's a friend. I don't even know how many brunette friends you have. I know you have Elizaveta… You're not." That would be just devastating for me.

"No! No," he looked disgusted. That was a good sign. "But that's all what the song is about, being in love with someone you shouldn't. It's not about me cheating on Emma. They're putting too much thought into the song."

"You write songs by how you're feeling. You have to be in love with someone other than your wife."

"Because… I don't know. I only have a vague picture in my head. I don't know who they are."

There was the proof that Antonio was in love with someone else. Actually no. How much of an idiot can you be not to figure that out? It's only a vague picture? Really? Anyway, the tears started again. It still had no idea it was me and apparently neither did him.

"Lovi please don't cry," Antonio said putting his hands on me. "I hate it when you're hurt." The bastard only seen me hurt once, and that was then. "I'm sorry."

"What?" Why the fuck was the idiot apologising to me? Well, he did hurt me. But he doesn't know that… well he did.

He looked at me. Eye to eye. His green eyes looked sad. His hands started moving again. Then…

Was he? Did he? My brain turned into goo. I could not think. I could not act. My body was frozen. My eyes widen with surprise. My brain could not process what was going on. He was… he was… he was… and I couldn't believe it. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, the man I had a crush on for the last five months (for the last five months!), was kissing me. Oh yes, he was kissing me and it took my brain thirty seconds to realise what the fuck was going on. It took another thirty seconds to believe it. It took half a second to react. His lips were on mine. Now, my legs turned to goo. My eyes closed. I opened my mouth a bit. My arms wrapped around him and I pulled him closer. His right arm wrapped around my waist and kept me in place. His left hand placed itself on my back. I tried for a second to gain control of this kiss but I was a minute too late. But it didn't stop my tongue to fight with his. His tongue won. He tasted like tomatoes. Yummy, yummy tomatoes. It was the most delicious taste ever.

After what felt like hours, his lips departed from mine. I could hear him breathing heavily or maybe that was my breath? I opened my eyes. His eyes were still closed. He was still so close to me. And I was as confused as hell! I mean what the fuck! He fucking kissed me! Seriously! Why the fuck did he kiss me! People don't kiss their friends like that. They kiss their lovers or wives like that. He should be kissing Blondie or the Brunette like that… Yeah, sometimes I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.

"What the…"

"Lovi… I …" And the fucking bastard kissed me again! And you know what, I let him. I didn't do anything but kiss him back. We kissed and kissed and kissed. Fuck it was amazing. I was kissing Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Me, Lovino Romano Vargas, was kissing Antonio Fernandez Carriedo like my life depended on it.

I don't how or when (not that I cared so much), but I was lying on my back on the hotel bed. Antonio was on top of me still kissing me. His one hand was still on my hip but now his other hand was keeping himself up. I kissed up his cheek and bit his ear lobe. He chuckled. His lips moved down to my neck and he started sucking in one place.

I was still in disbelief that this was happening. Antonio was kissing me… well kissing my neck.

He soon started to move down my chest. Holy fuck, this was happening. I could feel my arousal and my boxers getting a little tighter.

Antonio went back to kissing my mouth and I moaned into his mouth. My hands started moving down his body. Even with his shirt on I could feel every muscle. I wanted to feel more. My hand found its way under Antonio's shirt. I felt the creases in his body. Mmm. Every smooth stomach muscle.

"Antonio," I moaned while his hip bucked into mine, feeling the much-needed friction.

Too bad for everyone, that was when Antonio stopped moving. We did not make love that night because Antonio started to use his head. He started using his brain to figure out that we were doing something friends defiantly did not do. He opened his eyes for the first time since he first kissed me. He looked at me and the position we were in. A position I'd been dreaming about for a while.

He got up and off the bed. He shook his head once.

"Antonio?" I said.

"No, no, no, no." He then started to speak Spanish again at a speed I couldn't understand. His hand jesters were extravagant and he looked rather angry with himself. He kept moving his hands in a jerky fashion. He looked very frustrated.

I sat up on the bed. I buttoned my pants. He wasn't coming out to play tonight, might as well but him back. I ran my hand in my hair. Yes, I was confused as fuck, but I had figuring out that my love was not as unrequited as I thought. The wheels in my head started turning. I was a brunette. We were friends. I was a type of person he shouldn't be in love with. Holy fuck, I didn't even hear the song yet and I knew it was about me.

"Antonio?"

Antonio looked at me. "Maybe we should take some time off from each other." And my hear was crushed. I just felt everything in me drop. "I need some time to figure things out." What the fuck? Wasn't it obvious! You are in love with me!

"_Ti amo_." Fuck. That wasn't supposed to slip. But it did. I was so scared that he was now going to leave me that we would never see each other again. I know I said before that I thought we shouldn't be friends but I didn't want that. I was okay with being friends with him. I just didn't want him to leave. It felt good being with him. I don't know, I think I was happy with him. Sure, I was in misery too because I thought I was suffering from unrequited love. But when I was actually with him, I felt good. I didn't want that to go. I didn't want him to go. I was desperate. But I just made it worst.

"Time apart might be good. I'll call you when I get back from the tour." But that was the end of April! I couldn't wait for that long! By that point, I couldn't cry anymore. I just couldn't. I think I was out of tears.

"Fine," I said softly. I don't think I had the energy to even yell. Fuck, everything was hurting more than before. I couldn't believe how much everything hurt. I believed even less that I was hurting more when Antonio left the room without saying a good-bye. I held myself because I was hurting so much. Fuck, it hurt so much.

I'm not going to leave you with that. How depressing. But if you've seen the headlines or the gossip shows on the internet or read anything, you'll know that wasn't the end. He did call me after his tour.


	11. Sway

_Disclaimer- I own nothing but the plot line. _

_So, I was originally going to have an Antonio chapter here… but I decided not to. It was going to be a weird chapter and very sad. I didn't want to write it like that. Antonio might still have a chapter, just later in the story. With that said, Antonio will end up explaining what would have happened in that chapter. _

_The song of the chapter is Sway by Dean Martin… it was on repeat while I wrote this chapter (I love the song!). The chapter was going to be called Call Me Maybe (Carly Rae Jepsen), but in the end Lovi never got a call or text from Antonio. And I included the song into the chapter, so I felt like it should be the name of the chapter. Hence I did not write the song Lovi sings in this chapter. _

_Translations will be at the end… don't want to give you too many hints. But, I'm going to run into a corner and die of embarrassment. _

_**Edit** - I just changed a few tranlations fails in the chapter. I would like to thank the guest and Book Thief101 reviews to explain it to me. And if you do see a translation fail, please tell me. I like to learn and Spanish is language I would love to learn. _

**Chapter 11**

_Other dancers may be on the floor_

_Dear, but my eyes will see only you_

_Only you have the magic technique_

_When we sway I go weak_

_**Sway (Dean Martin) 1954**_

You can just imagine that I was a total mess. I was in a stranger's hotel bed, too sad to even cry. I was too sad to cry! What the fuck was with that? How could you be too sad to cry?

Feli came in. Apparently, Antonio jumped into a taxi and was alone when he came in. He ended up sending Feli in when he found them. You can guess that Feli ran into my arms when he saw me. He hugged me and cuddled up with me. I didn't even have enough energy to push him away. I just let him hug me and cried again. I found the tears hiding within me and cried. Yeah, I was a mess. I was not acting like my cool self… fuck you Antonio and what you do to me!

In the end, I didn't go to that T.V. interview with Allie and Maddy. Feli forced me to stay with him that night. Throughout the night, Feli tried to get me to tell him what happened. But I didn't tell him a thing. All he knew was that Antonio rejected me. It was my first heartbreak… and hopefully my last. No wonder I kept myself away from relationships. Ending them sucks. I liked it when I would just have sex with random people. No emotions. That was the life.

The rest of the month is a blur. I don't want to say I went into a depression, because I didn't. I was just not my normal self. My temper had a shorter fuse. I was sadder. I sucked at my job. No one knew what was wrong with me. Of course. I never told anyone anything. They just saw it as if I was in a mood.

"Lovino, come sit with us," Theodora said.

After the whole heartbreak with Antonio, I distance myself from everyone. If Antonio didn't want me, why would anyone else want me? Why bother? Well, you can guess that didn't do well for my social life. Even my parents were noticing something. _NONNO _was noticing something! When the fuck did _Nonno_ pay attention to me?

Anyway, back to Theodora and her silly idea that I want to sit with my co-stars. Why the fuck would I want to? They were fucking idiots! Sure, they've been a little sympathetic since I got back…a little. And I mean Elizaveta didn't ask about my sex life as much and Feliks didn't ask to go shopping. Ok, Feliks asked to go shopping once, but he said "Roma, we should, like, totally go shopping. Like, shopping always, likes, makes me feel, like, way better! Like totally." Sure, I added a like or two in that sentence but you got the basic message. I'm not telling you it, I still have some pride. So, they were being nice, like they fucking should. I just got my heart broken and crushed and cut and ripped and flambéed. They should be treating me like a human being.

"What?" I asked the Cypriot. I don't know if I snapped at her or if I just sighed. If she was a male I would have snapped. But she is female and I have my code. Hey, I still use that code to this very day.

"It's been a while since we've talk to you. We're getting worried Roma," she told me. Her eyes looked at me with sadness. I hate her sometimes.

"Just leave me," I told her.

"Fine, but we're if you need us," she explained. Like I will ever need them. I didn't need anyone. I've never needed anyone before. Why should I need someone now?

I just stayed in my corner and ate whatever I was eating. I would sometimes glance at my phone. I don't know why. It wasn't like I was hoping or praying that Antonio would call me. That was stupid. Antonio was never going to call me. I ruined any chance just to be with him. Why the fuck did I love you in Italian had to be so close to I love you in Spanish. If I said I love you in Polish or something, he wouldn't have understood what I told him… I don't know what I love you is in Polish, so, it wouldn't have worked… but you get my mind frame. I was fucking stupid for telling him I loved him. I just made it worse. I knew he was never, ever, going to call me. I was looking at my phone for no reason. I was never going to hear from him again. Why would he want to see me? This was so stupid. Why would I hope? Hope was useless for me now. If I never told him anything, we might be friends. Fuck, he's been home from his tour for the last two days! Why the fuck hasn't he called yet! He should at least call to tell me that we should never be friends. I fucking hated that.

"Roma, it's been weeks. What's gotten you in this mood?" Elizaveta asked.

Oh fucking great. The pervert was here. Elizaveta decided to sit beside me. Why the fuck would you want to sit with me? I'm in mood and a loser! Why?

"Roma, what happened? Gilbert said that you just crashed during the concert. What did Gilbert tell you? Do I have to hurt him for you?" Elizaveta asked with an evil smile on her mouth. How… wait? Since when did Gilbert and Elizaveta talk civilly to each other? That was fucked.

"Nothing," I told her. I moved my body away from her. I went into the fetal position.

"They said something happened with Antonio," she told me… Did Antonio tell Gilbert everything? Were they making fun of me behind my back? They must have. 'Grumpy little Lovino Vargas is in love with you? How pathetic can you get?!' I could just see their laughing faces. That made me angry. Fucking assholes! "So, something did happen with Antonio. Gilbert said that he was being distant too. Then yesterday, Emma said that there was something wrong with Antonio. He was different." What? I wanted to lift my head and look at Elizaveta, but I didn't. I stayed in my position and felt puzzled. Did Antonio feel as bad as me about this? No, that was impossible. How in the world could someone feel worst then me? Don't answer that, that was rhetorical.

"What happened between you too?" Elizaveta asked. You would love to know, wouldn't you? "Gilbert said that Antonio didn't tell him anything about it."

"Nothing," I told her with a small voice. Maybe she would leave. I just encouraged her. Fuck the world, it fucking hated me, didn't it?

"Something must have happened if both of you have become emo. You two were such good friends. Antonio wouldn't stop talking about you when Roddy and I would visit. It gets annoying when all the conversations are about one person." Well, yeah, he did write a song about being in love with me. Of course, he would talk… wait… he did write a song about me? Maybe, just maybe, I had a chance… no, that was another false hope. Antonio was going to do the 'right' thing. Or at least I thought so.

"It's stupid." Damn, I gave her a reason to stay and bother me. Why was-I so stupid?

"We can work it out together," she explained with a sweet smile on her face.

"This isn't something you can fix," I said starting to get angry.

"Roma," she said softly and hugged me. "We are worried about you. You should talk to someone."

I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself. But, fuck, she was a she… no matter how fucking insane she was. If she was a Luise… yeah I would have so told her to fuck herself. It was better than fucking Feli… Fuck, I'm putting unwanted mental images in my mind again. I really need to stop that.

"It can't be fixed," I told her.

"You might believe that now, but it can be fixed. Everything can be fixed." Bullshit. I bet she said those exact words to Emma too.

"Can you leave me alone?"

"Ok, but we are here," she said. She then moved my bangs and kissed my forehead.

Why was she helping me? Was she trying to figure out what was wrong with me so she can tell Emma? I'm sure Emma wanted to know what was wrong with her husband. And they have linked this thing to both of us… they aren't stupid. Emma must have sent her as a spy! Or maybe Gilbert has. Gilbert might still want to know if Antonio was cheating on Emma… which would be something Emma would want to know too. What did Elizaveta want to know? What was she up too? Or maybe she was just being helpful. Haha, like Elizaveta just wanted to be helpful… she wanted something. Like practicing for our scenes… Mario is in a state of confusion right now in the show and Mags was helping him… maybe it was just practice… that would explain why she kissed my forehead. Yep, I was convinced that she was helping me for selfish reasons. Why else would someone want to help me?

To say that the show went on as normal would be lying. Since I've been in this moodier mood then usual, the show hasn't been going on as usual. I was slowing everything down… another reason I was pathetic…I think that's why they wrote that Mario was all depressed. I was depressed and all I could do at that moment was act like a depressive fuckface. But why would the writers do that for me?

Anyway, it was also to the point that Sadiq Annan, yes our producer, came to yell at me. I just took it. Which was weird of me. I didn't snap back or say any sly comments. I just took it. Yep, there was something wrong with me. Fuck you Antonio.

Anyway, since my character was all emo, filming was easier and I finished earlier then everyone else. No one wanted me around anyway.

So, I went back home. The first thing I did was check my answering machine. Maybe by some fucking miracle Antonio had called me. He didn't. I also checked my cell… nothing… from Antonio at least. That was a pain. I still couldn't believe the fuckface wasn't calling me. So, I threw my phone to the wall. I trembled with anger. I didn't need that asshole. If he couldn't love me, he could go fuck himself in hell for all I cared… What the fuck was wrong with me? If only I pushed that fuckface away, none of this would have happened. Françoise was wrong. Love wasn't fantastic or great. It was fucking evil and it wanted to ruin your life. He wanted to capture your soul and make you feel like you were living in a wonderland and then it wanted to suck it out and leave you with pain and misery. It was evil.

_Mamma_ and Sandro had called. I didn't call them back or anything. Why the fuck couldn't these assholes just leave me alone to wallow in my pain and misery? Why did they just feel the need to bother the fuck out of me?

I took out some pasta and decided to cook. I needed to do something to keep my mind off of everything that was going on. My life was going to the shithouse, the fucking shithouse. And I needed to forget that. So, that was cooking a nice Italian meal while listening to crooners. Do not make fun of my choice of feel good music. These artists are fucking legendary (and a lot of them are Italians). Anyway, while people like Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr., Tony Bennett and Dean Martin sang, I cooked pasta. I may or may not have acted like a stupid teenage girl singing into her hairbrush (in my case it would have been a wooden spoon). I did not sway my hips or dance… not even a little bit. Okay, maybe a little bit, but you try not to sing along to _My Way_!

After dinner, I was in my kitchen with a wine bottle in my hand… Naples grown grapes, of course. So, I was finished dinner and I was swaying to _Sway_ by Dino Crocetti (Dean Martin to most everyone in the world).

"_When Marimba Rhythms start to play. Dance with me, make me sway_," I sang while pouring the red wine into a wine glass. Yes, I'm that impressive. I can sway and pour wine into a glass at the same time. "_Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore, hold me close, sway me more_." Okay, so maybe I swayed and sang into a wine bottle for this song… but well… its Dean Martin. The song makes you want to sway. "_Like a flower bending in the breeze, bend with me, sway with ease. When we dance you have a way with me. Stay with me, sway with me_." No I was not swaying (or pretended to know how to sway) with an imagenary dance partner… nor did that imagenary dance partner have curly brown hair and green eyes. "_Other dancers may be on the floor. Dear, but my eyes will see only you. Only you have the magic technique. When we sway I go weak. I can hear the sounds of violins, long before it begins. Make me thrill as only you know how. Sway me smooth, sway me now._" No, I was not imaginarily swaying with Antonio.

Okay, so, while I was swaying with my wine bottle during the instrumental break of the song, there was a knock at my door. It's nine o'clock at night and I live alone, sure I had a fucked up family, but you don't expect knocks on your doors at nine. It was just unnatural. It's the same with calling someone at nine, we don't expect it. So, when I jumped, wine spilled all over me. I was soaked. Red wine stains! Thank fucking god I was in my briefs and a stupid little t-shirt.

"Fucking shit! Who the fuck is it?" I yelled while I went to pause my myPod.

"_Ay_… you weren't answering your phone, so, I came here instead."

I stood there in shock. I was catatonic! I couldn't fucking believe it. I couldn't believe it. HE was at my door? What?! Why? How? I mean what the fuck?! I moved my head a little bit… my neck seemed to be the only part of my body that could move. I looked on the ground. Yep, when I threw my phone, the battery fell out. Well, fuck. I need a Nokia phone.

I turned my head back to the door.

"I know you're mad and you have every right to be… _sí_. Can you let me in so we can talk?" Antonio asked.

I blinked once. Oh fucking hell. What the fuck? What was wrong with him? He came over?! He needed to talk to me that badly that he came over? Did Emma put him up to this? No, no, no, did Elizaveta put him up to this? That seemed more probable. Elizaveta would do something stupid and evil like that. Fuck.

"Why should I let you in?" I yelled. Well, now that I was no longer catatonic, I moved to the door. I really wanted to open it. I really wanted too. But my brain was telling me that might be a bad idea. On one side he could tell me that he feels the same way about me as I feel about him. On the other hand he could totally reject me. Did I want to hear that right now? Should I just let him in and let him tell me that we can't be friends anymore. Make it fast and easy? Like ripping off a Band-Aid? Or did I want to wait for the rejection. Should-I wait for tomorrow?

"Because we need to talk."

I sighed and banged my head softly on the door. Band-Aid it was.

I opened the door. Antonio stood there with a small smile on his face. But there was something wrong. His eyes weren't as bright as they usually were. He was dressed handsomely. Like I said, he could dress in garbage and still be the best looking man on the planet and maybe the whole universe. Though, he wasn't dressed like he normally was, he looked smart. It actually seemed like he made an effort to get dressed up. He was dressed in a white dress shirt, half way buttoned and light jeans. He had a black blazer on and nice shoes. I made a small moan. He looked really hot. Even his hair was done. Sure, it was still messy but I saw a little bit of jell in it. He made an effort. Was it because he was coming to see me? Maybe. Was it because he had something to do before coming the meet me… maybe like appear on a talk show? More likely.

So, he looked hotter than ever and I looked like I just got out of bed. My hair was a mess. I was wet and looked like I peed my pants. I was in a t-shirt and my briefs! I had wine everywhere. Fuck, I looked bad and he looked like a Roman god or something?

He gave me a sigh. He was nervous. "I need someone right now."

I didn't know how to feel about that comment. He needed someone right now? Did he need a friend? Which would be heartbreaking. Or did he need a shoulder to cry on? Which would be not so heartbreaking. Did he need someone to talk to? Which, again, wouldn't be so heartbreaking.

I moved out of the way and let him come in. No matter what, we were still friends, until he would say otherwise. Because, I wasn't going to end this friendship. I've tried and failed.

He sat on my couch. He started to tap his feet and look around. He was nervous. Tapping his foot was something he did when he was nervous… not that I knew that at that point. But I could still tell that he was nervous.

I took out two water bottles.

I sat on the couch, the same couch as him. I wasn't too close or too far. The Goldie Locks area. Anyway, I gave him the water bottle. He laughed nervously once before drinking the whole bottle in one gulp. I was impressed that someone could do that. But he did.

"I want to leave Emma."

My eyes widen. Okay, this was another one of those things I didn't know how to feel about. So, he wants to leave his wife. That was good… right? Well, that technically still meant he didn't want me. Because, come on, we are stars and stars have images we have to retain. Like I said, I had to be the hot boy next-door type. Someone you would think you could be with, when in actuality you couldn't. To the public Antonio was that man with the all-American values… though, ironically he's not American. He was supposed to be the good husband writing songs about his love for his wife. Leaving his wife would be bad for his career or at least his image. Sure, musicians can rebound from these kind of things. They are crazy and emotional and stuff like that. But, he still had this image he had. The public had this view of him. But wasn't this what I was hoping for? I want him to leave his wife for me. Why must this be so conflicting?

"You're insane," I said like an asshole. Well, I needed to keep up with my asshole persona.

"I've thought about this… a lot. My life has changed a lot since we got married. I loved her but my life has changed. I've changed."

Didn't I promise his sister something? Something along the lines that even if his life have changed, he did not? Yeah, I did, sort of. Just what I needed another reason to be conflicted. Fuck, I knew I should do the right thing.

"What happened?" I sighed annoyingly. I chose to be a good friend and listen to what he had to say. I hate life so much.

Antonio took a deep breath. "I've been thinking, a lot." I would insert a joke here, but that seems classless. Antonio was at a cross-roads. "And I was planning to come here and tell you that we shouldn't be friends anymore." Way to stab me in the heart you fucking asshole. "I'm married to Emma. My family loves her… I loved her. It's unfair to her to not try to fix whatever happened between us. Maybe it's the job. Maybe I feel like she doesn't understand my new life. She's so nice and a great person. There was a reason I loved her." Did anyone else notice the loved part? Nope, that wasn't just me. "So, I thought if we had some space, maybe I would fix things with Em. I started calling her after every night and we talked. I listened to her and I talked… barely but I talked. I think I also feel guilty about the whole thing. Anyway, yesterday, we planned a romantic day out. So, we did that. It felt all wrong. I can't explain it. I don't know what I was feeling, but it wasn't normal. Then the sex," Another way to stab me in the heart. Yep, let's hear him talk about sex with Blondie. That should be fun. If only you could hear the sarcasm in my voice. "I don't know. It's usually… well… full of passion and excitement. You know?" I shook my head and looked at him oddly. "Well… it was bland, I wasn't feeling anything. I was just doing the movements and waiting for it to be finished." Again, I have no idea how to feel about that. How should I feel about that? He better get to the point soon. "You know what I mean?" I rolled my eyes. Yes, I did, but I wasn't going to tell him that. "So, I woke up today, went to the recording studio and recorded my song. I don't think I could sing it better than I can now. And now I'm here."

I feel like he was missing something. Like maybe, what should we do now? "So, why did you need to tell me this?"

"I don't know. I'm more confused than I have ever been." Another place where I could say a tasteless joke, but won't. "I don't know what to do." Antonio sighed. He started to rest his back on my couch's arm rest. He looked tired and not himself. It also didn't help that he was in this weird position. "I wish I knew what to do." Antonio opened one eye and turned his head so he was looking at me. He looked confused.

I didn't know what to do or say. What do you tell someone in my position?

"Then, I see you." Antonio smiled a little bit. I made a slight blush. I mean, I did not make a blush… nothing happened. "And I'm even more confused." That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I might have been hoping for something sappy. Might have hoped. "It's not your fault Lovi." Antonio moved a little bit. "_Tu me vuelves loca._" I looked at him confusedly. Ok, I knew what _loca_ meant (thanks to Ricky Martin)… I'm guessing _tu_ means you and _me_ is well me. I had no idea what _vuelves_ meant. But I think it meant a good thing for me and not so much for his moral dilemma. His green eyes looked at me tenderly. His hand was now on my shin. I blushed. What was he doing?

I moved away from Antonio a little bit. Sure, I was a little drunk. But I wasn't drunk enough to be a crazy person. Do not jump into bed with him… no matter how much you would love too. Don't Lovino.

Antonio moved and now was sitting on the edge of the couch. His feet were on the ground.

"_Lo siento_, Lovi. I didn't mean to … I mean." Antonio then sighed. "_Quiero que seas mío_." Antonio received another look of confusion from me. Okay,_ mio_ meant mine… it's the same in Italian. And that was all I understood… though, I've heard _quiero _before.

Antonio looked at me with a slight nervously loving smile. Ok, so it had to be romantic. Wait? Was he saying something to me? Did he decide to leave his wife for me? I know what most of you are thinking. Didn't Antonio announce his divorce to his wife in January? Um… yeah, I'll get to that point later.

"Are you saying…" I couldn't say it either.

"_Lo siento_… I can't find my words."

It must have been the alcohol and the Spanish coming out of him, because I really shouldn't have moved closer. I really shouldn't have. This was wrong. He was just starting to work things out with his wife and now I was coming between them. Apparently, for the second time and this time it was consciously. If only, I would use my brain and run away. I really should have run away.

"We really shouldn't," I said.

"You're right."

Yes, for you members of Elizaveta's cult, we were getting closer and closer and closer. It wasn't long before we were millimetres apart. I closed my eyes. Now, I was going by pure instinct.

"_Te quiero besar._" I got that one.

"_Baciami._"

Milliseconds later we were kissing. It was a light, PG-13 kiss. No tongue, no saliva, no teeth. Just a slightly open mouth kiss. It was somehow perfect. See, you can still have a passionate and amazing kiss without tongue… first time it ever happened to me and it wasn't going to be a last. Antonio had this certain passion about him. Most of the time it was an annoying passion but sometimes, times like these, he could put that passion into good use.

He laughed after our lips parted. It was a small nice laugh. I strangely didn't mind it. It also didn't make me anxious… odd.

"Lovi…" His hand was now cupping my face. "_Desde que te conocí no hago nada más que pensar en ti_." Why did Spanish have to be so hot? Seriously? This was going to be the end of me. I honestly have no idea what he was saying, but it was hot.

I kissed him again. Yes, I got control of a kiss! Um… I mean, I was controlling this kiss. My tongue went into his mouth. I was the one doing the tasting and the exploring. He still tasted like tomatoes. Amazing tomatoes.

Antonio moved his hand to my hips. We were lying on the length of the couch and I was on top of him. I was still in control of the kiss. His hands moved up, taking my shirt with him. That was a good thing, with everything going on, my wine stained shirt was getting sticky. My lips departed from his and I stood up on my knees. He sat up and took off my shirt when I lifted my arms up. Instead of attacking my lips, like I wanted him too, Antonio attacked my neck with kisses. I moaned softly.

"Ant… Ant… Antonio maybe ww…we should ttttttt…take this sommmmmmm…where else."

He made some sound telling me that he at least acknowledged that words were coming out of my mouth. But his flaming, calloused touches were still exploring my body, burning every inch of my sweating skin. His lips now attached to my collar bone. He sucked there gently, poking at the one spot with his sweltering tongue.

"Antonio." I was still trying to get his attention… well the other kind of attention. Not that I didn't like the other attention, because it was incredible. Who wouldn't love having Antonio Fernandez touch them like that? And none of you will ever have that… haha.

"_¿Sí, corazoncito?" _he said looking up to me with his seductive green eyes. And a shiver went up my spine, a good one.

But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had this effect on me. Instead, I turned on my Italian charm. My Latin blood was oozing out of my system. I was going to make him feel like how I was feeling. So, I made a slight smile (and he should count his lucky stars that I smiled at him), closed my eyes partly and made a seductive face. I bent down and whispered in his ear. I said in the hottest voice I could make, my accent helped here. "Let's take this to the bedroom, _caro mio_"

He made a slight arrogant chuckle. "_Quiero hacerte el amor._"

Fuck him, he got the last laugh. I wasn't thinking too much about what he was saying. I wasn't going to understand it anyway. But, it was hot, hot, hot. He had that low husky voice while he said it and he looked at me with those seductive eyes. I would have attacked him right there and then, but I couldn't let him win. After weeks of waiting, I was not giving him the satisfaction. So, instead I gave him a peck on the lips. He had closed his eyes, probably hoping for more than a peck. But that was all he was getting until he followed me into the bedroom.

So, I got off of him and the couch and started to walk to my bedroom, up the stairs. I looked back once when I was at the edge of the stairs. He was still at the couch watching me. I did my best at making the damn sexiest and hottest come-hither face. I even did the finger thing. I turned around and walked up the stairs.

I heard Antonio a little bit. Yep, I was winning. Good, because I was getting very aroused.

I got to my door. I didn't even touch the doorknob and Antonio had attacked me from the back. His hands pulled me closer to him. I felt his arousal rub against me. Yep, I was winning. But, he wasn't going to give up just yet. His chin rested on my shoulder and he took his turn to whisper in my ear with a husky voice. "_Te quiero, corazoncito._" Fuck, he was making it hard to win this.

I hurried up and turned the doorknob. My door flew open and I turned around. What I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and jump into his arms. I didn't. Instead I took him by his shirt's collar… I didn't wonder when his blazer came off. I just pulled him closer and unbuttoned those pesky buttons. It wasn't fair that I was in my briefs and he was basically fully dressed. This needed to be an even playing field.

He smiled while he watched my struggle with the buttons. Honestly, it's when you're in a rush things didn't want to work for you. But he didn't seem to mind that much. He just watched me with his sultry eyes. He was planning something.

I finished with the buttons and threw off his shirt to expose his chest. Every muscle was exposed to me. Fuck, he was hot. He had an olive tanned skin. Not like my skin, his was a little tanner. He was more muscular then me. Not that I wasn't totally hot. You've seen me in shirtless pictures. I still had muscles. I was manlier looking then Feli… fuck, must not think of turn offs. Well, I had muscles, and I didn't have the body of a fourteen year old boy. I was 23, I was developed. Anyway, Antonio, at 25, was more muscular. He wasn't too muscular and with a shirt, he could hide his muscles. But he could hold his own in a fight. Or be just enough fanservice for a show or something.

He gave me a cocky smile. He thinks he won, did he? I wasn't losing. I took his head and brought his lips to mine again. Our mouths clashed in a wind of sizzling passion. Our tongues danced. With my other hand, I finally got my chance to explore his chest, to memorize it. Mmm.

Antonio started to walk forward, and I walked backwards, until I eventually fell on my bed. He had that cocky smile again. He picked me up and pushed my body deeper on the bed. Before he crawled on the bed with me, he oh so slowly (and evilly), undid his belt and the button on his jeans. Watching him take off his pants made me realise this was happening. I was going to make love (or the other way around depending on your stupid point of view) to Antonio Fernandez. In result, all the blood from my brain went southward. I needed to get out of these briefs.

I don't know why Antonio didn't take off his boxers before crawling into bed… maybe he wanted to make everything slower… he's an ass that way. But he didn't. He crawled on top of me. His lips lingered up my body. His tongue darted out every so often. He actually spent some seconds tonguing my bellybutton. Luckily, he had enough sense to not linger for too long.

We were back to face to face. The playing field leveled. We were both in our underwear… he still had socks on though… they didn't last long. With my feet I took those off. That said, my leg lifted and brought our hips closer. Hence, friction that was much needed. We both gasped at the contact. We both needed it. But it was doing nothing for my arousal… if anything it was making it worse. He bucked his hips once more before I had enough… I needed more.

So, I bucked my hips up… his hips were in the way, so there was still that torturous friction. I then pulled my briefs down and kicked them off. I hissed at the contact with the cold air. I needed those stupid things off.

"Take yours off," I ordered Antonio.

I turned to my nightstand and took out some things. I had barely any lube and only one lubed condom. Hey, hadn't had sex since February. Buying lube wasn't on my mind. It was still useful. I turned around to see Antonio totally naked in front of me. It was a dream come true. His skin was red hot, breathe was heavy. And he was defiantly aroused and ready.

I gave him the bottle. He looked at me confused for two seconds… yes I was going as you members of Elizaveta's cult call it, bottom. I don't call it that, but you can call it whatever you want. It's not because he was bigger and debatably manlier (remember I said debatably). It was because I would be his first time with another man. Let's make it as enjoyable as possible. I've been in the receiving position before. Sure it's been two months… if you don't count those times in the shower... I don't. Anyway, I put some quick thought into this.

After some thought, too much, Antonio figured out what to do. He put whatever lube I had on to his fingers. I spared my legs. After he finished, he turned to me. With his one finger (non-lubed one), he traced his way up my leg. Shivers were the result. He positioned his body between my legs. When everything was just right, he moved his one figure to my hole. That finger slowly entered me.

I gasped and my muscles contracted around his finger. After a moment or two, I started to relax and rock my hips onto his finger. He took that has the opportunity to start moving his finger, in and out… well not all the way out, you get the point.

"Left," I told him. Hey, I knew where I liked it. He moved his finger a little left. Mmm. That was getting better. "A little more," I moaned. He moved a little more. "Deeper." And I closed my eyes and gasped. Shivers came up my spine. He hit it. I could feel the pre-cum fall from my membrane.

Antonio made a mental note of that. After one more thrust of his finger, another one was added. I swallowed them and rocked my hips more. I was now moaning and gasping. My knuckles were white as I grabbed the sheets of my bed. He scissored inside of me, trying to hit the spot I showed him, every time. Before too long a third finger was added.

In a haze, I looked at my lover. He looked hungry and waiting for more. He looked at my burning body. The sweat came down my face. Every time I gasp, he looked more and more uncomfortable. He wasn't lasting longer.

With difficulty, I grabbed that lubed condom. "Put this on," I groaned while throwing it towards him… which was hard because of the faintness of my muscles. "I don't want more of a mess then needed." Sadly, that meant his fingers left my ravenous hole. I whimpered at the lost. I wanted him hurry up with the condom. He fumbled with the thing. While he tried opening the damn thing, I moved my foot up his member. He gasped. I was not helping with this condom thing. But I needed to be ravished and soon.

Fuck, this was taking too long. Don't judge, I was horny as fuck and I had a very hungry hole wanting attention. I needed to do something. So, I moved my one hand and pinched my nipple. I sighed contently at that. I started to play with it, my body tingling and I was moaning again.

Antonio got that stupid thing on and stared at me for two seconds. I made a slight victorious huff and move that foot up again. But, I soon widened my legs again. My hole was very welcoming. He positioned his body back. I lifted my legs around his body bringing him closer. He then bent down and kissed me. I didn't notice how much I missed our fiery kisses until then. His hot tongue exploring every inch of my mouth. It was during that kiss, he started to enter me. I hissed and my legs wrapped tighter around him. My muscles contracted again. I looked up at my lover. His mouth was open and he looked content. Both of us were breathing heavily. I might have regretted what I did next the next morning, but my body started to relax again and kissed his lips. It was a small kiss and I didn't give him a chance to kiss me back before I lied back down and groaned for more.

Antonio didn't need to be told twice. He started to move his hips. At first, it was irregular and he was moving everywhere… searching for that spot no doubt. My arms were around his neck. He was bent down breathing into my shoulder. From now and then he would kiss it. Even bite it slightly.

"Antonio," I gasped. I dug my nails into his back. Yep, he hit that spot again.

I felt his smile on my neck. He gave it a kiss and then started to move in a fast rhythm. Almost like a dance. I did my best to join this dance and move. But he was leading me in this pleasurable dance.

We were both gasping and moaning and whatever other noises you make during sex. I was getting way too close. I wasn't lasting longer if he hit that spot over and over and over again. Fuck that was magical. My body tensed up. My legs wrapped harder and harder around him. My nails dug deeper into his skin. My wet membrane rubbed against his chest.

Antonio was actually the first to cum. It was hot. Sure, I didn't exactly see his face. I just felt every scorching touch on my skin, including his lips and his hot breath. And my eyes were closed, bringing myself closer and closer to release. But, Antonio just sounded hot. A lot of people are not hot while they reach orgasm. But, Antonio, being Antonio, was. Nothing about it was awkward. It was just hot. And what made me feel the waves of pleasure and release in a loud gasp.

I was breathing hard. I felt my chest go up and down. I saw Antonio's body move up and down. He had collapsed on me. Soon, he exited me. He then flopped beside me. I closed my eyes. We made love. Fuck, I was on cloud nine. If someone told me that morning this was how I was going to end my night, I would have punched them. But, it did happen. And for the first time in my fucking life, I was actually happy. I see this as a love confession and I think that's what made me happier than anything else. It wasn't the sex, it was the love confession. He made love to me. I, for once in my life, engaged in the act of love making. I was happy. Fuck, I can't believe I'm describing my emotion as happy! Me? Lovino Romano Vargas happy? Who would have thought?!

I looked at Antonio. He was lying there beside me. Naked. His head was in my pillow. I heard his irregular panting. His eyes were closed and he smiled. He was happy too.

"So…" I said. Someone needed to say something.

"So?" he asked.

"What happens now?"

"I don't know."

I nodded. I had nothing else to say but look at him. I looked at his smile. I was still baffled that people could smile as much as him. 90% of the time he was smiling. How?

Antonio turned on his side and looked at me. He reached out and rubbed my cheek. I closed my eyes and moved towards him. Next thing I knew, I was cuddling with him. You thought it would be Antonio cuddling with me. Nope. I cuddled on his very hot chest. His skin was still so hot. He wrapped his one arm around me and kissed my head.

"_Estoy desesperadamente enamorado de ti._" Again, what was with him and all the Spanish? First, it was a turn on and I was too tired for another round. And second, I didn't understand most of it. But knowing Antonio, he was saying these things because he has trouble saying them in English. I just took it as another love confession. And I actually smiled… it wasn't because I was acting or flirting. I actually smiled because I was fucking happy. Yeah, if the world ended the next day, it would have been because I smiled. Yes, Lovino Romano Vargas smiled! Yep, today was the day that those fucking pigs started flying.

"¿_Corazoncito?_" And I got a pet name out of this!

I moaned a content moan. "_Sì_?"

Then, it was heartbreak time. "As much as I would love to stay like this all night…"

"Me too."

"… I have to go." Yeah, way to go. Now the miracle of me smiling was gone. Hope you took a picture. Those moments are rare as fuck.

"Why the fuck do you have to leave?"

He sighed. "Don't be mad Lovi." Um… you were leaving me? I was starting to feel like I was just being used for sex. "I don't want too, but Emma's parents are coming over tomorrow and I need to be there."

Oh yeah. For however long, I forgot, I just had sex with a married man. I just had sex with a married man. Fuck! And now he couldn't stay because he had to go back to his wife. Fuck, he better leave her soon. Yeah, that didn't happen as fast as I would have hoped for.

I rolled off of Antonio and found myself under my covers.

Antonio got up and started to look for his clothes. I sighed disappointedly. Great, just great. I was an adulterer. It was official. Five months being in love with a guy, I finally get him and I have to share. I still hoped it wasn't going to be for long.

After Antonio found all his clothes, he came up to me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "_Voy a estar soñonado de ti_." He told me.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever," I told him.

"I'll call you, promise this time. And I'll tell Emma when her parents leave." I hope he meant about leaving her, not that we made love. Who wants to hear that your husband is leaving you for another man?

I didn't look at him. I just took my covers and tried to cuddle with them.

Antonio gave me one last kiss… it was on the cheek. I think he was hoping for a kiss on the lips. I was not giving him that satisfaction.

"_Te quiero, corazoncito_." My heart might have stopped for a second. And that might have made me sleep better.

* * *

_Translations: _

_Tu me vuelves loca = You drive me crazy (Spanish)_

_Quiero que seas mío = I want you to be mine (Spanish)_

_Te quiero besar = I want to kiss you (Spanish)_

_Baciami = Kiss me (Italian)_

_Desde que te conocí no hago nada más que pensar en ti = Since I met you I do nothing else except think of you (Spanish) _

_Corazoncito = Spanish term of endearment. _

_Caro mio = Italian term of endearment, my dear (for a male)_

_Quiero hacerte el amor = I want to make love to you (Spanish)_

_Te quiero = I want you or I love you, both contexts are used in this chapter (Spanish)_

_Estoy desesperadamente enamorado de ti = I'm hopelessly in love with you (Spanish)_

_Voy a estar soñonado de ti = I will be dreaming of you (Spanish)_

_Citation (because citations are needed, I only know French and English) www . /articles/Spanish -terms-of-endearment. html and www. / articles/romantic -spanish-phrases. html (you know the drill, take out the spaces) _


	12. Tornerò

**_EDIT IMPORTANT FOR THOSE WHO HAVE READ CHAPTER 12 BEFORE-_**_ I redid the chapter because I honestly hated the first time i wrote the chapter. I thought it was rushed and a little stupid. But I wrote it because I was stressed and I write to calm myself down. Now that I can see correctly, I can see I'm going off course with my original idea for this story… about an affair of two people that should be together and a celebrity hiding behind a mask. I would go rewrite chapter 11 too, but that chapter was so popular, so, I'll leave it the way it is... terribly written smut. (It was my first time so hopefully I'm excused). Anyway, think of this as Part II of _Per Sempre Tua_, the first part being the seduction and this part being the relationship or the fight to be together. _

_Disclaimer – I own nothing but the plot. _

_Thanks for all the favs and follows! I don't thank you guys enough! _

_I've been on a Eurovision high ever since I got the category for SongPop… my sister thought I was crazy for getting the category since she didn't even know about it… we do live in Canada after all. But I bought it since I knew about Waterloo, Fairytale, Popular and Euphoria. And I was like why not. I buy categories to learn about new music I might like. _

_Greco-Roman mythology reference: Ulysses (Odysseus in Greek, I would think that Romano would use the Roman names for Greco-Roman mythology). I honestly think it's a good comparison for this chapter. And Pandora's Box. _

_Mei Chang = Taiwan_

_Nik = The Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus _

_Translations _

_I think the words in this chapter are pretty basic, both Italian and Spanish._

* * *

**Chapter 12**

_Tornerò, tornerò_

_La mia vita ti darò_

_Tornerai, tornerai_

_Mia per sempre tu sarai_

**_Tornerò (Mihai Trãistariu) 2006_**

"Antonio," I said looking at myself cry in the mirror.

What had-I done? What the fuck had-I done?! I was a fucking slut! I had slept with him. Oh fucking fuck. Yes, I admit that I was totally in love with that man. But… I shouldn't have done that. He was married! Sure, he told me that he was leaving his wife but he was probably just confused. The fucker didn't understand what he was doing. He's living a new life, a life people only dream off. It was easy to get caught up in the lifestyle. But that was not Antonio. He was not one of us. He was not someone who went off and cheated on his wife. He was an innocent, naïve, oblivious, nice man. What had I made him into? If this got out, his reputation would be ruined. His first album was full of songs about his wife or his life. That was the man that Antonio was. He was not the person I was making him into. I was forcing him into a relationship with me. He told me that he planned to come here to reject me, like he should have. He should have broken my heart. He should have crushed it into millions of pieces and then walked all over it. He should have fixed everything with Blondie. I was being stupid and selfish as usual. I was thinking about myself and my needs and my feelings. I kissed him. I lead him on. I did this to him. I told him that I loved him. I was an adulterer. I ruined a happy marriage. Antonio wasn't confused before he met me. He was happy-go-lucky Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, school teacher turned singer. He was an honest man. He was a family man and a man of the community. He was the type to have a little Giovanni (I think the Spanish equivalent would be José), and coach his little league soccer team. Not one to go behind the backs of everyone that knew him and fuck another man. Or the type to tell them that he loved him back. Fuck, Antonio told me that he loved me back. Did he really love me back? Or was it a heat of the moment thing? No, Antonio was just confused about everything. He was a simple farm boy living a life he shouldn't.

I turned on the faucet and splashed water on my face. My face was red and hot. It didn't help that I had a hangover. People with moral dilemmas should not have hangovers. My head was splitting in two. I blame the moral dilemma on some of that pain.

I looked at myself in the mirror again. I looked like fucking shit. My hair was messy. My face was red. My eyes were red and puffy. I cried again. Fuck, I never cried before I met Antonio. Now, I was like a fucking teenage girl!

To calm myself down, I decided to take a long, warm shower. I needed to forget everything. I blasted music… I made sure none of it would be one of Antonio's songs… and took a long shower. I just let the shower wash away all thoughts and sins. I washed every inch of my body twice, some places thrice. I wasn't going to think about how I ruined Antonio's career. No. I was going to concentrate on my lines and the last episode of _The Smuggler_. Fuck, sometimes I wished I could be _Mario Moretti_, the cool, savvy, street wise gangster... But I was him, if I tried hard enough, I could be him and forget everyone else. That's why I loved acting. I could escape my life and be someone else. I could be someone everyone loved. Everyone loved my character. He was hot and there was a certain fondness for those bad boys, but at the same time, he could hold family values and family was more important to him than anything else. People loved him. None of them liked me. My family was forced to like me. Everyone else I knew liked me for my character and my prestige. I was the grandson of Romulus Vargas, the son of Alessandro Vargas Sr. and Catrina Vargas. I was a household name. I was Romano. People liked Romano and what he brought, not Lovino, the cowardly man behind the mask nor the grumpy man that swears and acts like a selfish prick nor the man that manipulated a clean-cut, married man to think that he was in love with him. No one liked the man behind the façade. I was terrible and ruined a man's marriage and career. A man I believed I loved. Why would someone do this to someone they loved. I should have just let him go. Why the fuck didn't I? Oh yeah, I was stupid and a coward. Yep.

So, the shower didn't help. Instead, I decided to lie on my bed and just listen to music. I started to let the lyrics take me away. I just closed my eyes and sang to the music into my pillow.

Eventually, I had to answer my phone. It kept ringing and ringing and ringing. It was Luise. She explained that we needed to have a meeting about all these interviews the production team (aka Sadiq) of _The Smuggler_ wanted me to do. I told her to come over. It wasn't like I was doing anything.

I got dress in something quick. I didn't care about what I wore or how I looked. This was only Luise after all and in a month I will be forced to see her puke her brains out because my stupid brother will get the dyke pregnant. I have my doubts about the father of the child, but they swear I'm an uncle… and I still can't believe Luise, the most organized woman I knew, got pregnant accidently. Anyway, that's a story for another time.

I was eating Nutella toast when Luise came in with her brief case. We were going to have a meeting. Yay. This was going to be fun. Not that I was already having a terrible day. I still had a headache after all.

"_Guten mor_… this place is a mess." That's how Luise greeted me. How special am-I?

"Yeah, the maid hasn't come this week. She says she's sick," I explained.

"You're just like your brother sometimes," Luise sighed under her breath. But I heard her. She sat on the couch… the same couch that all last night started on. The place where Antonio and I started kissing. I could feel his lips on mine. His hands caressing my sides. I could hear his voice speaking to me. I could smell his intoxicating aroma filling my nostrils.

"I have an office where we could do this," I told Luise.

"Yes, but you hate using your office."

"I don't feel like being in the living room today." Yeah, I didn't want to be suffocated with the memory of last night.

"Are you alright? You don't look like yourself and you haven't sworn since I got here." Luise caught on. She was smart after all.

"I'm fucking fine," I snapped.

She didn't look pleased with that. She knew something was up. Her blue eyes studied me for a second. "Let's go to the office then," she said patiently.

Sometimes I wondered why Luise decided to guide me in my career. Seriously, Feli couldn't have that much control over her that she would put up with my abuse.

It was true that I didn't use my office very often. It was the cleanest part of my apartment. Seriously, the maid used it as a lunchroom. There was some dust here and there. But nothing messy. I didn't have anything in there but a desk and a few chairs. I felt better in here. Antonio had never been in here.

Luise sat in one of the chairs. She emptied the brief cased and organized the papers and her electronics perfectly. This was Luise and she was anal about these things. Why was she dating and pretending to be in love with Feli, enough to have a child with him? I don't know.

"The season is almost over."

"_Sì_."

"Now, I have some interviews and promotions for you to go to." I nodded. "You'll have to pick two out of three charity events. I was thinking you should go to the cancer charity event, because that's a horrid diseased that needs to be cured. But at the same time, people know about that problem. You might also want to promote public awareness on the arts for elementary schools and teen pregnancy. Maybe you should go to all of them… no, if you don't go to the teen pregnancy one, you can do a commercial for Mei Chang." Just to remind you, she was unknown back then. And for those who don't know fashion, Mei Chang is a fashion designer.

"Sure."

"Okay, I thought you might say that, so I ordered some clothes from her collection. You can go over it with Feliks or whoever." I nodded. I saw Luise look suspiciously at me. But she continued.

I wasn't doing much this summer but charity events, promotion of the show, modelling for various magazines, modelling for a commercial, going to a couple of parties and Feli and I were going to be judges on Françoise's _Sex in the_ _Kitchen_ show. I told Luise I didn't want to start a movie career just yet, like Theodora. During this time period it was easier to make a movie, and that was what Theodora was doing. Even Jean-Jacques was making a cameo in a film. Elizaveta was taking a break and was going to travel Europe with her husband. Feliks was keeping it quiet, like me.

But every time Luise said something, whenever I tried to concentrate on what she was saying, all I could think about was last night. I was trying to fight the memories but they kept coming back. I felt so bad when I felt his hands travelling up my body and his lips attached to my neck.

"Are you depressed?" Luise asked.

_Sí Lovi, you look down. Do you want me to cheer you up? _Great now I was imagining him talking to me. I was going fucking insane!

"What?"

"Are you suffering a depression?" Luise asked.

_I can fix it. I can make you feel better. _Fuck off Antonio. You're the reason I'm like this.

"No!"

"Is it drugs?"

_Because drugs are bad and we want you to be healthy. _Really? Even my imaginary Antonio was a moron.

"Fuck no!" Well, if you don't count Antonio as an addiction.

"An eating disorder?"

_Lovi, you're just perrrrrrfecto the way you are. _I could feel him saying that seductively in my ears. I felt his throat vibrate while he rolled the r in _perfecto_.

"NO! I like my body the way it is!" One of the only things I liked about myself.

_That's good Lovi, because you are so handsome and bello. _He was caressing my sides and nibbling on my ear. I tried not to fall into the fantasy.

"Feliciano is worried. And if you do have a problem, you can talk to him. He wants to help you." Or he feels like he has too because that's what family does.

_Your brother loves you. _Did he really have to comment on everything? Yeah, if you ever watch a movie with Antonio, don't. He talks throughout the entire movie.

"I'm fine."

_You're not. _Shut up.

Luise eyed me. "I know you don't like me." That's true. "But you are my client." That was true too. "If there is anything that might influence your career, you can tell me. I would not tell a soul and protect you. Also, I've helped you out of a lot of situations. Remember your stalker last year?" I would like to forget it.

_A stalker? No one is allowed to touch my Lovi but me. _Great, he was now possessive. Do I have to remind you about a certain blonde you are touching?

"I took care of her." She made it sound like she was a mafia boss and had her killed. Luise actually just brought her to court. "And how each time you get a speeding ticket, it never hits the news?" I nodded. Where was she the day the pictures of me in the Orange shirt popped up? "And if it wasn't for me, right now a magazine would be heading that you and Elizaveta are having an affair."

Fantasy Antonio stopped everything he was doing. Both of our mouths were wide open. If this was a cartoon, our mouths would be to the ground.

"What! Why would I ever sleep with that creeper?!" It was fucking Elizaveta! She spends most of her time with Feliks… it would be Feliks she would be cheating on Roderich with… too bad Feliks is as gay as a unicorn shitting rainbows. The people had it somewhat right, I was the third person in Antonio's and Emma's marriage.

_Sí, that's loco. _Shut the fuck up.

"I know it as untrue and so does everyone else we know but it does make a good story. But thanks to me, those headlines never hit the stands. It turned out some girl photo shopped the pictures the tabloids were going to print as true." Eww. Elizaveta and me. Eww. "What I'm saying, if there are problems, you can tell me and I'll help." I looked at her blankly. So did fantasy Antonio. "Is there anything that I can help you with?" I continued to look at her blankly. Should I tell a woman I openly hate that I had sex and was totally in love with Antonio? She wouldn't understand. Anyway, she was just offering help for Feli's sake. Feli must have put her up to this. Because it's always about Feli.

_People care for you too you know. Like me. _Fuck off you horny bastard!

"I'm fine."

She still didn't look convince. "When you need to talk, call Feliciano." With that she left.

I sighed again and banged my head on my desk.

_That was interesting. _

"Shut up," I said grinding my teeth.

_Lovi, maybe we can't fix this on our own. Maybe we should ask for help? _

"No," I stated. "I can fix this. I just need to figure out how."

Imaginary Antonio sat on my desk. He was looking down on me with those _perfecto_ green eyes. He was even petting my hair. I was going fucking insane.

"I can figure this out. This is my fault and I am the one who is going to fix it. I have to be the one to fix it."

_Lovi, sometimes we need help with these kinds of things. You can't be expected to fix your problems by yourself. _

"Of course I can fuckface."

Antonio sighed. _You are so stubborn sometimes, mi armor. _

"I got us into this mess. If I didn't lead you on, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be feeling this way. I need to fix this. If only I let you go. Fuck, I promised your sister that I would remind you that inside you were the same Antonio as you were a year ago."

_But Lovi, I'm not the same Antonio as I was a year ago. _

"I know that. I changed you into this thing!"

_No, you did not. People change all the time. The events of our lives change us. I had changed before I met you. You've changed too. You're not the same man as you were five months ago. _

Okay, my subconscious or whatever was really playing mind tricks on me. How was my mind this archaic? Or was these my insecurities debating with some other part of me. That makes sense… right? I'm not crazy… right?

"Can you fucking leave me alone?" I yelled/asked.

_I'm a figment of your imagination. You can make me leave at any point. _

Yeah. Why did I feel like Remy from _Ratatouille_ talking to Gusteau? Seriously, this was fucking insane.

"Then why aren't you gone?"

_You don't want me to leave. _

"No, I want you gone. I want life back to normal. I want to go back to not caring about love and romance. I want to go back to my one-night stands. No emotions. I want my old life. I want to be that man who didn't give a fuck about anything!"

_You are not that man. _

"I can be. If only you were gone!"

I got up and left the room. I slammed the door shut behind me. Maybe that would force Antonio away.

It didn't.

I was stuck with him haunting me. I tried everything to get that illusion to leave me. I started to watch television. That didn't help. Even when I had my stereo at full blast… and let me tell you that it was loud as fuck. Eventually, I turned that off. Then I went to the kitchen and cook, with music blasting. Nope. That didn't work. He was there watching me cook. He was even giving me pointers! Fuck that was fucked. After eating, I decided to practice my lines. That was the most fucked of everything. I was practicing my lines with the illusion of Antonio. He was saying everyone else's lines while I said mine.

That was when I called someone. I actually went eeny meeny miny moe with all my co-stars, expect Elizaveta. I wasn't going to practice with her. She's friends with Blondie.

Theodora won, so I called her. She was having dinner with her family. Nik, her little brother, told her to get off her phone. So, Theodora was off the list. So was Jean-Jacques, honestly I don't have that many lines with him. Feliks was … I don't know what he was doing. When I called him, he was talking a mile an hour and I did not understand a word he said. All I knew, he was busy. Even, my co-stars didn't want to spend time with me. I was a horrible human being.

My next decision was to call Sandro. But he was working. Yes, Sandro actually works. So, I wasn't going to spend time with him. Feli was still in Vancouver. Fuck if I was going to call _Nonno_. _Babbo _was in New York. _Mamma _was in France. I was alone with Antonio, the figment of my imagination. This fucking sucked ass.

_Ignoring it doesn't help your problem. It doesn't solve anything. _I fucking know that. I'm not a fucking moron. I went back to practicing my lines with fantasy Antonio. Why not.

By the end of the night, I knew my lines better than I had ever had. Not just that I knew them, I could act them out perfectly. Hence my third Emmy. Yeah, go crazy for a day, you'll get an Emmy.

I was lying in my bed. I checked my messages. Feli texted me. I texted him back. We talked a bit. That didn't do anything for my problem with imaginary Antonio. He was lying beside me and commented on whatever was going on. How fun.

Anyway, during the time I was texting Feli, Antonio, the real one, texted me.

_Buenas noches 3 _

A heart! He fucking texted a heart! I was a terrible man. How could I fucking do this?

What should I do? Should-I reply… yeah it was only polite. But what should I reply. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say too much. His wife might catch on.

_You too_

It was a simple text. Nothing too much. Nothing to lead him on or anything. It was just simple.

After that, I texted bye to Feli and then went to bed. I had to wake up early tomorrow for the show.

While trying to sleep, imaginary Antonio hugged me. His arms wrapped around me and he gave me a simple kiss on the neck. It felt too right. Way too right.

Why did loving him have to be so hard? Why couldn't he be an openly gay unmarried man so I could have him? I needed that man. I needed him to hug and love me. Fuck. But I couldn't let that happen, for his sake. For his sake, I couldn't need him.

That was when I figured out what to do. I'll try again. I'll try cutting him out of my life. It was for the best.

I fell asleep after texting Antonio to meet me tomorrow at nine at my house. I wanted to invite him somewhere public but, you know the paparazzi. They would have a field day if they found out about us. _Antonio Fernandez cheats on wife with Romano Vargas_. The tabloids would go crazy. Well, they... never mind, you know what the tabloids would say.

The next morning, I will admit, I was nervous as hell. I was going to finally tell Antonio that we couldn't see each other anymore. It should be fast. I could bring him to my living room and we could talk there. Five minutes tops. It had to be quick. Why was I so fucking delusional?

Other than my nervousness, the morning went on as normal. When I was almost finished getting ready, Luise would arrive with breakfast. She would then yell at me like we were in the military and then out the door we went. Though, Luise was a little nicer than usual. I didn't notice that at the time because all I cared about was my nervousness. I was practicing what I was going to say to Antonio in my mind. _Antonio, we can't see each other anymore. _Straight to the point was a good way to start. Right? This was a breakup. Fuck, I never broken up with someone before! What if I do it wrong? Is there a right way to break up with someone? Don't think about that Lovino.

"Did you practice your lines yesterday?" Luise asked in the car. I nodded. "How much?"

"All afternoon and all last night."

Luise looked at me confusedly. "Truthfully?"

I nodded. "I know all my lines. I might be a little rusty this morning. Just let me go over them once and I can recite them again." By the way, I have never memorized my lines like that. It usually takes me a few days and I improvise a lot too. Sure, I improvised with Antonio last night too. I made some changes to the script. Oh well to the writers.

"I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything."

She nodded.

Yep, we were acting civil towards each other. I wasn't swearing or anything. I was too busy being anxious to care or hate. And Feli was probably telling her to be extra nice to me.

Luise drop me off at the stage we film at. I saw a few tourists outside of the studio. I didn't think studios did tours until 9 am. Why the fuck were they here? But, I didn't dwell on that too long. Instead, I walked into the studio and went to my dressing room.

I shared my dressing room with Feliks. Yeah, they gave both men who like other men, the same dressing room. Anyway, Feliks was always there first.

"Hey Romano!" Feliks said. He then gave me a hug. I pushed him off, of course. "Sorry, I couldn't practice yesterday. I was like so busy! Like Iryna had this…" and then the mile an hour talking started. I wasn't in the mind frame to care (not that I ever care) or follow that rant. Who could follow it? Maybe his boyfriend but I doubted that.

Feliks talked while the guys and girls got us dressed for the show. Then we were off to make-up.

Feliks was made to look like Julian Lewandowski and I was made to look like Mario Moretti. I put on the fedora and then off we went to the stage. Feliks was still talking a mile an hour. I still didn't listen to him. I was rehearsing in my mind what I was going to say to Antonio later that day. But once I hit the stage, I changed. I eased Antonio out of my mind and turned into Mario. That was a thing I did. Once I walked on the stage, I became someone else. My whole being was different. The way I walked was more confident. I smile seductively and manipulatively. I was a new confident and brave man. But why am-I telling you this. Watch the show and you'll see how I act.

Gupta was waiting for us on the stage. He told us were to go. Theodora was there, looking Angie like. Elizaveta was there looking like Magdolna. Jean-Jacques looked like Guillaume. We were the cast. We were ready to film the last episode of season two.

I like acting. I like pretending to be someone else. Someone with different problems that always get solved the way he wanted it to be solved. Mario would have seduced Antonio away from Blondie, without a second thought. What Mario wants, he gets. He doesn't have to lift a finger and he gets what he wants. He never got his hands dirty. Never. Maybe with Magdolna sometimes. But almost never.

Time passed so quickly. As soon as I knew it, it was lunch time. Fuck, I was that much closer to my meeting with Antonio.

As soon as they called lunch, I went back to being pathetic Lovino. On the outside I was calm and cool but on the inside I was freaking out because I was going to tell Antonio that we couldn't see each other. I knew this was going to be hard. I've tried for a while. But today was the day that I was going to do it. I was going to do it.

As usual, my co-stars tried to get me to eat lunch with them. I didn't, I told them I had an important thing to do. I don't know what they were thinking but I don't really care either. It wasn't like I was being Mister Sociable for the last few weeks.

I didn't eat. I wasn't hungry. What I did was write lines on my phone. Should I start with _We shouldn't see each other anymore. _Or _I'm crazy for you but this is wrong and you need to stay with your wife. _Or _Antonio, I've been in love with you since I first saw you. So, it pains me to tell you that we cannot see each other anymore. _None of them sounded right. I couldn't tell him that I loved him. That would give him hope. Hope. I was not going to be the one that would let hope out of Pandora's Box.

Before long, I was back to being the confident, sly and cool Mario Moretti. My escape.

Too bad you can't escape real life for that long.

I was soon back at home, alone waiting for Antonio to arrive. I was pacing around my kitchen. Still rehearsing what I was going to say to the bastard.

_This isn't the only option. _Fantasy Antonio explained sitting on my counter. He was looking at me with weary eyes.

"It's the best option. It's the only one that would protect both of us from future humiliation and heart-break. I can't ruin his career. I just can't. It just started."

_Sí, but Lovi, musicians get away with a lot. They could be on the brinks of death by overdose and next thing you know, they are back on the scene. Musicians are known to do the craziest things and still be loved by millions and millions. Michael Jackson had those child molestation charges. He still had millions of fans._

"He lost fans too."

_Lovi, if people could see how much you love me and how much I love you. They would understand._

"You don't love me. You just think you love me. You're just confused."

Fantasy Antonio looked hurt by that comment. But he stayed quite while I thought about this.

It was a little pass nine when Antonio, the real one, arrived. I heard the elevator ding and then a knock at my door. I jumped in place. It was time. It was time. It was time! I took a breath and I opened the only thing blocking me from Antonio, the door. _Dio Mio_.

No matter how many times I see this man, my heart skipped a beat. I had one of those you take my breath away moments. I had a few of those with this man. It wasn't something new. But it felt new every time it happened. Oh fuck, the devil was making this hard for me.

He was there, handsome and carefree. When he heard the door open, he looked at me. Those beautiful green orbs stared into my soul. They made my soul shiver. He looked so good with his shirt a little opened and his light jeans. That hair looked messy and carefree like his personality. I was seriously starting to regret this. Maybe our jobs weren't that important. Lovi, stop thinking that way!

Now that I saw him, I could feel his kisses again. Fuck, he was a siren.

"Lovi!"

Antonio basically made a little hop in place and made one of his huge, heart melting smiles. Did that mean I made his heart skip a beat? NO! Don't think like that, you have a mission. His heart doesn't skip a beat for you, that's just a delusion you tell yourself.

I looked at the man in front of me again. His smile faded and then I saw it. The guilt. It might be me reflecting my emotions on him, but I swear I could see guilt in his beautiful eyes. I honestly don't know what he was thinking or how he was feeling. But it wasn't good.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked.

He sluggishly came in. He didn't take off his shoes. He didn't even sit down. There was something wrong. I just knew it.

"Lovi, I have to go back. I told Emma that I had to pick something up from the studio and that I would be right back. Her parents are still here and…"

"You can't leave your wife."

"_¿Qué?_" Antonio's eyes grew with confusion. He was looking at me with those eyes. I got nervous again.

"You can't leave her, not for me not for anyone."

"What do you mean I can't leave her?"

Maybe I should have eased myself into this. He was looking a little hurt and angry. "If you leave her, your reputation will be ruined. Antonio, do you understand how important a reputation is to us? Our careers depend on it. We have to create an image to the public and we have to be that person for the rest of our lives or until the public gets bored with us and decide to favour the shiny new star. Antonio, people's careers get ruined when they shatter the public view of them. Our careers depend on the love and admiration of other people."

"People get divorced all the time," he replied.

"You're lucky if your career doesn't get affected if the public finds out you cheated on your partner." Antonio didn't look at me. He looked at the ground. "Don't tell me you feel guilty about that night? Tell me that when you look at her, you don't feel guilty." Antonio didn't reply. He was now looking the opposite direction. "Antonio, you were a grade school teacher at a Catholic school. You're the good man. You've create a wholesome reputation for yourself. You can't shatter it by cheating on your wife with another man."

"I know who I was."

"And people look at that. They create a personality of who they think you are. You are the good husband. On magazines, I see you and all they have to say are good things. They can't find bad things about you. They can't find out we are flawed humans. You are new and you have a growing fan base. You'll come out with your new album and you'll have more fans. You'll go on international tours and support charities. People will love you and support you." Antonio looked hurt. "You came to the same conclusion as I did. You wanted to come here to tell me that we shouldn't see each other."

"But I figured out that was a stupid idea. Lovi, I don't care what other people think about me." He was looking at me again. His eyes were pleading with me. "If my career is ruined, whatever. I had fun with my fifteen minutes of fame. I didn't ask for this life. I didn't want to be an overnight success. But I went along with it because it might be fun. I never realised I would actually meet you. I never realised that I would actually fall in love with you."

"You don't love me. You just think you do."

"How do you know how I feel?" Antonio was starting to raise his voice.

"Because you can't love me back!" I snapped. "This has to be unrequited love."

"Why?"

"Because your career depends on it."

"I told you I don't care about that."

"But I do. I care if I destroy someone else's life."

Fuck, this wasn't supposed to be this emotional. He was supposed to say I agree with you and leave. He wasn't supposed to fight me on this.

"Lovi, please, I might have trouble looking at Emma. I might not be able to look at her parents the same way. But I figure out something… I don't know when but I did. I want you." Great my dreams were coming true. Antonio was admitting that he loved me. He was leaving his wife for me. Why the fuck couldn't I be happy and just let my dreams come true? Why did I have to fight this? Why do I always have to push everything that was great out of my life? Why couldn't I believe that he loved me back? Our reputations.

Antonio hugged me. My head was in his shoulder. I shook my head.

"Your reputation is more important than me," I said pushing him back.

"Lovi," he said rubbing my cheek.

"Antonio."

"Lovino." He said my full name. My heart fluttered at that. He never calls me Lovino. He really had to make this hard.

"Antonio, we can't."

"One kiss."

"_Come_? ... I mean, like what kind of kiss?"

"One kiss and you can decide if you want to continue or not."

I took a deep breath. One kiss couldn't hurt… right?

"_Sì_."

I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck. Why was I doing this again? Oh yeah, he asked me too. I really should stop letting him control my life.

Anyway, using pure instinct, our mouths came closer and closer until they met each other. I could never get use to the feeling of his lips on mine. It was something different, dare I say magical? No, magical wasn't the right word. That was a girly way to describe the feeling. But there was something about them that made me melt. It made my head go light and my heart beat faster than Feliciano on red bull. His hands keeping me close. His tongue asking permission to enter my mouth. The way I lost myself in that moment. It was something I never experience. I'm a man of control. I need to be for my reputation. But something about his kissed made my mind go blank. Nothing mattered in the world. I wasn't Romano Vargas. I was just Lovino Vargas, just plain Lovino Vargas.

The kiss was desperate in a way. There was that sizzling passion that I knew Antonio had. And Antonio kissed the living hell out of me. It was giving me shivers, weak legs and all that jazz. But I could also feel the emotions he was putting into it. The kiss had a feel that I was going to die soon and Antonio was desperately trying to keep me alive. Or I was climbing Mt. Everest and Antonio was convincing me not to go. His thumb rubbed my cheek. His arm kept me in place, it was controlling, but like the rest of the kiss, it was I'm not going to let you leave me. You can't leave me. You belong with me. No one can say differently. But we could say differently. This was just another temptation on Ulysses' adventure back to his old life. I was Calypso trying to keep him on my island and away from his loving wife back home, whom was waiting for him.

Antonio let go of my lips after what seem like hours of thinking about what should I do. I couldn't do this. I just couldn't be Calypso. I had to let him go. Let him go away on that raft.

"Go back to her." It was simple and needed to be said.

"What about another…" Antonio was pulling me closer again.

I pushed him away and said, "No. Go back."

Antonio stood there for a moment. He was hurt. But he tried not to show it. He failed at it. But unlike me, the man stayed strong. He left my apartment slamming the door shut. Fuck, why did this man have this effect on me? Why could he play with my emotions like this? Why could I be happy one second and crying heart wrenching tears the next. No one else had this effect on me. Not my_ fratelli_, not _Nonno_, not _Babbo_ not _Mamma_, no one. This man came into my life and brought me on this roller coaster. I needed to end it. It was unhealthy, for our sanity, for his life, I needed to end it.

But, with my obsession with him, that wasn't going to last long. He was going to find himself in my life again soon enough.

Well the good news, Antonio wrote another hit out of this conversation. He even quoted me; "Your reputation is more important than me." Yeah, it's the song _Reputation. _The one he often says he wrote about a friend of his. Yeah, that was me again.


	13. Heartbreaker

_Disclaimer – I only own my OCs._

_I'm soooo sorry this is late. I actually was close to 10,000 words into the chapter when I lost it all! 9,500 words allllll lost! I was also 4,000 words in the next one and a few hundred in the one after that one. And then I decided that the chapter I was writing would be better as chapter 15 then chapter 13. I wanted to do a double update, but that wouldn't be possible. And, also real life got in the way. November and December were very busy months for me. I'm also watching Doctor Who for an essay I have to write. _

_I have nothing against Itacest or if you support that. _

_I kind of hate the ending of this chapter. It's rushed but it does feed into the next chapter. _

_Kamol = Thailand _

_The next two chapters will be introducing new characters... next chapter it's Switzerland and Liechtenstein. _

_Translations_

_Questo è meraviglioso = This is wonderful (Italian) _

_Sono pazzo di te = I'm crazy about you (Italian) _

_Giusto = You're right. (Italian)_

_Gira a sinistra = Turn left (Italian)_

* * *

**Chapter 13**

_You taught me the ways of desire, now it's takin' its toll  
You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy  
The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be  
You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker _

_**Heartbreaker (Pat Benatar) 1979**_

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. _Vaffanculo! _Why do people call me before noon? Seriously? They do know that I need my fucking beauty sleep! But do people listen to me? Fuck no. They do whatever the fuck they want without caring about my feelings. Bastards. So, with a groan I felt for my phone. There was only one problem. I wasn't in my bed.

Well, I might want to start explaining myself and everything. Firstly, since I broke up with Antonio, I had this feeling of emptiness inside of me. It fucking sucked. I was fucking damned no matter what the fuck I did. I felt like a terrible and evil person with him. However, without him, I felt like nothing. There was this giant hole inside me that could not be filled. But, I tried my best not to let that have control over me. I was an actor. I needed to pretend that everything was okay. I was not empty inside.

The rest of May was something I don't want to go in details about. I remember wrapping up the last episode of _The Smuggler. _I was just somewhat happy... I was still bitching and moaning about doing the 'right' thing and being a fucking moral person. Thus, technically nothing could make me happy. So, let's call this the very, very, very, very small ray of sunshine in my life... I didn't end up kissing Elizaveta. I know, I know, you, the fans, wanted Mags and Mario to finally kiss after all this ship teasing... as Elizaveta puts it. I didn't know that was a saying before she mentioned it. She has way too much knowledge about those things... But it never happened. If you read the books, you'll see... I'm writing this after the big kiss happened. You guys know that we have our big on screen kiss. I sometimes forget that you know most of this stuff.

After wrapping up the show, we had a party for the cast and crew. Basically a staff party. It wasn't crazy and there was a lot of crying. We killed off some characters which meant those actors were kicking the bucket. I didn't care about them. They didn't care about me, why should I care? Especially because Mario actually killed two of those actors off and he wasn't going to stop after that season. He kills more semi-important characters in the next seasons. It's just what happened on the show. If you read the books Theodora should be losing her job in the fourth season. Anyhow, during the party, I found out that Theodora was going to star in a movie. Jean-Jacques was going to be a supporting character in some French film. Elizaveta was planning to travel for most of July. She was visiting Roderich's parents in Austria. Sounds like so much fucking fun. Feliks and I were going to take the three months to do nothing important. We both had some interviews, photo shoots, parties and charities to go to, but that was nothing. The only thing Feliks had planned was that he was going to Poland in June. I was going to Ukraine... July 1st. How disappointed I was that day and I put bets on that game. Granted I didn't lose that much money because I played it smart. I knew there was a chance that Italy lost but fuck, 4-0! Are you fucking serious! That was just fucking embarrassing. Anyway, that was all Feliks had planned. His boyfriend was too busy being a slave to Ivan Braginsky and Feliks didn't want to leave with out him. I didn't search out this information. It just came to me. I was in my corner pretending that Antonio might text me. Maybe I wanted him to text me. Maybe that text would tell me that I was being an idiot. Maybe that text would prove to me that he would leave Blondie for me. Maybe that text would prove to me that he didn't care about his career. Maybe that text would prove to me that I was wrong and he really did love me back. It wasn't unrequited love. It was true love. It never happened and the emptiness inside of me grew.

There was also May 17th, Feliciano's grand return from Vancouver. It was a huge deal, we had a party and everything. It wasn't a large party, it was more like a family dinner with some of Feliciano's friends. Kiku and Hera were there. Feliks was there... yes, he was close friends with Feliks. Françoise was there. The superhero twins were there. Emil Bondevik was there with Li. Sofia Angelova was there, her boyfriend was busy in Romania. And good that Dumitru... I mean Dmitry... do I really have to use stage names?... wasn't there because Elizaveta and Roderich was there. Jack came to keep Sandro company. I don't know why or care, but everyone else couldn't make it. FBT... well, Arthur wasn't invited, so he didn't matter... was in New York City. And some other people were somewhere else. It was still a big enough dinner. Feliciano got presents. Everyone but me hugged him. We welcomed him back. I stayed with Sandro and Jack, but left an hour in. Sometimes, you can just get so much of the Australian accent... or find it too hot to handle... that wasn't the case with me. I like my accents but the Australian accent wasn't my thing. My thing was... well you know my thing. Then, I hung around with Kiku and his sleeping beauty on the couch... and my _nonno. Nonno _still had not seduced Hera's _mamma_. I'm still not sure if Hera was pretending to sleep or not, but _Nonno_ didn't notice and stupidly continued to ask her questions. That got annoying. So, then I spent the rest of the night avoiding he-who-must-not-be-named's best friend, aka Françoise. I knew she knew something or there was something up with her. It was the way those violet eyes looked at me. I knew she wanted to talk to me about he-who-must-not-be-named. I wasn't going to talk about him. Talking about it made it feel real. I didn't need that. I needed to go into dreamland and pretend that he never existed. I also avoided Elizaveta, but that's normal. Luckily, Elizaveta was trying to get Sofia to break up with her boyfriend. Thus, she wasn't paying attention to me. I then spent some time with Feliks whom was singing Lady Gaga ... and dressed like her too... and Toris blushing embarrassingly beside me. That got too weird and I then just hid in the corner with Maddy. We talked about... I don't fucking remember what. Feliciano came to me a few times. I told him to fuck off. All in all, a normal 'Welcome Home' for Feliciano... just without Gilbert getting drunk off his ass and being regular stupid Gilbert and Luise threatening him. _Grazie_ God for concerts!

Sadly, from then on, Feliciano wouldn't stop bothering the fuck out of me. One second, I'm sleeping soundly in my bed... okay not soundly since I'll be dreaming about he-who-must-not-be-named and what if I didn't tell him to leave me. We were living in a villa in _Italia_. He had his own tomato garden and he would sing me songs that he wrote for me. We were happy, in love and together... and the next second, I would be awaken by Feliciano jumping into bed with me wanting to cuddle... to fucking cuddle! We are fucking brothers! We do not fucking cuddle! And I already know some of you perverts reading this think that's hot. I think you people are disgusting! What the fuck is wrong with you! We are fucking brothers! _Fratalli_! ... so, Feliciano was being annoying as hell. He wanted me to talk about my feelings. He wanted to make it feel real. He wanted to hug it away. I told him to go fuck himself in many different languages (just not in Spanish nor German). All the meanwhile, he was fucking Luise in my guest bedroom. Well, Luise was fucking him... why the fuck do I do this to myself?... Let me erase that image in my head. Okay. Since_mioidiota fratello_ was being stupid and trying to be my shrink or whatever, Luise was at my place more often. She would sit down on my couch watching German fucking soccer... I break up with he-who-must-not-be-named, I can't see him anymore, I feel like there's a whole in my chest and Luise was always there! No wonder I dreamt about death many times. Once I jumped off a building. I also got eaten by lions and birds.

Every fucking day, Feliciano would try to get me out of bed. I would be cussing worst then a drunken sailor. Why can't people let me wallow in my self-pity alone and in peace?

Well, that was my May. There was also he-who-must-not-be-named moping periods. There were times that I saw he-who-must-not-be-named on the TV or Itube, or heard him on the radio and I wanted to shoot myself... Good thing Feliciano hid all the guns... There wasn't any pathetic crying moments anymore. I was just intensely angry at everything. I basically hated the world. It was the first sign that I was returning to my normal self. The normal self before he-who-must-not-be-named. The second sign was when I started having sex again. I know, I know, I'm going straight back to what I was before. I wanted it that way. It was my way of coping. Sex helps me forget. The weirder and more dangerous it was, the better it was. It did suck that Feliciano was at my penthouse most of the time. I never liked going to their houses or hotel rooms. I liked my room. I knew where everything was. However, I didn't want Feliciano to walk in. We all know he would. He also has. He doesn't understand the concept of the locked door or the tie on the doorknob. Also with the fact that I had a sex life, I got Feliciano somewhat fucking off my back. Three weeks of having Feliciano wake up in your room. You would do anything to get rid of him too. I couldn't let him ruining the three months I had off of filming. I was going to take that time and do something. That something being forgetting about he-who-must-not-be-named.

I have no idea how I didn't become a drunk. I hear alcohol helps you forget. Also heroine brings euphoria to the user. Then, one of the side effects of weed is memory lost. Cocaine will eventually burn out all feeling, so I heard. Why didn't I become a druggie? Lucky? Or I was an idiot? Maybe I just didn't think about it? I also didn't have friends that were druggies. I didn't have friends to begin with. Lucky. I'll go with lucky.

Two weeks later, in June, Luise had signed me up for a photo shoot and interview for some magazine. I think it was an important or good magazine. I don't remember which magazine. By this point, I don't care. Anyway, it was a routine thing or at least I thought it was. I thought, I would be interviewed from some reporter and then I would go get my picture taken for the magazine. It didn't work that way. Okay, technically, it was completely normal because it did go that way. There was one difference, Rory Tyler. Okay, I can guess that you readers have no idea what I'm talking about. Well for you people, Rory Tyler is a photographer and he was my photographer for this photo shoot. He was a handsome man ... well he still is. Anyway, he had curly brown hair, which pissed me off so much. His skin was very pale. His eyes were chocolate brown with an almost Chinese shape to them... I know now that his father was an American of British descent and his mother was of Chinese descent. Back then, I did not. Anyway, when God or whatever decided to make him, they picked all the best features of each race and decided to give it to him... I'm not sure if that sounds racist or not. I meant it in a good way. Anyhow, you might recognize his picture if you see it. You've seen his picture at least once.

"Hello, I'm Rory." That was the first thing he told me. Seriously. He had this cheeky smile and that sly look in his eyes. He was seriously flirting with me. Of course. I wasn't in the mood. I was never in the mood... but yet again, I was trying to get back to normal. Flirting was always one of the only things I used to do a lot with random people. I also was going to be someone else. I was going to force he-who-must-not-be-named out of my fucking mind... why don't I learn from my mistakes? I tried that before with the same methods. No wonder I ended up getting bit in the ass.

"Let's get to work, Cory." Yes, I did that on purpose. It was all part of the game. Seeing that he was flirting with me, why not make him a one night stand? That was what Rory was supposed to be to me. He was suppose to be a one nightstand. Who knew that meeting this man would change my life.

"Rory."

I mentally rolled my eyes. "Sorry, Rory," I said acting sorry.

"It's fine," he said smiling. Another man that can't stop smiling... though his smile was more cheeky. He did have nice teeth.

I gave him a fake laugh. I was Romano, and he was a flirt... Maybe it would be better to be Romano. It was easier.

The photo shoot went on. Rory was taking my picture outside on the beach. LA was known for it's fabulous beaches. You can just guess how beautiful the scenery was. Beautiful. Let me just say, Rory was fantastic at his job. I've never had a photo shoot go so smoothly. It might have been because the guy was flirting with me the whole fucking time. There were moments, I wanted to punch him in the face. He made me miss he-who-must-not-be-named. That was a path that I did not want to be reminded of. I knew he was fixing things with Blondie. I needed it that way. I also needed to move on. I needed to return to normal. I needed to return to what I had before.

"What do you think of Mexican?" Rory asked taking my photo. I was laying on the sand. It was just me and him. Apparently, he liked to work alone. Maybe that made the flirting less creepy. There was also the fact that he was asking me out. Is that legal? It might be against the magazine's policies. I don't know.

"The French Rivera is better," I replied. I knew he was talking about Mexican food. I just was teaching him that he should be more specific. Rory laughed. I then replied, "Too Spanish."

"Have something against Spanish people?" he asked taking my photo again.

"Is there any way I can answer that question without seeming like a racist?" He laughed again. I sighed.

"No... Turn your face to the left." I sighed and did what he told me.

"Nothing involving anything Spanish or anyone who speaks Spanish."

"So, you refuse to talk to 6% of the world?"

"I also refuse to speak to most people whom speaks Germans."

"You're in the wrong city."

"It could be worse. I could be in a German district of Madrid." Rory laughed again. You can feel sorry for him because I was playing him like a guita... piano. I also had to fucking mention he-who-must-not-be-named's hometown. Great job. Great fucking job. For a moment, I might have seen his smile. I shook the memory out of my head.

"I know a good Italian place."

"No you don't. It's never has good as _nonna_'s cooking. In my case _fratallo_'s cooking." Damn Feliciano. He ruined a regular Italian tradition for me... actually it was _Nonno_'s fault. If he kept an Italian wife, I would have _Nonna_'s cooking. I did have my _Nonna _in _Italia _but we didn't visit her often. _Mamma_ usually went alone to see her _mamma_. The only thing that stands out in my memory about my _Nonna _is that she made amazing cannoli.

"French food?"

"Too much cream and butter."

"Indian food?" I give Rory credit for trying.

"Too spicy." Granted I don't care about that. I just didn't want curry or Indian food in general. I wasn't in the mood.

"Sushi?"

"I don't feel like eating raw fish." Also, I refuse to eat any sushi not made by Kiku. He had a magic touch when it came to that stuff.

"Thai food?"

"Nothing too spicy."

"German?"

"Disgusting."

"Greek?"

"Too much lamb and pita."

"Give me a bone."

"Not enough food for the both of us."

"So, you'll go out to dinner with me?"

I did not say a word. I just gave him a look. I was trying to mimic those moments in the movie when the starlet looks across the table to her date. She gives him a look and the scene gets cut to them in making out in bed or taking each others clothes off. Life didn't work like a movie because we had to finish the shoot and Rory had to give his photos to his boss. He had to get them judged. So, by the time we were both free, I was actually hungry. I thought that it might have took a few minutes to do what he needed to do. Then, he could take me to his apartment. Instead, I was sitting in that little Italian place Rory knew, where hopefully no one could notice me. I was wearing sunglasses but sunglasses helped just so much. I could just feel people looking at me or the paparazzi spying on me. I knew they were looking at me. I just knew it.

Like I told him, it was never has good as _nonna_'s cooking or in my case _fratello_'s cooking. They over cooked the pasta and the sauce had too much salt and basil. There was not enough garlic in the sauce. I'm not a fucking vampire, I can handle a little garlic. To the non-Italian, the meal could be good but I was fucking born in Italy. I go there at least three times a year for two weeks. I know how Italian food should taste like. None of these Americans were fooling me. At least he didn't bring me to _Olive Garden_. No matter how hot you are, I was not sleeping with you if you brought me to the _Olive Garden_. And I would shoot you in the face. Double whammy.

After the less then satisfying meal, we took his car to his apartment. How do I describe Rory's apartment? It was nice but it was a little poor for me. I am a man of expensive taste and Rory's apartment was too much like a bachelor's pad you see on TV. There was one kitchen, one bathroom, one living room and one bedroom. It was small but there was a certain elegance to it. It was very clean and everything looked like an Ikea catalogue. Everything was symmetrical. It reminded me of Luise and Feliciano's apartment when Feliciano wasn't there. Luise cleans the place spotlessly. You feel like you've just been quarantined. I didn't have that feeling in Rory's apartment, but it was still very clean.

Rory took my coat, and shoes and put it away. I looked around the apartment. On the walls were beautiful pictures. There was one or two that were in black and white but most of them were in colour. Each picture was in a black frame. The pictures were so beautiful. There were mainly of landmarks. There were a lot of Chinese landmarks but there were a few pictures of New York and London. There was this one picture of Big Ben that I thought was amazing.

"I took all of those during my trips with my family. The ones of New York, I took when I was a teenager," Rory explained walking behind me. I nodded. "I took those pictures last year," he said pointing at the pictures of China.

Well, I did not care about him. Why do people want to talk before you know you will never talk to them again? So, mainly because I was bored, I turned around, grabbed his head and crashed our lips together.

Kissing was never the same. No one kissed just right. They never tasted just right. I wanted sunshine and tomatoes. But I usually got the taste of mint. This time was no different. Rory had ate the mints the restaurant gave us. And it wasn't just the taste of the kiss. It was everything from it. I knew what I was missing and no matter how great your technique was, it would not be my best kiss. My best was in Vancouver when Antonio first kissed me. No matter what, that was going to be my best kiss. The passion of Antonio's kisses were indescribable. No matter how many times I tell you how amazing his kisses are, you will not know. It's one of those things you needed to be there to understand. You needed to be me. You needed to feel his lips talk to you. He had perfected the language of the kiss. One kiss told you everything you needed to know. It was nothing like the kisses I had been giving people to seduce them. Those kisses were shallow. They said nothing but 'Help me forget.' They were my drug to forget.

Too be honest, sex sucked. It wasn't Rory's fault. You could have great technique. You can touch all the right buttons. You could say the perfect words. You could be perfect but you would never be perfect. You could never tell me _quiero hacerte el amor, _like he did. Your touches would never be has fiery as his. You could kiss my body but my body didn't tense up the same way. I could not look into your eyes because all I wanted were seductive green eyes looking into mine. I wanted to be touching him. Crashing together. Biting and petting each other. His breath on my skin. I wanted to be on top kissing him and hearing him speaking to me in Spanish. Or I could tell him _questo è meraviglioso _or _sono pazzo di te_. I wouldn't be telling a random guy my standard line _mi fai eccitare... _I had to make sure if they knew Italian, they know I was saying something related to the subject. You turn me on makes sense in the situation. Technically, it was true but at the same time it wasn't. Physically I was turned on but not mentally. I would close my eyes and imagine I was with someone else. Which makes me think I was having sex to try to recreate that night. I wasn't having sex to forget but to remember the feeling. Sex was a way to fight the emptiness. It would explain why I wasn't having sex with women. Let's be honest, it would be a little harder to imagine that a woman was him. Though, I would have probably still imagined him. If you told me that back then, I would have hit you and yelled that you were crazy. The whole situation was crazy.

I gave Rory the night of his life because I am amazing in the ways of love. I am Italian after all. He was okay. Technically he was great but only technically. He touched the right buttons. Well, it was more like I touched right buttons.

By the end, it was late. So, I slept over. His bed was comfortable. It was like sleeping on a cloud. It was still awkward looking at Rory and failing trying not to pretend that he-who-must-not-be-named was there.

The next morning, I woke up to the fucking sound of my phone. I groaned and felt for my phone. I was expecting it to be on my nightstand but of course, I wasn't home. Groaning I looked for my partner. He wasn't there. I groaned again but this time in the pillow. I couldn't hear the phone ring anymore. I guessed that it would go to voice mail. I closed my eyes and cuddled with the pillow. It was too early to answer phone calls anyway. I sighed into my pillow and I hoped for Somnus to bless me with sleep. Instead the god of phones cursed me with the sound of my cell ringing again. Sighing I took a blanket, covered myself and looked for my phone.

"You okay?" Rory asked in his doorway while mixing something in a bowl.

"_Sì_, I just have to find my pants... where the fuck is my phone?" I said with one hand keeping the blanket in place and looking for my phone.

"Your phone is right there," he said pointing to his dresser. My clothes were there and folded.

"_Grazie._"

"No problem... do you like pancakes?"

"_Sì._"

Rory nodded and left while I searched for my phone. It stopped ringing and then started ringing again. I grabbed my phone. It was fucking 11:23 in the morning. Fuck. And of course, guess who was calling me? If you guessed Feliciano, you're right. _Giusto_! I sighed like a teenager and answered the phone the next time it started ringing.

_"Ciao_, _vacagare._" Yes, I answered the phone with piss off. I was talking to Feliciano. He never cares.

"Lovi! _Mi puoi aiutare_?" Feliciano sounded scared and worried. He didn't sound like he was crying but just the sound of worry in Feliciano's voice got my systems in red alert. I grabbed my underwear and started putting them on. I knew there was something up. He was asking for my help.

"_Che_?"

"_Non lo so." _Maybe I should just translate this conversation for you readers. Most of you probably don't know Italian. Okay, he asked me for help. I said what? And he said I don't know. Caught up? _Buono_. "_One second Lulu and I were walking on Hollywood Boulevard and then Lulu started to feel sick. So, we sat down. I bought her a water and then she started to throw up. I don't know what to do? She's sick and we don't have a car. And the cabs wouldn't stop for us. Help!_" Since when does Luise get sick? She was a health nut and OCD. Everything was so clean. She was a cleaning Nazi! Is it okay that I called a German a Nazi? Fuck, it's Luise. Who cares. The important part was that Feliciano was freaking out.

"_Where are you on Hollywood Boulevard._" I was putting my shirt on. I was almost finished putting my clothes on. I was even starting to leave the room.

"_Musso & Frank Grill._"

"_I'll be there as soon as possible. Call Babbo or Nonno, maybe they can help"_

"_Grazie, grazie, ti amo._"

"_Prego, arrivederci._" And with that I ended the conversation. Fuck Luise, why the fuck do you have to be fucking sick? Just another reason to hate Luise. She ruins my life. You might be thinking that I'm being dramatic here. But remember the date, June 10th, 2012. Light bulbs turning on in your head now? See, she ruined my life. Okay, she didn't ruin it but it really didn't help. The dominoes were falling and I didn't realize how these events would change my life.

"Where are you going?" Rory asked in the kitchen.

Fuck, I forgot about him. I needed to play it smooth. It was the morning after and I needed to tell him that we were not going to see each other ever again.

"My brother just called, his girlfriend is in trouble. I have to get to them," I said looking for my shoes.

"Your shoes are in the closet," he said pointing at his closet with his spatula. "Is she okay?"

"She's fucking fine, probably food poison or the stomach flu. My brother is freaking out because they're on Hollywood Bou... fuck, I don't have a car," I said smacking my head with my hand. "Fuck and cabs won't take them... fuck."

"I'll drive you, I have a car."

"Luise is puking all over the place."

"Plastic bags."

I looked at Rory curiously. He stood there with his spatula.

"Fine, they're at Musso & Frank Grill."

Rory nodded. He shut off all the burners and took some plastic bags and his car keys.

I was fucking pissed that I was in the passenger's seat but Rory wouldn't let me drive his car with all the suspensions I had on my licence. Fuck him. We would have gotten there faster. Everything would be okay. But nope. He was driving the speed limit. And it was the tourist area of LA. It was terrible. I was sitting in his 2008 model crappy Japanese car restless. I was looking out the window and checking my phone every so often. I called Feliciano a few times. He was sitting in the restaurant but he was still not calm. Fuck Luise. I also kept banging the back of my head on the seat.

"It's fine, she's probably just sick," Rory told me with his hand on my thigh.

"The light is green. _Gira a sinistra_."

"_Si._" he said jokingly. How can he joke at a time like this?

"I couldn't care less about Luise."

"Then why are you freaking out?"

"_Mio fratello_... my brother. He's freaking out like an idiot and I have to calm in down."

"Do you get this worked up when ever your brothers get stressed?"

I looked at him mysteriously. "What about it?"

"I would like a brother that cared about me that much."

"Shut up and drive."

"_Si, capitaine_." Learn the difference between French and Italian before you say it, _idiota_.

By the time we made it to Hollywood Boulevard, it was almost 1. My stomach was hungry but I didn't have time to eat. I needed to find Feliciano. I told Rory to park somewhere near the Grill. The traffic was hell. It was going to be faster to walk. One of the worst mistakes of my life.

Rory parked the car and I ran out. He chased after me, after he paid for his parking or whatever. I don't really know because I wasn't paying attention. The only reason I knew Rory was with me was because he said something like wait up to me. I was concentrated on one thing and that was getting to _mio fratello_. Fuck Feliciano, you get back home and already I was cleaning up your stupid messes. _Idiota_!

Now, the next scene might be hard to explain because I don't know exactly what was happening behind me. I could tell that camera's were going off. People were taking photos of me. Some of those people were tourist but most were paparazzi. Before that day, the paparazzi were like annoying flies to me. You could wipe them away. Now, I think they are rabid vultures and I think that because of that day. Firstly, they were catching pictures of Rory with me and I wasn't exactly dressed well. There was the I-just-had-sex look to me. Let's say fuck. Rumours of me being gay circled. I still stand by bisexual. I'm still sexually attracted to women. Or maybe, I'm actually going all George Michael? Start out as bi and slowly discover that you're gay... I'm not going to talk about that now. Now, I was talking about how the paparazzi were picture hungry vultures. So, the first thing was the rumours of me being gay with nice little pictures about who was Rory? That was when the rumours started. It also didn't help that I never had a girlfriend, I never took dates to events, I was always with Sandro and Feliciano at those events and the fact that no one knew anything about my life. It was just fuel to the fire. Yet, I did not come out to the public until six months later. I didn't want to ruin anything. I had my career and that was the last positive thing I had in my life. I could not lose it.

Now, the second reason I think the paparazzi are dangerous and savage vultures is because they should die. I was walking straight. I knew where I was going, the oldest restaurant in LA. The paparazzi were chasing me, taking my photo. Rory was saying a few things. I heard tourist say a few things. Some yelled something. I heard a paparazzo asking why I was being so serious... No, not like the Joker in Batman. He didn't say 'Why so serious?'... Another one asked who Rory was. I wasn't paying attention to them. I learned that ignoring them was good... plus I didn't care a lot. I had a brother to get too... But that was that, until two jumped in front of me. Then, I was forced to look at them. They were sooooo fucking pissing me off. The flashing light, the yelling and the fact that I was being cornered, I was going to blow a fuse and go all Alec Baldwin on them. But another jumped in front of me. I jumped backed and I sort of don't remember much afterwards. I know that's not a great story but I honestly don't remember that much. I remember the feeling of intense pain when the back of my head hit the brick wall of a building. I also remember the pain and loud crack in my arm when I fell to the ground. See, if Luise and Feliciano would have just stayed home, I wouldn't have a broken fucking arm. But no, Luise had to leave the house while she was puking her fucking brains out and I got a broken arm for wanting to help them. It was God's sick, crazy joke because I slept with Antonio. Wasn't the broken heart enough? Wasn't the pain of not having him there enough? The emptiness? Nope, God had to add a broken arm and the pain of hitting the back of my head to the list. Actually, it helped. Maybe it wasn't God's sick joke? Maybe God was helping me. All my concentration was on the pain of my arm and my head. I didn't have enough feelings to feel about the whole Antonio situation. And I got morphine and pain medication that I could neglect taking. Holy shit, I was self-harming... Never mind, let's get back to the paparazzi attack.

So, I was on the ground with the biggest headache of my life. Rory was on the ground yelling something. Honestly, I couldn't hear a lot. Things were blurry sounding. I could see an Asian man with spiky hair, glasses and a graphic t-shirt with an elephant on it running down towards me. He shook his hand in front of me. I think I said something but I'm not sure. All I could feel was pain and sleepiness. But that damn bastard wouldn't let me sleep. Rory slapped my good arm and yelled something like wake up.

Things go even more blurry. I remember being carried by Rory and the Asian man, who's name is Kamol. He was a paparazzo. Okay, maybe one was a good person. But most are picture hungry, savage vultures.

The next thing I remember was being in a car. Then, I remember hospital and doctors. I also remember bright lights. It's all very choppy. I also remember the feeling of getting morphine up my ass. That was nice actually. Morphine is awesome.

The moment I start actually remembering life not in choppy bits, was a few hours later, I think dinner time. I woke up with a killer fucking headache. I screamed in pain because it hurt. I had my eyes close, so, I didn't see Feliciano and _Babbo_ grab me. I opened my eyes quickly because of the shock that someone was touching me. I saw _Babbo_ look at me and Feliciano beside him. Not too far for them was Sandro standing on edge. _Nonno_ was on a chair looking at us. The first feeling I had was shock. I was fucking in a hospital. Who isn't shocked or some what scared when they find themselves in a hospital? My clothes were even different. I was in ugly fucking hospital gowns... ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

Everyone in my family looked worried. The last time I saw them like that was when Feliciano got lost in New York when he was nine. _Babbo _had that look of relief in his eyes. He even kissed my head. Sandro and _Nonno _had that relieved look too. Feliciano's face lighten up. And somehow that wouldn't be the largest smile he smiled that day. Even when I was in the hospital he had to be the centre of fucking attention. Fuck Luise, see what you do to me. Yes, it's Luise and Feliciano's fault. If they could keep it in their pants. I would be the centre of attention.

I'll go back to translating the conversation, since of course we are speaking Italian to each other.

"_Lovino, lay down. Everything is going to be okay. You just blacked out of a little bit. It's okay_," _Babbo _told me with his hand on my face.

I tried to lift my arm and I felt it. I had a fucking cast on! I HAD A FUCKING CAST ON! Fuck, when did that happen? I must have fell on the floor wrong. See why I hate the paparazzi.

_"It's just a broken arm, nothing to be worried about. They say it'll be healed in six week! Ve~"_ Feliciano explained... What the fuck? Six weeks? I started filming six weeks from then. I had a job to fucking do and they didn't have casts like that in the 1940s! Just my fucking luck. It really did seem like God was playing mean fucking tricks on me... Worst, the Asian paparazzo and Rory was still there. They were in the waiting room but still.

_"The paparazzi got you good,"_ Sandro told us. I rolled my eyes.

_"Your mother should be here in a few hours. Her plane was delayed," Babbo _explained.

_"Women love a man with a scar,"Nonno _told me... I think he was trying to make me feel better... he failed.

_"I'm in the fucking hospital!"_

_"Language Lovino,"Babbo _told me patting my shoulder.

_"You blacked out and then those two guys brought you here,"_ Sandro explained, he was standing by my bedside by that point.

_"How nice of them"_ I replied sarcastically.

_"Lulu would be here too but a doctor is seeing her. She's still sick. I'm worried."_ Okay Feliciano thanks for telling me that you are more worried about your girlfriend then me. _Grazie_.

I groaned trying to bring both my hands on my temples. That wasn't working. Instead, I massaged my forehead with my one hand. My head hurt.

_"Shouldn't we call a nurse?"_ Sandro asked.

_"I called the pretty one_," _Nonno _explained. Your fucking grandson was in the hospital bed with maybe a concussion and a broken arm, and you are fucking flirting with nurses? What an amazing _Nonno _I had.

The five of us talked a little. Not very much because the nurse came in to check up on me. She gave me some medicine and then left to get the two in the waiting room. They both came in shyly.

"I would love to thank you for helping my son," _Babbo _told both of them. He was acting too nicely to those two. They did help me a lot. I would be on the streets with a concussion if it wasn't for them.

"It was nothing," Kamol, the Asian man with spiky hair said. I think he was a huge fan of Mathias' because his hair was styled just like him... weird.

"_Grazie, grazie, grazie_! It was amazing what you did! We can not thank you enough," Feliciano said bringing them into a hug. Both men looked awkward in the hug. Rory just patted Feliciano on the back and the Thai man laughed.

_Babbo_ and _Nonno_ looked at me like I was missing something. I knew what they wanted. "_Grazie,"_ I said quietly. Sandro nudged me. I rolled my eyes. "_Grazie_," I said louder.

"You're welcome," Kamol said. Rory gave me a smile and that you're-welcome look in his eyes. Yes, that's a look.

We heard a little beep coming from Feliciano's person. He looked at his phone and then excused himself. His Lulu wanted him. They make me sick.

"If there is anyway to thank you, just tell me. Do you want money? A film contract? A gift?" _Babbo _asked.

"Are you okay?" Rory asked looking at me. Was he fucking ignoring my father, one of the biggest producers in Hollywood? He was also offering him a fucking film contract. Alessandro Vargas Sr. does not give out film contracts. You do not fucking ignore him. He has more power then a Don! He owned Hollywood!

"Been better," I told him.

"That's all I need," Rory told _Babbo_. "It's not the reward that matters. It's the fact that you helped." How do I keep meeting these Saints? I had a feeling he-who-must-not-be-named would say the same thing. Or ask for a kiss.

"A car!" _Nonno_ told them.

"Take the car," I told them.

"Or you can take the cash? Whatever that car cost, we can give it to you in cash," Sandro told them. "I would take the cash. Car insurance is expensive." Oh tell us more wise eighteen year old.

I had a feeling if I had a sister... not a pretend sister Feliciana... _Babbo _and _Nonno _would have give them her hand in marriage. Instead they might get a Lamborghini or a Ferrari. It was the same thing in the end. Some people think of their car as their girlfriend or it would be boyfriend in Rory's case.

_Babbo _fought with Rory a little bit. _Babbo _was going to give him something no matter what Rory did. Personally, I think it's enough that I had sex with him the night before. I wasn't going to tell _Babbo_ that because he still didn't know about my likes and I wanted to keep it that way.

The fighting with Rory put Kamol in a very awkward situation. The guy couldn't ask for anything without seeming like an asshole after what Rory did. Though, the guy had the same mentality as Rory, the fact that I was fine was good enough. Too bad it wasn't good enough for _Babbo._

In the end, they each left with cars, even after Sandro warned them about the insurance. Who cares, you got a free car.

We also went away with some disturbing news. Luise was pregnant. Ew.


	14. Basket Case

_Disclaimer – I only own my OCs. I also do not own the songs I quote at the beginning of the chapters. _

_Over 40 reviews! Over 30 favs and alerts! OMG! Why do I not thank you guys enough? Thank you! _

_Switzerland's name- I'm a fan of Vash being a nick name for Sebastian. _

_Next chapter Antonio will be narrating! I'm 4000 words into that chapter. So, it should be out in a little bit. Not too long. Though, I do have two midterms next weeks and Champion's League restarts... I'm still new to the soccer/football world, so this is my first Champion's League. It's exciting and new for me. _

_I am taking German 101 (because I couldn't take Spanish and Dutch was an online course), so, a part of this chapter is me trying to practice basic German. I am not using a translator. BTW, I'm trying to use the more formal way of speaking in German because I see the German speaking countries of Hetalia being very formal... Prussia being the exception. He would totally use du and not Sie. _

_Translations_

_Congratulazioni_! _= Congratulations (Italian)_

_Buongiorno, mi chiamo Sebastiano Zwingli e lei è Lilly = Good Day/Morning, my name is Sebastian Zwingli and she is Lilly (Italian)_

_Piacere di conoscerti = Nice to meet you (Italian) _

_Come stai = How are you? (Italian)_

_Guten Tag, ich bin Sebastian = Good day, I am Sebastian (German) _

_Guten Tag. Ich heiße Luise Beilshmicht = Good Day. My name is Luise Beilshmicht (German) _

_Woher kommen Sie? = Where do you come from? (German)_

_Ich komme aus der Schweiz und sie kommt aus Liechtenstein= I come from Switzerland and she comes from Liechtenstein (German) _

_Guten Tag, Frau Beilshmicht und Herr Vargas = Good day, Lady/Miss Beilshmicht and Mister Vargas (German) _

_Was sprichen Sie? = what do you speak? (German) _

_Ich spreche Deutsch, Französisch, Italienisch, Englisch, und Räto-romanisch. = I speak German, French, Italian, English and Romansh (German) _

_Und ich spreche Englisch und Deutsch = And I speak English and German (German)_

_Ich lieber mein Tee schwarz= I like my Tea black (German) _

_Kaffee mit milch= coffee with milk (German)_

* * *

**Chapter 14**

_Do you have the time  
To listen to me whine  
About nothing and everything  
All at once  
I am one of those  
Melodramatic fools _

_**Basket Case (Green Day) 1994**_

Lying in the hospital bed was boring as hell. They made me stay over night just to cover their asses. 'Oh, it's to make sure that you're okay. We don't want you to slip in a coma.' Fuck you. I know why I had to stay another night. You want to make me stay there and paid you guys. It's fucking expensive to stay in the hospital. Even when you had too!

So, _mamma_ came. She was of course worried about me. Like a good _mamma_. I almost joined the ranks of dead celebrities! I wonder if I would be an icon? I'm not Elvis or anything but... one can hope. I probably wouldn't be. My death would be news for two weeks until something new and shiny attracted the paparazzi's attention. Unless I die at 27. I would be forever remember as a member of the 27 Club. Yet, most of the members were musicians. Maybe I needed a music career and then I could join the club... Anyway, the attention _mamma _was giving me, left the moment Feliciano walked in. _Congratulazioni_! You are going to be a _babbo_! Honestly, that little _bambina _does not stand a chance with Feli as her _mamma_ and Luise as her _babbo_. Everyone was making way too much of a big deal about the pregnancy. There was still a chance of a miscarriage or Luise deciding to be the icy bitch that she was, and abort it. Maybe that was why they didn't tell the superhero twins and her family right a way. They still needed to talk about a couple of things. Of course, Feli was over the moon about the whole thing and didn't let Luise talk to him about it. It's fucking Feli, he loved kids. He was still a kid himself. He was fucking 20. He wasn't even old enough to drink. He was now going to be a father. He was way too young. But that was how it was in our family. We had children young. Sandro was going to be next. He had two years. Luckily, I missed that train.

The next day, I couldn't wait to get out of that fucking hellhole. The doctors talked to me and told me to make check-ups for my arm. Blah, blah, blah. Who the fuck cares about that. You guys don't want to read about that. You want to hear more about he-who-must-not-be-named. Well, too bad because this apologia needs to lead up to our reunion. Sadly, I need to set the building blocks leading up to our grand... not so grand... reunion.

So, I tried to get out of the sickhouse as fast as possible. There was a problem, actually many problems. The problems were more like hungry vultures. I don't get the mentality of a paparazzo. They attacked me and put me into the hospital and now they wanted to keep me there. They were at all the exits of the hospital. They were hurting themselves to get in just to try to take my photo. Assholes, I was in the hospital! Who wants to have their fucking picture taken by a stranger to show to the world after you have a concussion? Have some fucking decency? It's just being a human being. I know the paparazzi comes with the job but they do go over board. Way too over board.

I ended up getting out of the house of death because Feliciano, being the idiot he was, told the world that Luise was pregnant. I don't know if he was trying to get the paparazzi away from me or if he had to find a way to tell the fucking world. Again, it's stupid because firstly, her parents didn't know, secondly, there is a high chance of miscarriage. It's fucking Luise. How can a baby live in that womb? It's probably toxic and the baby was going to come out as a robot. Or a fuckface like Feli. But with the poison in her womb, it was most likely going to make the baby an OCD robot. And no! Just because she's pregnant, it doesn't mean that I don't think she's still just a lesbo playing my brother. I still think it. It's just going to break Feli's heart more when she leaves and now she was going to take the baby with her.

So, I got out and into a car, where _Nonno _and _Mamma _were waiting for me. _Babbo _was busy doing something. And you know, Feli was in front of the cameras telling them about how happy he is that he's going to be a father. I rolled my eyes.

We got home eventually. _Nonno _had to get Feli. The _idiota_ was way too fucking happy talking to the paparazzi about his life. It's fucked up.

Upon arriving back at my penthouse, I felt that something was wrong. I had that feeling that their were people in my apartment. Surely, I was right. Why don't people understand that I don't like other people. I like being alone. This is my life and if I want to wallow in self-pity, that's my problem. I don't want people in my penthouse wanting to give me their pity and congratulating Feli and Luise. God, when will this hell fucking end? Never, probably.

There weren't that many people, since everything was short notice. Because you know, people usually don't plan being attacked, especially around the schedule of their peers. Thus, there were not too many people at my penthouse. There was Sandro, Luise, her _nonno, _her brother, his girlfriend, her sister, Elizaveta, her husband and Kiku. I was pretty sure they were there to congratulate Feli and Luise. At least they pretended to be there for me. But we all know they were there for Feli. Everyone fucking loved him.

I groaned entering my apartment. I really didn't want to be there. I had a headache to begin with. This thing just made it worst. People could not be quiet. Whatever happened to going back home and lying in bed?

"Roma!" I heard a female voice yell... I'm guessing it was Elizaveta.

Everyone's heads turned and I wanted to run and hide in my room. That sounded good. It sounded magical at that moment.

"If I was there, none of those villains would have touched you. I would have kicked all their asses for you," Allie explained taking my good hand and started to walk me into my apartment.

Elizaveta took the other arm and helped Allie bring me to my living room. What the fuck? "Do you need something to eat? I made you goulash. You need a good meal. That hospital food is disgusting." I didn't do anything. I didn't nod or acknowledged that they were there. My mouth was slightly open when they somehow got me to sit on my couch. "I'll get you some goulash." This was all happening so fast. Wasn't I at my door two seconds ago?

I just nodded. I looked beside me. I was sitting beside Kiku and on the other side of me, Allie sat down.

"I apologize for your accident," Kiku told me bowing his head. I nodded again. I think I was speechless about the whole thing. I also wanted to yell at everyone to leave me alone so I can sleep. Sleeping sounded like heaven.

"Can I sign your cast?" Sandro asked jumping in front of me. What? Why?

"Yeah, that would be so cool! What would I write on your cast?" Allie asked herself. "Kiku, what should I write?" God dammit Sandro, you started a chain reaction. Now everyone was going to want to sign my cast!

"Who said you two can sign my cast?" I yelled.

"But Lovi," Sandro said wide eyed. He was trying to act like Feli and give me his puppy eyes. It was not working. Sandro wasn't as sensitive about things like Feliciano. His puppy eyes had no effect on me.

"Signing your cast is an American tradition!" Allie exclaimed. It was like I just told her that the Superbowl was stupid. Which it is, but I wasn't going to tell her that. I wasn't suicidal.

"It's childish and stupid," I explained. It's true. I am a man of class.

"I agree with Allie. It's a tradition," Sandro said putting his arm around Allie. Both of them were giving me large puppy dog eyes. And Sandro was feeling up Allie for two seconds. He was acting like it was an accident. It wasn't, since he mouthed to me that they were real. Smooth _fratello_. Good thing Allie was too much of an idiot to figure out what he did. Kiku sure figured it out and blushed. He blushed more then me... I mean a school girl! I didn't blush. I never blush.

"And traditions are meant to be broken," I told them holding my left arm close to my person. There were not signing my fucking cast. It was enough that it was in a cast. I wasn't going to let them degrade it.

"What's the Japanese sign for heal? Wouldn't it be cool to have heal written on your cast. I wonder if there's any magic healing powers if you do that?" Allie asked Kiku.

"I'll show you Miss Allison," Kiku said getting up.

"Dude, we are friends, you can call me Allie," Allie said getting up and following Kiku. I mouthed _grazie_ to Kiku. He bowed his head. Now all I had to worry about was Sandro.

"You are not fucking signing my cast. _Caspice_?"

"_Sì._" he said pouting on the couch. I rolled my eyes. "Where's the goulash?"

"I don't care," I said closing my eyes and resting my head on the back of my couch.

Why? Oh why did people have to be in my penthouse? Leave me the fuck alone.

"Looks like she's talking and hugging Feli," Sandro told me. "You think he's too young too."

"Of course."

"And it's too early to celebrate. Luise looks so uncomfortable. I don't think she's talk to Feli about the whole thing."

"She's probably three weeks pregnant. There's a lot that can happen," I explained.

"Open your eyes, goulash is coming," Sandro said elbowing me.

I groaned and opened my eyes. I tried to smile but then I went fuck it. I had a right to be pissed off. I was attacked by the paparazzi.

I was expecting Elizaveta, but she was too busy talking with Feli. So, she sent her husband. Roderich put the soup or stew or... well it's goulash... on the coffee table.

"Elizaveta says eat as much as you want. There is more where that came from," Roderich told me. He did sound like he didn't want to be here. That might be because of Gilbert. Since Gilbert was a total narcissist, there were quite a few people whom didn't like them. Me being one of them. But I don't think anyone hates Gilbert more then Roderich. I don't know why or care. Ask them if you want to know.

I nodded and looked at the goulash. Both Sandro and I were looking closely at the stew. I lifted the spoon and let the stuff drop back in the bowl. It didn't look too bad. Sandro gave it a weird look while I tried the food. I chewed the beef and swallowed. Sandro nudged me. It was fine. I would have been happier with pasta or pizza or Italian wedding soup but goulash would have to do.

I ate the goulash while some other people apologized about my accident. They hoped that I would feel better and then went on to talk about the pregnancy. Kill me now. The only person that wasn't talking about the pregnancy was Sandro. We could talk about other stuff. It wasn't interesting stuff but anything was better then the pregnancy. It was fucked up.

Eventually, people started to leave because they had other stuff to do. Also had to answer phone calls. Feliks like totally called. Theodora and Jean-Jacques called. Some other people that I barely knew called. I might or might not have been hoping I would get a call from he-who-must-not-be-named. My heart did not jump every time a new message started in hopes that it was him. Nope. Never happened. And my heart would not go back into that black hole because it was never him. Why the fuck didn't he call? Did my reject that such a big effect on him? Seriously, what the fuck? I had one night stands call me and nothing from him? What the fuck Antonio! Seriously?

Instead, I got those fuckers telling me that everything was going to be okay. _Babbo _was going to press charges on the paparazzi. 'We are sorry that you got hurt. Feel better.' Fuck you all.

I gave everyone the excuse that my head was killing me and that got me a free pass to go up to my room and take a _siesta_. My head was pounding, but I think the headache was brought by the fact that all those people were at my house. It wasn't the concussion. Thank god I was left alone, so sleep could carry me away. And then, curse God because it was only for an hour.

_Mamma_ came to wake me up. I almost hit her. That would have been bad. You can't hit your _mamma_. But it would have been her fault for trying to wake me up.

With my good hand on my head and my clothes in a raggedy mess... not that I had the nicest clothes on in the first place..., I went down the stairs back to my living room. The only people left were Sandro, _Babbo, Nonno, Mamma_ and Elizaveta. Why the fuck was Elizaveta still there? I don't fucking know but she was acting like a second _mamma_ to me. It was creepy. Seriously, my real _mamma _was right there! There were also two other people there, that I had not met before.

So, the experience of me getting attacked was so terrifying. So fucking terrifying. _Babbo _got us a family bodyguard. _Sì_, a fucking bodyguard! We had to share a fucking bodyguard! It's not like a person is a plane or whatever... which by the way we have two of... but a person. But somehow we share this bodyguard. I have no fucking idea how we haven't fucked it up but somehow we didn't.

Sebastian 'Vash' Zwingli was/is the name of our shiny new bodyguard. He was a freelance bodyguard or something before he started to work for my family. I'm not sure and I don't really care. All I know, he loves his guns and will do anything if you pay him enough. I haven't found the price to make him go on the ground on all fours and bark like a dog, but I will find the price one day. One day, I'll make him do that.

The girl with him was his sister... step or adoptive sister. The thing is about Vash is that he's very good at his job... seriously... he's costing _Babbo _a mint... and we have to pull in our money every two weeks to pay Vash... it's a fucked up system. Now, because Vash was so good, the one thing and the only thing that we could do to make his prices go down was let him take his sister everywhere with him. Vash is as fucked as the situation. He's some crazy overly protective brother. I'll be honest, with the pervert I sometimes call a _fratello_, Sandro, I think it would have been better that we didn't let him bring Lilly everywhere with him. But whatever, we let him take her. Sandro sure liked it. She was pretty and around his age. Why do my brothers like German girls so much? Why? It wasn't like they were special or anything. Was it the blonde hair? I don't fucking know.

Vash looked at me with his green eyes. It was almost like he wanted to beat me up or whatever. It was fucking creepy as hell. He still has that look in his eyes... that guy needs to get laid and bad. I'm sure I could pay him to go and get laid. Hey, I could even make him a prostitute and he'll do it! He loves money and he's a fucking cheap bastard. Is he saving all that fucking money for a rainy day or for his funeral? Or maybe he was saving all that money for some super weapon so he could rule the world... or become worst then Hitler and nuke basically everyone he doesn't like... which would leave just himself and his sister. Bye world. No matter the reason, he was cheap. Even the clothes he wear, you know they are somehow secondhand. It was fucking ridiculous. But like I said before, he was fucking good at his job. It was almost like he was never there. I didn't even have to talk to him! I liked him as a bodyguard.. No, I was not going to become Whitney Houston and he was not Kevin Costner. He might be good looking but that was never going to happen, so, don't even think about it.

Lilly looked as cute as ever. You know when you look at anime or read manga... blame Kiku for the fact that I know the difference between those two... and there is that one character that is just so, for a lack of a better word, cute. They were fucking adorable no matter what they fucking did. That was Lilly. She could wear anything and somehow it would still make you feel like a fucking paedophile. Unless you were Sandro and all you have on your mind were women and girls... If you can't guess, Sandro doesn't use Vash's services very often. He wasn't fucking stupid and he didn't want to die... and probably tortured. I could see Vash torturing you for even looking at Lilly. And I bet he owned the torture weapons in his little back room in his house... I've never been in his house, so, I don't know if there is a little back room. But, come on, Vash is so the type to have a torture chamber. I bet he speaks German to them too... some guy is speaking German and torturing you, you would be fucking scared shitless too.

_Buongiorno Signore Vargas, mi chiamo Sebastiano Zwingli e lei è Lilly_," Vash said giving me his hand.

I finished walking down the stairs and gave him my hand. Did I mention he knew Italian? Well, he does.

"_Buongiorno, signore e signora_," I replied. I gave Lilly a handshake.

"_Piacere di conoscerti." _Yeah, whatever. "_Come stai?_" I rolled my eyes. He asked me how was I? Seriously? It was a stupid question because I obviously was not good. By the way, Vash's usually not this caring. I think he was trying to make a good impression or something. _Babbo _is paying him a lot.

"_Parli inglese_?" I decided to ignore the question.

"Yes," he replied.

"Thank you, I do not understand the language," Lilly explained.

"_What is he doing here?"_ I asked my_babbo_.

That was when he explained the whole Vash being the family bodyguard. Things I explained to you before. I won't repeat the whole fucked up situation.

I was sitting down while Vash and Lilly were in my kitchen with Sandro. Vash wasn't at the moment where he was ready to torture my _fratello_. He was close though. I think the fact that Elizaveta was there also helped. Vash was very nice to her... why? Apparently they knew each other. He worked for her husband for a little bit. It didn't end well. Vash almost shot Roderich once. That's all the info I have on that story.

God, my life was fucked. It even got more fucked during the day. It got fucked again when Feli and Luise came. I found out that Vash spoke German too! He lost a couple of points on my list. With Luise, Vash and Lilly were all _Guten Tag, ich bin Sebastian _(Vash)_. Guten Tag. Ich heiße Luise Beilshmicht _(Luise)_. Woher kommen Sie? _(Luise). _Ich komme aus der Schweiz und sie kommt aus Liechtenstein _(Vash)_. Guten Tag, Frau Beilshmicht und Herr Vargas _(Lilly)_. Was sprichen Sie?_(Luise)_Ich spreche Deutsch, Französisch, Italienisch, Englisch, und Räto-romanisch _(Vash)_. Und ich spreche Englisch und Deutsch _(Lilly)_._Luise said few things before they started saying_Ich lieber mein Tee schwarz _(Lilly)_. Kaffee mit milch _(Vash)_. _And then Luise started making tea and coffee. No idea what they were saying but I guess it had something to do with tea and coffee. Anyway, it was insulting that they were speaking German. It was disgusting... Wait? Was Luise stealing my coffee? That bitch! She knows I love my coffee. I need my coffee ever morning. It's what gives me fuel. That bitch. Just because she was pregnant didn't mean I was going to be nice to the bitch. She stole my fucking coffee!

While they talked, Feli was nodding and smiling. He whispered a few things in Sandro's ears. He was jumping and shaking. Never give Feli coffee. It will be the end of the world. Or he would have a heart attack and it would be the end of him. Then, the world would mourn his death like it would be one of the greatest tragedies since John Lennon. Of course, his death would be the greatest tragedy ever and they would totally forget about me in two seconds. Typical.

Anyway, the day ended with me saying fuck you all, I'm going back to bed. Okay, I didn't say those words but that was basically what I was saying. Still the fucker that will remain nameless, didn't call or didn't visit or didn't text. That fucker. I was going to kill him. If my heart didn't go out first.

I woke up the next day with an intense pain in my arm. Fuck. I ran out of my bed and found that someone had left a water bottle beside my meds on my night table. _Grazie_. I took my meds and fell on my bed waiting for the meds to start working.

After, I don't know how long, I got up and went to my kitchen. There I saw _Nonno _cooking breakfast. Okay, so I have to break my arm, so _Nonno_ can give me any sort of attention? I wasn't breaking any limbs for that bastard. It was still sort of nice of him... I guess.

_Nonno_ gave me breakfast and explained that my parents were coming over again with Sandro. Feli actually had to work and Vash was going to be with him. I didn't care. Luise was with the superhero twins. If any of you were wondering. I didn't care.

So, the rest of the day was like... I want to say a normal day but since everyone's attention was on me, it was different. It was sort of nice. Yeah, um... nice. Okay, it was fan fucking static! Seriously. Haha, I had the attention of my family! It was becoming the greatest day ever... in the last few months. Too bad, God said, 'no, you are not getting today.' Great... just fucking great.

I was around four in the afternoon, when all hell broke loose. Elizaveta came back with two people. The one was Arthur Kirkland. Since when did the fucker knew Elizaveta? I don't know. I never see the two talking to each other. It was just odd to see them walk into my apartment together. Totally fucked up. The next person was Blondie. Yes, Blondie was fucking here! Seriously? I didn't even know her that well! The only time we talked or hung out was when I was with he-who-must-not-be-named at their house. She seemed nice, but... well, I didn't want to fucking see her? Seeing her made my heart drop in a bad way. My heart was sucked farther and farther into the black hole in my chest. It was fucked. Elizaveta being there made sense, she was fucked in the head. Arthur, I sort of knew him. He was um... cool... never tell him I said that about him. I don't know what else to call the fucker. But Blondie? Seriously? Why the fuck was she here? Okay, she was here because Elizaveta and her were close and I think they were friends. It was still fucked. Maybe Antonio sent her? He knew I didn't want to see him so he sent Blondie? Why would seeing Blondie would be better then seeing him? I don't know. Personally, I think it's worst because I wronged her. Fuck.

_Babbo _brought everyone in. We were watching the Euro on television. It was Portugal and Denmark playing... Or were we watching Germany and the Netherlands? I think it was Germany vs The Netherlands because of the way Blondie was cheering. I personally would have loved to see the Netherlands beat Germany... too bad that didn't happen. Anyway, the three new people sat down with us. _Mamma _muted the game. It wasn't like we really cared nor Luise was there.

"Françoise wanted to give you this," Arthur said giving me a card. She got me a get well card. It had a little white bird on the golden cover with the words 'Get Well Soon' printed on it. With everyone watching me, aka my parents because I didn't care about the opinion of anyone else. I opened the card... and it's hard to open a card with only one hand. I had to place in on my thighs and then open it. What a pain. Well, inside there wasn't much. There was a drawing of the same bird and some flowers. Françoise wrote a little something. I forget exactly what it said but it went some like 'Get well soon. Don't put yourself down. Everyone does regrettable things.' Who else thinks she knew more about my life then I thought she knew. Great. Fucking great. Françoise knew. Antonio told Françoise. I was so hating him at that moment. I was hating her too, but I always hated her. Nothing new.

"Tell her thanks."

"Where is Françoise?" _Mamma _asked.

"She's gone to get gas for the car," Blondie explained.

"Since when does she pump gas?" I asked out loud. It was a slip of the tongue. But come on, everyone is thinking that. Can you picture Françoise Bonnefoy pumping gas? _I_ only pump my own gas when I have too. Gas stations are dirty and eww. I can just picture Françoise taking the pump with only her index and thumb and going 'ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.' She probably didn't even know where the hose went.

"Antonio's probably the one doing all the work," Blondie explained with her weird ass but somehow cute smile. What? An... he-who-must-not-be-named was here? I felt all the blood drained out of my face. I must have been paler then Feli. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. He was here. Maybe I didn't want him to come or call. Wishing for him to tell me that he still cared for me was bad. Very bad. I should be over him by this point. Seriously!

"These two were just here dropping me off," Elizaveta told my family while getting comfortable... when was July coming? She needed to get her ass to Austria and quickly. "By the way, where's Vash? I was hoping to talk to him. I've been practising my German with Emma for my trip to the in-laws. I was hoping that I could have a third opinion on how well my German was getting."

"You don't trust me?" Emma asked her.

"Sure I do, but I have to impress the in-laws. They hate the fact that I don't know German. I'm also surprising Roderich with my awesome German skills," Elizaveta said cocky.

"You're starting to sound like Gilbert," Arthur said. Worst insult you could give Elizaveta. She gave him the death glare. To give Arthur credit, she did sound like Gilbert there.

"So why isn't Antonio coming up to see you? I would have thought Françoise would have forced Arthur to gas up the car and came up here with Antonio," Sandro whispered in my ear. I wanted to hit him so fucking much.

"No reason," I whispered angrily back.

"You didn't?"

"Shut the fuck up," I whispered while I dug in Sandro's thigh.

"Ouch!" Sandro said jumping from his seat. His fault for sitting beside my good hand and mentioning he-who-must-not-be-named.

"Alessandro, sit down,"_Babbo _told him. Sandro rolled his eyes, but he complied. "Alessandro, are you forgetting something?"

With a groan he said, "I'm sorry for disturbing the conversation. But it's Lovino's fault for hurting me." Way to throw me under the bus bastard.

"Lovino,_" __Babbo _said in a stern voice... was he seriously doing that? I was in my twenties! He couldn't boss me around. Fuck him. "Lovino?" He made the fucking eyebrows. Fuck him.

"Sorry." Fucking fuck him. If Feliciano did that, he wouldn't have to say sorry.

"Thank you," Sandro told me and then stuck his tongue out. I was going to kill him so much. I know that phrase doesn't make any sense. Just go with it.

_Mamma _asked Arthur and Blondie questions. Yay, they were going to dinner. Thanks for making my life worse. I was also invited to dinner by Blondie... so were everyone else... I rejected her offer. But I didn't reject too fast. I couldn't let her know anything about Antonio and me. That would be bad. Very, very bad. Also, Allie was going to be there. One third wheel was enough. Would I be a third wheel? I was something, but was it a third wheel?

It wasn't too long... but long enough... before Arthur got a text. Françoise and Antonio was at the building. Blondie thought out loud that they should just come up and at least visit me. That hurt because it was true. He-who-must-not-be-named hurt me, very badly. I played many scenarios in my mind where I would give him a piece of my mind. One scenario, I would run downstairs and slap the living shit out of he-who-must-not-be-named, break my heart when I was all ready having a terrible time will you! Bastard. There was another where I had a sniper rifle and I would position myself at my window. Then, I would shoot he-who-must-not-be-named in the heart. See how he likes it. I also shot Elizaveta and Françoise, might as well shoot them while I have my gun out. I was going to jail anyway. There was another one where I would steal his own car and run him over with it. There was another one where I would stab him in the back. That asshole. How dare he do that to me. Instead, I walked to the window while Arthur and Blondie left. I saw he-who-must-not-be-named, even at that height, he looked more handsome then any other man I had ever seen. Françoise must have dressed him. I couldn't see any details in his outfit but he looked smart. Why was he outside of the car? I don't know, but I could see the Frenchwoman's head yelling something outside the window. He-who-must-not-be-named would start walking up to the apartment and then turn back... Did he want to see me? Did he want to make sure I was alright? What was keeping him back? Why was he here? Was he looking up at my penthouse? Were those green eyes looking up worried at me? I mean... fuck him. He has to get out of my head.

I watched him get back into the car and drive off... with his wife and Arthur, of course, though if it was up to him, he might have left Arthur here... I couldn't help wondering if it was his idea to come here but he chickened out. That didn't seem like Antonio. He never chickens out. Maybe I was different... no! You cannot think that way Lovino. Bad boy, bad boy! No.

"I'm going for a walk... alone," I announced.

Someone must have said something, but I didn't fucking care. I needed some air and a lot of it.

A minute or two later, I was leaning my back on my apartment building. I was letting the sun soak my skin. I didn't care if I wasn't wearing sun screen. I didn't smoke... by the way, that would have been a perfect smoking moment. Seriously, I could just see myself with a cigarette outside of my apartment smoking... so, I needed to do something dangerous. Yes, I'm a pussy.

I banged the back of my head a few times on the building. I took a few deep breaths. When I got up, I should have gotten a drink. Alcohol made everything better... right?

Instead or peace and quiet, I got Rory. Yes, that fucker was back. Just my fucking luck. He was probably there to see if I was alright or not. I wanted to stab him too. I wanted to stab everyone.

I know what you're wondering, if this guy became an important part of my life, why haven't you heard about him before last chapter? I'm good at keeping my privet life away a secret for the fans.

Rory looked like Rory. Handsome and stuff. He was well dressed in something. I forget what but I remember always liking what Rory wore. He knew enough about fashion. He must get a lot of heads ups from his magazine. If you're taking pictures of the latest fashions, it has to help your fashion sense... *wink, wink Luise*.

"Hey," he said with a flirty smile.

He had to see me too. I tried to somewhat hide for him... as you can read, I failed. Instead of Antonio, I get Rory. What a bummer.

"How do you know where I live?" I asked him. I wasn't giving him the satisfaction of a hello. No one was getting that satisfaction.

"Your dad gave me the address." What the fuck? Let's all say it again. What the fuck? "I want to return the car. I can't take it. It feels wrong."

"You can't give a gift back from Babbo. It's impossible. He'll kill you before you can give the car back," I explained closing my eyes.

"Maybe if I talk to him..."

"Impossible."

"Maybe..."

"I'm not letting you into my penthouse."

"Penthouse?" he asked.

"Elizaveta is up there." I said that without thinking... fuck. I just fucked up badly.

"Elizaveta Hédervéry?"

"Why does it matter?"

"She's one of my favourite actresses." Of course. He had terrible opinions on actresses. "It's been my dream to take her photo. She's so beautiful."

I rolled my eyes. "And she's insane... she'll probably adore you because your gay. She's obsessed with them."

"You say that like you're not one of us," Rory said bumping into my good arm.

I groaned. "If I can get Elizaveta down here, will you keep the car?"

"Maybe," he said with a flirty and sneaky smile. "And a kiss."

I rolled my eyes. He was giving me those puppy dog eyes. He was even pouting! I wasn't in the mood to fight. I wanted to be alone. "Fine, whatever." I kissed his cheek. "You didn't say where, idiot."

He laughed. He had that touché look in his eyes. Of course, I did show him.

I texted Elizaveta to come down. I hope she was confused as fuck and wasn't bringing anyone else down. Luckily, she didn't bring anyone down with her. Thank God.

Now, let's get this straight. I wasn't telling her to come down because I was being nice. Quite the opposite. I wanted Rory out of my hair. If this was the way to get him out of my hair. I was willing to do it... I wasn't thinking about the consequences, aka Elizaveta and her perverted mind. Fuck my life.

"I don't have my camera," Rory whispered in my ear.

"You have a camera phone," I replied cheekily.

Rory sighed. Hey, I was giving him a chance to live his dream. He better shut up and be happy.

As you can guess, Elizaveta came down and when she saw me with a hot guy, her fucking face light up. Pervert. It was like I gave her an early Christmas gift... or birthday gift. Her birthday was in June, right? Something like that. So, maybe it was a late birthday present... who cares. Elizaveta was happy as fuck.

Okay, fine, I'll agree with Rory on one thing. Elizaveta was beautiful... but most of the people I know are beautiful.

"Now I know why you wanted to be alone." Yes, those were the first things out of her mouth. She even said it in that I-know-what-you're-doing-and-it's-naughty voice. "He's hot, but I always imagined Roma to have great taste in men." Duh, I only go for the best. She should have known that by that point.

"Rory wants to take your photo. It's his dream," I told her, hoping that if I got to the point, this hell would be over.

She made that noise, that noise you make when you see or hear something totally cute. I've never made that noise but I heard Feli make in many times. I know that squeal or whatever."And you're trying to make his dreams come true. That is so sweet." I swear she was trembling and jumping in place. Crazy bitch.

"Hello, it's an honour to meet you," Rory said giving the freak his hand.

Instead of being normal... which we know Elizaveta is not... She didn't take his hand. Her face became serious and she started interrogating Rory. Fuck my life.

"What do you do for a living?" she asked.

"I'm a photographer," he replied.

"How did you meet Roma?" What was she getting at? She was planning some evil torture for me but what was it?

"Photo shoot."

"Eliza..." I tried to say Elizaveta and tell her to stop it. I needed it to stop. She was freaking me out.

"Shhh," she said putting her index in front of my mouth. I did not know how to react to that. "Where were you born?"

"New York. My mother comes from Beijing and my father has lived here his whole life. I moved to LA for a job."

"You know Mandarin?" Seriously? That's what you're going to ask?

"Yes." Great, I can't meet a monolingual person, can-I?

"How old are you?" She was asking these questions with a twinkle of sneakiness in her eyes.

"29." I looked at him surprised. That was some age difference. He was almost 30.

"What's your full name?" What was she planning? She was asking these questions way too quickly.

"Rory Ian Tyler."

"How many boyfriends have you had before?"

"Eight." Only eight and he was 29. That's pathetic. Yeah, yeah, I don't know the story behind this boyfriends or how long he kept them. I didn't care enough to ask.

"How long have you known Roma?"

"A few days."

"Who topped." That was why she kept asking him questions. She was trying to get him to slip her some info about our sex life! She's a pervert through and through.

"Rom..." And I slapped my good hand on his face. You can just assume how hard that was for me because my left hand was closes to him. If I did that, it would have been painful for the both of us.

Sadly, Elizaveta had heard enough. "Good job Roma." She patted my back... by the way, this was the first time she actually had proof that I slept with other men. With Elizaveta finding this info, I should have saw it as a sign for the time to come. I didn't of course. "I still see you as a strict bottom but it's nice seeing the bottoms get to be on top from time to time." I was not blushing! I was red with anger and not embarrassment. Red with anger, got that. "Okay, I approve of him. The five, six year age difference is a little troubling though. But what is age when he's hot? I'm just happy that you have found someone. Come here Roma." Elizaveta said hugging me. I was getting redder with anger.

Wait... did she think I was going to start dating Rory? Just because we had sex didn't mean that we were going to start dating. Idiot.

"You can take my photo now," Elizaveta said with a smile.

Fuck my life. First, the whole Vash thing and now I had Rory and Elizaveta to worry about. Fuck my life.


	15. Sin Miedo a Nada

_Disclaimer – I do not own the characters. _

_Thank you for reviewing and faving and alerting! _

_Well, here is a treat for all of you! Antonio's narrating a chapter! Sorry that the chapter is sooooo long (over twice as long as the last chapter). I had to put a lot of info in one chapter and Antonio rambles. _

_Don't be mad at Emma. She's doing what she thinks is right. This problem could be solved so fast with communication. If Lovi talked to Antonio and Antonio talked to Emma. Everything would be solved. But no, that's not dramatic enough. _

_As fun as it was to write this chapter, Antonio is not getting another chapter._

_If you can't tell by the narration, I'm bias by the fact that I'm a Real Madrid fan... In the Premier League, my team is Manchester United._

_I'll like to thank Book Thief 101 for showing me the song that I named this chapter after. It seemed fitting that Antonio's chapter would have a song sung and composed by a Spaniard. _

_Translations_

_Muy = Very (Spanish)_

_Lindo(a)= cute (Spanish)_

_Puto = male whore (Spanish)_

_Marción = gay/faggot (Spanish)_

_Mamaverga=cock sucker (Spanish)_

_Hijo de puta = son of a bitch (Spanish)_

_Baloncesto = Basketball (Spanish)_

_Ciclismo = Cycling (Spanish)_

_Toreo = Bullfighting (Spanish) _

_ Catalunya = Catalonia (Catalan) _

_Esposa = wife (Spanish)_

_Carlomagno= Charlemagne (Spanish)_

_Mon ami est triste.= My friend is sad (French)_

_Nous allons parler de ceci. Je dois l'aider = We have to talk about this. I need to help him (French)_

_Il vous fait des yeux de Cupidon = He gives you Cupid eyes (French... not a real saying. I made it up.)_

_L'amour est un diable = Love is a devil (French) _

_Il a la tête dûre = He's stubborn (French)_

_Maravilloso = Amazing, marvellous (Spanish)_

_Guten Arbend = Good Evening (German)_

_Culpa, culpable = Guilt, guilty (Spanish) _

_Mi cerebro = My brain (Spanish)_

* * *

**_Chapter 15_**

_Que nos quieran abatir centrar en tus ojos mi mirada_

_Cantar contigo al alba_

_Besarnos hasta desgastarnos neustros labios_

_Y ver en tu rostro cada día cracer esa semilla_

_Crear, soñar, dejar todo surgir aparcando el miedo a sufrir_

**_Sin Miedo a Nada (Àlex Ubago) 2005_**

¡_Hola_! Lovi wanted me to write a little bit because he wanted all of you to get my point of view on everything. It's important to get the point of view of everyone! I just don't think Emma would write a chapter. I could ask her. (Lovi just hit me and called me an idiot... so that's a no?) My point of view is apparently more important than poor Emma's. But everyone does sympathize with Emma. I remember that the tabloids were very mean to Lovi after all of you found out about all of this. It was very sad to see Lovi so sad! Everyone was blaming him! On the internet people said some very nasty things about _mi corazonicito_._ Puto _was mentioned. Home wrecker. _Marción_._ Mamaverga_. _Hijo de puta_. All very naughty words that people should not be calling Lovi. Lovi is amazing! And _muy, muy lindo!_ The way he moves his arms and hands when he talks. (Lovi tells me that he doesn't move his hands when he talks. He says it's too stereotypically Italian for him. Oh Lovi, you do. It's cute because the madder or more emotional you get, the bigger and more extravagant the hand movements are! You just don't notice them, _mi corazoncito_.) Or the way he always has a coffee in hand! He loves coffee so much! You almost never see him without it if he isn't working. He hasn't mentioned it to you. I think that's because he just doesn't notice the coffee in his hands. It's just always there! (You have a coffee in your hand right now! _Sí_, you have a problem. But it's a _muy lindo_ problem, Lovi.) Or the way he doesn't notice that one hair sticking out and when he does notice it, he goes all _loco_ trying to fix his hair. Or the way he has to judge a _tomate_ worthy before eating it. He looks all serious examining the fruit. And then he licks it all seductively like he wants me to get hard. And then he smells it and kisses it and licks it again. I've never wanted to be a _tomate_ more in my life. And trust me, there were many times I wanted to be a _tomate_. Also the serious look he gives that _tomate_. His eyes are always serious when he looked at a _tomate_... oh his eyes. What colour are there anyways? One second they're green, the next brown, sometimes hazel, sometimes something in the middle. I've even seen them amber! It all depended on the light. In the sunlight they are a mix of hazel and green. In bright light, they were green. In dim light they were brown. It was so weird. I have never met someone whose eyes changed colours like that. _Muy bello_. They kept you guessing. But that was Lovi for you. He kept you guessing. What was he thinking? You never knew! I know what he wants us to think. He wants us to think he's cool and slick like Mario Moretti. But he wasn't Mario. His heart was too big to be Mario. Mario was cool and slick and someone every _chico_ wants to be and the man every _chica_ wanted. But at the same time you didn't want him. He was a bad boy. He was a Michael Corleone like character. He was a future mob boss! Do you really want to be with a mob boss? He also kills without a second thought and he doesn't feels sorry for it. He uses people and throws them out when he was finished with them. That wasn't Lovi. Lovi wouldn't use someone like that. Lovi couldn't kill a man. Lovi was more caring. There was this one time when Alessandro was stuck in a shop. I forget which shop but he was stuck because he didn't feel like being attacked by the paparazzi and he didn't have a car... the paparazzi attack wasn't like the attack on Lovi. It was more like normal paparazzi harassment... So, he called Lovi. Lovi was hanging out with me. We were happily watching Real Madrid beat CSKA Moscow during Champions League 2011-2012, when Alessandro called. Lovi shut off the TV, grabbed me by the collar and forced me in the passenger seat of his car. (I blame the fact that I wasn't watching the game that CSKA Moscow scored. But at least Real Madrid won. Sort of. It was a tie!) It was sooooo scary driving with him. He drives sooooo _rapido_! I can't believe we didn't get a ticket. But he was going to see his brother, whom was in need. So, _sí_, maybe going fast was important that time. But he drives so _rapido_ even if he wasn't in a hurry. He loves to go fast like those race cars he loves to watch. Lovi loves watching motor racing but only when it involves Italian cars. He doesn't like NASCAR. I think he says that it's a poor excuse of Italian racing and it was for white trash. I told him that wasn't very nice and it wasn't true. But he's very passionate about his sports. What was I writing about again? (Lovi's reading this over my shoulder and he banged his head on the desk. I don't know why... _Gracias _Lovi!) So, Lovi tells me that I was saying untrue things about how cute he is. And he reminded me that he wasn't cute. Men can't be cute. I don't know how they are untrue because they are 100% true! So, I was describing how cute Lovi is. Oh, that's a subject I can go on for hours about... I wrote three songs about it. (Lovi is telling me not to go on and on about how cute he is and get on with the story). But Lovi is so _muy, muy lindo_! And the cutest thing about him is when he laughs. I'll be serious, (Lovi, what do you mean finally?) Lovi doesn't laugh a lot. He laughs less then he smiles and that's very, very rare. I haven't heard Lovi laugh a lot.

I remember the first time I heard Lovi laugh. It was a real laugh and not one of those fake laughs he makes on TV or with people. No, I heard Lovi laugh laugh. It was mid-February and I had told Allie that I liked _baloncesto_ and that I was the star on my high school team (both in _España_ and _América_. I was also the star _fútbol _player. I was in so many clubs and a lot of sports. I love sports. They are fun an inter… am-I rambling again Lovi? Oh). She couldn't go to the Lakers game that she bought tickets too, so she gave them to me! How very nice of her! The Lakers aren't bad, especially since they have a Spaniard playing for them! I of course asked Lovi to come with me! I didn't even know if he liked _baloncesto_! When we talk about sports we usually talk about _fútbol_ and _ciclismo_ and he talks to me about motor racing (I sort of like motor racing but at one point it gets too long and the cars can't keep my attention and then there's a pretty bird or Lovi does something _muy lindo_ or I see a bright light. But Lovi loves it! So, I'll watch it because he listens to me talk about _toreo_! I love _toreo _almost as much as I love _fútbol._ Lovi is telling me to get back on track. What was I talking about? OH, the Lakers!) Anyhow, we never talked about _baloncesto _before. I was lucky that he did like it! He does! You might not know it by just looking at him, he's obviously a drama nerd and not a jock, but he likes all sorts of sports! Expect we just don't get the appeal of American Football or hockey or at least I don't get it. Lovi just finds it boring. I think. Or at least he hasn't told me that he likes those sports. (ow! Lovi, you don't have to hit me... so you don't like those games. Okay!) So, we both don't get the appeal of some sports, but _baloncesto _was something we both could enjoy. Where was-I? Oh s_í! _Well, I took Lovi to the Lakers game and we had front row seats! I had been to only one _baloncesto _game in my life. I was nine and _mi papá _bought me tickets to go see Real Madrid! Real Madrid _Baloncesto_ not C.F. Real Madrid. Though, _mi papá _also took me to see _El Clásico_. So, I did see C.F. Real Madrid that year... but I saw it in Barcelona and not Madrid. Maybe I should call it _El Clássic _since I was in_ Catalunya_. (Ow Lovi! Okay, okay, I won't start speaking Catalan too.). So, before that day, I only saw one _baloncesto _game at _el Palacio de Deportes de la Comunidad de Madrid_... before it burnt down and got rebuilt. Anyhow, it was very different in _América. _The FIBA says that the NBA was the best _baloncesto _league in the world... _Liga ACB_ is number _dos!_ Just to make Lovi happy, I heard that the Italian league was number _tres_. It still made everything different. And, when I went to see Real Madrid, we had bad seats. We were in the far corner. But with Lovi! I was in the first row! (Lovi's telling me to focus. Focus on what exactly?) We had a lot of fun! And then there were our fans! It's weird that random people want me to sign the craziest things. Lovi seemed used to it. But I don't think I would ever be! Meeting a fan is so exciting! Even the fans who throw their bras on stage and ask me to sign their breast. I have fans! I didn't care if they were _loco_! And there was this _linda chica_! She was five years old and she wanted me to sign her teddy bear! It was so cute! Her _padre_ got Lovi to sign something. I don't know. I was busy talking to the little _chica_. After the game and all the excitement, Lovi and I went out to the car. I will never get used to the paparazzi. I don't hate them like Lovi. Lovi hates the paparazzi with a burning passion. You know why. I don't mind them and I don't mind that people are taking my photo. People have been taking my photo for a while. I've had random people stop me to take my photo. I got one of my girlfriends in University like that. People say I'm photogenic... only Lovi thinks my photos aren't good enough to capture my ... whatever I have. (Lovi is telling me to focus again.) So, we went to the car, Lovi was talking about how pretty the Laker Girls were. I didn't like hearing that. I didn't know why at the time, but I did know that I didn't like hearing that. It made me a little mad. So, we were hungry and I drove to this little cafe. Lovi got himself two decaf cinnamon lattes with a gelato. I just got one gelato. I didn't want coffee late at night even if it was decaf. So, we sat there just talking. It would have been a great day even if we just did that. But at one moment, Lovi was talking and I went to take a bite of my gelato and I hit my cheek instead. Yes, I missed my mouth. Those things just happen sometimes. Well, Lovi looked at me in shock. He couldn't believe I missed the hole! (Lovi, that was an inappropriate comment.) Well then I said:

"I see I missed like (*insert players' name as Lovi would put it*) missed the basket tonight," I said with a smile on.

I think Lovi was on a sugar high, because, it wasn't that funny. Yet, I saw a smile forming on Lovi's lips and he was trying to fight it. But he couldn't. He laughed. He didn't roll around on the floor laughing or anything. It was that type of laugh you give your friend when he does something ridiculous or something you know you shouldn't be laughing at because it was just too stupid. I didn't care. I made Lovi laugh.

(Lovi is telling me to focus on the story.)

Well, let's talk about the first time I saw Lovi! I was seventeen and Carmen wanted to watch a movie. So, she rented... yes this was back when we rented movies. At least it was a DVD. It wasn't that long ago... a movie called _Nightingale_.You know which movie. It was a drama about some boy and he was doing something. (Lovi, why are you hitting your head on the table?) Lovi, says it was a crime/drama about a boy trying to find his father in New York City. Who cares what it was about. The important part is that Lovi played the younger brother of the main character. That was the first time I saw Lovi! It was in the movie that gave him his first big break! He was so young! Lovi says he was fifteen when he made that movie! FIFTEEN! Wow. He also says he lost his virginity to one of the other actors, but let's not talk about that. He was _muy lindo_ in that movie and Carmen said he deserved an Oscar nomination in the least. At least the movie was nominated. Sadly, not Lovi. So, that was the first time I saw Lovi. It wasn't love at first sight but I knew I liked him. I thought he was cool. Then, I only saw him on the silver-screen or the small-screen. I remember the first time _The Smuggler _came out. Emma was in love with Mario Moretti. He was her favourite character in any media. She read the books before the show came out of course and that was when she fell for Mario. She was so glad that they picked Lovi to play Mario. He is perfect for the part. I was a little bit jealous of Lovi back then. _Sí_! I was jealous that _mi esposa_ was gushing over Lovi! She picked him as her guy. I think couples do this thing all the time, when one partner picks that one celebrity and if they ever meet them, they are allowed to cheat on the other partner with. It's ironic that Em picked Lovi! _Mi esposa_ picked LOVI! (Lovi agrees with me that it's ironic.) I picked _Penelope Cruz _if you're interested. (Lovi, why are you calling me an idiot? Okay, I'll continue with the story… What do you mean you regret asking me to narrate a chapter? Stop reading over my shoulder, you're making me nervous.)

Lovi says that the first time he saw saw me was at Michelle's Christmas party. I don't remember seeing him there. I don't remember much of that night. Fran said that she was going to a party and I should go. Emma and I went with Françoise. Maybe I was too drunk to remember. No. I get violent when I'm drunk. I couldn't have been drunk, no one told me that I beat a guy up or I didn't wake up in jail. So, I just must not remember. Now, as Lovi would put it, the first time I saw saw Lovi was at Tiina's talk show! Wow, I know that was only January but it seems so long ago! It's like it was another life. I was so nervous meeting Lovi! He was one of my favourite actors and _mi esposa_ had a celeb crush on him... Trust me, she no longer does. Though, Lizzie tried to convince her to have something about a threesome in our divorce papers or at least we should give her a sex-tape. It didn't work out. (And Lovi didn't know about that. _Lo siento_ Lizzie.) So, I was talking about when I first met Lovi, right? Okay, I was very nervous when I first saw him. He was _muy bello _and looked like Romano. There's a difference between Romano and Lovi. I know technically they are the same person but Romano is fake and Lovi is not. But, I didn't know that at the time.

"¡_Hola Romano_! It's nice to finally get to meet you. Fran had told me a lot about you. _err._.. She never said you were this handsome in person or anything... _lo siento_, I didn't mean that in a bad way ... I don't know how I meant that. Well, it's nice to finally meet you. _Mi esposa _is a big fan of your character and we both love watching _The Smuggler_. It's a great show and it deserves all the buzz it's getting. You deserve that Emmy. Well, Santiago is telling me that you need to go. _Lo siento_. It was nice to meet you." So, that was the first thing I said to Lovi. I can't believe he forgot that! I remember the first words he said to me!

"Yes, nice to meet you... see you on stage." Actually those were the words Romano was telling me. I don't know what were the first words Lovi told me because I didn't know which one was which at the time.

I did learn the difference between Romano and Lovi, at one point. I don't how or when but I did. Lovi was more pleasant and _muy lindo_. I liked Lovi a lot. Lovi's my favourite.

As you can guess it wasn't love at first sight for me. Or maybe it was. I just didn't realise it. I don't notice a lot of things. But no matter what, I liked Lovi and I knew there was something different about him. I got to know him so well in three months... okay one month was purely us texting because I was touring, but since we were texting all the time, I count March... Those three months felt like life times. I had never felt like that with anyone! Not even Emma. With Emma everything was so much different. It was bing bang boom! Six months later, we were married. There was this passionate love we had. It was still there... sort of. It disappeared slowly or quickly depending on how you see it... but it did disappear and I didn't notice. Of course, with all couples the passion fades. That's just normal. Though, I don't think falling in love with your best friend is normal. Anyhow, the difference with Lovi is that it didn't start out as passionate love. It started like a platonic love. He was my best friend and things just happened. Was that normal? Is that good? ...Okay, no, but let's imagine I wasn't married... They do say that the best couples are the ones that fall in love with their best friends. But still. There was usually that passion. I love passion too. Passion is one of my favourite things. I do everything in the heat of the moment. I let the passion take over me. That's how I write songs. I let passion take over. I think that's just another way that Lovi is different. He doesn't bring out that passion in me like I was used to. Things are just different with him. I think that's why I didn't figure out that I was in love... _si_, I call it _amor_. I also never thought I would fall for another man. I thought that it might bother me more. But no. I pretty much got over that quickly. I didn't care... well I did have two experimental nights, one in high school with a _chico _in the _fúbol _club. It was a few months before we moved to _América. _And the other was in University. It was first year and it was with my roommate's friend. (Lovi? What's with the face? Are you surprised? I never told you about that? I thought I told you about those two before.)... It's funny that my family is very religious in the Roman Catholic tradition, but none of us cared about sexuality. The problem is that my family isn't a big fan of divorce. We take the marriage vows pretty seriously. So, I still had a dilemma and I spent a month thinking about it. I decided to take my marriage vows seriously until the heat of the moment took over me. I decided that the heart was more important. I would have to hurt Emma but I know her. She's a strong woman and she would have understood too. But Lovi decided to be moral. It broke my heart more than anything. I never thought I could feel that way. I don't understand my feelings usually, and I usually ramble on but with Lovi, I don't ramble as much (It's true Lovi! Without you I would be rambling twice as much as I am rambling now.) Also, with him I think I understand myself more. He gives me a sense of perception. I feel like me with him. I don't know how to explain it well. Lovi just makes me happier and making him happy makes me happy, then and now that I write this. (¿_corazonicito? _Are you crying Lovi? Do you need a hug? ... Lovi says he had a piece of sand in both of his eyes... but we know the truth. Especially since he just kissed me very passionately.)

Now, I think I should do what Lovi asked me to do. He asked me to move the story along and talk about what was going on in my life while Lovi and I were ... what do you call it? Is it a break up? We weren't dating. You need to be dating to break up. Was it that we lost our friendship? We weren't technically _amigos_. I'll just call it our time apart... an important thing happened to me. I'll write about it now.

I was in the recording studio. It was the day after I dropped Lizzie off at Lovi's. I had just finished recording a song and I was telling Eduard that I was going to finish a song for the next day. I had one more song to record before my second album would come out! Little known fact, the song _Reputation _was the last song I recorded. Lovi was right. I did write it about him. He does care too much about what other people think about him, and that's why he hinds behind Romano. That is what the song is about.

Eduard Von Bock was my producer and the top producer of Braginsky's Records. He was a golden blond Estonian immigrant. (Tiina and Eduard plan the craziest and best parties!) He also had his little brotherly figure of an assistant beside him all the time. That would be Raivis Galante. He was Latvian, even if his name sounds Italian. They both were very nice. And they were both very close to Toris, whom Lovi has already told you about. They were sort of like my boss but not. No, they are my bosses. They are a step higher in the company. Technically, my top boss was and still is Ivan Braginsky. I've never understood how those three can work so close to him? Lovi explained it, Ivan is creepy and he's never been in his office. Ivan's office is full of weird things. There's a two headed snake, some other two headed animals, a two tailed cat and three eyed pig. It was like you were walking through the pages of Ripley's magazine. He also had a portrait of Ivan the Terrible and Catherine the Great. If that wasn't creepy enough, Ivan's most prized possession is a pipe. He has this pipe hung up behind his desk. Why would you have a pipe in your office? Was it because whenever someone was being naughty, he would hit them with it? Was it apart of some sexual sadism? Was it apart of his first house? Was it this first toy? Was it just some Russian custom? I don't know but I had the feeling that the pipe was watching me. It was like it wanted to bash my head in. That's creepy. Maybe it had something to do with the Russian Mafia? Maybe I should stop talking about Ivan. He is my boss. But we are under contract and he can't legally fire me for this... He is still my boss. I should be nice to my boss, even if he was as creepy as Ivan.

So, after I recorded my song, I went home, back to Em. Just like Lovi wanted me too.

I feel _muy malo _that I made Lovi feel the way he did. But how was-I supposed to know he was feeling like that? We weren't talking. I did text him once or twice or twenty times in May, but he never texted me back. I got the hint. He didn't want to see me. He wanted me to fix things with Em. My poor Lovi. If I knew, I would have fought harder. I gave up because I thought that was what you wanted. You wanted me to make my life better. I thought that would make you happy. I couldn't try to contact him, I wanted too, but I was going on the advice of Françoise. She told me not to contact him until he either contacted me or we were forced to see each other. It was an odd conversation we had because I never told Fran about the whole Lovi thing.

After my in-laws left, I went to spend some time with Fran at her house. Arthur was there too because he's usually there. Lovi thinks I hate Arthur but I don't hate him, I can't hate anyone. Arthur just wasn't my favourite person in the world. That is Lovi.

"Spanish is more widely spoken then English," I told Arthur. We were having a conversation about languages. That's what happens when you put Arthur, Fran and me in the room, we talk about our countries' culture and history. We had a debate about Queens (it was mainly Arthur and I talking about Elizabeth I... it didn't end well. Word of advice, never insult Queen Elizabeth I to Arthur. I just called her ugly and mean and he attacked _Felipe II_.) We had another debate about Kings (I don't know why, but in the end it with Arthur and Fran were debating on who was better, King Arthur or _Carlomagno_. I said _Reina Isabel de Castilla_ and _Rey Ferdinando de Aragón_ were better than both of them.) We also talked once about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wanted to be a _conquistador_ when I was younger. I also wanted to be a matador. Sometimes I would go out with _Señor Toro_ and we would pretend we were playing _Toreo_.) Anyhow, that day with were debating about languages. That ended with Arthur insulting the _el signo de apertura de interrogación invertido_? What's so wrong with inverted question marks? He also said French was over complicated for no reason and mentioned that H was almost useless in the French alphabet and how there was so many exceptions to every grammatical rule. Fran listed a bunch of words with a silent K and G in them, like knight, knife, know, gnome. She also mentioned how closely related French and English actually were even if there were in two different language groups. She then mentioned how many English phrase were French, aka déja-vu or allons-y (Arthur liked to say allons-y). I didn't say much. My heart wasn't into the debate. All I was thinking about was what Lovi would say. He would stick up for Italian and how beautiful Italian was. Italian was beautiful, especially when he spoke it. However, I did stick with how many more people spoke Spanish then both languages and how romantic and passionate Spanish was. It was the only thing I could think of. If I was in a better mind frame I could have thought about something else. Sadly, I wasn't. Fran had to mention French was the language of love. Arthur mentioned French was dying out. And before anything bad could happen, we started cooking traditional desserts from our countries. Just not Arthur. Fran kicked him out of her kitchen and said she would consider that he won the debate if he didn't help cook. You never had Arthur's cooking... it was that bad. He could burn ice water.

After a little bit, we were sitting on the couch eating churros and whatever _delicioso_ dessert Fran made.

"Antonio, what's wrong?" she asked giving me some homemade churros.

"Nothing," I said looking at my phone and taking a bite out of a yummy churro.

"Lovino hasn't texted you since Vancouver?" she asked. I looked at her surprised. How did she know? "Arthur told me about it. No one knows what really happened. Gilbert and Mathias believe you saved Lovi from getting raped." I did in a way. (_Sí_, I did. You didn't really want to have sex with him, Lovi. He was tricking you.) "But Arthur and I think otherwise." Arthur knew too! It must have been because of Fran. "Is that right, _chèr_?"

"Let's not talk about this. Doctor Who is on," Arthur explained. "And if it's not on, ABC family is probably having a Harry Potter weekend." It was Tuesday at nine. It wasn't even the weekend.

"_Mon ami est triste_." Fran hugged me. "_Nous allons parler de ceci. Je dois l'aider,_" she said... I didn't understand a word of it. Arthur did. Arthur sighed and rolled his eyes. "Antonio, talk to us."

"What do you know?" I asked her. I had to know what she knew. Did she know about that night? How would she know about that night?

"_Il vous fait des yeux de Cupidon,_" she said. I didn't understand what she said but I'm sure _Cupidon _was like _Cupido_. So, she didn't know everything. The first thing someone would mention would be that night.

"He's not as much as a prick around you. He's at least tolerable when you're in the same area," Arthur added. People (mainly Gilbert) kept telling me that Lovi was mean and selfish. But I didn't see that. That wasn't my Lovi. That was Romano. My Lovi was kind and caring. I'm not delusional, it's true. I know he won't win the nicest person award anytime soon... or ever... that didn't mean his heart wasn't large and grand. I just didn't see the Lovi people (Gilbert) kept telling me about. You should ask Feliciano about his brother. He seems to have some perception on the matter. My Lovi is _muy lindo_.

"He blushes with you... and remember the time at the club? You made him smile," Fran told me. I might have to tell you about the time at the club. Lovi is very selective with the stories he writes. The end of January and all of February, we hung out all the time! I told you the _baloncesto_ story. So, here's another... Lovi really should have written more about these times we hung out. They might not be dramatic, and we know how much Lovi loves drama (You do, Lovi. We both know it.) But those times were nice. Very, very nice.

One night, Lovi, Fran, Arthur, Gilbert, Lizzie, Roderich, Emma and I went out to a club... Allie and Maddy were going to come but they were both 19 and weren't allowed to drink in California. If we were in Spain, they could be dancing the night away. Instead they were hanging out with Kiku... Maybe that's why Lovi never mentioned it. He doesn't like talking about Emma...I love dancing. Dancing was fun. Anyhow, I danced with Emma a little bit at this club. Then, she asked me to get her a drink. So, I did at least go and I had the intent to buy her a drink. It was at the bar I saw Lovi, Roderich and Lizzie. Lizzie was trying to get Roderich to dance. Roderich said something about how all modern music isn't danceable... they played one of my songs, so, I think I should be insulted by that comment... (Lovi? _Gracias_), Lovi says I should be insulted by that comment. Even with those types of opinions, you didn't tell Lizzie no. Ten minutes later, Lizzie was dancing with Gilbert and Roderich was forced to intervene. So, that left my Lovi all alone with nothing but a drink. Lovi likes to dance, but he's shy and doesn't dance in front of people. (You are shy, and it's _muy lindo_). So, he was refusing to dance and unlike Lizzie, I wasn't going to force him to dance. Instead, I was going to stand there with him. I couldn't let Lovi alone! What kind of friend would I be! The kind that left his_ esposa_ thirsty on the dance floor, so his friend wouldn't be lonely. By the end of the night, Emma was too drunk to remember that I wasn't with her most of the night. Instead, I was talking with Lovi. Lovi often told me to leave him alone and go dance with Emma... I think he said Blondie, but I got what he meant. I said no. Lovi was too important to me to be left alone. It was during that banter Lovi smiled. I was telling him that no matter what, if he was there alone, I wasn't going to leave him. Right before he gave up, Lovi blushed a little and smiled. He was hiding it but I saw it... and apparently Fran too. _Me gusta mucho_ when he smiles. It made me smile too. But Lovi quickly went back to normal and told me to "chigi~ (insert bad word that starts with f and rhymes with ducking) go dance already you stronzo." (Sí, you said chigi.)

"Maybe," I said. It was true. I think that was what Fran was talking about but I don't know really. I hope it was that time because I don't know about any other time Lovi smiled while Fran was close.

"I started suspecting things were going on at your birthday party. His gift to you was too obvious."

"What's wrong with_ mi_ _tomate fútbol_?" It was the best present ever. EVER.

"Nothing, that's the point, it was _parfait. _Lovino isn't even that thoughtful with his brothers. It was too thoughtful." I thought for a second. It was _perfecto_ wasn't it. "Did something happen in Vancouver?" Fran asked.

"Maybe," I said.

"You don't seem surprise by what we're telling you," Arthur notice. What did he mean?

"You know how he feels about you," Fran concluded. Oh.

"Not really because he refuses to see me. I don't know what I did wrong," I told them sadly. Lovi was being very confusing.

"_Arthur_, start putting the desserts away and tell me everything, Antonio."

So, I told her everything. I told her every single detail I could think of. She listened to me patiently and didn't judge me or anything. That was nice because I did something _muy, muy, muy, muy malo_. I hurt Emma and Lovi. I know Emma didn't know, but it didn't change the fact that it happened. It happened and it was real. Everything was so confusing. Maybe I should have talked to someone beforehand. Keeping things like that inside wasn't good. Telling them to someone made me feel better. I still felt like I wronged Em and Lovi but, I felt a little better. Now someone was going to help me. Fran was going to help me. She knew everything when it came to love and she knew Lovi. She meant Lovi five years before me, she knew him before she met me. She has to know him better.

"Should I go see him?" I asked Fran.

Fran thought for a moment. "Not yet. I'm not sure what's going on in his head. The poor boy must be so confused and scare." My Lovi was scared and confused! How couldn't I go and see him? "I think seeing you would make him more confused and scared. _L'amour est un diable._" Fran sighed. She still had her thinking cap on though.

"I agree with Françoise, seeing you would make him feel guilty." Arthur wasn't there for most of the conversation because he was busy cleaning, but he heard the last bit. "That's what I'm hearing, he's guilty." I was _cupable_ too. I promised to love and to hold Emma through sickness and health. But I didn't want to love and hold her anymore. It was confusing.

"But he does love you, that's for sure," Fran told me.

"But if you love someone, don't you want to be with them 24/7?" I asked. I sure did.

Fran laughed. "Of course, but, this romance isn't normal. Are you forgetting Emma? Emma changes everything. Do you still love her?"

Good question, did I still love her? Sure, I loved her, there was a reason I married her. But was I falling out of love with her? "I think so. I'm not sure. I know I should stay with Em, but..."

"But you don't want too," Fran said finishing my sentence. She gave me a hug.

"Lovi wouldn't talk to me... I don't know what to do," I admitted.

"Do nothing," Arthur said.

Fran looked at me oddly and then she got what he was talking about. I didn't. What was he telling me?

Fran turned to me and said, "Okay, do nothing for the moment being. Let's see if you can fix your marriage with Emma. You know Lovino, _il a la tête dûre_. Once something is in that head of his, it's hard to change his mind. He feels like shit right now." What? No, my poor Lovi. "He thinks that if you and Emma fix things, he'll feel better. It's not true, but let's let him think that. Maybe he'll make it true. You can't underestimate the power of your psyche. He wants to see you happy. He doesn't want to see you get hurt. In his mind, he thinks if you two never see each other, it will save you from future heartbreak. It's quite _romantique_ actually." (Lovi, Fran is smart. She's not telling me bullsh*t.) "So, you might not get Lovino back. But you can have Emma. Just don't talk to Lovino until your heart is healed. If you two are at the same event or party, converse in small talk, nothing more. Talking to him now will only hurt both of you more."

"So, you don't want me to go and get Lovi?" I asked.

"Don't get me wrong, I actually much rather see you with him," Fran told me. That comment confused me. (Lovi, that was mean. I'm not always confused.) "The man changes for the better with you. Anyone who's actually looking can tell he's head over heels for you." Which made this whole situation worse. "But he wants to believe that the love is one sided because he doesn't want to steal you. He feels like it's wrong. Just give the situation time." (Lovi, I thought it was great advice. I didn't think you were going to take me back. It was the best we could do with the information given. Fran was going to try to talk to you alone but you never let her talk to you. You ignored her… I'm not blaming you Lovi. Things just didn't work out.)

So, that's why, I went home to Emma every day. Sadly, it felt like a chore going to her everyday... I hope Em isn't reading this story. This story would break her heart._ Lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento. _I didn't mean to hurt you.

I might be very uninformed. I didn't even hear about Lovi's attack until the day we had to drop Elizaveta off at his house! That was two days after the whole thing happened! Elizaveta was over at our house because she and Em were very good friends. Lizzie and Em just clicked. They're still friends. We're still friends... I'm friends with my ex. (It's not weird, Lovi).

I don't know if I like seeing Elizaveta or not. I hope she doesn't take that as an insult. She's _maravilloso_. But she reminded me of Lovi. Emma knew Lovi and I had this fight. She didn't know what it was about but she knew about a fight. Lucky her, because it would break her poor heart if she knew. Now that I wasn't going to have Lovi, I didn't want to break her heart. I wanted to keep it intact. I never wanted to break her heart. Because I still loved her, not like I loved her before but there was still a special part of my heart for her. Do understand that I hate making people feel bad. I wish everyone could smile and be happy. (What do you mean that is the gayest thing you've ever heard?)

When Lizzie told us about the attack, she was sitting on my couch with Emma beside her. She and Emma were talking about watching an Audrey Hepburn movie... Em loved her. One of her favourite movies was _My Fair Lady_. (Lovi says _Roman Holiday _was better.) Fran and Arthur were... debating. That's what they call it. I think they were fighting over Arthur's cooking … or was it his fashion sense? I don't remember. I was sitting on my couch watching TV. I was very much immersed into my show. I usually am. I didn't hear people talk to me.

"Antonio," Emma said. I jumped up with the remote. "Did you hear Lizzie?"

"Did I hear what?"

Emma laughed a little. "She said we have to drop her off at Lovino's place." My mouth opened slightly. I was shocked. Why did Lizzie want to see Lovi? Okay, I know Lovi is the most amazing person on this planet. Everyone should want to see him. But... Why did she want me to drop her off? I couldn't do that. If I went to his apartment, I would have to go up and see him. It was too tempting. I was giving Lovi his space, just like he wanted.

"Why?" I asked.

"I have to see if Roma is okay. His arm must be hurting him…," Lizzie said some other things. I stopped listening at hurting me.

"What happened to Lovi?" I asked in a serious and worried voice. Me saying that got Fran and Arthur's attention. They even stopped 'debating'.

"You didn't hear about the accident?" Lizzie asked. What accident? What happened to my Lovi?

"What accident?" Emma asked.

"Oh... the paparazzi cornered him and he tripped over a bench trying to get away from them. He got a concussion and broke his left arm," Lizzie explained worried.

My heart dropped. I was in total shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My Lovi was hurt! My Lovi was almost killed! How could they do that to him! I wanted to kill whoever hurt him. How dare they hurt _mi corazonicito_. My precious Lovi. How could he be hurt and I didn't know about it? How could he trip over a bench?! (Lovi, you are clumbsy. It's very believable that you tripped over a bench. You said it yourself, that day is fuzzy in your memory. And everyone there says you tripped over a bench.) My poor Lovi. This is what happens when I don't see him for two months. How could that happen?! I couldn't believe it. My stomach was turning and my heart raced. My head spun around and I felt like I was going to be sick. How could that happen! Why did bad things have to happen to Lovi? Lovi was amazing. Lovi didn't diserve to get attacked. My poor Lovi.

"Oh my, I hope he's okay," Emma exclaimed. He's not okay! I wasn't there to help him! I needed to be there to kiss all the pain away! "Antonio, we should go see him before dinner."

I got up and walked to the kitchen. I needed some water, which I splashed in my face. I shook my head a few times. That didn't feel any better.

"We should see him," I told Fran. She came to rub my back.

"We should," she replied.

"But... I can't give him more heartache while he's already in pain." As much as I wanted to kiss the pain away, I couldn't make his heart ache too. I loved him and I didn't want to hurt him.

"That would be mean," Fran agreed.

"But..." He was hurt. I had to kiss it better. I had a spell that would make him feel better. Fusososososo. (Lovi, it works every time!)

"Will you see him or not?" Fran asked. Fran was straight to the point. We didn't talk much about Lovi after that night. We figured that it was better not to mention Lovi. We didn't need to bring in more heartache into my heart then necessary. There wasn't a day that went by without me thinking about him or the way he smiled or talked. I wanted him. I missed him so much. Why did we have to screw it up?

I splashed some more water in my face. "I don't want to give him more heartache then I have too."

"Is that a no?" The less we talked about Lovi the better. Out of sight, out of mind. Hopefully.

With my face on my counter I shook my head. It was better to not make his life more complicated when his life was already full of physical pain. I couldn't hurt him.

"Take my car. I need to gas it up anyway. We can drop Elizaveta off and we can gas up. Emma can go up with Arthur."

And that's what happened. That was why I was outside of Lovi's apartment building that day. That was why Em and Arthur visited him.

I dropped Arthur, Em and Lizzie off and they went up to see _mi corazonicito_. I laughed and pretended I was fine to Emma. But I wasn't good at hiding my feelings like Lovi. Emma knew something was up, but we didn't talk about it. Emma knew to stay away from that conversation. Luckily.

So, I drove off with Fran in the passenger's seat.

"I should see him," I told Fran trying to find a gas station.

"Too late now. If you go up there now, we'll miss dinner," Fran told me. "And you can't go up there with Emma. Who knows what Lovino is going to do? He might lose his cool. Everything could come out into the open. If you have to see him so badly, go when no one is there."

With a sad look in my eyes, I said, "But he was hurt. He'll need all the support he can get. Why did I choose not to see him? I need to see him."

"You didn't want to hurt him any further."

The conversation ended there. There was silence in the car. It was weird because Fran was a talkative person and so was I. But we stayed silent, until it was time to text Arthur and Em to come down. The silence wasn't good. I didn't like thinking. I was thinking off all the horrible things Lovi could have happened to him. I saw him in so much pain, it put a tear in my eyes. Lovi, Lovi, Lovi.

Fran texted Arthur and some need forced me out of the car. I was standing in the middle of the street. Some cars were passing, but they missed me. Everything was going so fast. My head was spinning. One second I was watching TV and I was making _mi esposa _happy by respecting our marriage vows. The next, I was standing in the middle of the street wanting so badly to go up and kiss Lovi all better. Fusososososo him better.

Fran opened the window of the car and stuck her head out. She looked very worried.

"Antonio, come back into the car."

"I know I should. I don't know why I'm outside."

"You want to see him."

"Then, why can't I? Why did life have to be complicated?"

"It just is... Hurry up and get into the car before you get hit by a car. One accident is enough this week."

I tried to walk back to the car but I was starting to walk forward.

"Antonio, I'm not letting you get hit by a car! Get back in the car!" Fran shouted. I didn't know Fran could shout like that.

"You drive then," I told Fran.

"Do you want to skip dinner?" she asked.

"No, it's fine. I'll be fine," I said getting into the backseat and giving her the keys.

"No you won't." She was right.

"I promised Emma dinner. She's getting dinner."

"She'll understand if you don't feel well," Fran's violet eyes looked at me sincerely.

"I'll be fine."

That was the end of that.

We had dinner. It was very awkward and silent. I wasn't talking. All I did was look at my plate and poke my food with my fork. I wasn't hungry and I didn't feel like talking. I had never felt this way before. It was very weird and I didn't like it. I wanted all the bad feelings to go way. It needed to go away.

The rest of the night went on as normal. Emma and I went home. She watched a movie while I slept.

The next day, I went to work at Braginsky Records. I held my favourite guitar in my hands while I sang. Neither Eduard nor Raivis understood my love for my guitar. It was an old guitar. My parents bought it for me when I was fourteen. It was a classical guitar and I had a sticker of the Spanish flag on it. It was my special guitar. No other guitar had the right sound. The other guitars' pitches were off. Some were too high, some guitar's bodies were too wide. I had one where the neck was too long. Sometimes when I strum the guitar, it sounded off. So, I just used my own guitar. It sounded better. This guitar sounded right.

I will tell you that life is very different from a year before. The year before at that time, I was teaching mathematics to my third grade class. Suzy McAllister would ask a question as usual and I would answer it. I would have them then fill out some additions and subtraction tables. Then we would correct them. It was the same routine every day. It wasn't the most peaceful of lives but it did have structure and a routine. Not like my new life. Most days I had no idea what I was going to do. I had no idea if Santiago would call me and tell me to go somewhere. I didn't know where that somewhere was. But I didn't mind having a chaotic life. Usually I made my structured life chaotic for chaos' sake. (Don't agree with that statement Lovi! You make life dramatic and chaotic too!)

After singing for hours, my voice was hoarse. Eduard told me that we got the recording he wanted and I was allowed to go home. Home sweet home. Right? No. I wasn't going home to Lovi. How can it be home sweet home when your heart is broken? I didn't like going home. I wanted to go and see Lovi. I could make him feel better. But I couldn't, not yet. I needed to wait. I didn't like waiting, but I didn't to do it for Lovi.

I came home to Emma. She was with Lizzie. Lizzie and her were having one of Lizzie's German lessons. I didn't know why Lizzie couldn't just ask Roderich to teach her German? (Lovi, I don't think they were talking about gay porn. I'm pretty sure they were talking about German.)

"Hey, Antonio!" Emma waved. She had that smile on. It was a weird smile, it was almost like a cat smile. I never understood how she could do that. I've even asked her and she said that she had no idea what I was talking about.

"_Guten Arbend_," Lizzie said.

I waved back and went to put my guitar away.

When I told Lovi looking at Emma was not the same, it was true. It didn't help that she would morph into Lovi at points. But when she was Lovi, there was a pain in my chest that couldn't go away. The only time it went away was when I saw Lovi. But that wasn't going to happen. He didn't want to see me anymore. That was the sad truth. Why wouldn't he want to see me? He told me _Te amo_. Wouldn't that mean he would want to see me? If he loved me that would mean that he wanted to spend every second with me. Right? _Sí_. (Aw, Lovi is blushing again! Okay, I'll get back to the story.)

So, I sat on the couch, a little away from Emma. Touching her was just as bad or sometimes worst then looking at her. _Sí, culpa_ was not fun. I can't touch _mi esposa_ because I feel so _culpable_. But Emma wouldn't have it. She gave me a peck on the lips and cuddled with me. Kisses were the worse of the touches. Kisses were a sign of affection, that she was naïve to everything that was happening. Though, she has been super nice to me and suspected something. She didn't want to lose me. Kisses were proof that she still loved me and I was falling out of love with her. A sad truth that I never thought I would be living.

"Come here," Em said with a smile and grabbed me. She was hugging me from the back. Touching her made my heart hurt. "Liz has seen us cuddle before," she laughed. And when she puts it like that, it makes it feel like a chore. But I did it. I hugged her.

"We were just about to start watching a movie," Lizzie explained.

"Okay."

"Um… I don't think you would like it," Emma explained.

"I'll watch whatever," I said.

"You wouldn't want to watch this movie," Emma told me. Okay maybe they were talking about gay porn and were going to watch some. "How about you pick a movie? Just, I'm sort of sick of Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem." (Lovi, why are you agreeing with her? And what do you mean you're also sick of the _La Macarena_ and Enrique and Julio Iglesias?) "Let's watch something with Audrey Hepburn! We're watching _Roman Holiday_!" I was glad she ended up picking the movie. I wanted her to make all the decisions. I wanted to do things that she liked. Maybe if we did things she liked, I would feel better. I did feel a little better but it didn't last long.

"_Roman Holiday_? Haven't we seen that a million times?" Liz said sighing in her seat.

"You can never watch an Audrey Hepburn movie too many times. And you're the one to talk, Zsa Zsa and Eva Gabour." That would still be Emma talking to Lizzie.

"They are fantastic," Liz told us. "_Moulin Rouge_ was better with Zsa Zsa. I love Nicole but she's not Zsa Zsa." Emma rolled her eyes.

"Audrey didn't have to dirty herself with Disney movies," Emma told Liz. I would love to sing for a Disney movie, if they ever do a Spanish fairy tale. Disney's Don Quixote has a nice ring to it. (Lovi they've made a movie about an Italian fairytale. You remember _Pinocchio_?)

"_AristoCats_ is a great film for the whole family," Lizzie explained. "And both of the _Rescuers_ are great too!"

"How about we just start the movie," I told them. No more fighting.

"Zsa Zsa and Eva are still better."

"_Nightmare on Elm's Street 3_! _Naked Gun_! _Green Acres_!" Emma yelled from the hallway. She was going to get the movie.

"_Green Acres_ is a hilarious show!" Liz yelled back. "We should watch that!"

"If you can find it, we can watch it!" Emma yelled from the room we kept all our Blue Rays and DVDs.

Lizzie got up from her seat and joined Emma. I sighed and got comfortable. I didn't care what we watch as long as it didn't have Lovi in it. That still didn't stop me from thinking about him. I imagined Lovi on a farm. He would be just like Lisa Douglas. (Yes you would be. I've lived on a farm. You would not fit in. You're a city boy.) I was just imagining him in a _lindo_ little farm outfit trying to take care of a sick animal. I laughed. Lovi was falling in the mud chasing after a pig or he was crying because the plants were dead. It would be _muy lindo_ but our farm would make no money. He was a city boy through and through. But it would still be _lindo_ to see him try. (Lovi is now determined to prove to me that I'm wrong and he would be able to survive a week on a farm. Guess who's going to the farm next week!) I was just imagining him on the farm picking _tomates_. He would be good at that. He would specially pick every _tomate_ and make sure it was perfect in every way. He was so cute examining _tomates_.

"What are you thinking about," Emma asked me. "You have that smile on your face."

"_Nada_," I replied. I wasn't thinking about Lovi and _tomates_. _No_. He wasn't seductively licking a _tomate_. _No_. But he does seductively lick _tomates_ in real life. (You do! You do! I'll have to film it for you.)

She looked at me suspiciously but then she just smiled. "Okay."

Lizzie finished putting _Roman Holiday_ in the DVD Player. She couldn't find _Green Acres_ I guess. Emma decided to cuddle with me. I wanted to push her off but at the same time I didn't. That would be rejecting her. So, I held her and glued my eyes on the TV. I tried to say a word but, it's hard to talk during a movie when you don't feel like talking! It's especially hard when _su esposa_ asks you why you are not talking during the movie. She makes it sound like it's a chore. I just told her I wasn't feeling well but I'll be okay. She moaned suspiciously but continued to quote Audrey's lines.

After the movie was done, Lizzie left. Emma and Liz kissed on the cheek and opened the door for her friend. I waved good bye walking up to the door. She threw herself in a hug with both of us. Us as in Emma and me. Lizzie was leaving soon to go to Austria to see Roderich. She must have miss Roderich a lot. I missed Lovi. I wish he didn't ask me to stay with Emma. I'm hoping Emma isn't reading this. That line would make her heart break! Emma, skip this chapter if you're reading this! Though, why would you read this? Aren't you setting yourself for heart break? Emma, please don't cry! (I know it's a little late to tell Emma to stop reading.)

Emma turned around and looked at me with her wide dark green eyes. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Whatever you want to do." I faked a smile and put my hand through her blonde hair. Her eyes morphed a little into hazel green ones… yes Lovi's eyes. It somehow made it easier to act affectionate with her if she had Lovi's eyes.

"We're always doing what I want to do," she complained. "We are allowed to do something you like."

"It's fine, I can't think of anything anyways."

"You can think of something I hope. Your brain can't be empty up there," she said knocking on my noggin. (Lovi? Did you just say there was nothing in there?)

"Ow. There is something up there and that something is being lazy. _Mi cerebro_ and me want to do whatever you want."

That was a normal conversation for us. Since I came back from my tour with FBT. Yet, what Em did next wasn't normal, since I'll be honest that we haven't exactly had sex for awhile, maybe two months. But, apparently that was what Emma wanted to do.

Emma made a seductive smile and she grabbed my head and pushed me closer. She was kissing me. It felt nothing like when I kissed Lovi. Nothing could compare to his lips or tongue. Or how his hands would pull on my curls. Or how he would fight me for control of the kiss. That playful way he bit my lip (yes you bite my lip, but don't worry, I like it, Lovi.) Or the way his tongue explored my mouth. Or the way his mouth tasted like _tomates_ or gelato or coffee (_sí_ c_orazoncito_, you taste like coffee, you are always drinking coffee!). Or the slight quite moans he made. Or the emotion he put into the kiss. Em was a good kisser and she knew how I liked it but, I just didn't feel it. She put all this effort into this kiss and I did nothing but move my lips a little bit. I was only doing the movements.

She stopped kissing me and took off her shirt. I still wasn't feeling it. She kissed me again. I decided to play along. Maybe I could get myself into the mood. So, I started to play along. I took her head and pushed her closer. I grabbed her hair in my hand, while she ran her hands up my shirt. She got my shirt off and I returned to kissing her lips. I explored every inch of territory, which I have explored many times before. My hands rubbed her fair skinned stomach. (Lovi, we don't actually have sex! I'm not describing how perky and round her breasts are. I guess I just did. They are. Don't look at me like that, Lovi. Don't be jealous!) She then started to unbutton my pants.

"Am-I not attractive enough anymore?" she asked. (See Lovi, it stopped.)

"Of course, you're attractive," I replied wondering why she asked me that.

"You used to be up by this point."

Oh. I looked down. There was no blood rushing down there. (Lovi laughed.) I think it's because of the guilt. No, I know it's because of the guilt. I do not have a problem with THAT. THAT works just fine. Most of the time. Just not then. Because of the guilt. There have been studies about this phenomenon. The _cerebro _is the largest sex organ in the body. MINE works just fine. I've never had problems after that day, neither before. It was a onetime deal. (Lovi, stop laughing.)

"It's okay, continue."

"You're too young for erectile dysfunction!"

"It's fine." _Sí! _It's because of the guilt! I promise you. IT's just fine. Actually better then fine, IT's great. I could get IT up if I wanted too! But between the guilt and not wanting too, IT won't. IT has a mind of IT's own. (Lovi is holding his sides because he's laughing so hard. Should I be worried?)

"What's the point if I can't get my husband to be attracted to me?" she said putting her shirt on.

I grabbed _mi esposa_ and looked into her eyes. "Em, I find that you are the most beautiful woman on this planet." Lovi the most handsome man. (See Lovi, I used handsome and not cute! See Lovi! See!) "Let's go." I said taking her shirt off again and kissed her neck.

"Antonio, stop."

"I can do this," I said taking off her bra and started kissing my way down her neck to her shoulder.

"Have you slept with someone else?"

I stopped everything I was doing. She knew about Lovi and me? How did she know? I had not seen Lovi in weeks! Did Lovi tell her? Arthur didn't tell me that Emma and Lovi talked about me nor were they ever alone. Maybe Lovi came over here later. How could he come here and not see me? I'm me! He said he loved me. How could he betray me?

I never jumped up or got off of her faster. I felt all the blood drain out of my face and my eyes popping out of my head.

Em looked at me with those big, sad, green eyes. Her fair skin was getting red. I saw her chest go up (that means she had difficulty breathing, right? Lovi? Why aren't you replying? _Gracias!_) she had trouble breathing. (Lovi, that means she was upset, right?) Em was upset.

"What do you mean, have I slept with someone else?"

Emma looked at me angrily. "It's exactly what it means! Did you or did you not have sex with someone else? Because you've been weird lately and I can't think of any other reason why."

I still looked at her in shock. How did she know? Why was she saying this now? I thought I was fixing everything?! Who told her? Did Arthur or Mat or Gilbert tell her? Who would have told her? (Fran would have never in a million years told her. She's too good of a friend Lovi.)

She took my silence as the _sí_ it was.

"I can't believe it! I had my suspicions. But no, it's Antonio. He's too nice of a guy to actually cheat on you! He's just being distant because of his job. His job is stressful. And because of all this stress, he's tired. That's why he won't touch you. We don't need to have sex every week like we used too. Antonio's libido is just low because of stress! But no! You slept with someone else!"

I had my head down. Maybe that would make her feel better if she knew I felt _cupable_ about it. At least, she didn't know it was Lovi. That was good. Lovi was safe. At least, he was safe.

"During the tour right? That's why you tried to reconnect with me? Right?" I didn't have the heart to tell that it was after the tour. I didn't have the heart to tell her anything. Em was now crying. I tried to hug her. Hugging made people feel better. But, Emma pushed me away. I stayed standing with my head down. "I can't… Antonio… I can't believe you would do that? Why?"

"It'll never happen again," I replied. I didn't want to tell her the truth. I didn't want to tell her anything but that. I wanted her to feel better. I hate seeing people upset. I hate that feeling. She needed to smile.

I looked up at a pacing Emma. She was so red and angry. I could almost see the steam coming out of her ears.

"I'm to angry to even look at you. You know what, get out! I can't stand being close to you right now," Emma yelled storming off into a different room.

I didn't dare stay. I knew Emma needed time for herself. She was probably crying. Oh Emma, _lo siento, lo siento, lo siento, lo siento._

I took my car and I started driving. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know where I was driving. All I knew that I was driving._ Mi cerebro _was taking me somewhere. I was letting it take the wheel and drive. In the end, it wasn't _mi cerebro _that was driving. It was _mi _c_orazón_. I ended up driving to Lovi's apartment building.

I parked on the side of the street and crashed my head on the horn of my car. I jumped when I heard the horn of my car. Oops.

I looked around my car. No one heard my horn go off.

I sighed again and looked up at the apartment building. I saw Lovi's lights were open. He was home, but he was usually home if he chose too. And, my poor Lovi was hurt. He had to stay home and rest. He needed to feel better. I still wish I could go up there and make him better. I knew or thought, if I went up there, it would cause him more pain. I couldn't cause him more pain. But that didn't stop me from getting out of the car and walking up to the apartment building. The doorman was there smiling at me. He even had the door open for me. I told him that it was fine. I didn't think I was going to go up. So, he closed the door and looked at me watching the top floor of the building. The head or the heart? If I went up, I would be listening to my heart. My heart was important but reason was screaming not too. I didn't think I had a chance to fix everything with Emma. Why would she take me back? I cheated on her and she knew it. She would be crazy to take me back.

I ended up turning around and getting back into my car. I couldn't give Lovi any more heartache. He needed to move on and I needed to let him.

Instead, I went to Fran's apartment.

Françoise was at the door to let me in. What a great friend. She's right there when I needed her. She's always so nice! Everyone needs a friend like that. We need someone to go to when we do something _muy malo _and that person will love and support you. She doesn't care what happened. She'll always be there for me.

"What happened _mon ami_?" she said taking me in her arms.

"I did something _muy malo_."

She gave me a peck on the cheek and led me to her apartment.

Inside her apartment, she made me hot chocolate and wrapped me with a warm, soft blanket. I felt cozy. It was the best I had felt all day. I felt like a little kid. (Lovi what do you mean I am a little kid?)

After Fran set me up on her couch, all cozy. I started to explain to her what happened. Like she did last time, she just nodded and listened. After everything was over, she told me that I should go to bed and sleep this over. She set me up in a guest bedroom and sang me a bedtime song! She had a beautiful voice, even if I didn't understand what she was singing. It was so nice of her. Everyone needs a friend like that. She didn't judge and she took care of me. It was so nice. She was one of the good things about my new life. I'm glad that I've met her. She was so nice and _maravilloso_!

I had trouble sleeping but that wasn't something new. I hadn't had a proper sleep since last July. I needed a day off. A real day off, a day to just relax. I also needed a _siesta_. But life was so busy. I never had time to sleep. (Lovi says that's why Judy Garland used uppers. Lovi, drugs are bad. Do you want me to turn out like Judy Garland?) Then when it was time to sleep I couldn't sleep. My heavy heart wouldn't let me. I would just lie there looking at the clock and how time had stop. But I needed to rest a little bit. So, I closed my eyes in hope to sleep. It took what felt like days to fall asleep.

I woke up not long after I fell asleep. I think I only had an hour or two of rest. It's sad that that's normal for me.

I decided to make Françoise breakfast. She was going to love it. Who doesn't like a Spanish omelette made by a Spaniard! And I'm a Spaniard who can cook. It's not like I was Arthur. If he tried to make an omelette it would probably end up being alive.

The day went on. I hung out with Fran. We ate our omelettes and then Fran needed to work. Since when did Françoise work? I never see her work and she's always free. So, I spend an hour watching TV until Santiago called and then I had to go to the recording studio to record my last song. At least one good thing was going to happened. I was going to finish my album! That was exciting. I wish I felt more excited than I was. It was obvious that I wasn't happy that day. That made the recording better. I was singing a sad song and I was sad. In the end, it was better for the song.

After my recording, Eduard, Santiago and I had a meeting. It was boring stuff. It was just about the album. What should the album cover be? Which single we wanted to come out first? Stuff like that. It was very boring, especially when you weren't into the conversation in the first place. I was just saying _sí_ to everything. I think I said _sí _to swim with sharks. A lesson for all of you, don't just say _sí_ to everything, listen to what the other person has to say. The next week I ended up on a beach in Port of Spain, swimming with reef sharks. It was fun, and I loved it, but it came to a surprise. It did make a cool album cover.

After our long meeting, I went back to Lovi's apartment. I sat in my apartment. I debated with myself if I should go or not. I saw him that day. There was nothing more I wanted to do then to run out and see him. He looked very handsome and chic. He was wearing long sleeves and designer jeans even if it was summer. He never cared about the weather. Lovi always wore what was fashionable. His hair was bright in the sun light. It looked lighter than the last time I saw him. It was probably because of the sun. The sun does that. He had that little hair sticking out. I laughed when I noticed that. Lovi would be so mad if he found out that was sticking out. I couldn't see his eyes, but I bet they were hazily green today. Those eyes were my favourite. Lovi didn't look happy, but when does Lovi look happy? He had that _lindo _frown on. His lips were pouting while he talked with Feliciano and Luise. When Lovi turned to go into his apartment building, I saw his cast. It wasn't as big or as bad as Lovi makes it sound. It was just a white wrist cast. The last time I broke my arm, I was in a sling for a few weeks. That still didn't mean my heart didn't drop when I saw it. I still couldn't believe my poor Lovi was hurt. How could Lovi be hurt? My poor Lovi. I wanted to run out of my car and hug Lovi better. However, I didn't. I drove back to Fran's house. (Lovi, that isn't stalkery. I just happened to be at your apartment watching you. I didn't come to your apartment to watch you. I went to see if I could go see you and talk to you. I'm not a stalker.)

Fran made me dinner and then we watched TV. It was like that for a few days. For almost a week, I was living with Françoise. She even bought me new clothes! So nice of her. She knew I didn't want to go home to get my clothes, so, she bought me new clothes. (Lovi says those clothes are still in my closet. Lovi likes the clothes Fran bought me a lot. They even fit me perfectly!)

I decided that maybe this whole thing was a sign. If Emma and I divorce, it left me open for Lovi! I could go up to him and show him the divorce papers. I could tell him that he could have me. It was you and me. We would be together. I wanted him more then I wanted Emma. I love him.

Sadly, I needed to go back home. I had a trip to Port of Spain to take. I needed to get my passport and a few other things. Fran had bought me a swim suit. (Lovi wants to say that they look amazing on me.) But, I still needed my passport. I didn't want to go home and see Emma. I felt so guilty. I hurt her so badly. But I swallowed my pride and I went home. I wasn't going to send someone else. That would be mean and I do think we needed to talk some things over. I thought a divorce was coming up. I cheated on her and she knew it. How many people take your partner back when they cheated on you? Don't answer that. I know a few people who've done that. It happens a lot or more than you think.

I had called Emma beforehand and told her about the trip to Port of Spain. I told her to get my bags ready and my passport.

When I got to_ mi casa_, I expected all my stuff to be on my lawn. I thought I was going to see my shirts hanging out on the lawn and my pants in the bushes. I was half expecting some of my things to be chopped up with my antique axe. I even expected my baby _tomates_ to be destroyed! My poor _tomates_! They did not deserve what cruel fate Emma gave them. They were innocent! Not the _tomates_! However, I didn't see either one of those things. I pulled up in my drive way and the lawn looked like it normally did. Emma's brothers came and took care of the plants. I saw a few tulips in the garden. I knew they were not in there before I left. When I saw that, I expected the house to be destroyed or my stuff was on the beach on the back yard. Again, no. My garden was perfectly fine! _Mis tomates_! They were perfect and ready to eat! They were nice and red and juicy. (I'll stop, I'm making Lovi drool.) I picked a few of them and went in. I was too happy that my _tomates_ were perfect, that I forgot to fear for my life. _Mi esposa_ was mad and I had an antique axe in my house. I love my axe and I never expected it to be the end of me. _Mi abuelo_ bought that axe for me when I was ten. (Lovi says my family is crazy, they gave a five year old a pet bull and a ten year old a giant axe.) It was when I wanted to be a _conquistador_. It was an antique from the 16th century. It's said that my axe killed many people. I don't know who, I'm assuming Aztecs or Incas. My axe had so much history. It was a beautiful axe too. It was old but it looked ready to use. I kept it in good condition. I shined it and polished it. (Lovi is telling me to focus.) What was I talking about? _Sí,_ Emma!

I put the _tomates _in the kitchen and took one. I needed to try one. They were just asking to be eaten. And they were so good. I love _tomates_. They were the second best thing in the world, after Lovi of course. _Tomates_ were the only thing that could make me forget about all the _loco _things in my life. Just for a moment, I could close my eyes and eat a _tomate_ in peace.

"You're talking to the tomatoes again," Emma said walking in with sun glasses on her head. She didn't sound mad. I didn't see my axe. Maybe it was too heavy for her. Maybe her brother was in the living room waiting to chop me up in two. I wouldn't put it pass him. I also did not see a knife or anything that could be used to harm me. Though, I was in a kitchen. There were knives and forks everywhere. The kitchen was dangerous. Anything in there could kill me.

I laughed nervously. "Pretty dress," I told her. It was a green summer dress.

"You think so? I was thinking about wearing this to Port of Spain," she told me.

I dropped _mi tomate _and then quickly caught it. I was not letting a _tomate _get hurt like that. They were too precious to be treated like that. I was still very surprised that Emma said that she was wearing that dress to Port of Spain. Since when was she going to Port of Spain? Had she planned a girl's night out like trip to Trinidad? Was Lizzie going to come out and surprise me? Why was Emma going to Port of Spain?

"It seems great for the Caribbean," I told her.

"I was so happy when Santiago came here to give me the plane tickets." The plane tickets? Did I tell Santiago about the fight? No. That means he didn't know that I cheated on Emma and she found out. That meant that he just fixed my marriage. Was that a good thing? Lovi would have probably kicked me out of his apartment and he would have felt bad if he was the cause of my divorce. I left Emma even after he told me not too. Maybe it was for the better. "A trip to the Caribbean, is the just the beginning." I gave her a smile. Lovi would never be mine. Emma is amazing. She took me back! I gave her a hug. It was a little awkward. "Just because I took you back doesn't mean I forgive you just yet." My heart fell in a bad way. "I understand why you did it though." That statement confused me. If she knew I was in love with someone else, wouldn't that make her want to leave me more? I love Lovi. Why would she want to take me back when I love another?

"You do?" I asked.

With her sad green eyes she looked at me, "It's the lifestyle. Everything is so new to you. I know girls are throwing themselves at you. It's hard to escape temptation. It was your first tour and you wanted the rockstar experience. You got caught up in the moment. Antonio, I know you're a rockstar now and girls will want you. I've seen some of the fan mail and emails people sent you." Some pictures got very interesting. I've gotten naked photos. Some photos of them doing stuff, stuff that they wouldn't want their _familia_ to see. Some, girls have sent bras and their underwear. Some boys have sent me some underwear too. It was interesting. "Between too much drinking and temptation, it was hard not to say no." Did she think I cheated on her with a random fan? Maybe I should let her think that. It broke her heart less. I couldn't tell her about Lovi. I needed to protect both of them. It was for the better.

"It was only once," I told her. She had to know that. It was only once. I hope that made her feel better.

"And you feel bad about it."

"Of course."

"You told me that it would never happen again." I nodded. She wasn't looking at me. Too bad, I did end up breaking that promise. "I do feel betrayed. It's going to be hard to trust you again. But I've sent up an appointment with a therapist. We can work through this little bump. I still love you and I will always love you" I looked at her in shocked. She was taking me back. Was she was a saint? Or was this hell? I could believe that it was hell. She takes me back and I feel too _cupable _to leave her. She took me back after I wronged her. She was being the better person. The least I could do is to love her too… right? (Lovi, please stop crying. You know how it ends… How did another piece of sand get stuck in your eye?)

"I love you too," I lied.

"If you cheat on me again, I will not take you back," she warned me. I nodded. It was a deal.


	16. Escape

_Disclaimer – I own nothing. _

_Thanks again for all the faves, alert and reviews! _

_I made a Dante and a Machiavelli reference ... What is wrong with me? _

_I'm not so happy with this chapter, but it was needed to set the stage for the next chapter. _

_Translations (If there are any mistakes, which I try not to have any, I'm more than happy to fix them. And I should apologise now if Françoise says anything in a French Canadian dialect.) _

_Luise est enceinte = Luise is pregnant (French) _

_Je voudrai un enfant un jour. Qu'en penses-tu_? (I would want a child one day. What do you think? (French)

_Voulez-vous parler de cela ce soir? = Do you want to talk about this tonight? (French)_

_Onkel = Oncles (German)_

_Ihr Bruder, meine Schwester = Your brother, my sister. (German) _

_Mi manchi = I miss you (Italian)_

* * *

**_Chapter 16_**

_If you feel like leaving _

_I'm not going to make you stay_

_But soon you'll be finding _

_You can run, you can hide_

_But you can't escape my love_

**_Escape (Enrique Iglesias) 2001_**

I hope Antonio's rambling didn't scare you off. The dumb idiot is… well a dumb idiot. He doesn't know when to shut up. Singers love to talk and talk and talk. Isn't there an old wife's tale that if your child is a talker, they will be great singers. It wasn't true in most cases... And erase out of your memory that I'm "_muy lindo_". I'm not. Neither would I being terrible at farming. Nor do I love drama. Nor do I talk with my hands. Nor do I have a coffee addiction. I don't drink that much coffee. And no, I'm not drinking a coffee while writing this. I just have a coffee beside me if I get thirsty or tired. It's there for insurance purposes! Don't listen to Antonio. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

Now, back to the story.

Charity events are not and will never be my favourite thing. Sure, it's for a good fucking cause. When are charities not? And this charity event was for a cause that we in Hollywood care deeply about, the arts. In one way or another we were all artists. Even those athletes. Sports can be art… Sort of… Not really. Let's ignore the athletes… But people like me, actors, cared about drama class. A lot of us wouldn't be here if we didn't practice. Schools let us star in the school play and then there was Drama Class. Now if the schools decide to kick out drama class, we would care. They are ruining the chances to nurture future talents. Same goes for the other arts. Feliciano was seriously appalled that schools didn't have enough money for art programs. His life was all about art. If he wasn't making a movie, he was painting or drawing or sculpting. He could even sing if he wanted too. He was an artist through and through. He even asked if he could personally fund every school to keep their art program... Seriously. Yup, we can all say it together, idiot. Luise told him so and she told him it would be nicer if he just raised money for this cause. Fucker, you need that money for your fucking _bambina_! ... So, Feliciano decided he'll be the spokesperson for this cause. It seriously appalled him that much. No, it wasn't cancer or diabetes or childhood obesity or poverty that appalled him so much to join a charity. It was the fact that the schools were dropping their art programs to save money. I really don't fucking understand that boy and I never will.

Stars for the Arts was this event in New York City in late June. I went there because Luise said I should. I needed to keep people talking about me somehow. Really? The fact that my attack was all over the news wasn't enough? It was huge! But don't fight with a big woman full of pregnancy hormones. I've seen her get so pissed at her brother, it scared me... Not that I'm scared... Fuck it's Luise, even with my little niece in there, she's a fucking hulk.

"So… why can't I go to this event?" Rory said lying on my hotel bed. He was flipping through a few magazines. He was here because he thought it would be a great time to visit his parents. And since he thinks he's my fucking boyfriend, he came to visit me. Fuck my life… why hadn't I told him the truth?

I was busy getting ready into my suit. Fuck did I look smart in my suit. So, I may have mentioned this in passing but Luise had scheduled me to model some suits for the up and coming fashion designer, Mei Ling. I know you can't believe there was a time no one knew her name. She's now everywhere. But there was that time where no one knew her. Anyway, I couldn't model for her anymore because of the fucking broken arm. So, to say thank or sorry or whatever, she sent me a suit. I thought I would wear the suit since I was going to a charity to support the arts. Why not support an artist? And what a suit. The jacket was double breasted and a darkish cool gray. My shirt underneath was a simple white. The cut on my pants perfectly shaped my ass. My ass looked fucking amazing in those pants! Fucking amazing. The suit was simple but very well made. The Taiwanese girl had talent. I would make her my official privet fashion designer if I could. She even made a tie to match. It was amazing. The suit was more fucking awesome then Gilbert. I looked hot.

"You're having dinner with your parents," I told him.

"They would understand."

I rolled my eyes. He does know I'm in the closet to everyone? I've only told a few people; Feli, Sandro and Elizaveta (terrible, terrible mistake.)… Anyone else who knows about me knows because they've guess, Elizaveta told them or … in he-who-must-not-be-named case, I've told him that I loved him… I'm going to stop talking about that.

"It's very boring," I told him fixing my tie. "They don't even have any real entertainment scheduled. They have some nobody band playing."

"It still would be nice to be invited," he sighed. His eyes were still on his magazine.

"Have fun with your parents. I'll see you later tonight." That was a lie. I wouldn't see him.

"See you," Rory said still looking at his magazine.

I felt a little guilty using him as my sort of rebound guy but it didn't feel as guilty as being with Antonio. Anything felt better than that.

I arrived at this event in a limo with Vash driving. It cost me extra but whatever. I had the money.

I got out of the limo to lights flashing. Fucking paparazzi. I knew it was going to be a long night, but I had no idea I was entering hell. With one last sigh, I started to channel the Romano in me.

This event was the first time I went out in public with my fucking arm broken. _Sì_, it was horrible. So, obviously the first question Yao Wang asked while interviewing me was:

"How's the arm?" It fucking hurt! Duh! The bone inside my arm was fucking broken! What do you think? I have congenital analgesia? No! I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.

"It's irritated right now," I said calmly and coolly. I was channeling Romano. My arm wasn't irritated, it was my brain, of course. What a stupid question.

Yao continued and asked about my outfit. And I gave Mei Ling a little shot out. I really liked how my ass looked in these pants. I actually wore that suit twice. My ass looked that great in it.

I was surprised that Yao didn't ask me more about the attack or about the rumours. He either didn't care or thought people who just assume that I was pissed. _Babbo _was suing. Whatever the case, he wasn't doing his job. It was big news at that time. I try to forget all newspapers and articles or the news segments on E! and other Hollywood gossip shows. But it's hard when it's thrown in your face. Why not milk it? It sucked for me but that was what reporters did.

A person doing her job was E! Reporter, Gwendolyn Kirkland, the younger sister of Arthur. She spoke with a British or Welsh... I can't tell the difference... accent. So, people loved her just for that. She sounded smart or snobby or totally hot for some. Personally, I didn't know the difference between the accents. Anyway, she was nice, most of the time. Her interview was fine. It wasn't the best interview but it was fine. She asked me about the attack. Thank God she didn't ask me about Rory. That would have been awkward. I don't know what to say about Rory. My parents didn't know about my… you know… preferences.

After the red carpet event, I went in. It was full of people I knew personally. And I mostly hated everyone there with every fiber of my being. There should have been a sign saying 'Welcome Lovino to the seventh layer of Hell. We've been waiting for you.' I didn't see Helen of Troy or Judas getting tortured. That was good. Actually, it would have been more the first layer of hell. Most of the people at the party weren't Catholic. I always thought I would be in the fifth layer, the layer for the adulterers and the sodomites; they got two birds with one stone with me on that one. I looked to the ground, no heads sticking out. I checked the skies. I didn't see the skies raining fire. Always a good sign... I've been reading too many Italian philosophers... Memo to self, I should read the Prince next.

Whatever. I smiled… I was in public and I had a reputation to uphold.

I started walking a little. Then, fuck! Fucking Im Yong Soo or was it Yong Im Soo or Soo Im Yong? However the fuck you order his name, he attacked me from the back. He was a fucking pervert. Where all K-pop stars this crazy? Seriously! ... Well, they did come up with Gangmen Style and Pon, Pon, Pon... Who the fuck gropes someone like that! I didn't even know the dude that well! I've met him here and there and we were not, and never will be, on groping terms. The guy is hot but his personality turns me off so fast. We would never be on groping terms. I wasn't even on groping terms with Rory! And according to my so-called friends, we were dating! We were at least having sex. Shut up, the sex was good… I don't judge your ways of coping with life. Don't judge mine.

I got him off of me. I tried to laugh and talked to Yong/Im/Soo for a minute. I was channeling my inner Romano. But Yong then left to grope Li Chun who punched him. He had it coming. You can't grope people and say their chest belongs to you. It was fucking insane! See, there was the second sign I was in hell.

I walked a little more. People looked at me, usually very surprised. From a few people I got a pat on the back. Too many people were apologising to me. I'll give you the list. It was that fucking weird. First to apologise me was Allie... Yes, it was her. Didn't she already say sorry of whatever? _Sì_… She was with her sister and Gilbert. Maddy said nothing but Gilbert said "Glad you finally showed those paparazzi whose boss." I rolled my eyes. Feliks gave me a kiss on the cheek, but the boy smelled like vodka, so I'm still not sure if it was an apology. It might have been a sympathy kiss but I don't know. Then, a Cameroonian soccer player said "sorry". I don't even know him that well (I didn't even know his name) but he was talking with Michelle, Grace and some guy from Macau. I knew those two girls. Anyway, Michelle said she was glad that I was okay. She also invited me to dinner with her and Grace. I said no. Later, Tiina said sorry and that she honored a segment of her show for me. That was nice. She was with Silvia, whom said nothing, Lucia, whom said nothing, Matthias, whom yelled things I have forgotten, I just remember that it was stupid, Emil, whom said nothing and Li, whom said nothing. A Bollywood actor said a few words to me. He wasn't saying sorry. He just wanted to say something. I forget what. I can't believe I remember talking to him. Sandro and his little friends said a few things to me. Annoying little kids. Sofia mentioned something to me while she looked for her boyfriend. The only sign that I was not in hell was that Elizaveta was back in L.A! Thank fucking God, because she would have made me explode. I would have blamed it on the pain medications but that would have been a lie.

I bumped into some other people, like Ivan fighting with Allie and Natalia protecting her brother. I somehow got in the middle of that. I just showed them my arm and walked away. I wasn't fucking touching that with a 90 inch pole. Even if Elizaveta wasn't there, it still seemed very close to hell.

I decided to look for Feliciano. He must have been somewhere in that stupid building. Of course, the one time I want to see _mio fratellino_, that's the day I can't find the _stronzo_. I know he was the spokesperson and he had to mingle with everyone, but could he make himself a little more visible? Dumb formal events. They made all the men look the same.

I gave up on my search for my stupid_ fratellino. _Instead, I went straight to one of the bars. Another sign it wasn't hell. There was alcohol. Sure, they didn't have the best Italian wine, but it was better than a sober event… then again, Gilbert and Mathias were there… Well, I sat down at the bar, ordered something wine based and watched everyone at the party. I looked for someone specific. No, it wasn't Feli… Though, I was still somewhat looking for that _idiota_… I knew from my conversation with Gilbert and Maddy that Antonio was there. I was an idiot, but I just wanted to see him even of it was from a distance. I knew I shouldn't but curiosity got the best of me. I had to see his handsome face or what was he wearing. I wanted to see an angel in a sea of demons. Was that so much to ask for? Why was I so obsessed with him? Why couldn't I get that man out of my mind? Why couldn't his ghost fucking leave me alone? Why?

I found him. It wasn't that hard because it wasn't like he was hiding or anything. Unlike Feli... the fucker wasn't even with Luise! I saw that bitch but no Feli. Asshole… Antonio was conversing with people. You are probably sick of hearing me saying this by this point but he looked so handsome. He could wear anything and it was high fashion. Clothes were beyond him. He was just so... so Antonio. I've been trying to describe it for 15 chapters and I still don't think I've described him well enough. I don't think you can get how I feel with him. He makes me feel good and I'm addicted to that feeling he gives me. No one has ever or will ever make me feel that way. I shouldn't have given it up. Why the fuck did I give it up? I sound like a fucking druggie.

I watched him like the pathetic man I am. He was with his wife, talking to someone. Antonio looked happy, I guess. But that man always looks happy. How is it fucking possible? I don't know. But, I knew there was something missing. I'm going to sound so gay saying this but honestly, there was a sparkle to him that was missing. There, I said it... A sparkle. Yeah, because he was a Twilight Vampire or something. I did not just make an allusion to Twilight. Fuck… Anyway, Antonio looked happy talking with whomever and having his arm intertwine with his wife's. I know he wasn't. I knew he was faking it. I've been faking it for years. I've perfected it. I know when someone else is faking it. Don't ask me why, but I was happy that he was missing me.

I watched him until someone ruined my concentration. Damn that beautiful Frenchwoman and her envious fashion. If I was a girl, I so would wear what she was wearing. She was wearing this beautiful silky dress. On the bottom, the dress was a midnight blue and as your eyes travelled up, the lighter the dress got. By the time your eyes were looking at her chest, and the top of the dress, the dress was a baby blue. The dress was beautifully made and her hair was too. She usually put her hair up in a bun but that night her hair was just messy enough to be elegant. She also had a baby blue butterfly on a crown as an accessory in her hair. I wouldn't put my hair up if I was a girl. Girls look better with their hair down and maybe with an accessory in it like a headband or something. I'm not a girl so why am-I talking about this? I like being a guy and I'm going to stay like that.

"It's not nice to stare, especially when you have a boyfriend." I rolled my eyes at the Frenchwoman. How the fuck did she know about Ror… damn Elizaveta. Miss Blabber Mouth must have told everyone. Fucking fuck fuck. Even if she wasn't at the party, she somehow ruined my life. How the fuck does she keep doing that? "Oh Lovino, _Cupidon_ has hit you hard." I rolled my eyes again and gave her an immature groan, like the ones teenagers give their parents when they are annoyed with them. "It's okay, _Cupidon_ is a silly little creature. He's not logical and he hits us at the oddest of moments. It's like he wants to see us suffer in love. He calculated that we fall in love with the oddest of people." I had a feeling she was talking about herself… I don't know why I wasn't surprised that Françoise knew about my love of Antonio. I just wasn't. It's Françoise. She just knew things like that. I have a theory that she sold her soul to Venus. Honestly, when you come up with philosophical stuff like that, how are you not somehow an agent for the goddess of love? It would also explain her envious fashion sense.

"Can I wallow in self-pity in peace?"

"Not until you explain this game you're playing with the photographer," she explained sitting in the chair beside me. I was not having that conversation with her. I didn't want to admit he was the rebound guy.

So, I turned from her and faced Arthur. Eyebrows himself had a whiskey in hand and looked at me with those green eyes. That cheeky bastard. The fucker even had a top hat on with a bow tie! Who the fuck wears a top hat? How could Françoise let him wear a top hat? I looked back to Françoise. She had cornered me. That bitch. She probably had Gilbert in back of me waiting to catch me when I ran away… I looked back to make sure that wasn't true. It wasn't.

"When will people learn that it's my fucking life? I don't have to explain my actions to anyone," I sighed annoyed.

"Not until your fifteen minutes of fame is up," Arthur replied. Why were there negative aspects to the job? Why couldn't something be all positive? I need something positive.

"Or when you are not hurting people," Françoise added. See, I was in hell. I regretted going to that party so much. Maybe I was in the _Twilight Zone_. Where was Rod Serling? And when was he going to say 'Welcome to the Twilight Zone.'?

"Go corner some else and ask them personal questions. Look, Kyle Darwin seems drunk enough to tell you his deepest darkest secrets," I said pointing at the Australian athlete getting drunk on beer. He was also complaining that American beer shouldn't be called beer. It was too light to be beer. I didn't drink beer, so, I wouldn't know.

Françoise gave Arthur a look. I can't explain it because it was like a look two partners, i.e. two police coworkers, give each other. It was weird. I would so believe I was in the Twilight Zone. When were Françoise and Arthur going to unmask themselves as aliens? What was the twist?

"We are not amused," Arthur told me. Of course the Brit would quote Queen Victoria. I was then just waiting for Françoise to quote Louis IVX or Napoleon.

"What the fuck do you want me to say? And why the fuck do you care so much?" Okay, Françoise was he-who-must-not-be-named's best friend. But why would Arthur even care.

"I don't care. You could shag a bloody chicken for all I care." Ew, that was just ew. "I'm here because of her."

Françoise sighed. "You care," she told him. "And you find it amusing."

Arthur shook his head. "You haven't even given me the chance to tell you what I think of this mess." Great, they were fighting again. Fuck off.

"I've known you my whole life _mon chèr_. I know you." How fucking sweet. I truly don't understand how they can stand each other. They acted like that all the time! The sex must be mind-blowing.

I took this chance to leave... this flirt or fight or whatever they do. Too bad I was in the middle of them and they could see me. Françoise put her hand on my thigh. I sighed banging my head on the counter. It wasn't hard but it was hard enough to hurt a little.

"Why can't people just leave me alone?" I mumbled.

"You shouldn't have come to a party," Arthur said pointing out the obvious like the arse he was.

"You try saying no to a hormonal pregnant woman throwing up in your toilet," I snapped back.

"_Alors,_ it is true. _Luise est enceinte_."

"I don't see Luise getting pregnant accidentally. It makes me believe that she and Feliciano had planned this," Arthur told Françoise.

I choked on my spit. "I hope not. He's not even old enough to drink. It was a total accident. And Feliciano tells me everything, especially things I wouldn't want to know."

"_Je voudrai un enfant un jour. Qu'en penses-tu_?" I only understood _jour_ in that sentence but Françoise had that face girls make when they talk about babies.

Unlike me, Arthur understood the Frenchwoman. "_Voulez-vous parler de cela ce soir?_" I did not know that Arthur knew French.

"Yes,_ ce soire_ sounds good," I told them. I knew what that meant. "Or how about you two leave now and talk about whatever you want to talk about."

"_Non_, by the time we get home, Arthur would be too drunk to talk about it. He's already on his third glass of whiskey," Françoise explained like if I cared.

"I might bloody have too," He replied taking a sip of his whiskey. How do you take a sip of whiskey in that small of a glass? I don't know.

"Can we just talk about whatever you wanted to talk about?" I asked annoyed. I wanted them to leave and soon. I had stalking… I mean observing… I mean… I was not stalking he-who-must-not-be-named. I'm not a fucking stalker.

Françoise laughed and Arthur finished his whiskey. I have no idea what was so funny about that. I was being serious.

"Your beau, what's the story _avec lui_?" Françoise asked. Arthur was too busy getting another drink to talk. "Wine, _s'il vous plaît_. The best red wine you have for my friend and me." The friend was me. I know she was trying to get me drunk. Bitch. She knew I was a talkative drunk.

"What do you want to know?" I asked while the bartender left to get our drinks.

"Why him?" Arthur asked.

"You're interested," Françoise gave a triumphal laugh. Arthur rolled his eyes. Yes, this was normal with them. They are fucked up. The sex must be mind-blowing.

"Different question," I told them. I wasn't going to tell them the pathetic story that he was a one-night stand that I couldn't get rid of.

"When did it start?" Françoise asked giving me my wine glass.

"Two weeks ago, the night before this happened," I said raising my left arm. Why lie to them? It wasn't like they were going to tell anyone. And if they did, I owned a gun.

Françoise laughed, "Have you told your parents about him?"

"I haven't even told Feli about Rory. Elizaveta just assumed. Don't tell Feli." That would be bad.

"My lips are sealed. And _Arthur _does not care enough to tell anyone," Françoise joked. I heard a shrug coming from Arthur's direction. It just has to be mind-blowing!

"That's the basic story," I told them.

"Have you two made love?" No, whatever we did was fucking. I still gave her the are-you-kidding-duh! look. "Why would have I ever doubted it." She took a sip of her wine and Arthur ordered another whiskey. Number five.

"Will you ever let the photographer meet your parents?"

"I hope not."

"_Alors_, it's not serious," Françoise said acting suspicious. What was up with her?

"No."

"_Arthur, _I think you've had enough," Françoise told Arthur who had just ordered another drink. Françoise turned to me and smiled. "It was very nice speaking to you. _Tristement_, we have to go before _Arthur _starts acting like a Catholic."

"I'm bloody Anglican… I think… I'm not bloody puritan, am-I?" Arthur told his girlfriend… I think that's the right word for Françoise.

Françoise laughed. "It's already starting… _Arthur_, if you were puritan, you wouldn't be drinking."

Fun fact, all the money we spend on drinks went to the charity. Arthur helped the charity by getting drunk enough that Françoise had to stay close to him to make sure he didn't fall down. Arthur could walk, not well, but he could walk. He must have drunk more whiskey then I thought. It was either that or he had something before his whiskey.

Thanks to those two, I lost Antonio. Fuck them. I looked around. I wasn't being creepy or anything because I didn't want people to think I was looking for someone. I still couldn't find Antonio. My heart dropped again. Maybe he didn't see me. Maybe he was too busy for me. Maybe he just didn't want to talk to me. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Fuck maybe.

Instead of sitting at the bar so someone else could corner me, aka Allie. She still wanted to sign my cast. Or a very drunk Feliks. Or anyone else in this hellhole. I had half expected to get groped by Im/Yong/Soo. You didn't want to stay in one place for too long while he was around.

I might as well try and find my _idiota_ brother. Of course, since he was in hiding, I couldn't find him. I found Arthur in that top hat again. The top hat was hard to miss. Who wears a top hat in this day and age? … I should make Feli wear a top hat to these events. It would make him easier to find. Or I could put him in a yellow suit. I wasn't going to wear a top hat or a yellow suit. I could never pull it off, but he could. Somewhat… okay he couldn't pull it off. No one could pull off a yellow suit. I bet he-who-must-not-be-named could not pull that off. Then again, I've seen him look hot in a yellow shirt. But a yellow outfit was just too much… right? Hmm... no, it was too much. Who the hell would wear such a monstrosity? It would be a crime to even make a suit like that.

Annoyed and pretty pissed off (basically my normal state), I started walking around for the sake of walking around. There were some people talking on stage. I don't know what they were saying. It was something about the charity….Then, my bladder became full. That's what happened after you drink two glasses of wine.

I noticed hell seemed to have calmed down since Françoise and Arthur left me. Of course it was just the calm before the storm. The devil had more torture planned for me.

The torture restarted with Gilbert. I came out of the bathroom and there was the fucking albino. He was smirking. He was shit faced of course. It was a party and there was booze. The albino couldn't help himself. After all, he's a fucking German.

"LOVINO! There's the grumpy asshole," he said putting his arm around me. He was that kind of drunk. That drunk that thought he was friends with everyone… or maybe that was his normal state. He was like that when he was sober too. "We're going to be _Onkel_. Can you believe it? _Ihr Bruder, meine Schwester._ What an awesome baby they'll make. Let's hope the baby has your brother's personality….You know they'll make me the godfather. You have no chance with the awesome me in the running." I wanted to punch him out. Or at least kick him in the balls. Most likely kick him in the balls and then punch him out. That sounded like fun.

"Whatever you say," I said rolling my eyes and trying to leave his grip. That didn't work. Fuck me and that broken arm.

"Do you want to do something fun?" he asked me like if I was a puppy. That guy must have been so shit faced.

"No," I replied sarcastically. Let me out of here… that was why I hated parties.

"Let's scare someone!" What? That did not sound like fun. Something was seriously wrong with Gilbert. Okay, there's a lot wrong with Gilbert. The list is long.

I tried to get out of his hold. It still didn't work. Between my handicap and the fact that he was bigger than me, I had no chance. I was fucked.

"Here's the plan," Gilbert said sort of whispering in my ear. I think he was trying to whisper but he was too drunk to even know how. "We find our prey and we jump out from behind them! We scare the living shit out of them! Then, we all laugh! It's going to be awesome!" Ow, my ear. Did he really need to scream in my ear? That was totally uncalled for.

"How about you fuck off and leave me alone."

Gilbert laughed. "You're such an asshole." Call me an asshole once more and I'll show you a real asshole. "Come on, it'll be fun. You need some fun. Or some awesome sex… let me call your boyfriend. He could come and give you a good blow. _Gott _do you need it." He did not just say that? I didn't need to get laid. I needed to find peace (like that will ever happen) and forget about he-who-must-not-be-named. I needed to get over my stupid little crush. That's what I needed. I didn't need sex… sex wasn't working.

One second Gilbert's dumb arm was around me and next his hand was in my pocket. What the fuck? I tried to slap him or push him… damn that handicap… Wait? How did he know about Rory? Damn that Elizaveta. Who did she not tell? She told Gilbert! Since when have Gilbert and Elizaveta been on speaking terms? I thought they hated each other! I was going to kill Elizaveta when I got back.

"Get your fucking hand out of my fucking pocket!" I yelled.

"Tell me where yoo…"

Remember just a few paragraphs back when I said a sober party was better than a none-sober party… I lied. It was true as long as neither Mathias nor Gilbert were there. Being the idiots there were Mathias jumped from behind me and Gilbert screamed like a little girl. Moral of the story, scaring people is never good and it's annoying as fuck. The only good thing that came from that was that we got to hear Gilbert scream like a little girl. Not awesome. He'll deny it but that didn't make it untrue.

"You should have seen your face," Mathias howled near my fucking ear. Idiots. I was so going to kill them both… when they were sober, of course. They needed to feel the pain I was going to give them.

"Fuck off," Gilbert said pushing Mathias. At least his hand was out of my pocket.

I took a few steps back. I didn't want to be in the middle of whatever was going to happen. You never know what's going to happen with a drunken Mathias and a drunken Gilbert. Too bad there wasn't going to be a fight. They instead laughed and kept me close. What the fuck? Do I look like I the type of guy to act like an idiot? What the fuck was wrong with those two?

"I was just going to call Lovino's boyfriend to give him a BJ," Gilbert told Mathias. Hell, oh hell, why must thou torture me so? Seriously, why? I didn't do anything that bad. I broke up with Antonio. I wasn't totally immoral.

"He actually will give you a BJ while you're drunk? Lucia doesn't even touch me when I'm drunk!" Fuck me. Just… fuck me.

Gilbert bent down and 'whispered' … i.e. yelled…in my ear, "Well, ever since Mathias passed out during drunken sex." I did not want to know that. Why would I want to know that?

Mathias and Gilbert talked a little bit and tried to get me into the conversation. I was stuck there. I tried on multiple occasions in those ten, fifteen minutes to leave them… Wouldn't you too? But somehow everything blew up in my face and I was fucking stuck there. How was that possible? I don't know. They were two drunken idiots! How could my luck me that bad? Two drunken idiots were keeping me hostage! Fuck my life.

And fuck my life even more. What happened next is the real reason I thought I was in hell. The devil gave me the worst torture he could think of… Antonio.

Mathias, Gilbert and Antonio are friends… why would you ever want to be friends with those idiots, I don't know… So, when Antonio, by chance, walked by (I think he was coming out of the bathroom), the two idiots called him over. I took that opportunity to hide my face. If they were busy with Antonio, I could run away. But since neither one of them were smart enough to see that I was uncomfortable or I was trying to leave, I ended getting stuck.

I was eye to eye with those bright green eyes. Oh god. First, my heart stopped. Then, my heart started to beat as fast as it could. My face was flush. I even started to sweat! I honestly thought I was having a heart attack for a second. Why does he make me feel that way? Why does he make me feel good?

Antonio looked just as surprised to be face to face with me as I was. His handsome face went white. He's eyes widen. He's mouth hung out just slightly. He then went a little red in the face. It wasn't a full out blush but you could see it if you were really looking… of course I was. Though, all of that might have been my imagination. I wanted to believe he felt the same way as me. I wanted to believe that we were in love.

"_Hola_ Lovi." He called me Lovi! I mean… he call me… I mean… why the fuck did he call me Lovi? He shouldn't be saying things like that. He shouldn't be giving me hope. That was just mean.

I didn't say a thing. I just stood there in surprise.

"I haven't seen you since last May," Mathias told Antonio. He continued to smile… was he looking at me? I really hope so.

"Is it true that you and Emma got in to a fight?" Gilbert asked. "Did you really stay with Fran for four days?"

I looked at Antonio in surprised. I was panicking a little. Did she know? Did she kick him out because she found out about me? Did Antonio start the fight? Did Antonio want to be with me? What the fuck was with all these questions?

Antonio looked embarrassed. He looked cute (Hahaha… see how you feel when I call you cute.) He scratched the back of his neck. "Err… who told you that?"

"A little birdy," Gilbert explained. I'm guessing Elizaveta. See, she was playing my heart strings for Antonio in the wrong way. Damn her.

"I think you've had too much to drink," I said. I needed to be quick thinking. Maybe this was my time to escape and leave. I could take Gilbert into the bathroom with the excuse that he had too much to drink. It wasn't that much of a stretch.

"I'm fine," he laughed.

I looked back at Antonio, because I'm a pathetic_ idiota_. I was not acting like a fucking school girl. I was not blushing nor was I making flirty movements. I did not feel happy. I felt bad. I felt terrible and guilty! I was not giddy. Nor did I feel a warm glow with him around… I don't know how to write that phrase without sounding gay. Okay, yes! I felt that way. I hope your happy assholes.

I stopped paying attention to the world when Antonio looked at me. This time I know he was looking at me and not anyone else. My heart was racing. We were looking at each other. Why wasn't I over this man? Mostly, why did this have to happen? It would have been easier to get over him if we had not seen each other.

I don't know how long time had pass before Mathias said something to bring me back to Earth.

"Is that Silvia?" Mathias said chasing after his 'friend'.

"Mathias, where are you going? Are you leaving me with the asshole and Antonio?" I was too much of a good mood to make a comment on the asshole part.

Great, Antonio and I were having that movie moment. You know, when the writers just force everyone too leave so the lovers can be together… and fuck was it working. There was nothing more that I wanted to do then to sit there and talk to him… not everything is about sex. Talking to Antonio was great too… even if he was an idiot. I also wanted to see if he was happy. If he was happy, maybe I would feel better. It would justify my decision to leave him.

"So…" I started.

"It's cold out," the weather? He wanted to talk about the weather? That was the ultimate small talk subject! "But it is very warm in here… they should turn on the air conditioning. It's hot in here… do you feel hot?" It was very hot in here… that might just be my blush. "Maybe we should go outside," Yes. I mean no… "No! We shouldn't go anywhere together!" You're right. "I mean… _sí_ …. Never mind… do you think that it's cold outside?"

"It's fine."

"I just came back from the Caribbean. I went swimming with sharks for the time. That was very cool and scary. Sharks can be scary… I finished my next album. There's three songs about yoooo… ignore what I just said. I heard about the attack… did you really trip on a bench? I've broken my limps many times but it was never because I tripped over a bench…. I hope it didn't hurt too much. That would be very bad. I hate knowing that who are hurt. It hurts me… er... The first time I broke my arm, I was six and I thought I was big enough to see the bulls… I…I…I wasn't. The next time I tried playing with the bulls, I broke my leg. I also broke my leg taking care of the animals. The last time I broke my arm, I went skiing with Emma's family… her brother pushed me and I fell… Has anyone signed your cast yet? That was always one of the first things I did when I got a cast. Either Carmen or João were the first to sign my cast… Once, instead of using paper to write notes to each other, a girlfriend and I wrote a conversation on my cast during class… sometimes I would write appointments on my cast to make sure I would remember them." I watched Antonio talk. I was only half listening to what he was saying. He looked very handsome while he was rambling…. I mean he looked like an idiot. I had to put myself in that mindset. Denial made it easier.

"Shut up," I said breathlessly… I mean, like my normal cranky self. It wasn't like a shut up and kiss me shut up… it was like the shut the fuck up shut up.

"Can I sign it?"

I jumped a little… did he just ask to sign my cast? And did I really say "_Sí." _Without thinking twice. Did I just blurt that out? Since Antonio smiled a large smile and was getting a pen out of his pocket (he says that he brings a pen everywhere with him, for just in case moments), I'm pretty sure that happened.

'¿_Me extrañas_?' was what he wrote. He also drew a little heart beside it. What did I tell him? I was panicking a little. First, I wasn't totally sure what he asked me. From the context, I understand it was a question. What was the proper answer to that question? Did I _extrañas _him? Why was my face getting hot? Why did I just let him sign my cast? No one other than me was allowed to even touch my cast. I just fucking let Antonio sign it! I kept telling everyone, no, no, no. Fuck my life to hell.

We stood there in an awkward silence. The both of us were escaping each other's eye gazes. We shouldn't even be in the same room together, let alone being that close to one and other. It was better if we stayed together… I mean away from each other. Being away from each other made it easier to forget about each other.

"Do you know how much you make?" Antonio asked. Why can't he shut up? "I don't. I know I get paid every time one of my songs play on the radio or in a club but I don't know how much I actually make. I think Santiago knows and he has people who take care of that. Maybe if I checked the internet, the internet will tell me. I've only seen one of my pay checks and it was a big pay check. How much is my net worth? ... Do you think that it's a lot?"

"It's more than most people," I said not adding a lot into this conversation. Antonio was doing a lot of the talking. He does that when he's nervous and apparently I made him very nervous.

"I think so too..." It was silent again. We were just awkwardly standing there. We should have left each other but we didn't want too. "Are you happy?" he blurted out.

My eyes widen and I almost jumped a little. That question took me by surprise. It didn't help that he blurted it out like he was trying to keep it in but failed. I looked at Antonio questionably. He looked seriously concerned about me. He had that look in his eyes. He even made that shy smile. Was I happy? No. Was I going to tell him? He never gave me the time. If he gave me the time to think, I know I would have blurted out no.

"_Lo siento, _I didn't mean to do that to you. It just came out of my mouth. But I miss you a lot." I understood that. He missed me! HE really missed me! ... shut up and compose yourself Lovino. You are Romano tonight. You are cool and swab. You are not this little teenaged girl in love. You are Romano and you are better than this…. But he said that he missed me.

"Don't slap yourself, Lovi!" Antonio said in horror. Did I slap myself? No. I was too good for that…. Though my cheek did hurt and Antonio got very close and said it was red. "_Lo siento,_ I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. That's the last thing I wanted to make you. You should be happy… Oh look there's Fran. Maybe I should go see her. ¡_Adios mi corazo… _¡_Adios_!" I've never seen Antonio runaway faster or look more confused.

I stood there in shock. That was a lot to take in. It was maybe six or ten minutes of my evening but it was the best part... or the worst. I don't know but it was the most memorable part of the evening.

Now, it was time to Google what he wrote on my arm.

So, I sat down at a table and started searching the internet. There were quite a few links and all of them said it meant (Do you) miss me? He wrote on my cast, do you fucking miss me? I can't describe the feelings I was feeling. Everything was just a mess. From my head getting even more lite headed to my heart racing. Fuck my fucking life. I was never going to get rid of him. I could never get rid of him. He will always be there. Always. Forever and ever.

But, I was still in denial that I had made the right choice. So, I went to bar. Get shit faced. Forget everything. Go to lalaland. It seemed like a good plan to me.

"Sangiovese in a huge glass," I said trying to show the bartender how big of a glass I wanted. The bartender looked at me oddly. I was asking for an impossiblily big glass. "Fuck it, just give me the bottle. A new one, never opened." The bartender still looked at me oddly, but he gave me that bottle of wine. I paid him and took the bottle. I'm pretty sure he gave me a glass too, but I didn't take it. I decided to drink straight out of the bottle.

_Mi manchi. _


	17. Alive

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. I wish I owned Hetalia. That's the dream is it not? _

_Well, I no longer have a computer. I had to write this chapter on my iPad. I hope the grammar and the spelling mistakes aren't that bad. But, I had to write this. Writing is my therapy and I've been so stressed. My computer breaking down did not help. _

_Gremlins references! Or more like the same reference over and over again. _

_I want to count how many times Lovino swears in chapter. It has to be a lot. _

**_Chapter 17 _**

_And I feel alive when I'm with you_

_Every time it's something new._

_Never knew what love could feel like_

_Until I walked away the first time._

**_Alive (Adelitas Way) 2005_**

* * *

Fuck was I smashed! My head was pounding. My body was weak... Oh who am I kidding? You've been hungover before. You know how it feels like. Death. You felt dead not wanting to do anything! Fuck. Coffee. I needed coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Coffee would make me feel better. Coffee always made me feel better. Coffee was the miracle cure for everything.

The whole situation of me being hungover was not helped by the fact Feli in my room. His voice was too high and WAY too loud. Way to fucking loud. Luckily for him I didn't have a weapon close by. He would have been dead so fast. I blamed this all on him. If wasn't in hiding the night before, this would not have happen! Fuckface. I blame you.

"¿Me extrañas?" Feli read on my case. And of course, he would find that.

"Looks Spanish," Sandro said. Seriously Sandro. I thought you were the smart brother.

"Of course it looks Spanish! It is Spanish!" Jack yelled. What was he doing here? Well, Sandro has friends and a life. Well, I think he has a life. You never know in this business. However, I knew he had friends and Jack was one of them. Yes, Sandro was friends with a model.

God. If I had a gun. If I had a fucking gun.

"What does it mean?" Feli said moving my arm. If I didn't feel dead, I would have slapped him so hard. Maybe choked him. Fuck. Be fucking careful! My arm was in a fucking cast idiota! I didn't need extra pain. People, can't live with them... Yeah, you can't live with them. They suck. They ruin life. Life is better without them.

"I don't know," Jack told him. Wow, Sandro's vain friend admitted he didn't know something. Wow.

"Lovi, what does it mean?" Feli said lifting my pillow! The light! Bright light! Fuck. I was going to kill him! Fuckface!

I mumbled something in my other pillow while I tried to grab the other pillow away from Feli. It was so hard doing things with a healing broken arm. I wish it was over. I wish it was so fucking over. It needed to be fucking over. I needed that arm to kill Feli with.

"What was that?" Sandro asked. I punched him. He needed to punch. You didn't hear the smugness oozing out of his voice. "I'm allowed to sign your cast now?"' I punched him again. Asshole. "I'm getting a pen!"

"Fuckface, touch my arm with that one and I will kill you!" I yelled out. Oh fuck! The light! Bright light. Bright light! Bolting up while hungover was not a good idea.

Sandro smiled. Fuck off. Why must my fratelli be evil? I had enough torture in hell the night before. I thought I left it.

"I thought no one was allowed to sign your cast. I think you said it was classless and stupid," Sandro reminded me. I hate you sometimes.

I groaned and put a pillow over my head again. "Fuck off."

"We should sign your cast. You love us more then whoever you let sign your cast when you were drunk," Feli explained. No. I'm pretty sure I love Antonio more then you two. I wasn't going to tell them that. I would just have to wait for them to put the pieces together. They can't be that stupid. Then again... This was Feli and Sandro.

"Fuck off," I replied. Kids the sentence of the day is fuck off. It means, to leave that person alone. They don't want to see you. They are pissed off and want you dead. So, let them be and no one would get hurt.

"Such language," Sandro joked poking me. I growled.

"I'm bored," Jack said. Usually I found Jack annoying as hell but that day he felt like a godsend. "Sandro, let's go see the girls down by the pool."

I couldn't see anything since I had a pillow over my eyes, but I know what Sandro did. His face light up. He smiled and with that creepy pervert smile, he jumped off the bed.

"Ciao! I'm going to see le belle ragazze," he said before opening the door. Sandro was always thinking about sex. Best way to control him. Girls. Girls. Girls. "Oh hi." What? Who did he oh hi to?

"Romano, there's some guy here to see you," Jack announced.

"Tell them to fuck off," I yelled. I didn't need this. All I needed was to be alone with some pills in a nice dark room. God that sounded amazing. With some coffee. Like I said before, it was the miracle cure.

"That's not very nice. I have breakfast," I heard Rory say. Oh fuck. "And my father hangover miracle cure." You know how just moments before I shot up because I thought Sandro was going to sign my cast like fuckface who shall remain nameless. I shot up faster hearing Rory's voice. Oh fuck. That hurt.

"Hello," Feli said jumping out of my bed. "Have we met before?" Feli had skipped... sì, skipped... to Rory. He was trying to shake Rory's hand but his hands were full. Great, now I felt guilty for letting another guy sign my cast. Fucking great.

"Isn't he one of the guys who helped Lovi out? Didn't Babbo give you a car?" Sandro asked. There goes his plans to seduce women all day. Great, just fucking great.

"Yes, I am. Rory Tyler," he said smiling a hello type smile. It wasn't as good as he who remain nameless.

"Feliciano," Feli yelled grabbing breakfast. Rory looked surprised. That was Feli for you. You never knew what he would do.

"Alessandro, but you can call be Sandro. And this is my friend Jack Darwin." Jack waved.

I was still staring at this scene in awe. What the fuck. Why was I not out of hell? I thought I was out of hell... I needed to drink more. Where's the alcohol in this place?

"How did you know Lovi had a hangover?" Sandro asked looking suspiciously at Rory. Finally he starts using his brains. Not in the right moment, but he was using them.

"He went to a party last night. I supposed that bringing a hangover cure could be useful. Just in case, you know," Rory said being so him. Rory, you are the rebound guy, shut up and look pretty. Don't try to be he-who-must-not-be-named. You don't have a shot.

Sandro mouthed that he approved. Great. Just fucking great.

"That's so nice of you," Feli said smiling and acting like his chipper self. Kill me now. Seriously. Nothing was going for me. At least the pain meds started working. I think.

"You look like hell," Rory told me. Great, grazie. You look good. He actually showered, unlike me. He did his hair, unlike me. He had nice clothe on, unlike me. So did everyone else in that room.

I had finally gotten over the shock of Rory arriving. To celebrate, I feel on my back and placed a pillow over my eyes. I shook my head wishing that if I looked away from my pillow everyone would disappear. Maybe Feli and Rory will fall in love. Rory was a thousand times better then Luise. I would approve. Sì, that would make life easier... Of course, that didn't happen.

"Poor baby, drink this," Rory said. He must have been showing me his father's miracle drink. My head was being blocked that pillow. I can't know. I can only assume.

"Aw," Sandro and Jack said at the same time making fun of me no doubt. Evil little bastard.

"Don't you guys have a peeping Tom meeting to go at?" I shouted since my voice was muffled by the pillow.

"We can skip it," Jack said. He was no long the godsend I thought he was.

"Sì, I want to know why haven't you told us that you had a boyfriend?" Sandro asked. I fucking hate you.

I heard Feli gasp. Of course, he was too stupid to figure that out on his own. He needed Sandro to announce it. Well... to say that Feli was happy would be an understatement. He was beyond happy. I heard him squeal like a little girl we all know he is. Feliciana ... not a typo... decided that hugging Rory would be good. I heard him crushing Rory. Rory said an ugh while Feliciana screamed. Then, Feli decided to attack me in one of his fucking hugs. Fuck me. Fuck me hard.

"My arm! My arm! My arm! My arm! My arm! My arm! My fucking arm!" I yelled. Sì, he jumped near my arm. There goes my fucking chances of getting out of the cast early.

"Mi dispiace, I'm just so, so, so, so (x100 sos later) happy for you!" Feli was crushing me more. He was probably more happy that I found someone other then a Spaniard whom shall remain nameless.

"Does this mean you're finally out of the closet?" Sandro asked. I was giving him an evil glare from behind my pillow. I hope he felt it.

"Fuck off," I yelled.

"You know people don't care if your straight or gay in this business," Jack said. I was now giving him the stay-out-of-my-fucking-business look from behind my pillow. I hope he felt it.

"So, what do you do?" Sandro asked I'm guessing Rory. It's just guess.

"I'm a photographer." I could see him smiling proudly. Singer were cooler.

"Cool," Jack said. As a model, he liked getting his picture taken.

"Can someone to tell Vash I need five gallons of water," I announced. I was being ridiculously with the five gallons thing. I would be able to drink a gallon of water. However, if I asked for something crazy maybe someone would go help Vash. Someone would help Vash... Most likely Rory.

"Vash is busy taking care of Luise," Feli said. "I told him to go on the plane with Luise today." Fuck you Luise. Fuck you.

"Here's the miracle cure," Rory said again. No that's coffee.

I lifted my pillow from my head and slowly got up. Bright light! Bright light!

I saw the "miracle cure"... Why must all miracle cures look like goo or something disgusting. What the fuck was in it? How can something look that disgusting without being poisonous. Maybe it was poisonous and Rory was trying to poison me. Maybe all this was an act. The sex, the kindness, the sex. It was all about trying to kill me. THANK FUCKING GOD! Someone was listening to my prays! My angel!

I took the bluish greenish purplish goo and chugged it. Imagine the headlines 'Actor is Killed by Secret Gay Lover!' It would be one of the greatest tragedies in Hollywood history. I was an innocent actor, who was seduced by a gorgeous photographer. I fell in love... Well, Feli and Sandro thinks I feel in love. That's enough for the press to buy that part of the story... I fell in love but we had to keep our love secret. Then he killed me. My image would be forever perfect. I would be remembered as a martyr. The man who thought he must keep himself a secret so people could love him. Anything I have done would be forgiven by the public. Even if they found out about he-who-must-not-be-named and me, it wouldn't matter. My story could be twisted to see that as a tragic love story. Instead, I could be the lover that could never know love... which was true... because his love was in love with another. However, one night the poor lover had gotten his wish and seduced the handsome love interest. But that would only lead to more tragedy because they knew it could not be. They had to part ways. So, when the lover found someone else, someone nice and caring, he feel into his arms. But he was never his, his heart would forever belong to the handsome love interest. So, the jealous lover killed him. Sì, I could live with that. They would make movies about me forever and ever. I would be immortalized. I would be forever perfect. Antonio's imagine wouldn't be stained. He would get sympathy.

You can guess, that didn't happen. After chugging that disgusting piece of garbage... I swear there was garbage in it... I went back to sleep. Praying that death would be merciless. But before that, I had to listen to the four other guys in the room talk about each other. Sandro and Feli wanted to know anything and everything about Rory. Oh fuck.

After an hour or two of listening to that crapped, I figured that the drink was not fucking poisonous. There goes my chances to be forever perfect. No Hollywood movies would be made about me.

I got up and walked to the bathroom ignoring everyone. I saw that Sandro and Jack left to be the perverts we all know they are. I could just imagine them sitting at the pool babe watching. Then, Sandro would go to his room, either with one of the babes ... maybe more... or alone and do something sexual. I didn't want to be there for that. I hated that the thought popped into my mind. Ew.

Feli stayed. He had nothing to do. Luise and Vash were on a plane back to L.A. He was stuck here bored. I was still hoping that Feli would fall for Rory. It still wasn't happening. I couldn't see any sparks. Maybe some on Feli's side, but Feli just had a flirty personality. He flirts with all creatures on earth, much like Françoise. Though, she actually wants to have sex with them, not like Feli. But Rory was still looking at me like he was undressing me with those eyes. The one person whom likes me more then my brother. Fuck.

"Lovi! You're awake!" Feli said crashing into a hug with me. I punched him on the back. "Ow."

"Did it work?" Rory asked hopeful. Shut up and act pretty rebound guy. Fuck, don't try to be something you're not. Please. I had enough on my plate.

Not the way I hoped it would. "Never give me that again."

"Next time I won't help you."

"It's for the best."

The rest of the time was boring. We ordered room service and the two idiots talked and talked and talked. I wasn't listening half the time.

Now that I could think right again my mind wonder to the night before, before I got drunk off my ass. While trying to sleep, I thought of you know who. He was crying over my dead body. He was regretting everything he did. He wrote a Grammy award winning song about my death. I felt sad for him. he didn't deserve that. Fuck, why did he write that he missed me on my fucking arm? Did he miss me because he loved me or did he miss me because he missed our friendship? It must have been the latter. He was feeling guilty about our affair. I knew it. But he liked me. We were close friends. He was the only real friend I've ever had. And oh how did I fucking mess that up? Seriously! Idiota! Lovino, how could you be so stupid! You had such a great thing going. Why did you have to screw it up? Because you love him. Sì, that's right. The L-word. That dreaded L-word. Fuck did it make my heart break. Just when I was starting to get over him, he had to smile his way back into my life and fuck it all up again! I had yell at him again. Yup. I was going to yell at him again and give him a piece of my mind. I was going to tell him that we can't even see each other ever again. If either one of us was going to be at the same event, we had too avoid each other like the plague. Yup. That sounded like a plan. Was it a good plan? No. Did it give me an excuse to leave the two idiots and talk to the only idiot that matters. Sì. Okay, that might be a little harsh. Feli mattered.

"I'm going for a walk," I told the two idiots.

"Alone?" Rory asked. Why can't you just stay pretty? Stop caring for me like the fuckface whom shall remain nameless.

"Sì, alone. I still have a headache. Some fresh air and quiet should help," I lied. Okay, I didn't lie. I did have a headache. I was also going for a walk. I just didn't tell them where. I didn't even know where.

"You don't want us to come with you?" Feli asked. I said I wanted quiet. Feli you are the opposite of quiet.

"No." I closed the door. I wasn't going to answer anymore questions. I might let it slip that I was going to see Antonio. That would be bad.

I sighed gathering the courage to text Antonio. It took a while but I did it.

Lovino to Antonio

Which hotel are you staying at?

I waited a few minutes. I walked around the hotel. I was thinking about what I was going to say. My mind was blank. Fuck off mind.

Antonio to Lovino

¿Porqué?

Why? You're asking questions now!

Lovino to Antonio

Just give me the fucking address. We need to fucking talk fuckface.

Antonio gave me the address. If fucking Vash was here, I would have paid him to drive me to Antonio's hotel but no! Luise had to screw that up. Grazie.

Instead, I had to grab a fucking cab! Do you know how disgusting New York City cabs are? Cabs in general are disgusting. I don't want to know how many people have been in that cab. Or what they were doing. I hope they clean these cabs. Ewwwww. And it didn't help that I didn't take a shower that day and I looked like death. I bet you anything TMZ had somehow took my picture. Oh fuck. I need to think before I acted. What the fuck was I wearing? I think I was still wearing the pants from my suit and an under shirt. I think that was what I was wearing. I am not checking fucking TMZ to see what I was wearing.

The cab ride was so fucking slow. New York traffic was worst then L.A. traffic. The longer I spent in that cab ride the more I realize that all I wanted to say was mi manchi to Antonio. Oh fuck. I was screwed. I was so totally fucked. I had over an hour to think about what I was going to say. Couldn't think of anything. I was so royally fucked.

I got to the fucking hotel, ten thousand hours later. I felt like a teenage fan girl again. My heart was racing. My palms were sweaty. My face was flushed. I was tripping over my feet. You know, the regular stuff. That was nothing new.

I was hesitant at first. I was questioning myself. Was this the right thing to do? Sì, I needed closure... Again.

I did not jump when I heard the door open. Nope. No. Nope. Maybe.

"¡Holà!" Fuck that smile. No it didn't make my knees weak. Nope. Never. No. Okay maybe. Just a little. "Are you okay, Lovi?" Fuck those green eyes. They looked at me with great concern. I did not think about running into his arms and kiss the living shit out of him. Nope. Get your perverted heads out of the gutter. What I wanted to do was stand there looking into his eyes. That would be bliss. Just staring at him. Him and I, together forever. I felt my face go hot. I finally felt like my headache was gone.

All I did was groan. I couldn't let him win. That yearned me a hug from Antonio. It wasn't a normal hug, it was like he was somewhat picking me up and helping me walk. I did not get butterflies in my stomach! I was trying to break up with him again. Sort of. I don't know what to call it. All I know, I was trying to push him out of my mind for once and for all. And fail like the pathetic bitch I was.

Antonio brought me to the bed and lied me down. "You look terrible mi cora... You look terrible Lovi. I'll get you a towel for your head."

That's what he did. He went into the bathroom got a towel from the bathroom and wet it. Then he came running back with said towel and placed it over my head. Why was he so good to me? He even smile at me fixing my hair. That smile.

"I hate you. I hate you so much." Hmm... Was that the right thing to say? Maybe. I should just let it all flow it out. Fuck planning these things. It was all about the heat of the moment. Was the heat of the moment going to fuck me over? Hell yeah.

Antonio looked at me in shock. Then when the realization of what I said had processed in his small brain, he looked sad. Fuck. That didn't feel good. I hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him. I should rethink what I was going to say. Sì, thinking what a good idea. Fuck heat of the moment.

"Lo siento, I didn't mean... I mean..." He looked like a puppy. A puppy I just stabbed in the throat. He even sounded like one too.

"Shut up, I'm talking," I told him sternly giving him my best glare. He looked at me shocked. He was going to say something but closed his mouth before saying anything. Good. "Before you smiled your way into my life, I had it fucking perfect. I was young, handsome, famous and rich. I had men and women begging me to fuck them. And I enjoyed it. Maybe loved it. I was living the dream. Sex, fame, money. What more can a person ask for? But you had to come into my life and fuck it all up. You fucking asshole. You know how I felt the first time I saw you? Do you?" Antonio looked more shocked then ever, maybe a little scared. But he shook his head. Idiot, the question was rhetorical. "I thought I was having a heart attack. My heart fucking stopped because of you! I had to lean on something because I thought I was going to fucking faint. I didn't know what was going on. But I could not stop staring at that smile. That beauti... I mean that fucking disgusting smile. Then, when we meet in person. Why the fuck did you have to be so fucking perfect! Seriously? Why are you fucking perfect. You had to love tomatoes. You had to invite me to dinner! Fucking dinner with your fucking wife! If you never invited me for dinner, none of this fucking thing would have fucking happened! You had to push to be my friend. And I couldn't say fucking no because I would give up anything to see you!

"Why am I so fucking obsessed with your smile?" Was I touching Antonio's cheek? "With you laugh? Why is it that I'm happy to see you happy?" Sì, I was touching Antonio's cheek. "Why is it that I would do anything to make you happy? Why do I want to make you feel good, asshole? Why do I never want to hurt you? Why do I want what's fucking best for you and not what's fucking best for me? Why don't I just want to fuck you and then have it over with? Why is it whenever I smile with you, it's a real smile? I never smile for fucking real! Why do you make me laugh? Why do I think of you all the time? I can't forget about you no matter what I do." I had to fucking look into his eyes. He was almost smiling. He was trying to keep my hand on his face. It was perfect. "I found someone else." He let go of my hand with his mouth open. That got his attention. "And they are amazing and great and just ... fucking annoying. He says all the right things." Wow, I'm surprise Antonio didn't say anything when I said I found someone else. "He does all the fucking right things. But I can't stand him because he's not you. I want someone else, someone right, to make me feel the way I do with you, you little fuck. With you I feel... I feel... I feel... I don't know. I feel right? I feel good. I feel like I deserve all the good things I have. Without you, I'm a fucking mess. Don't know what I'm doing. I feel like nothing. Fucking nothing without you. With you, I feel like I'm actually a good person. You make me want to me a good person. You make me disgusted with the person I was. I'm nothing without you. I need your presence. I need to be able to hear your fucking voice. To see your smile. I need to feel your hand in my hand." Was I holding his hand now? "I need you," I said quietly.

I let my head lie low. At one point I must have sat up to yell at him and he must have sat down. We were hand in hand. He felt so nice. His warm hand touching mine. Those calloused fingers touching my softer ones. He even lift up my hand and kissed it. Fucking asshole. Did you really have to do that? You had to make my heart race and give me hope. Fuck you Antonio.

"Are you finished mi corazoncito?" he asked. Sì, he didn't call me Lovi.

I thought for a second. Was I finished? Um... Maybe. Pretty sure... I nodded my head.

He hugged me. My head feel perfectly in the crook of his neck. I swear he was saying fusosososo. What the fuck does that mean? Was that his way of shhhhhing? Fusososososo. Wow. That's... That's fucked up.

After a minute of rocking and hugging. Everything feeling like it made sense. I was finally me. I finally felt good. I could smell his shampoo. I feel his skin. It was just perfect. I'm convinced that my self-conscience was being replaced with a Lovina. Or a very, very feminine gay. I'm sounding like a fucking girl! I am not a fucking girl! Why are my emotions so I don't know fucked up with him?

Antonio kissed my forehead ... or well ear. He wanted to kiss my forehead but with the position we were in he got my ear. He also pet my hair. He then kissed my cheek.

And Antonio had to fuck it up by talking.

"You are fascinating." What? That's your response have my huge speech? I'm fascinating?! I guess it's good. Right? "You are so different, more different then anyone I have ever met." Was that good or bad? "Every time we meet I discover knew things about you. Muy lindo Lovi. You've made me question everything I know." He was staring at me, his eyes exploring mine. "I've never felt anything like the way I feel with you. You're different Lovi. So very unique. If we met in a different time, we would be together. But..." No buts, please no buts. "I have Emma." My heart just took a dive in the deepest parts of hell. "I've hurt her so much and she's been perfect. She's stood by me because she loves me." No, I was not fucking crying. Crying is for girls. "And you left me because you love me. I can't do this to Emma. I promised her that I wouldn't cheat on her again. As much as I want you. As much as I feel like I need you. Because I need to know if you're okay. I need to know how are you. There was nothing I wanted to do more then run up to your apartment and make you feel better. But I didn't because I knew if I did, that would make you feel worst. I can't make you feel bad. I hate seeing you hurt. There is nothing more I want to do then to hug you and kiss you and see you smile. Your smiles are addicting you know. You should smile more." I wasn't looking at him. He had broke my fucking heart again. No matter how many times you compliment me, it wouldn't change the fact that you picked her over me. "Lovi, don't be like that. I don't know what you want."

"I want you." It must have been a slip of the tongue. I didn't want to say it. I meant it but I didn't want to say it.

"And I you." Stop being a confusing motherfucker and tell me to leave. You fucking need to reject me. Make me forget you. "I've dreamt of meeting you so many times. How would it feel like to meet the great Romano Vargas. I never dreamed that you would be this amazing. I never dreamed that I fall in love." Okay, make it difficult again. Fuck you. "What will make you happy?"

What will make me happy? Hmmm... Forgetting you've ever existed. No, that won't make me happy. The only time I'm ever happy is with you. I hated admitting that to myself.

"Fuck do I hate you," I growled at him.

"What do you want me to do?" Fuck everyone else and stay with me forever and ever. We can buy our own island and live there. You can bring your guitar. You can sing me asleep. We could watch soccer all day. We can cook for each other. We can live happily ever after, together. You know like a good romance movie.

"What do you mean you promised Emma you wouldn't cheat on her again?" Yup, I brought that up. Why? Um... I'm fucked up?

Antonio laughed nervously. "Errr... Well, Emma figured out that I cheated on her." Oh fuck. "Don't worry I made sure she didn't know that it was with you. She doesn't know it was with you. I kept you safe." I don't know if that made me feel better. "So, she kicked me out of the house for a few days. I thought she was going to divorce me. I sort of thought that if I was divorced, we could be together." Oh. "But I also thought that if I did divorce Emma, you would blame yourself. I didn't want you to feel bad." Oh. "But then, Santiago gave Emma two tickets to the Caribbean. Emma thought I was apologizing to her. So, she took me back. She told me that she thought I cheated on her with a random fan when I was drunk. I didn't tell her otherwise. Then she made me promise not to cheat on her again or she'll leave me." Oh. "She was so hurt figuring out that I slept with someone else. I hated making her feel that way. I disappointed her. She's been supportive and so perfect to me. I shouldn't break her heart. She's innocent." Oh. "But..." This sounded like a good but. "If you want me, I'll do it. It might take some time. But I promise you, I'll do it for you."

"You are promising me that you'll break a promise with your wife?" That sounded fucked up.

"I don't have to break the promise, as long as I don't cheat on her."

How did this become us planing Antonio's divorce? I went there to yell at him for being the pest in my life that wouldn't go away. Then it turned into Antonio promising me that he'll leave his wife for me. How? Why? Did Antonio really love me as much as I loved him? He was really going to leave Blondie for me? For real? I didn't know if I should be happy or sad or guilty. I think I was feeling a mix of all those emotions. And add anger in there. Always add anger in there.

"Will it make you happy?" Antonio asked.

I had my head down. I was thinking. What will the others say? In a perfect world, everyone would celebrate us. I've been famous since I was born. If people do get wind of this, I will be forever remembered as an adulator. It was better then nothing. I could live with that. It wasn't like being forever remembered because I was killed by a jealous lover. But it was something. However, I didn't want that for Antonio. Being the tragic lover was good. People would sympathize with him. But people do not sympathize with someone who cheated on his wife and left her after promising her that he would never do it again. He would forever remember as another tragic story of a country boy losing himself in Hollywood. Just another proof that Hollywood corrupts. Who wants that for the person they love? Who wants people to use their love as an example of people whom had gone bad?

"I don't know. I don't want you to lossssss..."

He kissed me. He kissed me. He took my face and brought it closer to him. I closed my eyes and kissed him right back. Our tongues dancing with each other. My bad arm found a resting place on his shoulder. My other hand grabbed his shirt and brought our bodies closer. His one hand, the one originally on my cheek, had grabbed my hair. His other hand was on my abs. Sì, you could kill me now. This was how kissing should be like.

Antonio's lips detached from mine. He actually whined. So maybe my lips detached from his. I don't know. I wasn't thinking.

"If it matters that much to you, we can wait to announce relationship."

"You'll leave her... You promise?"

"As long as you're there waiting for me."

I kissed him.


	18. Careless Wisdom

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

_Thanks for the favs and alerts! I'm at over 50 alerts!_

_Warning: threesome fantasy. I feel wrong writing smut while listening to Disney songs._

_I have my computer working again! Sort of. I lost everything… again._

_It's been a year since I got the idea for this story. Wow, time passes so fast. I can't believe it's been a year since I was writing my exam and then I was inspired to write this. I got the idea of this story when I was answering a question about Canada's laws about prostitution, more specifically a question about call girls. Yeah, inspiration does come at the oddest of time. Originally, Lovi was going to be a call boy and not an actor, Antonio was still married to Emma and was an overnight sensation. I'm glad I didn't go that route._

_Yay! I finally start using songs about cheating! I've had a song list for a while now._

_And by the way, thanks Don'tDreamItBeIt for the compliment about the song selection._

* * *

**_Chapter 18_**

_Should've known better than to cheat a friend_  
_And waste the chance that I've been given_  
_So I'm never gonna dance again_  
_The way I danced with you_

**_Careless Wisdom (Wham! featuring George Michael) 1984_**

"You want to break up with Rory for me?" I asked Vash. He hmphed while he read the economic part of the newspaper. His green eyes were fixed on it. "_Per favore_?" He hmphed again pull up a part of his shirt. The sleeves were too big. I could just imagine that he bought it because it was on sale. "I said please! That's a big fucking deal!" Vash hmphed again. Fuck him. What an asshole. He was such a fucking asshole. "I'll pay you."

"How much?" Vash asked.

"How much do you want?"

"A thousand."

"You fucking asshole. Can't you do anything because you're nice?"

"That's my final offer."

"Fuck you," I said pouting in the corner of my couch. Vash went back to eating Swiss cheese and reading the news.

I huffed thinking about how I was going to break up with Rory. Should I tell him about Antonio? I got to admit, the possibility of a threesome popped into my mind. It was hot. It was very fucking hot. I could just image their hands exploring me. Antonio and I were making out while he pets my chest. I was rubbing my one hand on Antonio's thigh. My other hand ... since this was a fantasy, I didn't have a cast... was rubbing Rory's very hard erection while he was undressing me. He found Antonio and I hot, because we are. Antonio would sometimes whisper Spanish phrases while I whispered Italian ones. Rory didn't say a word. Good. Of course, there was a lot of kissing between Antonio and I. Rory would take off both of our clothes and then take me in his mouth. I could see the jealousy and hunger in Antonio's eyes. Too shut him up I would... Why am I telling you guys this? Back to thinking about how I would break up with Rory. Threesomes were nice fantasies but I would never do it in real life.

Telling him about Antonio would be just mean. 'Oh yeah, Rory, I'm leaving you for a married man. You were only the rebound guy anyway.' Even I'm not that mean! And I'm a mean fuck. Maybe I should pay Vash that thousand... No! That's stupid. I couldn't pay Vash that much to break up with Rory for me. That was too fucking much.

Maybe I could get Antonio to do it for me. Though, he had to divorce Emma without letting the world know. I have a feeling that the press has spies in the divorce offices or where ever you get divorce papers... I think its city hall or that type of government building. I'm not the one getting divorced... they must have spies. It was big and juicy news when another celebrity got divorced! Everyone wants to know why! Why? Oh why? Have you seen E!News? They show the fucking divorce papers! On fucking television! Why?! That was going too far. Wasn't it enough just to tell everyone that this or these celebrities were getting divorced and why? Did you really have to show everyone the source? Cold hearted assholes.

I broke up with Antonio with no...I mean little problems. Text. Oh text. But he was coming over already. And a text break up was not classy enough. What was the classiest way to break up with someone? Um… I guess there is no classy way to break up with someone. Why did I get myself into this situation? Was it really bad luck or was I hoping for something else? What was that something else? I don't know. Oh, I liked it when life was so simple. I liked it when I was living the dream. The old me would have told Rory to take a hike the first day. I would have never allowed him to drive me to help Feli and Luise. But I did. Oh fuck. What was fucking wrong with me?

"Do you want me gone when your boy toy comes over?" Vash said still reading.

"You don't have the confidence in me that I will break up with him?" I asked insulted. Vash didn't answer. To tell you the truth, I didn't have the confidence in me either. "_Sì_."

I sighed laying my head on my couch's arm rest. We all know I'm fucked, right?

So, fast forward all the boring stuff, Rory arrived, looking great and stuff. Vash was the one who opened the door. I would have to tip him the next time I saw him. Then, Vash left Rory and me alone. Maybe Vash should have stayed. It wasn't like he was working. Everyone in the family was staying home. He just wanted money for doing nothing… damn bastard.

Well, Rory set up. I think he was expecting dinner. Tough, I had to break up with him. Yet, Feli had made penne the night before. He made way to fucking much penne for one person to eat without the penne going bad. Alright, I gave him some of Feli's penne. Even the day after his pasta recipes were better than anything.

"I have a photo shoot tomorrow with Françoise Bonnefoy." I choked on the wine I was drinking. I coughed and coughed. "You okay?"

"I'll be..." I continued coughing. Françoise? Seriously? He didn't work for a cooking magazine, why would he be taking Françoise's photo? Honestly, why am-I even surprised at the mention of her name. She was more than a chef, she was an icon. The question should be why didn't he take her photo before? ... I had to break up with Rory soon. Françoise could say something. I didn't want Françoise to break up with Rory for me... Did I? It would be easier… No, Rory deserved better. "Continue."

Rory gave me a look but he shrugged it off. "It's just a regular photo shoot. Ever since I met you, I've been getting these big shoots. Maybe you're my good luck charm." I nodded taking a bit of my penne. He stopped talking. Was he expecting me to talk? Um... I didn't know what to say. Did he really call me his good luck charm?

So, the dinner continued and … I didn't break up with him. I'm so pathetic. Now, why didn't I grow a pair and break up with Rory. First, I might have still been unsure that Antonio was going to be there waiting for me. I didn't want my heart to get broken again. Rory would be comforting. I had someone on the side. Or at least I told myself that. Secondly, I might have wanted to torture Antonio a little. Revenge for making my heart feel the way it did. The emotional roller coaster I was going through sucked. Thirdly, I liked Rory, kind of. I didn't feel for him the same way I did for Antonio. Not even close. I could never feel like that with anyone else. But Rory was pretty easy to talk too. Sure, I was mostly Romano with him, but he was the only person that wasn't super annoying to be around. He was the only nice person I know who wasn't super touchy. I was also slowly showing him Lovino. What was wrong with me? Was I making a friend with someone I didn't want to use (yet, I was still using him) or worked with? I'm scared. What was wrong with me?

The next day I work up. I took my pills and I checked my phone:

Antonio

¡buenos días!

8:02

I shook my head and texted him back. Good morning to you too.

I checked my other texts. Stupid Feliciano was telling me about Luise and the baby's progress. Barf worthy. Luise told me about another party she wanted me to go to. Boring. Françoise texted me... How did she get my cell number? ... She bragged about meeting Rory. I didn't even give her the pleasure of my response.

After checking my text I went to eat something and make my coffee. Where was Vash when I needed ... Oh, he had my breakfast ready with my coffee... What the fuck?

Like he was reading my mind or maybe he was reading my facial expression, "Your brother told me to take care of Luise and Luise told me to take care of you." I looked at him dumbfounded. He threw my breakfast on my counter and went to the couch. He started watching some show about the supercollider. I sat there eating my toast and eggs. Luise had sent him because she had been feeling bad because she hadn't been doing her job. Yeah, that's why she sent Vash.

I jumped hearing my buzzer going off. Who the fuck goes over to someone's house at... Oh, it was noon. Never mind. No, people know I wake up late. Why would they bother me at noon? I looked at Vash. The asshole wasn't going to check who it was.

"Who is it?" I yelled. Vash, doing a good job, locked my door. He got one thing right.

"Lovi! I have something to show you!" I only knew two people who talked with multiple exclamation marks and called me Lovi; Feli and Antonio. It was the latter.

I opened the door and Antonio slammed into me giving me a bear hug. No, I did not hug him back. I hit him with my good hand. "Get off of me!"

"Where's your laptop?" he asked practically jumping with excitement.

"In my bag in my room," I replied.

Before I even got a good look at him he was gone. You know in those cartoons, like the roadrunner cartoons, when the coyote sees the roadrunner for two seconds he says something like 'meep meep' and then all the coyote sees is a puff of smoke. Yeah, that how I felt. I felt like that stupid coyote. I looked at Vash. He wasn't paying any attention to me. Great bodyguard, I could have been attack.

Before I knew it, I was being pushed to sit back on the chair I was eating breakfast on. I saw my laptop replace my plate. Then, Antonio grabbed the seat beside me and pushed up close to me. What was so exciting? Did the state of California have online divorces now? How useful that would be. With all the celebrity divorces in this state, the whole process would be faster.

Antonio went on Itube... No divorce. Unless he wanted to show me an E! segment about his divorce... No... He was signing in. He was on his own page. He was going to his own videos. And he paused the video before it finished buffering. What the fuck?

Finally, Antonio turned to me. He was excited to show me this. "Remember the day after the Grammys?" The one where we hung out all day and then went out for dinner? Like it was yesterday. I didn't tell him that. I just nodded. I was still getting over the shock of everything. "So, I wrote that song that the guys thought I was ... You know that song." It was a miracle I knew what he was talking about. For those who can't follow Antonio's train of thought... I know it's hard... he was talking about the song that got Arthur, Mathias and Gilbert believing that he was cheating on Emma with some brunette. That was way back in April. It was the song he started writing at _Le coquelicot_ and he refused to talk to me for the rest of the night. Well, he refused to talk to anyone out of fear of losing the melody. Yeah, that one. I nodded. "Well, since, I'm finished recording my album and my last single is losing popularity, Santiago decided we need to make a new music video. Since making music videos takes a little bit of time, I decided to sing the single on Itube, the acoustic version of course. I finished recording the video this morning! And I want you to be the first person outside of the studio to hear it! Since, it is about you." I blinked twice. To give you guys some prospective, Antonio was talking a mile an hour and he does have an accent. He accent was pretty thick then he was excited. Again, it was a miracle that I could understand him.

I nodded. I was eyeing him suspiciously.

Antonio smiled excitedly and pressed play.

"Hey guys!" Oh god Antonio, sometimes he could be such a dork. He was in his bedroom sitting on his bed with his old guitar in hand. He looked like he just woke up. The clock said it was 8:23. He had probably ate a little bit and decided to record this. He wasn't even dressed properly! He was wearing some pair of jeans and no shirt. I bet you most of you, of you who did, watched that video because he was shirtless in it. Of course, he didn't even brush his hair. I could see a pair of slippers in the background. I saw a picture of Blondie and her brothers too. There was also a picture of Carmen and João. And of course, Antonio left a pair of underwear on the floor with three pairs of socks. "So, I have a new album coming out soon. I don't know when but it'll be out soon. So, I'm going to play one of the songs I wrote for the album. I started writing this song February 15th but I didn't perfect it until the end of March. I hope you like it." He then said his speech again but that time it was in Spanish. He added that his song was in English but he could translate it if people liked it and add it as a bonus single on the album. Antonio translated for me. He asked me if he should have put written translations on the video. I told him no. I hope people were smart enough to figure out that he was saying the same thing but in Spanish.

He then started singing. I had been curious about the song since the day he started writing it. I remembered the look on his face when he started writing. I had never seen him so into something. It was nice to hear that all his work paid off. I'm not going to describe the song. You all probably heard it. But hearing it for the first time after all those months of waiting, it was nice. It did not disappoint.

When the song was over Antonio looked at me. He might have been looking at me the whole time, but I only noticed at the end. He had the look that little kids give to their parents when they want praise for something they did and they are proud of. Yeah, that was the perfect way to explain it. He even had the smile those kids would give. Antonio was asking me for praise.

I rolled my eyes. "It's good." Antonio started to pout. I rolled my eyes again. "Arthur was right, it was beautifully written." And Antonio's face little up again. He hugged me and kissed my cheek, twice.

"You think I should publish it?"

"_Sì_."

"Alright!" He changed the setting on his video and waited for the first comment.

"Why are you waiting for a comment? Itube is full of trolls and mean people who just want to bring you down," I told him.

"I know." His eyes were still glued on the screen.

"So why are you still checking it out?" I asked.

"I just ignore all the mean people."

Ignore all the mean people? What? How can you ignore someone who writes that you are 'a no good asshole with no talent and that people are stupid if they like you?' How can you ignore that people are trying to bring you down on purpose because they fully believe you suck. Or they just want to fuck with you and your fans?

Antonio laughed at me. Hey, he was laughing at me! AT ME! "They don't matter. They aren't the ones who are going to buy my CDs or my singles. The people who matter are the ones who care for you. The ones you like you or the ones who are willing to give you a try."

I looked at him like he sprouted a second head. What was he saying? How could something like that come out of his mouth? What?

Antonio laughed and pushed me a little. I was still looking at him like he grew six arms. I just could not comprehend what he was saying.

Antonio was going to say something but I refreshed his Itube video. There were already three comments.

OMG I CANT BELIVE HE MAFE DIS AMD OMG HE IS SOOOOOOOO FREKING CUTE! AND LOOK DOSE MUSCLES!

Someone was murdering the caps lock. And they didn't know how to spell.

This cant b real. This has to b fake. If not this is amazing!

Are you a moron? How could it be a fake? Don't you see him in front of the camera? _Stronzo_.

This is a pretty good song.

Antonio smiled again. He took my face pulled it against his and pecked me on the lips. Wow... Was this life with Antonio? Him going crazy and taking any opportunity to kiss me? I'll admit it seemed too good to be true. The kissing part, not the going crazy part. I could live without... Who am I kidding? The going crazy part lead to the kissing part.

"You got to see your comments," I said cancelling the web page. I didn't want to see the troll comment on Antonio's page. I knew Antonio said he didn't care about them but that couldn't be true. Everyone cared when someone insulted them. That's why I don't watch any Itube videos of me. I can't bear reading those comments about me. I read one and ... Well I read one and I wasn't going to read another one. I didn't want to see that smile leave Antonio's face because of some asshole. That smile was staying.

"Did you really think it was good or are you just telling me that?" Antonio asked.

I gave him the are-you-kidding-look. "I told you to publish it. I won't have told you that if I didn't think it was great." For a guy who just said he didn't care what other people thought, he sure cared about my opinion.

Antonio's phone started to buzz. "_Lo siento_, I need to take this," he said smiling apologetically.

I rolled my eyes. I was still hungry so I went to my fridge and I grabbed an apple.

Antonio was speaking Spanish, so I didn't understand what he was saying. Sure, I was a little curious about what he was saying but it wasn't like I was dying to know. I just ate my apple.

That was when I saw him. Oh fuck, Vash was sitting on my couch still watching TV. Oh fuck.

I reached into my special drawer... It wasn't like that! Get your head out of the gutter. Why would I have a drawer like that in my kitchen? No, it was a drawer with a removable bottom. I made it into a safe and I had quite a lot of money in that drawer... and took out a few hundred dollar bills. Great. Damn bastard.

I walked up to Vash and started to count bills. He had his hand out. Damn bastard. I gave him 500$.

"Do you know how much the tabloids would pay me if I gave them a photo of you two kissing?"

I groaned. I counted another 500$. How much would a photo of Antonio and me cost? Vash was certain it was more then 1000$.

"You know this is illegal," I told him. "And you would get fired if you ever tell the tabloids."

"And I wouldn't need to work ever again if I gave them a photo." He knew he could milk more money out of me. I gave him the rest.

"Now out before he sees you," I ordered him. Vash was counting the money. "You can watch your show in another room of the house... You don't even like people."

"_Grazie_," he said eying the money. I face palmed myself. But Vash got up and left for a different room. I wish he would leave my house. How exactly are we paying him? Is it for every hour he spends with one of us? Whatever, _Babbo_ has someone calculating it. I just give him money.

I decided to sit down and see what was on TV. Of course, since it was summer, there was nothing on. I was not watching baseball, ew. So, I watched something, I totally forget what.

"I thought Santiago said it was ok to do the video, apparently, he didn't."

"Hypocritical asshole," I said. Yes, that was a hypocritical thing to say. I'm pretty sure I'm a hypocrite and I know I'm an asshole.

"I thought it was a good idea. It was a way to give the fans a little something."

"You actually came up with a good idea. This needs to be celebrated."

Antonio gave me a meanish look but he was chuckling. It was probably the meanest look he could give. I would be stood corrected soon.

"You know what I found out?" Antonio asked?

"The Earth revolves around the Sun?"

"No... I have a tweet account! I didn't know that. I feel bad for the fans following me." Um... Yeah, I might have known that. I figured out it was not really him making the tweets, whatever guy Braginsky Records had making his tweets did not know Antonio very well. "I'm thinking of making one with me making all the tweets. I don't know what my name should be."

"Do you really want to let people into your life that much?" I didn't have a Tweet account. I'm pretty sure my account would suck and I would barely go on. Plus, I didn't want to let my fans know too much about me. Their views of me would be shattered.

"I'm not going to put anything that personal, but, I could tweet some things. I always wanted to try it." Knowing that idiot, he was going to slip up. "I'm not going to use Antonio Fernandez because that's what the record company is using. I was thinking about Antonio Fernández Carriedo. Put my full name. What do you think?"

"I think getting an account is a bad idea."

"It'll be fun! On the days I'm bored I can ask people what to do, or when I don't know what to cook. And you hear on the news that people announce things on tweet. It's a fast way to get news to my fans."

I will never understand this idiot. "You have your Itube channel, isn't that enough?"

"This is faster," he said playing with his phone. I had a feeling that he was creating an account.

"Isn't the Tweet fad over yet?" I thought so.

"Last I checked they still have a category for Tweet in the People's Choice Awards and the Teen Choice Awards." Um... The People's Choice Awards didn't have a Tweet category. I was there. And let's be honest, The Smuggler shouldn't be nominated for anything Teen Choice, the show was rated TV-MA. So, I'm not getting nominated for that award show. And if I'm not nominated, I don't pay attention to it. The reason I care for the Grammys was because of Sandro and the last one was also because of Antonio. Yeah, later, Antonio forced me to watch the Teen Choice Awards, he was nominated for some categories. I was surprised that some rated R movies were nominated. It made me think that The Smuggler should have been nominated. It was better than most of the other shows that were nominated. I'm not saying that because I star in it.

"Whatever, do what you want."

"Antonio Fernández Carriedo it is." I don't know why he wanted to use his full name, most people didn't know it. Most people didn't care enough to learn it and if they did, his name was on Wiki. "What should my first tweet be?" I rolled my eyes. "A picture of you and me!"

My face dropped. "No." Disgrace myself with a picture on Tweet, never. Plus, I wasn't even showered. I was in my underwear! Wait, I was in my underwear! ... When did I put underwear on?

"But Lovi," Antonio whined. "It'll be a nice way for people to know it's me. Have a picture no one has ever seen of me!"

"I'll take your picture right now," I groaned.

"It would have been nicer to have a picture with you," Antonio mumbled.

"Too bad."

I grabbed his phone and started taking random photos of him. He didn't even notice. One of the pictures was going to be a good one.

"I'll be in the shower. Have fun," I said given him the phone.

Antonio waved and then flopped on the couch. I rolled my eyes.

After a nice shower, I got dressed and did my hair. I was maybe gone for an hour, maybe more, and Antonio was still sitting still in that spot. It didn't look like he moved. Not at all. Odd. You would think someone with as much energy as Antonio would be moving all the time. No.

I plopped in a movie and started watching it. Antonio was way too into his phone.

After the second movie was over I looked over at Antonio. Still, he was in his little world. It must be nice being in your own little world not caring about other people. Seriously, there could have an earthquake and he wouldn't have noticed. I had to kick him to get his attention.

"I'm hungry." He nodded and then texted something. What? I just told him I was hungry. "Bastard, I'm hungry."

He looked at his phone and then said, "(insert username here) just gave me a recipe for cornbread!" I think my mouth dropped. He already had followers. How did that happen? "But cornbread takes too long to make. We need something quick... That looks like a good salad... Lovi do you have almonds?"

"Make whatever, I don't care. I'm just hungry."

Antonio ended up making that salad. Well, food was important enough to get off his phone.

"What's happening in the movie?"

I gave him some look. I forget which one. "If you were watching the movie, you would know."

"Who's he?"

As soon as he was finished eating, Antonio went back to his phone. I finished a third movie.

"Fran says her photographer today was cute," Antonio said while the end credit.

I froze for two seconds. "Yeah?"

"She said she flirted with him but he shut her down. He has a boyfriend." Not for long... At least he's faithful... Unlike some people. I needed to break up with him soon.

I quickly changed the subject. "Françoise is trying to cheat on Arthur?"

Antonio laughed, "No. They broke up two days ago."

"Again?"

"_Sí_, Fran said that Arthur was traveling in England for five weeks," Antonio explained like he actually explained something when in reality he just made me more confused. "Fran says they break up whenever they have to spend over two weeks apart." Why do I continue to try to understand their relationship? "Fran isn't upset because she knows when he comes back they'll be back together." Clearly, when she was trying to seduce Rory... Though, she might have been trying to figure out if we had broken up yet. Or both.

"You have picked the weirdest person to be best friends with."

He laughed and then kissed my cheek. No... Okay _sì_, I blushed. "You're not weird Lovi." I pushed him. "I've missed this."

"Missed what? Being pushed? I could do it more often you masochist."

"Your pushes aren't real pushes they are more like taps." Not real pushes? I was going to show him a real push. "No, I missed hanging out." I stopped wide eyed. Oh.

"Um... Well... Shut up," I said shoving him. We didn't even hang out. He was texting or tweeting the whole time. But... Yeah... Yeah.

"See you soon, _Corazoncito_." What? He was leaving? Somehow, I forget how, I saw the time. It was eleven at night. Oh. It was still early. "I need to go... I have a video to shoot." Antonio did not seem excited for the music video. Well, people liked filming things early in the morning. Also, he hated the process of filming. This is why Antonio was never going to guess star on a show or start an acting career. He hated it. He also sucked at it.

"Well... um... _Adios, Caro Mio."_ Antonio was so happy to hear some Spanish come out of my mouth. Or he was so excited that I used a term of endearment. It might have been both. Well, he kissed me, for the first time that day it was not just a little peck. It was a real kiss. Tongue and all.

That day gave me new hope. This might actually work.


End file.
